


Between the Hours of 1 and 5 AM

by pwark_js



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Best Friends, Best Friends Kissing, Bottom Mark Lee (NCT), Car Sex, Cigarettes, College, Completed, Deaf Character, Drug Abuse, Emotional feelings, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Feelings, First Love, First work - Freeform, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Frat Parties, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Hand Jobs, How Do I Tag, Implied Sexual Content, JaeYong - Freeform, Kissing, Love, M/M, Marijuana, Mark Lee (NCT) is Whipped, Mark Lee (NCT)-centric, Mild Sexual Content, Mild Smut, My First Smut, PTSD, Parties, Phone Sex, Roommates, Self Identity, Self-Discovery, Sexual Confusion, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Smoking, Smut, Social Anxiety, Top Suh Youngho | Johnny, Underage Drinking, Underage Substance Use, Vape, Vaping, Weed, Woops, hyuck smokes weed, i really have to figure this out, idk how to tag, jaehyun vapes, johnmark, johnny smokes, juul, lol, markhei, markhyuck are best friends, markhyuck kiss, mentions of drug abuse, nct - Freeform, nct127 - Freeform, sexual feelings, these tags are very random, yuwin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-02-08 07:26:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 113,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21472252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pwark_js/pseuds/pwark_js
Summary: He realized that everyone was living their life just as he was, complicated, upsetting, exciting, hard. He never really understood that people’s lives were just as elaborate as his own. They had their own passions, anxieties, friends, struggles, and to them, he was just a stranger. He was like a leaf on a tree of seven billion other people. He was close to some of the other leaves, very few of them. And one day, he would fall off and float away in the wind, without ever knowing what the other side of the tree was like. To others, he was just an extra in their movie, just as they were to him. He was just another car on a highway that blurred into the never-ending traffic. He realized he was lonely.Or in which Mark realizes he has a thing for the guy whose camera he "broke", but kisses a lot of people before he actually figures it out.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Nakamoto Yuta, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Mark Lee/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Wong Yukhei/Mark Lee
Comments: 86
Kudos: 339





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sheeap](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheeap/gifts).

> Hi!  
This is my first work i'm posting on any site so i hope you like it :)  
hopefully i'll be able to update as much as possible because i am very busy with school, but winter break is coming up fast and i'll be able to write a lot over that time ^^  
I hope you enjoy :D <3

_Beep. Beep. Beep._ Mark groaned as his alarm went off and fumbled around for it with one hand. He was all tangled up in his blankets and had his face pushed into his pillow. _Beep. Beep. Beep._ He groaned again, more frustrated this time as he wrestled with his sheets to release him from his constricting blanket prison,

“Fuck. Shut up.” He whined and reached for his phone again, knocking it off onto the floor. _Beep. Beep. Beep_. Mark rolled out of bed and finally opened his eyes to turn off his phone’s annoying alarm. _Beep. Beep. Silence._ Mark sat on the floor and rubbed his eyes. It was overly bright in his room. Not the normal, wake up at 7:00 am and see the morning light flooding through the cracks of the shades. He checked the time,

“Shit shit! Fuck!” He yelled, scrambling to get up as fast as he could but ultimately tripping over the sheets and blankets that were still wrapped around his poor legs. He was late for what he would call his “stupid morning class”. Again. Mark rarely partied, rarely. But every time he did, he would wake up feeling like there was a jackhammer drilling at his skull. His head felt like it was going to explode and then that would be the end of Mark Lee. He finally, finally stood up on trembling legs, his hangover already taking a horrible toll on his body and made his way over to his dresser. He pulled on a shirt, —yeah that’s right, Mark Lee slept shirtless— and changed his pants before pulling on some socks. He ran into the bathroom, as fast as his aching body would let him, and brushed his teeth with toothpaste that was far too minty for his morning tastebuds. He fixed his hair a little so he didn’t look crazy and nope, no time for contacts, glasses it was. Great, that saves him about six precious dollars today. His roommate made his way out of his room, probably from all the commotion the clumsy boy was making,

“Hey, are you good?” Jaehyun asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes,

“Yeah yeah.” Mark rushed into his room again to grab his backpack,

“Babe, come back to bed…it’s cold.” And that voice would belong to Taeyong, Jaehyun’s boyfriend. Mark caught a glimpse inside the room, a fuzzy feeling filling his chest as he saw Taeyong making grabby hands at his boyfriend, still half asleep. He always thought the couple was pretty cute together. Taeyong was always a bit grumpy and extremely studious while Jaehyun was a bit more loving and exciting. They fit together pretty perfectly, the skinnier boy always seemed to melt into Mark’s roommate’s arms and relax but he could still help propel Jaehyun forward in his study endeavors,

“Hold on, I’m coming baby.” Jaehyun nodded at Mark before smiling and turning around to jump back into bed with his so-called “baby”.

Mark closed the door for them and ran out the front door, shutting it tightly behind him. Luckily his shared apartment wasn’t terribly far from the college campus, but he was late so the twenty-minute walk turned into what felt like two hours. And so there he was running through the hallway trying to make it to a class he was already fifteen minutes late to and oh fuck, his glasses weren’t on his face. Mark wanted to scream but he had already walked into his class. This was truly just_ fucking_ amazing. He was really going to sit through this entire lecture without being able to see anything, which meant no notes. Mark sat down in the front and squinted, he could just barely see the board, but there was no way he would be able to take notes. And to make matters worse, there was no one he could ask for notes in the class. Mark Lee could go to class easily but his social anxiety had him backed into a corner. He could never ask anyone for notes and especially not for a favor. This is why he never attended any parties. He couldn’t suck up his anxiety for one night unless he got piss ass drunk.

So that’s how the class went. Mark squinting trying to make out anything he could on the board and then hope to god he could remember it so he could write it down when he retrieved his glasses. And an intense pounding in his head that made him feel like he was about to be violently sick at any second. He tapped his pencil on the desk for nearly two hours listening to his professor drone on and on about international literature. He zoned out for a little while here and there, so much for “remembering, for his notes”. And then finally, the professor gave his usual “that’s all I have for today, you’re free to go.” spiel and Mark let out a sigh of relief as he picked up his backpack.

He sighed again, gently, as he walked through the hallway, staring down at his phone to try and make out a text from his roommate. Then he was on his butt, his phone sliding across the tightly cemented tile and a loud clattering next to him,

“No!” he heard a deep voice above him as he looked up curiously, squinting his eyes to see the face above him. Was he really that blind? Jesus, “My fucking camera!”

Suddenly, the figure was next to him, picking up what Mark guessed was his “fucking camera”. Mark moved to push himself off of his butt and back into a standing position,

“Yo, sorry man…Didn’t see you.” He offered, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly as the man in front of him mourned the loss of his precious camera. It must have fallen from a pretty far height because it was in two pieces and from what Mark could see —which he could barely—, the lens was cracked. _Fuck_ he thought, as if this day could get any worse. He picked up his phone, luckily he was able to identify it with its bright red case and sighed, it was cracked too. Apparently, he thought he would be able to get away without putting a screen protector on it. Clearly, that was not good judgement on his part and he would be sure to invest in a nice glass one next time,

“Fuck.” he heard again. Another sigh left his lips as he rubbed his face. The other man finally turned to look at him. He was tall, but Mark also considered himself short. His hair was short and black, his shoulders and chest were very broad and covered by a thin black t-shirt. And although everything was a bit blurred together, Mark would have been lying if he claimed he wasn’t attractive. He must’ve been staring because the guy just looked at him and made a gesture that said “well?” with his broken camera in either hand,

“Oh oh…Uh…Sorry.” Mark said again, he looked around, chewing his lip subconsciously. He decided his word of the day was _fuck_ because that seemed like a common theme. He was fucked,

“That’s all you have to say?” The tall man’s voice snapped at Mark’s ears, he thought he might even flinch. He wondered how much damage he just caused to the camera, which probably cost a million dollars. He sighed yet again, probably for the one-hundredth time that day, and said something he was surely going to regret,

“I can pay for it.” Yeah, he was definitely going to regret those words. From what he could see, the other guy looked surprised, his eyebrows raising beyond his nicely styled hair,

“It’s sixteen hundred dollars.”

And Mark nearly fainted right then and there.

***

“And then I offered to pay for it like a complete idiot!” Mark groaned, hugging one of the couch cushions and resting his chin on it,

“How much was it?” Jaehyun asked, typing away on his computer and occasionally looking at his phone,

“Almost two thousand fucking dollars dude.” Mark played with his damp, light brown hair, his circle glasses sitting low on his nose. He watched as Jaehyun’s face was illuminated by his phone and his eyes light up at what Mark assumed was a message from his boyfriend,

“Is it okay if Tae comes over?” Jaehyun looked at Mark, his dimples on full display and his honey blonde hair falling into his eyes. He needed a hair cut Mark thought. He thought back to that morning, both of them together and he nodded slowly,

“Yeah sure.” He rubbed the pillow before he laid down on the couch and rubbed his eyes under his big circular glasses,

“Cool thanks.” He gave him an appreciative smile before he went back to texting his now confirmed boyfriend,

“What are you guys going to do?” Mark bit his lip, he was lonely, he had to admit. He pretty much lived vicariously through Jaehyun’s relationship and basically knew every nitty-gritty detail of them. Which maybe was a bit much, but Jaehyun happened to be very comfortable with his sexuality and didn’t mind sharing with Mark,

“He wants to watch a show, maybe a little chilling could happen. You know, the usual.” And what Jaehyun meant by “the usual” was that they would have loud sex until like, one in the morning and Mark would sit there alone with his music blasting in his earbuds. It was one of the only reasons he didn’t exactly enjoy it when Taeyong came over. But, he also didn’t like it when Jaehyun left to go to Taeyong’s dorm room. It felt so eerily empty in the apartment. When Jaehyun would leave, Mark sometimes would find himself waking up at five in the morning and it felt like reality had been altered. His room would be so dark yet it would feel like light was shining in, the comforting weight of his blankets on top of him, weighing him down into his soft bed, and the complete and utter, deafening silence you experience when everything is deserted. No birds chirping, no sounds of the building settling, no rush of water through the pipes. Nothing. He hated that feeling, yet, he loved it. It was a time when he would wake up and cherish the feeling of being nothing and nowhere, but also there was a sense of fear that came with it as if he was questioning if he was really somewhere at all.

One of these moments is when Mark first experienced the feeling of _sonder_. He realized that everyone was living their life just as he was, complicated, upsetting, exciting, hard. He never really understood that people’s lives were just as elaborate as his own. They had their own passions, anxieties, friends, struggles, and to them, he was just a stranger. He was like a leaf on a tree of seven billion other people. He was close to some of the other leaves, very few of them. And one day, he would fall off and float away in the wind, without ever knowing what the other side of the tree was like. To others, he was just an extra in their movie, just as they were to him. He was just another car on a highway that blurred into the never-ending traffic. He realized he was lonely. Sure, he had friends, of course. But he wasn’t anyone particularly important. He had the same routine, every day. Occasionally, he would wake up late and rush around, but in the end, it was the same as every other day. He stared up at the ceiling, it was bland, boring, and white, much like his own life. Was it fair of him to complain about being lonely? Yeah, he’s allowed to be lonely.


	2. Chapter 2

Mark couldn’t hear anything. Well, he could, but only the music that was blaring into his eardrums and drowning out any other sound that existed in the world at that moment. He was deep in writing his story when there was a tap on his shoulder. He nearly jumped out of his skin, violently pulling out his earbuds with a yelp,

“Jesus Christ.” Jaehyun almost gasped at the sudden movement his roommate was making. They were in the library, which was actually not really that quiet, contrary to popular belief. Mark shuddered as he looked up at the honey blonde, an ever-present smile gracing his handsome, pale face, “Didn’t realize you were so into it.”

Jaehyun squinted at the screen to read the words sprawling across the electronic screen. Mark quickly closed his laptop,

“Oyyy, no peeking.” Mark pulled the other earbud out of his ear and looked back at his roommate with a small grin, “What’s up?”

“Do you wanna go clubbing tonight?” Jaehyun pulled out the chair next to Mark’s and sat down. He placed his bag on the table and pulled out his notebook,

“Clubbing? Again?” Mark rubbed the back of his neck and bit his lip,

“Clubbing. Again.” Jaehyun confirmed, picking up his phone. Did he and his boyfriend ever stop texting? Probably not,

“I just recovered from last time.” Mark’s eyes wandered around the library as he sunk back into the uncomfortable wooden chair. It’s true, Mark struggled for a while with the persistent, painful headache that always came with a hangover. No amount of pain medication would make it go away, just dull it into a never-ending ache that stood stagnant behind his eyes for what felt like ages. He always regretted drinking as soon as he took his first sip, but after that, he couldn’t stop. He drank and he drank until everything was a blur, until he would gladly strip naked in front of strangers and feel no shame when he did so. And it was easy for Mark Lee to get drunk. Really, really easy. A couple of shots or a few beers and he would be rearing to go for an intense game of truth or dare,

“That’s why you need to go again, we can build up your tolerance.” Jaehyun stated simply, peering at Mark before returning his attention to his practically virtual boyfriend, “It’ll be fun, it’s at Yuta’s.”

Yuta Nakamoto was a Japanese exchange student from Osaka, Japan. He was studying education, which was a bit surprising to Mark when he first discovered the man’s major. Yuta was a bit of a partier, but what more could you expect from someone who would be working with little kids every day for the rest of his life? Mark wouldn’t really be able to deal either. Yuta was handsome, all of the girls talked about him. It reminded Mark of high school a little bit. Yuta was the hot jock that hooked up with girls in the bathroom while Mark was just the loner kid that ate his lunch alone in the ugly, colorlessly grey cafeteria. Except that Yuta was gay and practically falling head over heels for the deaf Chinese dancer,

“Maybe.” Mark hummed while opening up his laptop again to hit command-S.

***

Mark woke up between the hours of one and five am. It was silent and he remembered the first time he ever experienced the world this quiet. He laid in bed for a while, letting the blankets melt him into his mattress before the feeling of having to pee forced him to leave his cocoon of warmth. Fuck drinking water before going to bed. He padded down the hardwood floor towards the bathroom and stopped by his roommate’s door. Sometimes Mark would find himself snuggled up next to Jaehyun. He felt like a kid. No longer afraid of the dark, but afraid of many things no adult should be scared of. He continued to the bathroom.

The night was cool, even though all the windows in the apartment were closed, Mark could feel it. It felt nice, he thought, sometimes it was too unbearably hot in the apartment. Tonight was different, something was different. It’s crazy how much of a difference a couple of degrees could make to Mark. He dragged himself back to his nest of blankets and his lone pillow that would forever be stained with brown hair dye. He flipped the pillow over, letting his head fall onto the cool fabric. His eyes fluttered shut, eyelashes resting on the tops of his cheeks. If anyone had been there to see him they would have said he looked beautiful. Waking up in the middle of the night feels like it transports you to another world and at that moment, Mark Lee seemed ethereal. But there was no one there to witness it.

Mark’s phone buzzed gently next to him and the spell was broken. His eyes opened and he adjusted his position to reach for his phone that was balanced precariously on the edge of his bedside table. He huffed when his face ID wouldn’t recognize him and sat up to type in his lengthy passcode. He blinked at the message from the unknown number that read “hi”. Here’s the thing, Mark didn’t get texts from unknown numbers, like, ever. He rarely got texts from his friends in general. He thought it might be a wrong number. Mark could only respond with a simple “hello”, to which Unknown Number responded quite quickly, with another “hey”. The world was no longer quiet but neither was it loud. Mark wracked his brain, who could it be? Another blip and a gentle buzz from his phone turned the brown-haired boy’s attention back to the dim screen that was all too bright for two in the morning. “It’s Johnny” it read. Johnny? Who was Johnny? Oh, right. Mark destroyed his camera and offered, like a complete idiot, to pay for it. It was his fault after all. But what was Johnny doing up at two am?

The two seemingly insomniacs texted back and forth for a short while, maybe only forty minutes at the most. It was 3:30 am when Mark finally swaddled himself back into his soft mound of blankets. It was once again silent as the boy stared at his ceiling in the delicate, untouched darkness. He sighed, letting his eyes fall shut and allowing his body to slowly drift back to sleep.

***

“You’re such an asshole Jung Jaehyun!” Is what Mark woke up to that next morning. He sighed, which seemed like a common theme for him. Perhaps it was his favorite pastime to sigh. It did waste time after all, a whole second worth of his precious life. He sat up in bed, listening intently to the arguing that was going on in the other room. He couldn’t hear much save for the muffled, irritated tone that came from Taeyong and the gentler, hurt tone that came from his roommate. Eventually, he made his way to his door and peeked out to see what all the drama was. Perfect timing on his part because Taeyong came storming out of his roommate’s room,

“Fuck you.” Was said, directed at the poor guy who was probably just waking up. And then the door was slammed. Mark stared at the other boy gently, but as soon as they made eye contact, he looked away. The angry man made his way to the front door and Mark winced as there came another slam. He had half a mind to check the hinges on the front door. He gently knocked on his roommate’s door and when he heard no answer he turned the handle to open the door and found Jaehyun buried under the sheets. Mark sat on the edge of the bed and Jaehyun turned to face him as he felt the bed dip with weight,

“What happened?” Mark asked simply before laying down next to his gloomy roommate. The other shook his head and sighed, wrapping his milky white arms around his contrasting, dark gray pillow,

“He supposedly heard a rumor about me. Something about some girls and me flirting. You know how he gets.” Mark watched as Jaehyun took a deep breath of his pillow, it must’ve smelled like Taeyong. It was crazy to the younger boy how easily these things could happen. A simple rumor could ruin a relationship, like the snap of a finger. It was toxic,

“Yeah, I know.” Mark did know. Taeyong definitely had a temper, it had improved since he started dating Jaehyun, but it was still there. It would always be there. When they had first started dating, Mark noticed that the couple would get into heated bickering. He even wondered if they were going to break up forever. But, Jaehyun was very patient and he continued to be throughout the first few months of the relationship. Taeyong ended up becoming more comfortable and the bickering became less frequent. Yuta had always said it stopped once they started having sex, but Mark believed in fate, and that’s what he thought the relationship was based on,

“Fuck, why does this always happen to me,” Jaehyun whined,

“I’m sure you’ll get past it.” Mark hummed as he reached up to press down his bed head as Jaehyun shrugged next to him,

“I have half a mind to just dump him at this point…” Mark’s roommate trailed off as he rolled over to lay on his stomach,

“No. I mean, it’s your choice, but you guys are really cute. I know he’s moody and stuff but you have already been so patient with him and he’s a lot better than he was before, you have to admit that. I’m not you, but I don’t think you guys should break up, especially because what he heard isn’t true. You don’t want him to think you actually did cheat on him, right?” Mark fiddled with the corner of the blanket. Jaehyun just nodded,

“Do you want to go out with Yuta and I today?” The older man asked, reaching over to grab his phone,

“What are you guys doing?” Mark closed his eyes, the soft mattress allowing him to relax the muscles he didn’t even know were tense,

“We’re going shopping. He needs better date clothes.” Mark’s eyes fluttered open at the response and he turned his head to look at the other man,

“Date clothes?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at his roommate who was typing something on his phone,

“Oh yeah, he’s going on a date with Sicheng.” Mark turned his head to look at the simple, white plaster ceiling. Sicheng was a student from China. He had come with his younger brother to attend the same college as Mark. He majored in dancing, which Mark had never understood because the student was deaf. He had to admit though, Sicheng was very handsome. His hair was a syrupy brown which was permed into a wavy look. His skin was smooth and pale and his eyes were a dark amber, they resembled crystallized honey and were so deep Mark could’ve possibly gotten lost in them forever. He was able to speak really well and could read lips, so it was easier to communicate with him than Mark would have thought. Yet, he still had trouble keeping up with some things. Yuta had a really big crush on him, but most of the time Sicheng wouldn’t give him the time of day. Mark was quite surprised that he actually scored a date with the Chinese dancer,

“Wow.” Was all Mark could say, he was definitely proud of the Japanese man, but he always believed that he was a little insensitive when it came to stuff that was different for him,

“Yeah, so do you want to come?” Jaehyun repeated his original question, setting his dark chocolate orbs on his roommate,

“Yeah, I’ll come.”

***

“Something like this?” Yuta laughed as he held up a mini skirt to his legs, “Looking good, right?”

“Sure man.” Jaehyun chuckled at what Mark presumed was the image of Yuta wearing a mini skirt on his date that night. Mark just sipped his coffee, letting out a small chuckle behind the cardboard Starbucks cup. It had been a couple of hours since they had arrived downtown. Luckily, Yuta had a car so it wasn’t too much of a pain in the ass to get to where they wanted to go aside from the traffic they encountered. They were having fun, but Mark could see Jaehyun wasn’t himself, not really. He wasn’t smiling as much as he would’ve if he hadn’t been fighting with his boyfriend. Mark smiled as they made eye contact,

“Hey Mark, you’ve got good style, what do you think he should wear tonight?” Jaehyun asked as he too took a long sip of his coffee. Mark raised his eyebrows at him, a little surprised he even had a say in the conversation,

“Well, where are you guys going?” He turned his attention to the black-haired man who was putting the ugly, leopard print mini skirt back on the rack where it had originally come from,

“We’re just going for a walk. It’s the easiest thing to do since a movie would be slightly, well…pointless.” He cleared his throat, obviously a bit uncomfortable with his crush’s inability to hear,

“What’s wrong with jeans and a t-shirt then?” Mark ran his slender fingers across the brightly colored clothing,

“I want to make a good impression on him, I don’t know.” Yuta shrugged and brushed his unruly, black locks away from his eyes,

“Well if you’re too dressed up it will be weird,” Mark looked around for some jeans and when spotted, he walked over to look through the similar styles, “Try these.” He had picked out some simple, black jeans that were ripped only at the knees. He held them out to Yuta who took them and folded them gently on his arm. Mark looked around again, tapping his chin in thought. He wrinkled his nose and puckered his lips, a typical thinking Mark Lee face. He scurried over to another rack and pulled out a silky, white, long sleeve shirt. It was collared, and coming from each side of the collar were two long ribbons that were meant to be tied into a neat bow. Mark held it up for the two other men to look at,

“How about this?” Mark smiled at them gently, his eyes lighting up. Yuta looked at Jaehyun and then back at Mark with a delighted smile,

“I like that. A lot,” He held out his hand for the shirt and Mark handed him the hanger, “Let me try it on.”

Mark nodded and they walked to the changing room, while Yuta went in to change, the two roommates sat down to wait,

“So how do you think this is going to go?” Mark turned to look at the other man with a small smile gracing his face. He was indeed having much more fun than he had expected to,

“I don’t know. Hopefully well, because Yuta is super excited about the whole thing, as he should be because he’s been wanting for this for a really long time.” Jaehyun ran a hand through his fluffy, sandy-colored hair in an attempt to smooth it down. Mark watched as his roommate took a look around the room before settling his curious eyes on something. The younger boy followed his gaze to a girl, she was looking at the leopard print mini skirt they had made fun of slightly earlier. She had long brown hair that reached almost to her waist and pale skin that complimented her deep, chestnut brown eyes. She was wearing a cream, long sleeve shirt that was tucked into a black skirt that only reached about mid-thigh. She was wearing a pair of black, platform Doc Martens which Mark assumed was to make her appear taller. She was pretty, no, she was _gorgeous_. She glanced at the two men, letting a small smile tug at the corner of her perfectly pink lips.

Mark looked away. Girls made him uncomfortable, especially because he wasn’t quite comfortable in his own skin, not quite yet. He could see that Jaehyun also looked away and was now staring at the bland, white wall of the fitting room’s waiting area. Mark took a brave glance in the general direction, but the girl was gone. He sighed, partly in relief. She was pretty, he couldn’t deny that, but Mark always struggled with putting a name on his sexuality. He’d had a girlfriend before, he enjoyed the holding hands and kiss portion of it, but as soon as it got more intimate he was out. He lost his precious virginity to his second girlfriend and he hated every second of it. It wasn’t as if he was forced into it or anything, he just couldn’t see himself that way. Ever. Mark remembered that it was a lot of trial and error and, much to his surprise, she had enjoyed it a lot. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around? He remembered how embarrassing it was, he couldn’t bring himself to kiss her nor could he look at the mess that was happening in between them. Sex didn’t seem like it ever appealed to him and he only kissed a boy once, in spin the bottle and it was his best friend. He found guys attractive, some were really attractive, like Taeyong, but then again, he couldn’t really see himself actually doing it with him. But maybe that was because Taeyong was his roommate’s boyfriend. He envied Jaehyun, who was someone so comfortable with his sexuality that he openly made out with his boyfriend whenever he felt like he wanted to. It was unfair. Mark wanted to be comfortable with himself, he wanted to be comfortable with his own body and other bodies that crossed paths with him. He wanted to touch someone in the way that they were meant to be touched in an intimate relationship and actually take pleasure out of giving them pleasure. He never thought it would be so important to him, but it was. Mark had never realized how important to him it actually was but he really, _really_ wished it would happen to him. He wanted someone to appreciate his body, his personality, everything about him. But, too many people were only in it for the sex and not the passion. He _craved_ attention, he never showed it but he did,

“How does it look?” Yuta’s voice brought him out of his inner turmoil. He smiled at the man and nodded because he really did look good.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos <3 haha  
hope you're enjoying this!  
also- i don't actually read these chapters before i post them, but when i have time i will read over them and certainly edit them!  
i already know there are many mistakes ^~^  
<3

Mark immediately regretted his choice of going to the party. It was too loud, way too loud. If he wasn’t holding a red solo cup full of cheap beer he would have covered his ears to keep from going deaf. He took a sip, wrinkling his nose at the taste of the low-quality alcohol. His eyes found his roommate who was enthusiastically making out with his boyfriend, who was seated right in his lap, on the leather couch,

“Guess they made up,” Mark muttered before giving his cup of alcohol a longing look and taking a large sip of it. It didn’t taste good, but it made him feel better. He sat down next to the couple, giving them a bit of room as they kissed. Mark sipped his drink again, rather irritated at the wet kissing noises they were making. He was just jealous he wasn’t doing the same thing with someone else at that moment. He felt the couch dip on the opposite side of him but he didn’t spare a glance toward the stranger,

“Hey.” He heard from next to him. The voice was deep and maybe a little too close for comfort. Mark could hear the smirk in the other man’s voice and he looked over to see one of the most attractive guys he had ever seen in his life. Any other time, he would have scoffed and wished he had purchased one of those “virginity rocks” t-shirt, but right at that moment, Mark was relieved he had lost his v-card all those years ago because he felt like he was in for a wild ride tonight.

The man sitting next to him had tousled, tortilla —damn, Mark was _really_ hungry—brown hair that was darker at the root and his eyes were a warm shade of brown dotted with what looked like reflective flecks of gold. The man next to him seemed confident in his masculinity but Mark detected hints of makeup to bring out his eyes and accentuate the already thick pink lips he had. Two earrings hung from either one of the man’s earlobes and he was wearing a hoodie covered with a jean jacket but Mark could tell that the body underneath was muscular. Mark would have been lying his ass off if he had said the man next to him wasn’t gorgeous,

“Hi.” He breathed out, taking a sip of his drink that tasted a lot better than the last time he drank out of it. Mark really wished he was a lot drunker than he was. The man next to him flashed him a toothy smile and the smaller man wanted to bury his face into the couch cushions,

“I’m Yukhei.” Yukhei stuck out his hand, which was much larger in comparison to Mark’s. The smaller man took his hand and shook it gently. The hands were soft but gripped Mark’s hand firmly which had shivers running down his spine,

“Mark.” The man replied, letting a small smile tug at his chapped lips. He had half a mind to interrupt the couple next to him and ask if they had any chapstick. He was suddenly very aware of how much his breath smelled like cheap alcohol and he wished he had brought a stick of gum to chew,

“Nice to meet you.” Yukhei’s eyes raked over Mark’s body, and everywhere they looked Mark felt heat,

“You too.” He replied, feeling heat crawl up his face into the tips of his ears. He shivered gently, hoping the guy in front of him wouldn’t notice. Yukhei just chuckled, clearly amused at Mark’s obvious nervousness,

“Do you want another drink?” The bigger man asked politely. Mark nodded, embarrassed. He wanted to drink until he couldn’t comprehend anything. Yukhei stood up, offering the black-haired boy a large hand. Mark took it gladly, marveling at the size difference between their hands,

“What do you study?” The question went in through one ear and out the other as the two made their way through the crowded house toward the kitchen where the drinks were being held hostage. There were way too many people crammed into the small rooms and it made Mark uncomfortable, “Did you hear me?”

“Huh?” Mark looked up at the man sheepishly and he chuckled nervously, “No, sorry.”

“I asked what do you study?” Yukhei offered again, letting go of Mark’s much smaller hand and reaching for an almost empty bottle of whiskey. Mark crinkled his nose at the thought, he would have preferred something sweeter but he didn’t really mind because a really hot guy was pouring it for him,

“I study English literature.” Mark replied simply, setting himself on the edge of the marble counter, “How about you?”

“Business,” Mark watched as Yukhei tapped the top of a ginger ale can before opening it and pouring it into the cup of whiskey. He held it out for the smaller who took it gladly and took a sip, “How is it?”

“It tastes like ginger ale.” Yukhei smiled at the comment and sat on the counter beside Mark,

“Nice observation,” He paused before looking at Mark again, “What brought you here tonight?”

“My roommate brought me here, technically,” Mark shook his head as he remembered how much Jaehyun had to beg for him to come, “He promised me we would hang out here tonight but then he decided he wanted to make up with his boyfriend so he kind of ditched me to make out and probably eventually have sex with him. So I am just sitting around and drinking until he wants to go home if that time ever actually arrives.”

“Wow,” Yukhei replied, letting out a deep chuckle at Mark’s ranting, “Well if you want someone to keep you company, I’m free and totally down.”

Mark looked at him, his face lighting up slightly at the offer. He would actually love to have company. Donghyuck, his best friend, was either going to be really late or not make it to the party at all which had Mark very disappointed. Hyuck (or Duck), as Mark liked to call him, didn’t really drink at parties anyway, at least not as much as Mark did. But, Donghyuck did like to smoke. Weed that is. Mark’s best friend suffered from chronic pain in his shoulder which was caused by a car accident when he was in his junior year of high school. Hyuck had claimed that it helped with the pain but wasn’t actually old enough to use it medically. Mark was originally nervous when he found out, but his best friend assured him he didn’t overuse it and he didn’t. And plus, it was better than abusing the addictive pain killers prescribed to him by the hospital. Donghyuck was luckily scheduled for surgery later that year, “I’d like that.”

***

So Mark found himself in a room that smelled too much like a mix of Febreze trying to mask the smell of dirty gym socks. It was quiet, but he could still hear and feel the music that was blaring on the floor below. But, he wasn’t focusing on that. His attention was focused on the lips on his. After a long conversation about their lives, the two ran away to hide in a quieter room, more specifically Yukhei’s room, supposedly to continue their conversation. Mark had really assumed they were going to continue talking and nothing more. But then in the middle of Mark’s ranting, Yukhei leaned in to kiss him and he let it happen.

Immediately, Mark’s lips tingled with imaginary electricity, something he had never felt before that moment. Up close, Yukhei smelled like a cup of freshly brewed coffee mixed with a faint hint of coconut that Mark thought must’ve been his shampoo. Mark tasted the lingering alcohol and mix of soda on his lips as they kissed and he felt like he could get drunk all over again. Yukhei’s lips were soft and warm, they had Mark seemingly pliant in the big hands that made their way to his waist. It felt good, better than anything Mark had felt before and when they pulled away, Mark was left wanting a lot more,

“Sorry, was that okay?” Yukhei had asked, but it was more than okay. Mark didn’t even give him a response as his hands found the back of the other’s neck and pulled him in for another kiss.

So that’s how they had ended up. Mark was halfway on Yukhei’s lap, arms wrapped loosely around the man’s neck. Yukhei’s hands were settled on Mark’s waist, heat radiating through them into his skin. It felt so unnaturally good, the tips of Yukhei’s fingers pressing firmly into his sides, the lips against his own. And then there were lips on his neck, nipping gently at the sensitive skin. Mark squeezed his eyes shut at the feeling, biting his lip to keep in any noise that was threatening to escape his throat. The hands on his waist disappeared, reappearing at his thighs. Everywhere he was touched, Mark felt heat. His heartbeat picked up and he breathed hastily. He tried to focus on the press of the lips on his neck rather than the hands on his thighs. Something that felt so good suddenly became all too much for him.

Mark whined softly, becoming uncomfortable with the situation. His smaller hands were pushing them off of his legs and when Yukhei felt resistance to his attempts, he pulled away,

“Sorry, am I doing something wrong?” There was no longer anything touching Mark, but he still felt like he was suffocating,

“No, no no. Um, is it hot in here?” Mark’s voice cracked as he fanned himself with his hand, huffing gently as he looked at Yukhei who peered back at him curiously, “I need some air. I’m so sorry.”

Mark stumbled out of the room and down the stairs. Everything was blurring together, but when the panicked boy felt a hand on his shoulder, he looked back,

“You okay?” Jaehyun’s eyebrows were furrowed and Mark could see Taeyong standing slightly behind him looking worried as well. Mark nodded quickly, shrugging off his roommate’s hand and continuing his hurried steps towards the front door of the frat house. He opened the door, relief washing over him when he felt the immediate chill of November nip at his cheeks,

“Fuck.” He breathed out as he heard the door shut quietly behind him. He rubbed his face, taking careful steps down the creaky wooden stairs of the house. He sat down on the last step and breathed in deeply, wanting to calm down and relax from the previous events that worked him into a tizzy. The smell of cigarette smoke mixed with the fresh, cool air filled his nose and he was promptly aware of the man a couple of feet away from him.

He looked up meeting the eyes of the stranger, who was in fact, no stranger at all. Though he couldn’t make out specific features of his face, Mark could tell it was Johnny from the tall man's physique and hair that was styled cleanly, but somehow also messily fell onto his forehead. The man took a few steps toward Mark before holding out his half-smoked cigarette as an offering,

“You look like you need this more than I do.” He said. Mark took it gingerly and watched as the man sat down beside him, causing the stairs to creak again. The shorter man took a long drag of it, immediately feeling more relaxed as the addictive drug found its way into his bloodstream,

“I guess I owe you twice now,” Mark replied, to which Johnny chuckled in response as he got out his pack of cigarettes and took another, placing it between his lips to light it. Mark gladly kept the original one, and although he seldom smoked because he knew it was horrible for the human body, he took another puff. He didn’t look when he heard the satisfying click of the lighter and then the harsh breath of the man next to him,

“My parents already replaced my camera.” Johnny sighed, looking out into the dark night. Mark looked too. The sky was clear, the sliver of moon trying its best to illuminate anything untouched by street lamps, the stars twinkling, eager to move but ultimately stuck in place. Forever. He wondered where he saw them before, the stars. He remembered Christmas time last year, almost a full year ago when he scraped together a shit ton of money and got Donghyuck the gift he had been asking for, for almost two years. His eyes had twinkled as he opened it up before tackling Mark to the ground. He recalled he saw it when Jaehyun looked at Taeyong and when the other looked back. He remembered recently he saw it when Yuta had left to go on his first date with Sicheng. Mark wondered if his eyes had ever twinkled like that too,

“That’s good. Sorry I broke it, can I make it up to you?” He asked, flicking the butt of the cigarette onto the concrete sidewalk and smushing it with the bottom of his shoe. He felt Johnny’s eyes on him as he did so,

“Hmm. Well, I was wondering if you wanted to do a project with me. You take English literature right?” Johnny stepped on the butt of his cigarette too, this time he smushed it with his heel,

“Yeah, that’s my major,” Mark confirmed, nodding his head. He wondered where this was going,

“We have to do a project with photography and another major and I was wondering if you wanted to write a story or poem to go with one of my photos,” Johnny pushed back his hair and stretched, “If you have the time of course.”

“That sounds fun…” Mark trailed off, thinking about how that would work,

“But?” Johnny asked, looking at the shorter boy sitting next to him,

“No buts. It sounds fun, let's do it,” Mark met his eyes and offered a small, but genuine smile to him. He nodded, solidifying his decision to the other, “Yeah.”

“Cool. I’ll text you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i edited all my chapters including this one :)  
i wrote this instead of taking notes in chemistry  
thank u for your kudos and support <3

Mark always thought that Donghyuck’s voice was sort of soothing. Most people would have described it as annoying, but whether he was singing or talking, Mark just plain liked it. He watched as his best friend consumed his fourth piece of the large pepperoni pizza. It was almost one in the morning and they were supposed to be working on homework, however, Hyuck’s shoulder pain wouldn’t let him focus on the task at hand. Mark figured it was time to call it a night anyways so Donghyuck decided to get high.

Mark didn’t really mind his best friend’s use of weed anymore, especially because it was for a somewhat good cause. His least favorite part about the whole thing was the smell, but it was nothing a little extra strength Febreze couldn’t quickly fix. Hyuck didn’t get many of the common side effects associated with the high, except for the “munchies”. Mark had seen his best friend consume an entire large pizza by himself and still be hungry. He also got the signature red eyes, a telltale sign of smoking,

“You know when you told me about that guy you made out with like a week ago?” Donghyuck looked up, closing the pizza box and laying down against Mark’s many pillows,

“Yeah.” Mark raised his eyebrow at his best friend, wondering where this conversation was going,

“Why did you get so nervous?” Hyuck asked simply as Mark nestled himself into his blankets and looked at his best friend with curious eyes. The obvious answer playing over and over again in his head,

“I was just drunk.” That was not the obvious answer. Hyuck blinked at him before a harmonious laugh broke the few seconds of silence. Mark couldn’t help but smile. Even after all the times Donghyuck annoyed him by being too touchy or too loud, Mark was really glad he was his best friend. He always marveled at his beauty too. Donghyuck had long eyelashes and clear skin that was a darker shade than his own. And Mark thought he looked the best without makeup but he knew his best friend would disagree. But, he knew he looked the best when he smiled. Donghyuck was a genuinely happy person and there was never be a dull moment with him. His smile was radiant and his laugh was like a song that Mark would only listen to on his best days. He loved Donghyuck, he really did.

Mark remembered when his best friend had gotten into a car crash. It was a head-on collision and Hyuck was honestly lucky to even be alive. He had ended up in the hospital for weeks, sustaining multiple injuries to the neck, shoulders, and he had even broken his right leg. The thing that had messed up the poor boy the most was the PTSD. Everything that had to do with cars made him go into a full-blown panic attack. Mark watched his best friend spiral into depression, distancing himself from everyone, especially Mark. During senior year, Donghyuck spent most of his time alone, refusing to give anyone the time of day and only speaking to Mark briefly if he approached him first. Mark was not only confused but worried for his best friend and one day he sat him down and forced him to talk to him. He discovered that after the accident, Donghyuck had become dependent on the pain medication prescribed to him by the hospital, codeine. Mark knew dependent meant addicted. He knew it was common, especially after a traumatic event, but he never thought he would see addiction in his life. Especially from his usually happy go lucky best friend. He never wanted to leave him alone again. Together, they flushed the rest of the pain medication and Mark told his best friend’s parents. He took care of Donghyuck as he went through a painful senior year filled with much-needed therapy.

Duck was better, a lot better. Even through two horrible years, he had bounced back. Maybe he wasn’t completely there some days, but Mark did his best to keep an eye on him. Donghyuck was silently thankful for his best friend, Mark knew this. And he knew that with more and more time, Donghyuck would get increasingly better. But Mark knew that some things might never go back to being the same and the crash may never fade from his best friend’s mind. For now, he was helping him focus on having a brighter future,

“I can help you,” Hyuck said nonchalantly. He did this thing where he would play with his hair subconsciously when he was thinking. Mark thought it was cute,

“Help me with what?” He asked, looking up from his phone screen and giving him an inquisitive look,

“Kissing.” He murmured as if he didn’t want the boy next to him to hear him say it,

“Kissing?” Mark questioned as he gave him an incredulous look,

“Kissing,” Hyuck confirmed, nodding his head this time to verify his statement,

“You just want to kiss me.” Mark looked at him with soft eyes, a small smile beginning to bloom on his face,

“Maybe.” The boy next to him continued tugging at his hair but averted his eyes to stare at the wall. Anybody else may have thought it was a bit strange, but Mark was rather flattered. Of course, they were just best friends, but Donghyuck had always loved the physical part of relationships, even friendships. Mark had always had a soft spot for him, letting him do whatever he wanted that would make him the most comfortable. And Hyuck loved to tease. He would kiss Mark on the cheek or the neck to make him mad or to get him to whine. Even if Mark got mad, he always forgave him. It wasn’t that big of a deal anyway,

“My lips?” Mark watched as Hyuck nodded and he sat up to make himself a bit more accessible to the boy next to him, “Come here Duck.”

Donghyuck smiled at the name, Mark knew it was his favorite, and he shifted himself to look at his best friend. It was completely silent save for the gentle hum of the building that could always be heard. Mark’s hand found Donghyuck’s cheek, his fingers spreading over the warm skin, pinkie resting just below his jaw. He thumbed his cheek gently, skin soft beneath his fingers. His eyes wandered over his best friend’s face, gaze stopping at his lips. Donghyuck’s lips were just plain pretty. His bottom lip was slightly fuller than his top, but his cupid’s bow was largely defined giving them a bit of an alluring appearance. They were the perfect shade of pink and most commonly seen accentuated by a simple, clear lip gloss.

When their lips were finally pressed together, Mark felt nothing. No electricity or heat this time. He wasn’t disappointed, in fact, he was relieved. It felt good for it to mean nothing to him, but it also felt good to be kissing someone he knew and cared about. He saw Donghyuck’s eyes flutter shut and he gently closed his too. He felt a hand grasp his shirt at his stomach and pull it tightly. He knew Hyuck needed it to feel grounded, to feel like he was still a part of the world. It didn’t bother him. The faint smell of weed mixed with Donghyuck’s perfume filled his nose, but nothing made him shy away. And even though he didn’t feel anything, it felt intimate. A different sort of intimate than it had with Yukhei. There was nothing sexual about the kiss, it was sweeter, more innocent. As if he was sharing his first kiss all over again, but with someone new. There was nothing behind it, nothing beyond it. It was a kiss between friends and that was all. But yet, it was more. It was Donghyuck’s own way of telling him he loved him. It was his own way of thanking Mark for taking care of him, for being there for him during the hardest times. And it was a memory of everything they shared before this very moment. It was feelings being exchanged, but it was nothing more than friendly feelings. He knew this wouldn’t change their dynamic. When Mark pulled away, he wiped the tear rolling down Hyuck’s cheek and gave him a soothing smile,

“You taste like weed, Duck.” To which Donghyuck laughed his melodious laugh.

***

Mark sat in the library trying to ignore —but failing— the persistent arguing and bickering that was going on in front of him. He wished the library was a lot quieter than it actually was at that moment,

“No, I told you it was said in a kinder tone.” A boy, maybe only slightly younger than Mark, with bright, obnoxiously pink hair demanded for probably the fifth time in the span of only ten minutes,

“Actually, you said that I should say it in a sweet tone with underlying intentions.” The other spat back. He had pitch-black hair and kind eyes, but his face wasn’t giving anything away. To be honest, Mark didn’t even know what that sentence meant and he had half a mind to tell them to be quiet. _Anxiety_, the man thought, dipping his head back down to look at his computer. He tried not to stare at the two who were still arguing profusely on how to say what Mark figured out to be a line from a script. For almost the eleventh time they went over the same thing and just as Mark was working up the courage to say something, another boy spoke up instead,

“Excuse me? Could you please shut the _fuck up_.” The tone was sharp and cold, clearly annoyed with the constant bickering. The boys who were previously arguing both had the deer-in-headlights look as they stared back. Mark’s eyes fell on the boy who had previously spoken up. He had golden, blonde hair and dark brown eyes that looked like they could ignite someone’s soul. His stare was intense, Mark could tell that much. The apologies that came pouring out of their mouths was just more evidence of that,

“Anyways, what were you saying?” The blonde boy returned his attention to the man next to him which Mark now noticed to be Sicheng. He watched him sign something and then look over towards the two culprits, letting out a gentle laugh as the other boy signed back,

“Hey.” Mark recognized that voice as Yuta’s. He had sat down in the library to get work done, but nothing was allowing him to be focused and productive. He had been so unproductive that whole week that he was starting to worry about getting behind in class. Too much had gone on, he needed space and time alone. And he needed to relax, big time.

He watched as Yuta sat down next to Sicheng, who had seemingly not noticed him yet. When the other boy pointed to the black-haired man, Sicheng jumped slightly as he looked back, before giving Yuta a kind smile and waving,

“Hi.” Sicheng replied. Mark didn’t know what he expected, but it wasn’t that. He knew that Sicheng was verbal, but he had never heard him speak before. Mark didn’t know if he was being ignorant, but he sounded normal. Yuta gave him the softest smile Mark had ever seen. He wasn’t even aware that the Japanese man had possessed that type of softness, he must have really liked him.

Mark’s computer screen dimmed and he ran his finger of the trackpad to keep it on. The page was blank, the cursor yearning to move away from the margin of the page. He had absolutely no inspiration for his creative writing assignment. The prompt: “Tell me (the professor) about YOU.” He had to write about himself, but he didn’t know himself. He always heard that high school was to find yourself, but the only thing he knew about himself was that his name was Mark Lee and he went to college for American Literature. But he knew that was boring and would earn him, at most, a C. He had already procrastinated it enough, letting other things take liberty over the big assignment.

He sensed a body slide into the chair next to him. Figuring it was just a random person sitting down to do some work, Mark looked over. Golden-brown eyes were staring back at him. _Yukhei_. Oh, fuck no.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i wrote this instead of homework  
i hope my chapters will slowly become longer with the more time that i have  
i'm actually motivated to write this story, its probably the longest one ive ever written :D  
i finished my research paper for history though so i am feeling very accomplished from that and posting this  
thanks for the support as always!  
<3  
PS i PROMISE this is a johnmark story, mark lee is just trying to figure out his life and needs yukhei to help him  
this chapter is also jaeyong heavy bc theyre like my otp and i miss them so... next chapter is back to the regularly scheduled program <3

“Hey,” Yukhei said simply, giving the boy next to him a charming smile. Mark was at a loss for words. He had completely forgotten that the boy he had been making out with just under a week ago attended the same college as him. What made it worse was that Yukhei was the same major as his roommate. He must have been staring because the man’s smile fell as he waved his hand in front of Mark’s comically large eyes,

“H-Hi.” Was all Mark could manage to stutter out. He felt his cheeks heat up as a flood of embarrassment washed over him. There was no way that this was actually happening right now. He thought he might throw up all over the handsome guy in front of him,

“How are you? You left so suddenly, I wanted to make sure you were okay but you seemed a little tense so I gave you space.” Yukhei smiled again. He was confident, and for some odd reason, butterflies were fluttering around Mark’s stomach. He felt oddly flattered, someone actually cared about him. Someone who wasn’t his friend, just some guy he met at a party and he had even made a complete fool of himself in front of him,

“I’m good,” The answer came from between his lips automatically. It was something his parents had taught him, be polite. He blinked before quickly adding, “You?”

“I’m good. Better now.” Yukhei gave him a dorky, toothy grin which had the butterflies in Mark’s stomach crashing against each other. Mark felt so utterly captivated. He was sitting where he could fully see his face and it wasn’t in a dim room so he could see every beautiful feature of the other man’s face. It had Mark’s heart pounding against his chest so hard he could hear it in his ears. He felt like Yukhei had taken all the oxygen in the air for himself and all Mark could think was that _selfish_ bastard. He didn’t know that was even possible, it was something he had genuinely never felt before. He swore he was going to start hyperventilating in a few moments if he didn’t get some fresh air, but he told himself _no_. He was safe. Nothing bad was going to happen to him if he stayed to chat for a few moments longer. He let a short laugh bubble out of his throat,

“Smooth.” Was all he could reply, shutting his laptop that had already given up on Mark by putting itself to sleep,

“Yeah, so I was wondering,” Yukhei paused, giving Mark a short look as he scanned the library, “Can I get your number?”

And Mark swore he could’ve died right there. He thought he might actually have a panic attack, but the emotion he was feeling was most definitely not panic. Maybe a tad, but the majority of his feelings, he couldn’t place, “Yeah, of course.”

Mark fumbled for his phone in his back pocket. When he finally wrestled it out with an awkward smile, he unlocked it, using his passcode so he didn’t go through the embarrassment of his face ID possibly not working on him. He held out his phone to Yukhei who took it and typed in his number. When his precious phone was returned to him, Mark internally smiled at the contact’s name: Yukhei <3,

“Anyways, sorry, I have to run. I just wanted to make sure you were okay and get your number, Mark,” Yukhei stood up as Mark’s heart threatened to beat its way right out of his chest. The smaller boy gave him a smile, a genuinely happy, wide smile, “You have my number now, you’d better use it.”

And _holy shit_, Mark was going to use the fuck out of that number.

***

As soon as Mark opened the door to his apartment he was careening towards Jaehyun’s room. He didn’t bother to knock as he barged in, silently praying his roommate wasn’t jerking off or fucking his boyfriend,

“I think I like someone,” Mark announced as he busted through the door. He said a silent thank you to God that his roommate and his boyfriend were just cuddling. Jaehyun was settled in between Taeyong’s legs, his head resting on the lower part of his abdomen. Taeyong was playing with his boyfriend’s hair gently while he looked at his phone. They were both now looking at Mark. Jaehyun looked up at Taeyong as the other looked down at him before they both sat up and looked at Mark expectantly,

“Yes?” Jaehyun asked as he patted the portion of the bed in front of them. Mark sat down cross-legged in front of them as he eyed Taeyong warily. Jaehyun looked between them,

“Don’t worry, he’s fine. He doesn’t know anybody.” Mark’s roommate stated jokingly, waiting for Mark to say something. Taeyong gave him a side-eye but reduced his glare when Jaehyun settled a soothing hand on his thigh. Mark hesitated, not sure if he wanted to repeat his previous words. It was too late now, his feelings were out in the open,

“I think I like someone.” He repeated. But, he wasn’t sure how it was even possible or fair for that matter. He had met the guy a week ago and all they did was share a brief conversation and make out. There was no way he could have feelings for someone he didn’t really know. But that was the thing, he wanted to know more and it was the first time he had actually even _felt_ something for anyone. At least in a very long time. He trusted his roommate to pour out his heart to him as Jaehyun had known him for quite a while. Mark wasn’t even worried about Taeyong, he was just worried about himself,

“Who?” Jaehyun’s face had lit up at the repeat of words. Mark knew that he knew that Mark hadn’t ever been interested in dating, and something like that coming from his younger roommate genuinely made him happy and curious. He was born on Valentine’s Day, after all, it was his unspoken job to be Cupid,

“Well, his name is Yukhei and…” Mark trailed off as the two lovers in front of him shared a look, “What?”

He didn’t like where this was going and suddenly he felt dread in the pit of his stomach. A thousand things clouded his mind and he was nervous when Jaehyun opened his mouth to speak,

“He’s a player,” Taeyong spoke before his boyfriend could and Mark’s heart went spiraling into his stomach,

“Okay wait, Tae. Just because he made a pass at you doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a player,” Jaehyun glanced at his boyfriend holding up his hand as to say wait, “But, I have been told that he does fool around a bit.”

“A bit?” Taeyong scoffed, turning his head away from his boyfriend to pick up his phone and giving the innocent device a light glare,

“Don’t listen to him. This is about _Mark_, yeah?” Jaehyun took Taeyong’s hand and played with his fingers tenderly. His boyfriend hummed at him and Mark could see the hint of a smile behind Taeyong’s sharp gaze, “Anyways, tell us more.”

“But if he’s a player—.” Mark was cut off once again by Jaehyun waving his hand, trying to dismiss the previous accusation,

“We don’t even know him that well, we can talk about our opinions once you explain more.” His roommate’s honey blonde hair fell into his eyes as he smiled at Mark,

“Well,” Mark started, even more wary than he had been before. He looked at the two men in front of him, “We like…Made out and stuff, but he was really nice to me. I sort of freaked out because you know, he started um…touching my legs and stuff and it made me like feel weird. I left and stuff, you know, at the party you like asked me if I was okay. That’s why I was freaking out, because of him. But anyway, he found me at the library and it seemed like he actually gave a shit about me and I just like…I felt something, it made me feel like…good. And he asked for my number so.”

Jaehyun simply smiled at him,

“You’re such a dork, Jung.” Taeyong’s small, secretive smile had turned into a full-blown one as he giggled at his boyfriend who crossed his eyes, obviously to make him laugh,

“Mark!” His roommate exclaimed, startling Mark a bit from the excitement and forcefulness that filled his voice, “You should go for it.”

“I should?” Mark gave him a surprised look, “Like, actually?”

“Yes, I think you should,” Jaehyun nodded, “Babe, thoughts?”

“Okay, well from everything I’ve heard and experienced, I personally would be a little wary. But if you think you like him then there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be able to try. People change.” Taeyong shrugged, dropping his phone into his lap to turn his full attention to Mark,

“Oh my God, you’re going to make such a sexy lawyer.” Jaehyun bit his lip, taking a look at the man next to him. The silver-haired boy pushed his boyfriend’s face away, curling his lip in a faux disgusted face,

“Shut up.” He whined, but Jaehyun looked back and leaned forward to kiss him which Taeyong gladly accepted,

“Hi, I’m still here.” Mark waved his hand, a smile growing on his face at the cuteness that was ensuing in front of him. Jaehyun pulled away from his boyfriend, chuckling lightly,

“Okay sorry, back to you,” His dimples and eye smile overtly evident on his slightly chubby, pale face, “Who has who’s number?”

“Um, I have his,” Mark pulled out his phone, “But, I haven’t texted him yet.”

“Let’s text him.” Jaehyun reached for Mark’s phone, but the younger boy withdrew his phone, holding it closer to his body,

“Are you sure?” Mark felt doubtful of the idea, unsure if he really wanted to go through with it,

“Yes, I’m one hundred percent sure. Don’t be a pussy.” Mark chuckled at his roommate’s choice of words,

“Okay,” It wasn’t very hard to convince him clearly. He opened his phone searching through his short contact list to find Yukhei’s. He smiled when he saw the name, a reaction he never thought he would have when seeing someone’s _name_. He felt a rush of something he couldn’t place reach every nerve in his body. His fingers were tingling as he opened messages, “What should I say?”

“Hey, do you want to have mind-blowing sex with me?” Jaehyun laughed out as he reached for his bedside table drawer to open it,

“Mmph, _yes_ I do, Jaehyun.” Taeyong opened the drawer as he was closer to it than the other. He rooted around for something before eventually pulling out a Juul and handing it to his boyfriend,

“Dammit, how did you know it was in there.” Jaehyun took a long drag of it, holding it in for a few seconds before turning his face away and blowing the vapor out,

“That’s where you keep the condoms, smartypants. You told me you were quitting, nice job.” Tae wrinkled his nose as his boyfriend took another hit of the e-cigarette,

“It’s so hard.” Jaehyun gave the man next to him a pout. Taeyong pecked him, the pout melting away from the blonde-haired man’s mouth,

“Oyyyyy guys, I swear to God.” Mark raised his eyebrows at them,

“You still haven’t texted him? Just say hi or hey, Mark.” Mark felt eyes on him as he typed out a simple ‘hi’. His thumb hovered over the little blue arrow but he didn’t know why he was hesitating. He had been so eager to text Yukhei all day, the minute it became real was when Mark didn’t want to do it anymore. But he _really_ did. It was so rare that Mark actually felt something for someone, so rare in fact, that this may have been the very first time he had actual real feelings. And even though he couldn’t put his finger on what his feelings actually were, he wanted to know more, experience more. Even if he had to go through a panic attack every single time. He was embarrassed the first time, sure, but he had also felt a rush of something completely different and even special. A hand invaded his precious space and then a finger was tapping the send button,

“Ah! Jaehyun!” Mark exclaimed, throwing his phone on the bed as he practically fell off of it. A sudden burst of nervousness mixed with excitement exploded in Mark’s chest and his heart was beating into his throat. Half of his body was on the floor as he held himself up by his arm,

“So dramatic,” There was a hand on his leg pulling him back up onto the twin-sized bed. He adjusted himself so he was comfortable, but he was kind of freaking out, “It’s not like he is going to reply with ‘wanna fuck?’ or something.”

“And even if he did, you don’t have to do that,” Taeyong added on to his boyfriend’s last statement. He was now leaning on Jaehyun, his chin resting on his boyfriend’s shoulder as he snaked his arms around the other’s waist. Mark really wanted to get wasted,

“Shit, when’s the next frat party?” The boy asked, clearly stressed out about the simple text,

“In like a week. Dude, you need to relax, here.” Jaehyun held out his Juul to Mark, who eyed it,

“Isn’t this like worse for you than smoking cigarettes?” Mark asked, before gently taking the rectangular, addictive piece of metal,

“Yes, and I would strongly advise you against using it because you’re going to get cancer and die. Then I will say I told you so.” Taeyong scowled at the piece of metal as if it had personally offended him,

“You are a law student, love, not a doctor. We know your opinions about smoking, now shush. I’ll quit as a birthday present to you, but that’s not for another, one, two…seven months, darling.” Jaehyun smiled innocently at his boyfriend who gave him a grating side-eye. He apparently didn’t like that nonverbal answer as he grasped Taeyong’s chin harshly so that he would look at him. Mark was slightly startled at the intense way Jaehyun had handled his boyfriend. He always knew the man to be soft and gentle with him. Taeyong ripped his chin out of the man’s firm grip and _really_ glared at him,

“Don’t fucking touch me that way again,” Taeyong growled. He moved away from his boyfriend, laying down on the bed facing away from the two. Mark’s nervousness had died down, he grabbed his phone and set down his roommate’s Juul onto the bed, not bothering to look at if Yukhei had responded to his text or not. He smiled awkwardly at Jaehyun who threw up his hands in defeat. Mark stood up to leave, he mouthed a ‘thank you’ to his roommate who nodded, turning around to rub the back of Taeyong’s thighs,

“It was a joke, babe.” Mark heard when he closed the door to Jaehyun’s room. He padded quietly to his room, sighing gently when he laid down on his bed. He checked his phone, curiously nervous if Yukhei had texted him. For the one-hundredth time that day, Mark’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest when he saw the simple ‘hey’ that was replied to him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took me so long to upload :)) i have been extremely busy and i'm actually in the midst of finals week  
i finished my two hardest finals today so i thought i would finish the chapter i had started a couple weeks ago  
sorry if its a bit boring! i need some filler before we get into the good stuff  
again sorry it took so long  
enjoy ! <3

Mark spent the next couple of weeks texting and hanging out with Yukhei. They were actually having a lot of fun talking and getting to know each other. And Mark was comfortable, they hadn’t done much other than kiss shortly a couple of times. It made him genuinely happy that he was enjoying the man’s company. He was able to hang out with him, yet wasn’t getting behind on his school work and wasn’t forced into anything he didn’t want to do. Yukhei actually happened to be very understanding and was very receptive to Mark’s sort of reserved personality. However, he really did seem to bring out the best in him. It was the most Mark had smiled in quite a while which made his life a lot better than before. Jaehyun had seen it too and he was delighted to know that his roommate was letting someone else into his life that wasn’t just a normal friend.

Mark was also letting a friendship bloom between him and Johnny. They had texted a lot as well and he always caught a glimpse of him at the parties he went to. Johnny always gave him a dashing smile which had the dreadful butterflies filling Mark’s stomach. He wasn’t actually in a confirmed relationship with Yukhei or anything of the sort but he did think that he was starting to like him. But then there was Johnny, who never gave him a dull look despite his resting bitch face which made Mark doubt his feelings for Yukhei even more. He was honestly just as confused as before, but now there were actual people involved. He was on his way to the library to see Johnny about the project they were working on. It was the first time they were working on the project since they had seen each other and Mark was honestly pretty excited.

It was raining out and Mark didn’t exactly have a ride as none of his friends actually owned cars. Hyuck was obviously out, he probably wouldn’t drive for the rest of his life. Jaehyun didn’t have enough money to pay for a car, or at least, his parents wouldn’t pay for him. Taeyong, no. Yukhei was in class and Mark didn’t feel comfortable asking Johnny for a ride. Walking it was. Mark was slightly unprepared for the weather, he didn’t own a rain coat, maybe a wind breaker or something but definitely no rain coat. He had pretty much just woken up when he got the text from Johnny and he threw on a hoodie and some adidas track pants to go and see the tall man. He didn’t bother with his contacts, letting his circle glasses sit low on his nose. He was practically running through the rain, he was lucky enough to leave when it was just sprinkling out but of course as soon as he had stepped outside of the house and was just far enough away to not go back to his apartment it started to downpour. It was really just his luck. By the time he had gotten to the library he was soaked. He had run through a puddle too, causing his right shoe and sock to be drenched in muddy rain water. He mentally cursed as he sat down in one of the chairs and pulled down his hood. His hair was damp, becoming slightly wavy from the humid air outside. Mark took off his glasses and wiped them with the hem of his sweatshirt. He sighed, realizing that he didn’t even have a shirt on underneath his wet sweatshirt,

“Damn, you’re wet.” A deep voice came from behind him. Mark put on his glasses as Johnny sat down next to him with a smile. His hair was also damp, but he was significantly less wet than Mark was. The smaller man gave him a small smile,

“That’s a bit lewd isn’t it?” Mark giggled at the man’s choice of words,

“‘Lewd?’ Oh, you really are an english major. I just meant the rain got you,” Johnny shook his head, chuckling softly at the younger’s interpretation of the otherwise clean sentence, “You’re dirty.”

“No, I am not.” Mark replied, still letting short giggles fall out of his mouth,

“You’re very giggly today,” Johnny observed as he eyed at the smaller boy. He took his camera out of his bag, “Take off your sweatshirt, you’re going to catch a cold.”

“I can’t, I’m not wearing anything underneath.” Mark smiled innocently at him,

“Who’s the lewd one now.” Johnny said, leaning back in his chair, a smirk adorning his face,

“Do you even like know what that means?” Mark asked as he fluffed his hair a little bit, the waves becoming more obvious in his dark hair,

“Something sexual.” Johnny said, his voice slightly muffled. Mark looked over as he heard the click of a camera shutter going off,

“Hey, wait what? What are you doing?” The shorter boy’s hand blocked the front of the camera as the clicking kept going off. Johnny looked over the camera, his signature smirk decorating his lips,

“It’s for the project, you look good,” Johnny pushed his hand away from blocking his lens, “Oh my God, stop covering your face, Mark Lee.”

“No!” Mark peeked over his fingertips, “I thought you were having me write about your photos.”

“Well yeah, but I need some photos first.” Johnny lowered the camera so Mark let his hands fall into his lap,

“You didn’t take photos yet? And who said I was going to be the subject of your photos. I don’t want to write about myself anymore than I have to.” He held up his hands again as Johnny threatened to take more photos of him by picking his camera back up,

“No, I wanted to take photos that would suit your writing as well. I thought we could decide on a subject.” Johnny looked at his lens and gently wiped it with the hem of his shirt,

“Okay, but the subject is _not _going to be me,” Mark replied, letting his damp sleeves fall over his hands giving him sweater paws as the sweatshirt he was wearing was too large for him. It was Yukhei’s, and although Mark’s body was manly and not quite petite, he was definitely a lot smaller in comparison to the other man. He pushed his glasses further on his nose and eyed Johnny who was giving him an inquisitive look, “What?”

“How come you’re not confident in yourself?” Johnny fiddled subconsciously with the strap of his expensive camera and the shorter boy wasn’t quite sure if he was ready to have a deep conversation about himself. He shrugged, his glasses slipping down his nose again despite his previous endeavors,

“I don’t know. I just don’t like my picture taken.” He said simply with another small shrug to accentuate his sentence. Johnny became interested in his camera as he looked down at the screen and started flipping through the photos he had just taken. He pulled out the small screen and flipped it around so Mark could see himself. Instead of inwardly cringing at the way he looked, he was actually pleasantly surprised to see himself in the small camera screen. The photo Johnny had picked to show him was quite…nice. It was of Mark during his little giggle fit, a sort of in-between laugh gracing his face. His dark, black hair was wavy from the rain and his glasses sat low on his nose. His face wasn’t quite facing the camera all the way, it was more of a three-quarter view than anything, but his skin was smooth and pale, his pinkish lips stretched into a half smile with a couple of teeth poking out. It was a mid blink shot, but somehow it looked good. Endearing even,

“You’re talented.” Mark blinked, pulling his attention away from the photo to look at the man in front of him who was grinning,

“You like the photo.” He set his camera down on the table,

“I never said that, dummy.” Mark sighed as he leaned on the table, he blinked at Johnny who was staring back at him, the corner of his mouth tugging into a small smile,

“You didn’t, but I can tell,” Johnny let the smile spread over his lips as he looked down at the table briefly as if to reset his looking-at-Mark meter. There was something about him that tugged on Mark’s heart. He watched Johnny smile at the simple, wooden table and he started to giggle again. The taller man looked up again, wondering why the boy next to him was giggling, “What the fuck is so funny?”

“You.” Mark replied, letting his second wave of giggles spill out of his mouth. Apparently his laughing was pretty contagious as Johnny had begun chuckling as well. Through his creased eyes, Mark watched the surprisingly goofy man next to him laugh. He looked much more different than when the younger had seen him at the party a couple of weeks ago. Johnny looked much happier compared to the gloomy face he had when Mark had last seen him. He didn’t look like he needed a cigarette, he didn’t have a look on his face that asked “where am I going?”. He looked like Johnny. Which is honestly just what Mark wanted to see, a happier, normal-er version of Johnny Seo. They laughed for a good five minutes before they both calmed down. Mark laid his head on the glossy, wooden table in front of him, eyeing the man next to him,

“What do you want to write about?” Johnny asked, seriously this time. He was adjusting his sleeves as he laid his eyes on the boy resting his head on the table,

“What do _you _want to take photos of?” Mark countered, raising his eyebrows over the thin top wire of his circular glasses,

“Um well there’s this guy. He’s a really good subject but he doesn’t realize it.” Johnny paused, observing Mark’s demeanor as he said this. He looked just as curious as when he had asked his previous question, “His name is Mark Lee.”

“Oyyyyye,” Mark sniffled, picking his head up off the table slightly to look at Johnny’s mischievous look, “You know what, you’re good.”

“I know.” Johnny winked. He looked over Mark’s head which caused the younger to be curious. Mark turned his head around and he came face first with a clothed stomach. He was startled as he looked up to see a pair golden-brown eyes looking down at him,

“Hey.” Yukhei said as Mark retracted his face and turned his body around in the uncomfortable library chair,

“Hi.” Mark looked him over with a smile. Yukhei grinned back down at him, letting his big hand rest on the smaller man’s shoulder. Mark was surprised when there were lips on his for only a short moment, but he still felt the familiar spark he had felt all those weeks ago. It was only a peck, but he could feel his pulse in his ears and the blood rush into his cheeks. Mark turned around to look at Johnny who looked just as surprised as he did,

“What are you guys doing?” Yukhei asked, setting his hand on the back of the Mark’s glossy, wooden chair. It was almost protective, as if he was silently asking “who is this guy you’re sitting with, Mark Lee?”,

“We were working on a project.” Johnny replied, setting down his camera and eyeing the guy looming over Mark protectively. He had a glint in his eye that made the smaller want to shiver,

“Yukhei, come on let’s go,” Another boy appeared next to Yukhei and gently pushed his shoulder. His eyes fell on Mark and he wrinkled his nose, “Oh your boyfriend is here that’s why.”

Mark just smiled. The boy was short and petite, and he was cute. He had golden-blonde hair and deep brown eyes. Mark recognized him as the brave boy that told the two annoying guys to be quiet when he was trying to study at the library,

“Yeah yeah, I’m coming Renjun.” Yukhei said, his eyes still flickering between Mark and Johnny,

“What are _you _doing?” Mark held onto Yukhei’s hand, making sure it wouldn’t leave the back of the chair just quite yet,

“We’re doing a project.” Yukhei smirked, letting his eyes settle on Johnny this time, who had stayed quiet throughout the whole conversation,

“I have to draw him. Come Yukhei, let’s go please.” Renjun tugged on Yukhei’s shirt again which made Mark want to pull his hand away and hold onto the simple white t-shirt himself,

“Alright, bye Markie. I’ll text you later.” Yukhei gave him his signature gleaming smile as Mark let go of his hand. He shivered at the nickname. It was so simple yet it made his heart flutter. He wondered if he would always feel like that or if that would slowly dissipate. He hoped it wouldn’t. It made him nervous but it was a feeling that he loved and craved. He was finally getting the attention that he wanted and it was making him feel one hundred percent better about himself and where he was going in his life. He watched as Yukhei walked away with the petite boy. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that, but he figured that Yukhei had felt the same when he saw him sitting with Johnny,

“You guys are dating?” The deep voice next to him was a bit startling. He looked over at Johnny, just remembering that he was still sitting next to him,

“Um, I don’t know?” It was an honest answer. Mark truly didn’t know what their relationship was. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to label it as “dating” but he knew he wanted something more than the random pecks and occasional making out in Yukhei’s frat house,

“That’s…Interesting.” Johnny leaned back in his chair, clearly thinking about something,

“What?” Mark asked, pulling his sleeves over his hands. He looked at the man next to him inquisitively. He wondered if he was going to get the same thing that Taeyong had said a couple of weeks back. “He’s a player” continued to bounce around his head when he saw the Chinese man. He let out a sigh,

“I don’t know, I saw him with a girl the other day.” Mark looked at Johnny as if the door had been opened on him while he was using the bathroom. Blood rushed to his ears as he felt a pink tinge stretch over his cheeks. Something akin to tears pricked at his eyes, but he held his breath, hoping his sensitivity wouldn’t get the better of him. He breathed out a small “oh” and looked down. So he _was _a player.

***

They had worked for a couple more hours before Mark decided it was time to call it a day. They had barely gotten anywhere as the younger secretly determined there was no point in working on a project when he had just gotten some bad news. Johnny had offered him a ride but Mark told him he was just going to walk home. He opened the door to his shared apartment. He was really hungry but there was something that made him not want to eat. Still, he went to the tiny kitchen and picked out some ramen to cook. He heard shuffling in the tiny living room apartment that was connected to the kitchen. Mark took a peek. Jaehyun was laying down on the simple black sofa while Taeyong laid basically on top of him, his pretty face smushed into his boyfriend’s stomach. Mark wondered how they were still together. They had really been fighting recently, but Jaehyun chalked it up to exams and continued to be ever patient with the older one. They really loved each other. Jaehyun smiled when he noticed Mark who simply waved. He went back to making his chicken ramen. He wanted to call Donghyuck, but he supposed he should wait until he made it back to his room.

When he was finished boiling the noodles and adding the flavor packet which never got bland, he grabbed a fork, too tired to waste his energy on chopsticks. He padded back to his room and dialed his best friend when he got comfortable on his twin-sized bed. He put the phone on speaker just as Hyuck had picked up,

“Baby?” It made Mark smile almost immediately. He played with the loose strings on his comforter and bit his lip,

“Duckie.” He said softly, taking a small bite of ramen before realizing he didn’t actually want it. He set it on his bedside table gently,

“What’s wrong, Markie.” His smile faded a bit at the nickname and Mark concluded he liked it better coming out of his best friend’s lips,

“I don’t know…I got weird news.” He tugged at the loose string again, this time pulling it out of it’s blanket captivity,

“Which was?” Hyuck asked, clearing his throat and coughing a bit,

“Can you come over? Please?” Mark asked, he let his voice sound a bit pleading. He really wanted to see his best friend. What Johnny had told him was kind of hurting his feelings.

“Yeah sure.” Donghyuck said. Mark could hear the smile in boy’s voice and it made the grin return to his face as well,

“Can you bring your weed? I want to get high.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi~!  
i'm sooo sorry for the long hiatus, i was really busy with school and then quarantine happened and i honestly wasn't really too motivated to continue the story,  
i had a couple ideas and i decided i do really want to finish the story or at least attempt to!  
thank you so much for your comments and kudos, they really give me the motivation to keep writing!  
i hope you enjoy~  
<3

The thing about Donghyuck was that he really was just a stoner. Sure, he was sober enough when the time called for it, but most of the time Mark’s best friend was pretty much faded. Hyuck had always claimed it was just for fun, but Mark knew it was a way to keep his pain at bay. Both physically and mentally. It was much better than pills. His shoulders had permanent damage that would fade with time, but every so often Mark would get a call from a sobbing best friend about how much it hurt at three am. He was patient. He would never get upset when his phone rang in the wee hours of the night. He was needed, he knew that. And somehow it even made him feel better knowing someone depended on him. Mark looked at Donghyuck who was letting out a puff of smoke, bong tightly gripped in his right hand, his lighter in his left,

“Stop staring, you make me uncomfortable.” Hyuck set the bong on the window sill along with his lighter,

“I’m not staring, I’m watching.” Mark pulled at his hoodie strings, trying his best to make them even. Instead, it scrunched up his hood,

“That’s _even _worse,” His best friend let out a deep sigh, Mark thought his eyelids looked heavy, “What’s wrong by the way?”

He honestly thought Donghyuck would’ve forgotten why he called him in the first place. Of course not. As much as Mark knew Donghyuck relied on him, his best friend would return the favor without hesitation. Not even weed could change that. Mark let out a deep sigh as he thought back to what Johnny said,

“Just, Yukhei being weird,” Mark replied, fiddling with his sleeve as he looked at his best friend again. His face said ‘elaborate’, “Johnny told me he was with a girl and I just was under the impression that we were dating. Or at _least, _a thing. And I’m kind of sad because I’ve actually been really comfortable with him and I just wanted to like…be with him or some shit.”

“Ew,” Donghyuck laid down next to his best friend, nestling himself into the pillows, “You want to sleep with him?”

“What? I did _not _say that.” Mark wrinkled his nose at the question,

“It was implied,” Hyuck replied, adjusting himself more and pulling Mark’s arm down so he could hug it,

“No, I don’t want to sleep with him. I want him to hug me while I sleep. Like, when we’re together I feel safe and shit, and when we kiss it feels good.â€ Mark chewed on his lip as his best friend peered at him,

“Feels good how?” Donghyuck sat up again, clearly interested in the conversation now. He still held on to Mark’s hand, more to show his support than anything,

“Like…Um, I don’t feel awkward. Not how it feels with girls. When I kiss a girl it doesn’t feel right, but then when I kiss Yukhei I feel something. It’s like—” Donghyuck cut Mark off,

“Electricity.” He said,

“Yes. Like that. And it feels like it should hurt, but I can’t pull away. It’s so frustrating to hear that he’s going around with girls when I’m trying to create a relationship with him.â€ Mark mumbled the last part,

“Oh, Mark Lee. You really like him.” Donghyuck gave him a big, toothy smile and clasped his hands together,

“Do I?”

“Yes! Oh my gosh, you love kissing him and he makes you feel safe. You’re gay and you like Yukhei. You should call him and tell him that you have sexual feelings for him and that he can’t hang out with those bitches anymore because if he does he can't have you.”

“I am not that confrontational, Duck.” Mark looked at Donghyuck’s bong. It was covered in stickers, Mark figured that would definitely be a thing his best friend would do. Even his computer was covered in stickers,

“You have to be brave and just tell him the truth at least. You like him, but you never told him you wanted to be with him. I think he assumes that you are just the guy he’s making out with.” Hyuck ran a hand through his hair. His hair was curly and it reminded Mark of the pictures he’d seen of his best friend as a child. He looked innocent like that, almost as if he wasn’t high on drugs,

“I guess.” Mark offered,

“You’re a pussy.”

“I know.”

***

Mark hated the feeling of waking up in the middle of the night. He could always tell whether it was the middle of the night or the morning by the way he felt. His eyes were tired, _he _was tired, but he couldn’t stay asleep. The room was dark and silent as he lay underneath the covers. The darkness was numbing. It crept up the edge of the bed, wanting to pull the boy back into its clutches. Every time Mark closed his eyes, he could feel the sleep tugging at him, trying to will him back into dreamworld. But, he was awake and he would lay in the soft silence for a little while before he rolled over and fell back asleep. It was comfortable and warm, and he could hear himself sigh. He was staring at the ceiling, blinking periodically wondering what in the world woke him up this time. He listened. Nothing came from Jaehyun’s room, but there was the gentle buzz of his phone that lay next to his pillow. He picked up his phone, squinting at the bright light. 2_:26 AM. _He rubbed his eyes and let his eyes adjust to the blue light of his phone. A few random notifications and a couple of texts from Yukhei. _Wait_. _Yukhei?_

Mark sat up in his bed, the blankets sliding off of his chest. He unlocked his phone to read the messages. They were simple, but much needed to ease Mark’s mind. _Hey. _One said. The other read: _U up? _Yes, he was up. He replied and nervousness shot through his body when his phone buzzed repeatedly with an unexpected call. He answered,

“Hey?” Mark cleared his throat, trying to cover up his sleepiness, but most of all his anxiousness,

“Hey, I can’t sleep,” Yukhei sounded tired as well, but a different type. Not like he had just woken up, “Can I pick you up?”

“Yeah,” Mark was about to pinch himself. Why was he so excited? Maybe because he needed this. He needed to feel wanted by someone he wanted, “Pick me up.”

“Text me your address.”

The dial tone beeped in his ear. He texted his address to him just as quickly as that phone call had ended. And then his lights were on and he was trying to find an outfit to wear. Should he wear something comfortable? Hoodie and sweats were way too lazy. But, if he dressed up it would be so obvious that he thought this was a date. What was this? Was it a booty call? Mark was _not _about to get his asshole penetrated by the guy that just called him in the middle of the night to drive him somewhere. _Wait. _What if we was going to get murdered? Yukhei wanted to get rid of Mark and dump his body in the woods that’s why he was asking Mark if he wanted to get picked up at 2:30 in the morning. This was a mistake. Or was it? He had half a mind to wake Jaehyun up and ask him what to wear. He didn’t. That would not be good roommate behavior. He settled on an oversized hoodie that was actually Donghyuck’s and some basketball shorts. He shoved on his glasses —he would be able to see this time— and went to the bathroom to fix his hair. He splashed water on his face and messed up his hair so it would look tousled, but not messy. No bedhead or sex hair. He scurried back to his room quietly and sat on his bed. He was usually a patient person, but right now was the most impatient he had ever been apart from Christmas Day when he was eight. He wondered if he was going to fall asleep again waiting, but his phone buzzed telling him that his ride was outside waiting. He made sure to shut off his light and close his bedroom door gently before making his way outside.

The car that was waiting for him was just as dark as the night around him, if not darker. A Mercedes Benz sat next to the sidewalk, rumbling lowly as the headlights lit up the street. Mark didn’t look at the illuminated road, for fear he would find it a better path than getting in the car. He was suddenly very glad he was wearing a hoodie because a chill breeze brushed past his bare legs almost teasing him for what he was doing. As he put his hand on the handle of the door he felt his handshake, but he wasn’t going to let his nerves get the best of him this time. He opened the door confidently and sat in the seat next to the man,

“Hey.” Yukhei smiled warmly at Mark,

“Hi.” Was all Mark could manage as he got comfortable in the seat and put his seatbelt on,

“Are you hungry?” Yukhei put a hand on the wheel and pulled away from the curb. The car drove very smoothly and if it was any other time, Mark would’ve probably fallen asleep. The more that he thought about it, he _was _hungry. Which was kind of strange in all honestly because he had just woken up maybe half an hour ago,

“Yeah, I’m hungry,” Mark replied as he looked out the window. He looked back at Yukhei almost fondly. He looked good when he drove and even though it was dark, Mark could see that his hair was a bit messy and his demeanor was relaxed. It made him feel calmer. He leaned on the window and watched the sparse streetlights pass,

“Do you want McDonald’s?” Yukhei asked, he glanced at Mark, but made sure to keep his eyes on the road,

“Yeah.” Mark smiled at him before his eyes were drawn to the dark outside again. It was so peaceful. It was dark outside, but not a cloud in the sky and the night sky was a deep, navy blue. The trees that lined the street were black silhouettes, not the usual brilliant green and deep browns. Mark found that there was a contrast even when it was night time. The trees broke every so often for a streetlamp that irradiated a small portion of the street. It was tranquil, hypnotic even, to pass those houses at three in the morning. It calmed him to the bones as he let his eyes rake over the objects that caught his attention outside the car window. It was a short drive to McDonald’s. Yukhei pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, although Mark barely considered it one. There was something surreal about pulling into a 24 Hour McDonald’s drive-thru at three in the morning. It was like a beacon in the night, pushing the darkness away from it with its neon red and yellow lighting. Mark pushed up his glasses on his nose. He felt strange. Not because he was in the car with someone he potentially wanted to be with, more because he liked the situation. It felt sort of like a tryst, but nothing had to be secret and they weren’t lovers. It felt like something Mark would write about, but only privately. He would never let anyone read it,

“What do you want?” Yukhei’s voice cut into the silence, deep and rough, almost like he had just woken up, but Mark knew he hadn’t,

“Chicken nuggets,” Mark responded simply. He reached into his pocket for his wallet, but he realized he didn't bring it with him because he didn’t exactly expect this little outing, “I didn’t bring any money.

“It’s fine, I got it.” Yukhei offered. Mark just nodded and listened to the man speak into the weird speaker that took his order. They got their food quickly and Yukhei pulled his car into one of the parking spaces. They moved to the backseat of the car to talk and the man actually got Mark giggling as they ate,

“No, like honestly, who goes to McDonald’s at three in the morning?” Mark asked as he popped a french fry into his mouth,

“Apparently us.” Yukhei chuckled along with him and took a bite of his burger,

“Why were you even awake?” Mark looked at him curiously, eating another french fry, they truly were addictive,

“Oh, well you know…Just…Shit.” He shrugged as he replied,

“Shit?” Mark asked. He was curious, but he wouldn’t pry if Yukhei wasn’t willing to talk about it,

“Yeah, just people causing trouble. It’s nothing.” He shook his head and ate a fry,

“Oh, well that sucks. If you want to elaborate or talk about it, I’m here.” Mark offered him a smile which Yukhei returned happily,

“Thank you, you’re so kind.” He reached for another fry. Mark realized it was kind of awkward. He was half waiting for Yukhei to kiss him or something. He wondered if it would happen if he didn’t take it upon himself. But, then again, Mark wasn’t brave. He was always the one to be kissed, not do the kissing. He looked at Yukhei, who was looking back at him. It’s not like they were on opposite sides of the car, it would be easy for him to kiss him. He wanted to and he didn’t know what did it, but he did. He pressed his lips to the other man’s who immediately reciprocated the act. Yukhei tasted like salt and grease, but Mark imagined that he tasted the same. He wished he had gum or a mint at the very least, but there was no time for that. And there was no time for thinking about that. He felt that electricity surge down his spine and his toes and fingertips tingled with it. He didn’t really notice much other than their lips together and the large hand that pressed into his cheek,

“Sorry—“ Mark pulled away from the kiss, attempting to apologize and take control of the situation,

“Don’t be,” Yukhei said before he basically smashed their lips back together. The McDonald’s bag crinkled as the two inched closer together. Mark reached for it and threw it somewhere in the front seat, hoping that the greasy, golden fries didn’t spill all over Yukhei’s nice car. Neither of them seemed to care as they kept their lips connected. Mark’s biggest issue with making out is that he never knew what to do with his hands. They were suspended at his side for a while before he decided _fuck it_. One of them took a handful of Yukhei’s shirt while the other wandered up to rest on his neck. He liked this, this is what he wanted. Any other time, Mark would be inwardly freaking out, but something about making out in a McDonald’s parking lot at 3:30 in the morning made him feel normal, relaxed. His cheeks, however, felt the same as they always would, like they were on fire. He knew he was flushed, red spreading across his nose and cheeks as if he were a schoolgirl. He didn’t really care, it was dark, Yukhei wouldn’t be able to see that.

Yukhei’s hands found Mark’s waist as he pulled him impossibly closer. There was no flinching this time, he wanted it, he really did. But, what exactly was it that he wanted? He liked the kissing, but he was afraid that if it went any further he would flip out and have to run home. And, he really didn’t want to lose his butt sex virginity in the back of a Mercedes Benz at 3:30 AM in a McDonald’s parking lot. That was just _not _romantic. But, he wasn’t really afraid of the wandering hands. Not this time at least. Yukhei’s hand pinched his waist gently and then he pulled away from the kiss. There was some adjusting, mostly done by the bigger man as Mark just complied. He realized he was being laid down, as much as possible in the back of a car. His head rested against the window sill, and it was as comfortable as sleeping on concrete, but he wasn’t focused on that. Yukhei settled himself on top, but Mark felt no weight of the other,

“Is this okay?” The deep voice asked. It was, it was great,

“Mhm.” Mark hummed and that’s all the man needed to set his lips on the other again. Mark’s hand migrated to the back of Yukhei’s neck as he gently brushed the hair on the nape of his neck. But then, Yukhei’s lips were on his jaw and then his neck. Mark’s neck was sensitive, so when he realized just what he was doing, his hand pulled at the man’s hair, and his other held onto his arm, almost for dear life. He let out a soft moan but bit his lip to stop any other sounds from escaping. That was _not _happening. Yukhei pulled away and Mark saw him smile in the ugly neon lighting. Mark took a deep breath,

“Can…I do something?” He asked, their eyes were glued to each other,

“Yeah, of course.” Yukhei pecked him and sat back a little bit, steadying himself by gripping the headrest. Mark wondered if he was going to regret this decision, but he was going to go for it. He reached his hands toward Yukhei’s waistband and unbuttoned his jeans.


	8. Chapter 8

Somehow the whole ordeal turned out to be fine. Nothing was quite as awkward as Mark had expected. Sure, it was kind of weird to have someone’s dick in his mouth, but it was also kind of exhilarating. Especially with the fact that they were in a somewhat public place. There was nobody around, but it was still something he should probably refrain from when in a McDonald’s parking lot. He weirdly liked it. It made him feel closer to Yukhei, but mostly it made him start understanding his sexuality more. Mark was not an extremely sexual person. He did like kissing, even when it came to girls, but it never really went beyond that. When he lost his virginity, he didn’t have a great time. He wasn’t turned on a whole lot and his girlfriend was just focused on getting herself off. Usually, it was the other way around, boys were more focused on coming than the woman they were with. But, Mark was the type who wanted to please someone else more than himself, so he did. It took a hell of a long time (for a first time) but it happened, they were both “satisfied”. Mark also wasn’t the type to really jerk off. He did occasionally when he got a rogue boner and wanted it to go away, but honestly, it wasn’t a super pleasurable experience. Ever. Porn never turned him on. Nothing really got him horny, not like he was expecting or wanted it to. He was definitely frustrated with the situation and just wanted to feel what normal college-age boys were supposed to be feeling. He just couldn’t feel it.

But, something about being in the back of a McDonald’s smelling Mercedes Benz in the middle of the night with Yukhei’s dick in his mouth had his cheeks flushed and his pants were feeling significantly too tight for basketball shorts. His ears and neck were burning, his eyes half-lidded. The whole scene was rather shameless. Mark was actually, truly horny for once. And it felt so different than anything he’d thought it would feel like. He didn’t get a blowjob in return, but Yukhei did return the favor with a hand job. Mark kept thinking to himself that was what it was supposed to feel like. It was supposed to feel _good _and it did. He didn’t care what sounds he made anymore and Yukhei kept kissing him and rubbing his thigh to make sure he was comfortable. Mark almost wanted more, but he knew what the next step would probably be and he was very sure he was _not _ready for that.

The drive home wasn’t even awkward. They talked normally ignoring the fact that there was probably cum in the backseat and on their clothes that they would have to use a stain remover on. Mark was satisfied. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to ask Yukhei what exactly they were. He would still struggle with the emotional side of things. But the man did give him a goodnight kiss as Mark left the car and walked up toward his house apartment. Mark heard the rumble of the car as it drove off and he searched his pockets for his keys. He didn’t bring his keys. What an idiot. Jaehyun wouldn’t hear the doorbell and honestly, Mark wasn’t even sure if he was home. He went to bed too early last night to know. He sighed and sat down on his steps. It was 4:13 am and he couldn’t even get inside. His eyelids were droopy as the sudden awakening and lack of sleep began creeping upon him.

It was still dark, but the sky was a lighter shade of blue and he could hear the birds beginning to chirp. He wondered how they could sleep so late and wake up so early. The street lamps were a warm shade of white and they continued to illuminate the street. An early morning breeze sent a chill up his spine as he sat on the stoop of his home, pondering what to do. He loved this time. No one existed but him. And although he seldom experienced it, he was always grateful when he got to. He always found security in the early morning, something almost like serenity. He never understood why. He hated waking up, but when he did in the middle of the night he would gladly watch the sunrise as brilliant colors filled the sky. It gave him determination and something that was parallel with hope. Like he would be able to start again that day, especially if something had gone wrong the day before.

His favorite way to experience this was in his room, snuggled up beneath his blankets as his room slowly got brighter and brighter and the birds would announce that it was time to start the day. But, there was something about sitting on the stairs, underneath the fading night that made him even more comforted than his room. Was it because it was something new? He didn’t remember experiencing this sensation before. The tightness that always held a grasp on his chest had melted away somewhere in the night and now sitting there, looking out at the dark, grey street in complete solitude, save for the birds, made him want to cry. But not sadly nor joyously. It was in a way that he just felt content and that was enough for him. The conflict within him wasn’t there and he wouldn’t think about the future when it would inevitably come back.

He unlocked his phone and put it to his ear as a number was dialed. Johnny picked up after a couple of rings,

“Do you want to watch the sunrise with me?”

***

Mark was comfortable around Johnny. They were good friends now, from spending a lot of time together while working on their project. Mark really liked hanging out with him, too. Johnny made him feel comfortable, in a friendly way. They weren’t close like Mark and Donghyuck were, but they were close in a different way. Johnny _saw _Mark for who he was. Truly. And Mark kind of thought it was because of the photos the man would take of him. For some reason, when he looked at the photos, he could also seem to understand himself. They were just so candid. Mark usually didn’t like getting his picture taken, but Johnny never stopped nor did he really care what Mark preferred. He kept taking photos of him and eventually, Mark just got used to it.

Now, he was taking photos of the sun which was peeking mischievously over the horizon line. Mark was sitting on the hood of his car, given permission by the other man, watching the sky mould into a brilliant array of orange and yellow. The top of the sky was still dark blue but as it met the bright sunshine, it began lightening. Mark listened to the click of the camera and took a deep breath. The air was crisp and clear. It smelled fresh, like the beginning of a new day. Johnny had apparently enjoyed the sunrise before and drove to a spot he had discovered. They drove for a while, maybe forty-five minutes before they arrived. Mark had dozed off during the ride. It was kind of in the woods and upon a tall hill. There was a clearing in the trees and sort of a cliff that Johnny parked his car on. It was a beautiful view.

The cars hood dipped slightly as Johnny sat down on it and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. His camera hung around his neck as he dug a lighter out of his pocket,

“Are you sure we can sit on this?” Mark looked at him and shook his head when he was offered a cigarette,

“This car’s a piece of junk, it doesn’t matter to me,” Johnny put the cigarette between his lips and let out a puff as it was lit. The smell instantly hit Mark’s nose, but he didn’t say anything, he just hugged his knees, “Are you cold?”

“No.” He lied, fixing his hair. Well, he was only half lying, he wasn’t cold, he was chilly. The wind was picking up, tickling his exposed skin. He should’ve worn sweatpants, not basketball shorts. Johnny saw right through his lie. Even though his cigarette was only half-smoked he flicked it onto the ground and crushed it beneath his dirty, red converse. He lifted his sweatshirt over his head, his simple white t-shirt getting pulled with it. For some reason, Mark couldn’t look away. He didn’t really know what he was expecting, but beneath the baggy clothing, Johnny was toned. He had abs that were defined, but only softly. A line of hair reached from his belly button to beneath the waistband of his heather grey sweatpants, and his biceps were actually rather large. Mark could feel something in the pit of his stomach, but just as quickly as it had arrived, it was gone, as Johnny pulled off the sweatshirt and looked at him. They made eye contact,

“Like what you see?” Johnny hummed deeply as he teased the other boy. Mark was sure he looked like a deer caught in headlights. Johnny just chuckled and held out his hoodie to him, “Put it over your legs.”

“Won’t you be cold?” Mark took it gingerly and he draped it over his bare legs. The tall man just shook his head as the wind ruffled his thin, white t-shirt,

“No, I’m fine,” He fiddled with his camera and sent a smile toward Mark, “I would’ve given you my pants, but I’m not wearing any underwear, nor would I fit in your shorts.”

“Wow.” Mark let out a giggle and watched as Johnny aimed his camera at him. He just gave him a toothy smile. The shutter clicked a few times and then Johnny sat back down on the hood of his car. Mark leaned toward him as the photographer cycled through the photos. The boy rested his chin on the tall man’s shoulder, looking at the photos. Johnny took amazing photos. He could make anyone look good and Mark loved that. He felt good when looking at himself in Johnny’s photos, confident even. Johnny smiled. The whole scene was pretty domestic.

The sun cast a soft glow upon them. The trees rustled with the wind and the hood of the car creaked beneath their weight. The sunrise was almost heavenly, the golden rays illuminated everything in their wake. The deep orange spread across the sky almost like butter spread on toast. The clouds were dark, rusty orange in comparison to the bright morning sky. The blue portion was getting lighter and lighter. Mark thought it was beautiful. Johnny’s shoulder was warm and a comfortable chin rest. Mark closed his eyes, basking in the morning sun. A sigh came from the taller man,

“Aren’t you tired?” Johnny asked as he adjusted the hoodie that was covering Mark’s legs. Mark blinked his eyes and looked at him through the corner of his eyes. He found the act endearing and he smiled gently at the thought,

“Yes, I’m exhausted actually. But, I don’t have the keys to get into my house so I can’t go to sleep.” Mark responded,

“What about your roommate?” Johnny asked. The two were still looking out at the sunrise. Mark imagined this is what a date would be like,

“Jaehyun? He sleeps like a literal rock, he would never wake up to the doorbell or a call from me.” Mark lifted his chin and pushed his glasses up on his nose,

“Mm. I’m not even gonna ask why you were out so late,” Johnny paused before he looked at Mark, “You can crash at my place.”

“I’ll feel bad.” Mark looked back at him and a smile immediately spread across his face. Johnny’s hair was messy, a couple of strands fell into his face. Johnny smiled back and shook his head,

“Come on, let’s go.” Johnny got up from the hood of his car and stretched. His sweatpants were low on his hips and for some reason, Mark was glad there was a sweatshirt covering his waistline. He pushed the thought from his head and stood up handing Johnny’s hoodie back to him,

“Whatever you say, Johnny Seo.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has gone so far from the camera in the beginning lol  
thank u guys for the comments and the kudos, i honestly didn't think anyone was going to like this story ^^  
your guys' support means a lot more than you guys know so thank you so much!!  
i'm even conflicted between markhei and johnmark now O_o  
(don't worry it will end up as johnmark lol)  
<3 ly!  
ps i haven't edited any of the new chapters, but i will repost them when i do so, I'm sorry if there are any mistakes!

Mark woke up to quiet shuffling. Floorboards creaked beneath someone’s feet as Mark blinked his eyes, willing away the sleep that laid heavy on him. He let out a sigh as he rolled over to see who it was. He knew who it was, there was only one other person in the apartment. Johnny was facing away from him, a white towel wrapped around his waist. Mark didn’t want to stare, but he did. Johnny’s skin was pale and warm. It wasn’t quite as sun-kissed as Mark would describe Donghyuck’s skin, but it had its own sort of glow. His dark, black hair was wet, dripping water onto his back and the floor. His back was wide and strong. Mark wanted to run his hand over it, over the muscles that almost rippled every time he moved and over the curve of his back. A plain black t-shirt was pulled over the expanse of skin and Mark threw an arm over his eyes when the towel was dropped from around his waist. What the Hell was he thinking? Didn’t he want to be with Yukhei? He felt the bed dip next to him and he removed his arm to look,

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Johnny glanced at him before he ruffled the towel over his head,

“No.” Mark lied. He stretched out, knocking his fists against the wall accidentally. His toes curled as he let out a deep sigh, relaxing his body again,

“Did you sleep okay?” Johnny dropped the fluffy towel onto the floor and got comfortable on the bed,

“Yeah, your bed is comfortable.” Mark got his glasses from the bedside table and put them on. He ran a hand through his hair and looked tiredly at the ceiling. The bed was really comfortable, it was cozy. Mark was usually the type to like a bed that was made rather than one that he would consider “a mess”. Johnny’s bed would be categorized as said “mess”. The blankets were strewn across it in no such order. He kind of liked it, it was sort of an organized mess. The rest of Johnny’s apartment was pretty neat, there were no dirty dishes in the sink and no dirty clothes in heaps on the floor. Mark couldn’t really blame him for not making his bed, it was a pain in the ass,

“Thanks,” Johnny looked at his phone, typing something out. Mark hugged his pillow and took a deep breath. It smelled good, like faint sandalwood and generic man shampoo. He hummed and closed his eyes again, comfortable in where he was. Something about Johnny made him feel safe, similar to the way he felt when he was with Yukhei. It was slightly different. He didn’t really notice it that much with Johnny, he just knew in the back of his mind that he was safe. When he was with Yukhei, it was different, he was one hundred percent aware of the feeling of security. He didn’t know which one he liked better, “That’s a dark hickey.”

Mark opened his eyes and slapped a hand over his neck, maybe a little bit too hard because he winced. He could practically feel Yukhei’s lips ghost over his neck as he imagined his head pressed against the window. He looked at Johnny who was smirking, teasing Mark silently. _Fuck. _He actually gave him a hickey. A dark one, apparently,

“Where’d you get that?” Johnny shook his head, chuckling softly at Mark’s reaction. He returned his attention to his phone, but Mark could tell he was listening for an answer,

“Um…Yukhei.” Mark responded quietly. He knew he was about to get judged because of his choice. A choice that Johnny had practically told him not to make without words. It frustrated Mark to no end that not one of his friends actively supported his liking for Yukhei. Jaehyun was indifferent about it, Taeyong told him that he was a player, Johnny said the same thing and seemed to have a distaste for him anyway, and Donghyuck _did _support him, it’s just that Hyuck supported Mark no matter what he said,

“Oh,” Johnny said simply, “Is that how you got locked out last night?” 

“Yup,” Mark sat up and took off his glasses to rub his eyes and he yawned, “He took me to McDonald’s at three in the morning and then I…you know.”

“You guys fucked?” Johnny pulled his eyes away from his phone to look at him incredulously. Mark thought he saw a glimmer of jealousy in them,

“Ew, no,” Mark cleared his throat, “…I sucked his dick.”

“Oh, Mark, I didn’t think you were the type.” Johnny smirked again, he could see right through the other boy. The truth was that Mark wasn’t the type, but he wanted to be,

“Shush,” Mark put his glasses back on and rubbed the back of his neck, “I can surprise people.”

“Apparently. Did he at least return the favor?” Johnny inquired, setting down his phone and sitting cross-legged on the bed to look at Mark,

“Yes?” Mark looked at him and raised his eyebrow, “You weirdo.”

“I’m just curious, we’re friends. Jeez.” Johnny acted offended, but Mark could tell he was just joking around,

“He jerked me off if you _must _know.” Mark giggled as Johnny scrunched up his face,

“Oh come on, that is so boring.” Johnny smiled, another teasing grin toying at his lips. Mark thought he looked smaller than he normally did. Maybe it was because he was almost eye level with him, just showered, with simple black clothing on,

“Boring?” Mark cocked his head to the side, similar to the way a puppy would,

“Yeah, just a hand job?” Johnny shook his head and clicked his tongue, “Haven’t you heard that Yukhei is good with his tongue?”

“What, no?” Mark looked at him curiously, rubbing his palms together. A nervous tick,

“Yeah, like all the girls he’s with say he’s really good at eating them out.” Johnny shrugged and bit his lip as he looked at the boy sitting across from him. Mark let out a sigh and rubbed his forehead,

“Great.” That kind of made Mark’s chest hurt. He didn’t exactly know what Johnny was going to say, but that was ten times worse than anything he thought he would say. It didn’t necessarily mean that Yukhei was messing around with other people, but it confirmed his doubts about the relationship or where it would end up. It’s not that Mark didn’t want to be with someone who was experienced, maybe it would just make it better, but Mark didn’t want to be a one and done and right now he assumed that’s what he was,

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin anything for you. I just thought you already knew, or should know.” Johnny swallowed thickly and rubbed the back of his head. He looked a little bit guilty,

“It’s fine.” Mark waved a hand in dismiss and he picked up his phone. He let out a deep sigh as he read through them. One from Jaehyun that read ‘did you get kidnapped?’ A couple from Hyuck and one from Yukhei that Mark nearly rolled his eyes at. Had he not been told what he just heard, he would’ve been excited, but he suddenly felt the need to avoid him. It said, ‘I had fun last night’. He didn’t really know why he felt like that all of a sudden, but maybe he knew deep down that it wasn’t a good idea. He wanted to go home.

***

Jaehyun had picked him up from Johnny’s house without a question and Mark didn’t say a word on the ride home. He really couldn’t put a finger on why he was so disappointed in the whole thing, but it was probably because he was realizing that he wouldn’t end up with Yukhei. He couldn’t say anything for sure quite yet, but the idea of it was extremely disheartening. He just assumed at this point that all the rumors were true, he was a player, he preferred girls. Mark did not want to be an “experiment”, he wanted to be loved and cherished and held when the time was right. He wanted to wear his boyfriend’s hoodies and lay in bed cuddling all day on the weekends. And he wanted to lazily kiss all night. He wanted someone to touch him, to smooth their fingers over his skin gently, and tell him he was beautiful. He wanted sweet nothings to tickle his ear and to wake up next to someone he could call his own. Every inch of him explored, nothing left to discover. No shame, no awkwardness. Just him. He wanted someone to know him. He wanted things to go unspoken, silent rules that would be broken when the time was right. He wanted his first time with a guy to be passionate, but awkward so he would be able to reminisce and cringe with them. Kisses on the forehead, hands where they weren’t supposed to be. But most importantly, Mark wanted someone to experience what he felt between those early morning hours. Between one and five am. The fuzziness that spread over him and weighed him into his bed, almost like he was melting. The heaviness that lay on his eyelids until he drifted back to sleep only to wake up a few hours later. The realizations and epiphanies and inspiration. Those early morning hours were almost like a drug to him, something that he could only experience himself and couldn’t put into words. It was like euphoria. Something about staring at the dark ceiling as his body slumbers, still being able to manipulate every muscle, felt amazing to him. He wanted to share it. He wanted someone else to tell him that they experienced it too and he wasn’t fucking crazy.

He turned off the burner and scraped his mac and cheese into a bowl. It was one in the afternoon. He had woken up far too early for going back to sleep at six in the morning. Jaehyun was lounging on the couch, staring relentlessly at his phone. Every so often, Mark could hear the pop of his Juul, it reminded him of Johnny’s cigarettes. He shoved a fork into the ceramic bowl and sat down on the opposite end of the couch. He didn’t know why he made the mac and cheese, he wasn’t even that hungry. But, he knew he had to eat. Regardless of his loss of appetite, he took a bite. It was creamy and it tasted like, well, cheese. He had always been a master at cooking boxed foods. His roommate glanced at him,

“Hickey?” He asked simply. Mark just shook his head, indicating he didn’t want to talk about it. Jaehyun would probably get the wrong idea, but Mark just wanted to focus on swallowing his food. He kind of felt like he was going to throw up. He really wasn’t sure why and it definitely wasn’t from the food. Fake cheese usually always agreed with Mark. He let out a deep sigh for the thirtieth time that hour and stirred the pasta halfheartedly,

“What’s wrong?” Jaehyun asked, concern practically dripped from his voice. It was true that Mark could get sad sometimes, but he wasn’t normally like this. He really couldn’t pinpoint the problem. Maybe he just wanted to be loved and he wasn’t getting that. He supposed he could call Donghyuck, he would understand and he would hold him like he wanted to be, but it just wasn’t the same,

“Nothing, I’m just tired.” He decided on that answer, if he thought about it enough, it would become true,

“Are you sure?” Jaehyun could tell that Mark didn’t want to talk about it and he wasn’t the type to press further. So, when Mark nodded his head in response, the man left the topic alone. Mark continued playing with his food,

“Let’s watch a movie,” Jaehyun suggested instead,

“Okay.” Mark agreed almost instantly. He looked at his roommate. He really wished he was as confident as he was. Maybe he should ask him for advice. He honestly wondered if he got sparks when he kissed Taeyong. Maybe the fact was that people got that electric feeling whenever they kissed someone. But, he didn’t get it with Donghyuck, that literal one time they kissed. Or did he? And he just didn’t notice? Maybe he should try again. Maybe he should try kissing Jaehyun. Maybe he should try kissing Johnny?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *i edited all of the recent chapters* :)  
i also decided to start making the chapters longer and updating slightly less frequently  
the reason for this is that it will give you more content to read, but i will also be able to edit everything before i post it ^^ i also will write better this way so i can give better content to read,,, daily or every other day updates seem very quick and rushed and i prefer quality over quantity  
johnmark will be picking up in the next couple of chapters :)   
again, tysm for taking the time to read this and leave kudos and comments, it means so much to me  
<3  
on with the story...

That was a _terrible _idea. Why would that thought _ever_ cross his mind,

“Jaehyun,” Mark started, the unnatural orange of his macaroni and cheese was distracting him. He set it gently on the coffee table, “How do you feel when you kiss Taeyong?”

“Tae?” Jaehyun pulled his eyes away from the TV to look at his roommate, he was searching for a movie that would cheer Mark up, “I don’t know. Happy?”

“Like does it feel special?” Mark was playing with the sleeves of his hoodie. He always had a problem with where to put his hands,

“Yeah, I mean…yeah. It just feels right, I guess? I don’t know how to explain it.” Jaehyun shrugged,

“Can you try?” Mark bit his lip, pulling his knees to his chest,

“Um, when I kiss him I just feel like…I feel like I could spend hours kissing him and not get bored. And it’s like our lips are meant for each other or something. They just fit,” His roommate paused, scratching the back of his head subconsciously, “But it’s different when he kisses me, I feel wanted, you know? Like he needs me, which I really like.”  
“Did you ever feel like, um, like electricity?” Mark felt embarrassed to ask that, but he didn’t know why. Maybe he was just searching too hard for something that couldn’t be answered,

“Oh yeah, for sure, right at the very beginning. When we kissed for the first couple of times it was pretty magical and I could tell that he felt it too because he always looked like he got physically shocked. But also I just sort of have that effect on people.” The last part was a joke because Jaehyun was smiling fondly at his roommate,

“Haha, very funny.” Mark deadpanned,

“Why do you ask though?” Jaehyun’s face became more serious, a look of concern wavering in his eyes,

“I don’t know.” He glanced at Jaehyun, but his roommate wasn’t letting up, he wasn’t going to let it go, “Okay, the truth is that…I am really confused and I thought I really liked Yukhei because he’s really nice and like we made out and I felt like what you said. But, I keep hearing that he’s a player and he’s not like committed to people and apparently he’s really good at eating girls out which I reallydid not need to know, but for some reason, I care_ so much. _Like it genuinely hurts my feelings and I can’t tell why because we’re not even in a relationship like he doesn’t have to be committed to me in the slightest and I didn’t think I would care about what people’s past relationships or endeavors would be like but, I do. I care a lot and it makes me mad and I’m super frustrated because I just want to be _loved_.”

He took a deep breath and let it out. That was the first time he actually said any of it out loud. Donghyuck would be so jealous that it wasn’t to him. Jaehyun didn’t look the least bit surprised like he knew it was coming. Mark appreciated that he wasn’t about to start freaking out about the whole thing because that is definitely not what he needed right now. He needed advice. He needed someone to tell him that it was okay to be confused and okay to be frustrated. That it was okay to be upset over someone who didn’t know any of his true feelings. Jaehyun sat in quiet contemplation for a while before he was able to answer Mark’s unspoken, burning question which was something along the lines of _what the fuck is happening to me and why?_

“I’m assuming he gave you that hickey then?” Jaehyun rubbed his chin as Mark nodded, “If you want my honest opinion, I really think you should talk to him, which I know is exactly the opposite of what you want to hear. You can’t fix something between two people all by yourself, it requires communication from both parties. I know what you’re saying is that you want to stop being confused about what _you’re_ feeling, but if you’re listening to all these rumors about him and just assuming they’re true then you won’t stop feeling confused until you move on. Which I know you don’t want to do. I don’t know Yukhei personally and yes, I’ve heard everything you just said about him, but it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true. Especially not now, they could be rumors that carried from high school or mistakes he made in freshman year, or they could simply just be _rumors_. Avoiding him will do nothing for your situation and trust me I wish I could avoid all of my problems, but you have to get the truth from him. You can’t ask other people because their words will always be twisted, either in a good way or a bad way. The faster you do it, the faster you can figure yourself out and whatever it is that you want with him which I’m assuming is a relationship.” Jaehyun shrugged.

Mark blinked at him. There was no way that just came from Jaehyun’s mouth. No way. Not once in his time living with the older man had Mark ever heard that kind of advice from him. He thought he should feel enlightened and to some extent, he did. He knew what had to be done it was just a matter if Mark was actually going to have the balls to do so. He wanted to, but confronting someone about rumors was scary. Yukhei would probably be upset either way if they were true or not. Nobody wants to hear that there were things being spread about them,

“Did you ever have to do something like that?” Mark asked quietly, he at least wanted to know if someone else had to experience it,

“No, not like that, but there are plenty of other things I have to deal with that I don’t want to.” Jaehyun shook his head, he took a hit from his vape and harshly blew it out,

“Like?”

“Like…” Jaehyun lifted his head to look at the wall as if he was contemplating something, “Like Tae and I fight a lot and he doesn’t like to talk about what’s stressing him out, but instead, he takes it out on me. It’s really frustrating and I can get really angry because he knows exactly how to get under my skin. It’s not the same, but it’s always hard to take a step back and breathe. And I hate admitting it because I just want our relationship to be sunshine and rainbows all the time, but it’s not. I still love him of course, but it’s hard to love somebody in those moments if you know what I mean. I think that’s sort of what you feel with Yukhei, you like him, but hearing all that shit about him makes it hard to like him, right?”

“Yeah.” Mark agreed, that’s kind of exactly what it felt like. Jaehyun was confident, yes, but confident as a person. Perhaps he wasn’t as confident in his relationship as Mark had thought. He just always assumed that Jaehyun had a handle on things, but it seemed that his roommate would struggle just as much as himself at times. That made him feel a little bit better. Everyone struggled in their own ways. Mark struggled with himself, Jaehyun had a hard time handling his relationship, and Donghyuck struggled with something that was out of his control. He wondered what Johnny had a hard time with and even Yukhei. Not everything had to be said for it to be true, but knowing that someone was telling him that they also couldn’t deal with things made him realize that he wasn’t the only one. And just knowing that gave him peace of mind,

“Just try to talk to him about it. I know sometimes it’s hard for you to speak up about things, but just talk to him like you did to me. Tell him what’s wrong, what’s concerning you. And don’t try to hide anything about it, just tell him the truth. He’d want to hear it and if he doesn’t then he doesn’t deserve you and there was no point getting your feelings involved with him,” Jaehyun stopped and gave Mark a long look, “And I’m always here for you, man. I really am. Even if I’m busy, you can bother me. I know you have Hyuck, but no offense to him, he doesn’t always seem to listen like you want him to. I will listen.”

Mark pulled at his hoodie strings and gave his roommate a smile. He honestly thought that he would hate Jaehyun when he first met him. He seemed like a frat boy that only cared about drinking until he was blackout drunk. Quite the opposite in fact. Jaehyun was kind and gentle with a smile that could melt anybody’s heart. Sure, he went to parties and such and he did drink, but it was moderate. For a college kid, at least. He was more focused on his boyfriend and school,

“Thank you, Jaehyun. I really appreciate that.” Mark leaned against the couch, feeling a little bit better about the whole situation. He couldn’t say whether or not he would actually take the advice because the thought of it kind of scared him. He hoped he would, but he needed a bit of time to think it through before he put his heart even more on the line than it already was,

“You’re welcome,” Jaehyun picked the remote back up and started flipping through movies on the TV again, “Okay, but I’m really curious, where were you last night.”

“I woke up at like two in the morning from Yukhei calling me and he took me to McDonald’s and then we made out and then I got confident and I sucked his dick and then he gave me a hand job,” Mark said quickly, he could feel his cheeks get warm with embarrassment. He would’ve kept it secret from the world if he could, but he had already told Johnny, so he guessed that Jaehyun had a right to know as well,

“Mark giving a blowjob? That would never happen, you must really like him,” Jaehyun smirked, “Spit or swallow?”

“Spit, you nasty ass. I’m not going to swallow cum the first time and I’ll be damned if I swallow Yukhei’s,” Mark picked up the bowl of mac and cheese again, “Which reminds me that I have to take a shower.”

“You sat on our couch and there is someone’s cum on you?” Jaehyun scrunched up his nose,

“Quit saying cum.” Mark took a heaping bite, his appetite seemingly returning,

“You just said it,” Jaehyun responded with a short chuckle,

“I’m allowed to say it, thank you very much. You’re not allowed to say it.”

“Cum,” Jaehyun said simply,

“Oyyyy.” Mark had successfully been cheered up, at least for a little while before his mind began wandering again and thinking too hard about the issues at hand,

“What movie?” Jaehyun asked, he glanced at Mark again who was continuing to chew his food,

“I don’t know. Something happy and funny. I want to laugh.” He smiled,

“Okay.”

“Can I lay on you?” Mark asked. He wasn’t super affectionate with Jaehyun, mostly because he had a boyfriend, he should be using his affection on him, not Mark. He wasn’t actually affectionate with much of anyone but Donghyuck and that was only because Hyuck always started it. He needed a hug though, he wanted to be cuddled. And he knew Jaehyun would say yes,

“Sure,” Jaehyun responded patting his legs. Mark set the bowl of macaroni and cheese back on the table, it was almost empty at that point. He laid down on Jaehyun’s legs and got comfortable, positioning himself so that he could look at the TV and watch whatever movie Jaehyun was going to put on. A hand ran through his hair and Mark sighed gently. He assumed it was a habit for his roommate as Mark knew that Taeyong also liked getting his hair played with,

“I was actually thinking we should have some friends over or something.” Mark watched as Jaehyun found a movie and put it on,

“Like who?” His roommate leaned back on the couch, his hand still buried in Mark’s dark hair,

“Like, um, Tae obviously. Yuta and Sicheng? Johnny, Hyuck, _maybe_ Yukhei. Depends if I talk to him or not.” Mark rubbed his cheek against his roommate’s sweatpants to get more comfortable,

“Like just to hangout?”

“I mean yeah, I feel very antisocial lately. I want to hang out with friends, you know?” Mark glanced up at him and then he looked back at the TV,

“Okay sure, we can figure that out. We can have a mini party, it’ll be fun.” Jaehyun smiled and patted Mark’s head,

“Okay, how about next weekend?” He offered,

“Sure, that sounds good. I’ll ask Yuta and Tae,” Jaehyun continued watching the TV, “Now watch the movie.”

“Okayyy.”

***

Mark did not end up talking to Yukhei at all. He didn’t even respond to the text he’d sent the morning of their night out. He thought he might, but the more he thought about, the less it appealed to him. He didn’t think he was really ready for it anyway. He wanted to wait until he would be confident enough in himself and if he told himself he was for long enough, it would come true. He spent the week buried in his homework and he ignored the majority of whoever tried to contact him except for Donghyuck and Jaehyun, of course. It was Saturday night and he was finally able to relax after his school week. They were having friends over to just hang out with. Mark thought it was time for a little bit of fun, especially since he had been so stressed out as of late. It was over many things, but, mostly it was Yukhei.

It wasn’t going to be a huge party or anything, but there was going to be alcohol, maybe some weed and definitely a lot of nicotine if Mark knew his friends. He was willing to let loose for the night. He had to find something to wear though. Yeah, there was nobody to really impress, but Mark should be able to feel himself once in a while. He wasn’t going anywhere, so he would just wear something simple. A black, graphic tee tucked into black, skinny jeans and a belt. He had to look good in case there were pictures. And knowing that Johnny would be there, pictures were definitely a strong possibility.

Mark was sitting on the couch, messing around on his phone. Apparently, he was pretty antsy, he didn’t want to wait until someone showed up. Taeyong was already there and Mark didn’t even want to know what was going on in his roommate’s room. He wouldn’t ask. Mark yawned and put his chin in his hand. He breathed a sigh of relief when a knock came from the front door. He pushed himself off of the couch and went to open the door,

“Ducky.” Mark smiled at his best friend. He knew he would show up first, he always left the house early in order to arrive on time since he didn’t drive. But, Mark kind of knew that Donghyuck wanted to spend quality time with his best friend when other people showed up. His best friend walked in and Mark closed the door. He smelled surprisingly clean for a stoner and Mark figured he must be sober,

“Hi.” Donghyuck flopped onto the couch,

“You didn’t want to pregame?” Mark sat down next to him and put his head on his shoulder,

“No, I wanted to be a good friend and get drunk with you,” Hyuck pulled something out of his pocket and waved it in his face, “I did bring my dab pen though, in case being drunk is boring.”

“Aww, it’s rainbow.” Mark giggled and took it from him to inspect it. He was feeling pretty happy as of that day and he was really glad his best friend was there. He would’ve had fun, even if he wasn’t there, but Hyuck was definitely his security blanket. Not to mention that he would push him to be more outgoing and tease him until he drank himself silly. Which was an idea he was pretty into,

“It’s pretty like me,” Hyuck smiled and kissed his cheek, “And you.”

“I’m handsome.”

“You’re cute.” His best friend snatched his drug distributor back from him and shoved it back into his pocket. He had also moderately dressed up, but it was a typical Donghyuck outfit. A white shirt that was too big and baggy jeans. He always elevated his outfits with makeup, something he really loved to do and would always try to force Mark to do. He preferred a bare face. Mark yawned and looked up as he heard a door open. Jaehyun walked into the living room as he tied his sweatpants,

“Ew.” Donghyuck giggled as he looked at Jaehyun and then at Mark who scrunched up his nose. Jaehyun just stuck his tongue out at both of them,

“We haven’t seen each other in a while, shut up.” Mark’s roommate went into the fridge to grab a couple of beers,

“Boohoo, you could’ve fucked later,” Donghyuck responded with a short chuckle,

“I wanted to be sober,” Jaehyun popped one of the tabs open and took a big sip, “At least we were quiet.”

“Were you?” Mark raised an eyebrow, a smirk spreading across his lips,

“Did you hear us?” Jaehyun took another sip, “No? Exactly.”

Taeyong followed shortly after, rubbing the back of his head. He was wearing an oversized hoodie and black jeans. He was fixing his hair as he went to Jaehyun for a kiss,

“Please stop, you’re burning my eyes.” Donghyuck covered his eyes and then slapped a hand over Mark’s,

“Oh hush, you child, I have to deal with this one hundred times more than you because I live here,” Mark pulled the hand away from his face, “They would fuck with the door open if they could.”

“Oh, we do. Trust me.” Jaehyun smirked as Taeyong slapped him on the chest and took the other can of beer from his boyfriend’s hand,

“You guys are disgusting.” Mark rolled his eyes, but a smile graced his face. He really did want to let loose and he never really had a problem with talking about sex when it came to other people, it was mostly himself that he was worried about. So, he was fine with the conversation,

“Jaehyun is disgusting.” Taeyong opened the can and drank out of it before he sat down on the floor in front of the couch,

“I am not.” Jaehyun sat down next to him and put his arm around his boyfriend,

“The things you say to me in bed. Someone should hear you.” Taeyong pecked him again,

“You know what I can’t wait for? Mark’s fat ass to be fucked.” Donghyuck stated matter of factly. He honestly didn’t need to be high to say the most inappropriate things with absolutely no shame whatsoever,

“I can,” Mark raised his eyebrows at his best friend, “My fat ass?”

“Yes, your ass is huge. It jiggles, you know?” Hyuck giggled and pulled out his pen again, “Since they’re drinking already.”

“You’re really weird, you know?” Mark watched him take a hit and blow it out,

“I know.” Hyuck smiled. Mark just rolled his eyes again. It was pretty often that Mark got his ass complimented, at least by Donghyuck. It was definitely weird, but he didn’t really mind because he knew the type of person that his best friend was. It also was just nice to know that something about him was “desirable”. There was another knock on the door and this time Jaehyun went to get it. He opened it to reveal Yuta who was holding the hand of his now boyfriend, Sicheng. Mark thought they looked cute together and he was pretty happy that they ended up being with each other. Yuta went inside, followed by the deaf boy who looked rather nervous. Mark could see that he was holding onto the Japanese man’s hand pretty tight,

“So everyone is getting cuffed _except _for me, huh,” Donghyuck complained as he lounged against the couch,

“And me.” Mark looked at him, but Hyuck shook his head,

“You’re about to get a boyfriend, trust me.” He took a third hit of his pen before he put it back into his pocket. Yuta waved and gave them all his signature smile. Mark definitely thought he was hot. He was handsome and he had a tendency to smile in the most endearing way. It’s almost like he knew how hot he was and he wanted to show everyone. He removed his hand from Sicheng’s and put his arm around him instead. The deaf boy looked at him and then at everyone else,

“This is Sicheng.” Yuta said as he signed it very slowly with his right hand. Mark thought it was cute that he was trying and Sicheng must have greatly appreciated that, regardless of his ability to read lips and speak. He could see that Yuta’s boyfriend had a small smile on his face,

“Sichengie, that’s Mark, Jaehyun, Donghyuck, and I think you know Taeyong.” Yuta continued signing and Sicheng giggled softly,

“The sign for ‘think’ is this,” Sicheng demonstrated it as Yuta looked at him fondly, “But good job, honey.”

“I tried.” Yuta kissed his cheek gently and rubbed his back. Taeyong waved at Sicheng and apparently seeing the familiar face made him feel more comfortable as he left Yuta to sit down next to his friend,

“He left me.” Yuta pouted and sat down next to Mark,

“He’s cute where’d you find him?” Donghyuck asked, pushing his fluffy, curly hair out of his face,

“At the library,” Yuta smirked as he stretched out, his eyes barely left his boyfriend before he looked at Mark’s best friend,

“Maybe I need to go to the library.” Hyuck raised his eyebrow,

“The only reason you need to go to the library is to study,” Mark responded simply,

“Study some dick, yes.” Hyuck bit the tip of his tongue as he smiled,

“Why are you so horny?” Mark asked, a laugh bubbling up out of his throat,

“Why aren’t you?”

Another knock came from the door and Mark extricated himself from his best friend to open it. It was Johnny, of course. They hadn’t invited anybody else. Mark smiled at his friend, standing out of the way so he could come inside,

“Hey.” Johnny smiled at him, he stood almost an entire head taller than Mark so he had to look up at him to smile,

“Hey, how’s it going?” Mark fixed the front of his dark, almost black hair. He’d washed it that day so it was slightly fluffier than usual, hence the unruliness of it. Again, he didn’t know who he was trying to impress, but he really just wanted to look good that night,

“Pretty good, how are you?” Johnny asked. He was wearing a plain, very light pink tee with black jeans that hugged his legs. Mark figured that plain t-shirts were Johnny’s favorite as he always seemed to be wearing one. Maybe they were just better for photography, instead of looking at the outfit, you would look at their face,

“I’m great, actually.” Mark shot him a grin as he closed the door behind the last guest. Johnny went to sit down with the rest of the guests. He knew Jaehyun, but not extremely well, so Mark thought it might be a good idea to introduce him to the rest of his friends. They greeted each other shortly before Mark sat back down on the couch next to his best friend,

“Whoa, you never told me Johnny was _sexy._” Hyuck gave Mark a look that was akin to hunger, but the other just had to roll his eyes,

“He’s not.” Mark bit his lip. He wasn’t sexy_, _he was good looking sure. Handsome, even, but not _sexy_. There was no way Mark would consider his friend sexy. He didn’t even consider Yukhei to be sexy. Yes, he was _hot, _but sexy was on another level. A step up from being hot,  
“He really is.” Donghyuck took his pen back out of his pocket to take a hit from it, but Mark took it from him,

“You’ve had a lot already, just relax,” Mark shoved it between the couch cushions, “Have more later.”

“Fine, you party pooper,” Donghyuck wrapped his arms around Mark’s waist, “Let’s play a game!”

“What game?” Jaehyun looked at Mark’s best friend as he got up to rummage around in the refrigerator,

“Let’s play like truth or dare.” He sat up and clasped his hands together happily,

“Sure, I’m down.” Johnny shrugged. Mark nodded in compliance, knowing fully well he wasn’t about to get out of it,

“What’s the punishment?” Jaehyun asked as he sat back down and handed Johnny a can of beer,

“A shot and a slap on the ass,” Donghyuck smirked, “I want to go first, someone ask me.”

“Truth or dare.” Jaehyun looked at him and downed the rest of his can and stuck it on the floor between him and Taeyong,

“Dare~” Hyuck leaned forward, clearly ready to receive whatever it was,

“Mmm…” Jaehyun leaned back on his hands and looked at the ceiling as he thought, “I dare you to call a random number and flirt with whoever picks up.”

Mark watched as his best friend did the dare with ease. He probably would’ve passed had it been him, he would’ve taken the shot and got his ass slapped instead of embarrassing himself like that. He honestly had already decided that he was going to pass when it came time for his dare. He had gotten a can of beer and he sipped it slowly. He was very lightweight, so only a couple of beers would do the trick to get him drunk. He didn’t know how he would handle a shot, but depending on what the dare was, he was ready to take one. He said he wanted to let loose and hang out and be a college student, but some of the dares his friends came up with were honestly just kind of crazy. He laughed along with everyone as his friends went through with the silly truths and dares. It came time for his turn and of course Donhghyuck took it upon himself to give him the dare, which he felt slightly unprepared for,

“Markie, I dare you…” Donghyuck tapped his chin and Mark thought he kind of looked like a little kid in the way that he did it, “To kiss Johnny.”


	11. Chapter 11

Mark looked at his best friend in horror before whipping around to look at Johnny, who looked indifferent about the situation, much to to his dismay. Donghyuck was giggling next to him and honestly, Mark really wanted to slap him. This was _so_ not fair. He was not going to kiss one of his friends,

“Sure, I’m down.” Johnny shrugged. Mark thought his face must look comical with how distressed he probably looked. He was secretly freaking out, but why? What was there to freak out about, he’d kissed Donghyuck before. Why did this have to be any different. Was it because he was trying to end up with Yukhei and didn’t want to “stoop” to the man’s level? He didn’t know, he was just nervous about the situation,

“Pass and you take three shots instead.” Hyuck said simply, clasping his hands together and setting them in his lap. He wasn’t going to let Mark give this up and the boy made a mental note to interrogate his best friend about his true intentions,

“That’s literally _not _the rules.” Mark looked at him incredulously. He was already tipsy, three shots would knock him out for the next _week_ probably,

“Aww is someone chicken to kiss Johnny?” Donghyuck pouted at him, “If you don’t _I _will.”

Mark didn’t know why, but that made him a little bit mad. He didn’t know if it was because his best friend was basically mocking him or if it was actually just because he didn’t want Hyuck to kiss him,

“No, I’m fine,” He looked at Johnny and took a deep breath, “Let’s kiss…I guess.”

“Come here.” Johnny leaned back on his hands. He was sitting on the ground and Mark could see a smirk tugging at his lips. He didn’t let it show though, not fully at least. The boy made his way to the floor, so he was sitting across from Johnny. He was nervous. He couldn’t pinpoint why, it was just Johnny, he literally slept in the same bed as him,

“I said _you _have to kiss him, Markie, not the other way around.” Donghyuck was just teasing him at that point and he was honestly ready to prove a point to his best friend. No, he wasn’t a chicken, nor was he a pussy. He would do this and he would enjoy it.

Mark scooted closer to the man sitting in front of him, who sat up so his lips would be more accessible. _He _had to kiss him. Okay, he could do this. He kissed Yukhei in the parking lot, he didn’t wait for permission, he didn’t even ask permission. _You’re not a pussy_. He leaned forward and let his lips press against Johnny’s. He closed his eyes and in any other situation, Mark would’ve squeezed them shut, waiting for the moment to be over, but right now he didn’t. They fluttered shut, gently. He could feel Johnny’s lips move against his and he let his reciprocate the act. He thought he would feel insouciant about the situation, well not quite, definitely a bit anxious. But, what he least expected was the fact that he _liked _it. It felt natural, good even. There was no electricity when he kissed Johnny, but something in his fingertips tingled, something in his toes. It tingled in the back of his head and in the small of his back. It tingled in his thighs. It was small, but Mark could feel every single, tiny thing in his body at the moment. His mind never wandered. The kiss was the least of his worries. In fact, he wasn’t worrying at all. His nose pressed against Johnny’s and if he wasn’t so contained in the kiss he would’ve cared. He could feel heat creeping up on his neck, to his ears, and finally to his cheeks which he was sure were completely red. He panicked when Johnny flicked his tongue against his bottom lip. It had to have been more than three seconds. That was the rule, right?

Mark pulled away and even though the kiss was more on the chaste side, his lips glistened with saliva. It was weird, his fingertips still tingled along with his toes and in the back of his head. He opened his eyes and looked at the man in front of him. Johnny looked just as confused as Mark felt. The dark, brown haired boy wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, ridding whatever remnants of Johnny’s lips were still on them. He suddenly felt the need to get far away. Very far away from this game, from his apartment, from Johnny. He didn’t want to be confused anymore, he knew what he wanted. He wanted Yukhei. Right? He thought he did, but now he couldn’t tell. _Fuck you, Donghyuck _he thought. But, Mark realized that no one was talking. He looked around at everyone, at his best friend. His smile was fading as he looked back at Mark. Did he just say that out loud?

“What?” He asked. Apparently, he did say that out loud, and apparently, the way that he said it wasn’t exactly in a joking manner. Mark was actually annoyed though, he was. He rarely got annoyed. He knew what he wanted, or he thought he knew. How could one singular kiss change so much. No. It didn’t. It changed nothing. He’d forget about it in a day or two and everything would go back to normal, just like he wanted it to. He looked back at Johnny who was still looking at him. He was looking at him as if Mark had shown him something amazing. He didn’t like that look, it made him scared,

“I’m…” Mark looked between everyone. He didn’t like all the eyes that were looking at him, scanning him, trying to see what he was thinking. He hated it. He could feel the anxiety bubble up in him, making its way into his throat. He didn’t know what they were expecting from him. It was a dare, that’s all it was. And he did it because he wasn’t a baby or a chicken or a pussy or what the fuck ever people wanted to call him, “I’m gonna go to bed.”

He stood up, wobbling slightly at how fast his legs had to support him. That and the fact that he was a little bit drunk, maybe not just from the alcohol. Johnny reached out to help him stabilize himself, but when he looked down at him, the man retracted his hand. He didn’t need help, yet everyone was trying to help him. Mark knew exactly what he wanted. Well, he _hoped _he knew what he wanted. But, as of that moment, Mark wanted to go to bed. And forget that kiss ever happened.

***

Obviously it was not going to be that easy. Shit like that never was. Instead of forgetting about it like he promised himself he would, he thought about it for the next two days. _Extensively_. He thought about how their lips felt when they were pressed together, they practically melted into each other. They moved against each other with a rhythm that only the two would know. Mark thought about how good Johnny kissed, even from a kiss where it was just lips, no tongue. He thought too much about how he liked it. He laid awake most of the night thinking about it. It ruined the way he felt about waking up in the middle of the night because there was no waking up, Mark was already awake. He did his best to expel it from his mind, but no matter how much he tried, it always came back. On top of that, he didn’t even talk to Yukhei. He was sort of a mess.

It frustrated him to no end that he was spiraling back into his pit of confusion and anxiousness. The worst part about it was that he had no one to blame but himself. Sure, it would be easy to blame Hyuck, but how could he? It really wasn’t his fault. All he did was dare him to kiss him, it’s not like Donghyuck could have known anything that Mark didn’t even know himself. So he blamed himself for taking it so to heart. He wondered if he just liked the sensation of kissing a boy since he liked both of his kisses with Yukhei and Johnny. He also wondered if he was just feeling a little bit tipsy and wasn’t in his right mind. But, then again, there was something about the sensation he felt. Not the electric feeling, the tingling. It lingered with him all night. It was dull, but it was incessant. It’s not like he was vibrating or anything, it just wouldn’t stop. Like they wanted to touch something, but everything he touched wasn’t satisfactory.

He woke up that morning feeling under the weather. He wasn’t actually sick but he had that looming feeling that happens when there was just no energy left to do anything. He hated that feeling. He hated a lot of feelings. He hated being negative. How _ironic_. He dragged himself out of bed and to make matters even worse, it was dark outside. No, it wasn’t night time. It was definitely the morning. His alarm had definitely gone off —this time at the right time— and when he checked his phone, it was most definitely too early in the morning. In other words, he had to get ready for class. The darkness came from the way the clouds hung low in the air, dark and filled with what Mark would only classify as regret. The sun was nowhere to be seen, therefore Mark’s smile would be miles away that day.

He realized how monotonous the act of brushing his teeth was as he rinsed off the tooth brush and shoved it back into the toothbrush cup that really should’ve been cleaned a few months ago. Why was he in such a bad mood? Maybe because he had gone right back to square one and now he wasn’t just stuck between himself and one person, he had to deal with the fact that he might_, _emphasis on the _might,_ be looking at two people. What was he saying? Of course he wasn’t. No. Mark Lee just wanted to accept the fact that he was destined to be alone forever. Not because he was ugly or anything, never that. Mark was going to be alone forever due to himself. And that was the absolute worst thing to realize.

He felt bad for ignoring the two men, of course he did. It would be rude not to. But, honestly they should’ve stopped texting him when they kissed. He was mostly thinking this about Johnny. Yukhei hadn’t even given him a follow up text from the one he didn’t answer. Quite concerning. Johnny, however, seemed to care a lot. Mark figured he must’ve been worried about their friendship and honestly, Mark was too. He wanted to text him back and say everything was fine, he really, truly did. But, something wouldn’t let him and he thought that that must’ve been what was making him so sad. That and the gloomy weather.

The walk to class was fine, the dark clouds gave way to a couple droplets of water. Mark was tired. He barely even got ready that morning. He threw on some pants and a tee shirt, but that was all. Nothing special, no contacts. His round circle glasses sat low on his nose. His bag hung off only one of his shoulders. His ratty, old converse scuffed against the dirty, litter ridden sidewalks. They were a dull grey and needed to be replaced. They looked even duller against the cloudy sky. The only color that contrasted the monotone grey was the occasional patch of green grass that sprouted from between the cracks in the pavement. Mark thought those weeds were full of determination to grow through the concrete. He was curious how they did it. They never gave up and weren’t as delicate as flowers that needed to be grown in a garden. They were tough. Mark wanted to be tough enough to grow through concrete, but unfortunately for him, he was grown in a soft, soiled garden bed.

Luckily, his class wasn’t too far from his apartment. He got there quickly, especially with the pace that he was walking. He even got there before the rain picked up. He was relieved, he didn’t want to get caught in the rain, he’d gotten caught in it too many times before. He sat in the back of the class and took notes the whole time. He wouldn’t let his mind wander because it would distract him too much and once he was distracted, not much could get him back to reality, especially in class. He actually didn’t really like the class. It was a three hour seminar with no engagement whatsoever. The professor would drone on and on, he rarely paused. Mark would’ve thought he was a robot if he didn’t take deep breaths periodically. And, Mark wasn’t too much of a doodler, but when he was done with the lecture he would find more drawings than notes. He always sat in the back too. He didn’t like sitting in the front, he felt like everyone was looking at him. He knew that wasn’t true, of course, but it didn’t help his anxiety. There were only a few people who paid attention in the class. He thought that sometimes the professor barely paid attention to what he was saying himself.

And, he was always relieved when it was over. But, somehow, not this time. It was still raining outside and it didn’t look like it was letting up any time soon. He did have his computer luckily, and the library was attached to the building. However, then he would run the risk of running into people he didn’t want to. He decided he would go anyway. Maybe if he looked like he was really into whatever he was working on, nobody would bother him. Not even Johnny.

He sighed as he walked into the large, quiet building. It was always so peaceful in there. Everyone was studying and working on their own thing. It made Mark feel a little bit validated, he was doing something right by going in there. He looked around. He wanted a nice quiet place to work. He wasn’t totally sure what he was going to be working on yet, but he would figure it out. Probably something to do with his project with Johnny. It had been going on for weeks and yet, he was still stuck on what to write. They had written an outline and all that, but Mark was so caught up in his personal life that he words would barely come out of his mouth, let alone on paper.

The stillness of the library calmed him down as he shuffled around and tried to find a secluded space where he could get to work, at least until the rain let up. Then he would be able to walk home and lay in bed for a couple hours until he got hungry. Maybe this was good, he was being pushed to actually do some of his school work, get out of the apartment and not just for class. Honestly, he acted like he had been holed up in his room for weeks. It was only Tuesday. He kissed Johnny on Saturday. He looked down the aisles of the library, hoping to find one that wasn’t occupied. It seemed as if many students had the same idea as him. He passed one, but he stopped. Trying to figure out if what he just saw was real. He backed up, looking into one of the aisles of the library and something crossed his face that looked like horror.

Yukhei. A girl. Kissing. Yukhei and a girl. Kissing. Yukhei and a girl _kissing_. No, not even kissing. Making out. Of all places? The library? The sex education aisle? Of _all _places? The girl was smiling into the kiss, her eyes closed. Yukhei’s back was to Mark, but he could still tell it was him. He felt that back. He held onto it, of course he would know it was _him. _And all of a sudden, Mark was devastated. He realized why he had woken up on the wrong side of the bed and why it was raining outside. The universe was telling him to cry. And oh, he would cry. He practically ran outside in a frenzy. He was sure his computer wouldn’t be too happy about it later, as it was thudding against his back as he ran through the pouring rain. He didn’t even go all the way home. He stopped on the side walk and leaned against the wall. He thought it was to catch his breath, but instead he burst into tears.

His salty tears mixed with the fresh rain as they ran down his face. He didn’t even notice them drip off his chin as the rain continued to pellet onto him. He was sobbing, the rain masking the sounds of him sucking in breath and trying to slow down his breathing. He didn’t care. How could he care? He really thought he was going to end up with Yukhei, happily ever after, the end. Nope. He squeezed his eyes shut and he thought he must’ve looked really pathetic like that. He did. Mark was pathetic. Was he really crying over a boy that he was warned numerous times about? Yes, he was. Everyone has a right to be pathetic sometimes,

“_Asshole._” He muttered as he looked up to the sky. He bit his lip, a couple more tears dripped down his cheeks, but he wiped them away after lifting his glasses slightly. He felt like the sky was crying with him and maybe that’s all he needed to feel better. At least, the universe was on his side. Maybe Yukhei would get struck by lightning too. The thought made him chuckle as he wiped his eyes again. He would cry more later, when he was laying in bed contemplating his life and how he got to where he was. He needed a hug. He would call Donghyuck later. He wondered if that girl saw him staring, even if it was only for a split second. He wondered if she would tell Yukhei that there was a boy staring at them like he was watching porn for the first time. He hoped not. He didn’t even really want to interact with Yukhei, like ever again.

He looked down at his shoes. They were wet, old, crusty even. He should get new ones. He’d ask Jaehyun to go shopping with him, Yuta too. He felt for a piece of his hair and he pulled it down as far as it would go so he could look at it out of the corner of his eye. It was too dark. The dark brown wasn’t really doing it for him anymore. It was too close to his natural hair color. He wanted something lighter. It was a knee jerk reaction to something that didn’t go his way. But he needed to do something to regain confidence. A lighter color would do that for him. At least for the first forty-eight hours. Where was the nearest convenience store? Mark scanned the street for any store that looked like it would sell hair dye.

Upon spotting one, he ran across the street and went inside. Yes, he was soaking wet. His hair dripped with rain water. But, he had money and he was pretty sure that’s all they cared about at a convenience store, whether or not he could pay for the item. He could. He remembered Donghyuck saying something about hair toner, so after he got a tub of quick blue bleach, he picked up a color that he liked that said “toner” in big bold letters. Honestly, he wasn’t sure if it was right, but he would make it work. Or he would make Jaehyun help him. When he set it down, almost proudly, on the counter, the cashier looked at him as if he was crazy. He definitely was and she rung him up anyway. He left the convenience store feeling slightly better, but he wouldn’t be one hundred percent for a long time.

He wasn’t happy, but he also wasn’t crying. He thought maybe it was his fault that he didn’t talk to Yukhei soon enough, but for some reason also blamed Yukhei for not seeing his feelings sooner. It wasn’t the mans job to read Mark, not at all. Mark just expected it. Which was a mistake that he knew before, he knew it would get him hurt. And it did. The rain let up as he walked home. It was a little too late, but he was fine with that. He always thought it smelled good after it rained. It smelled fresh. The pavement was a deeper shade because of the water, but Mark thought it looked prettier that way. The clouds were a lighter shade of grey. Most of the rain had pulled the dull color out of it. They would slowly become white and fluffy again. Mark could relate. His tears and sadness would slowly go away. But, what happened during that time? Nobody ever talked about what happens during a rain shower. It lets things grow and good things will come out of it. The weeds that grow through the cracks of the pavement become stronger. The flowers that bloom in the gardens become prettier. Mark would be okay, eventually. And out of it, he’d be a better Mark Lee.

Mark sniffled as the thought wavered over him. His clothes stuck to him uncomfortably and in awkward places. God, did he really have to go back to being lonely? Except that’s only how he felt. He knew people were waiting for him to respond to them. He just didn’t have the energy, especially not now. But, he was only lonely because he was making himself lonely. It was his own fault that he felt like he didn’t have anybody. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to reach out to anybody. They’d only know him on the surface level. What Mark really wanted was for someone to _know _him. But who knows how long that would take. Probably his whole life. How unfair.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi ^  
if you are uncomfortable with *mild/moderate* smut please don't read the second half of the chapter :)  
i honestly don't even know if this is good "smut" so pls let me know what you think, im not used to writing it so hopefully its okay!  
hope u enjoy <3
> 
> if you guys like it i'll write more c: !

“What about this one?” Mark held up a simple block striped shirt, red and white. Jaehyun looked at it as he took a sip of his iced coffee,

“Don’t you already have something like this?” He reached out to touch the shirt, rubbing it between two fingers to feel the fabric,

“I don’t know, probably?” Mark looked at the shirt before he put it back on the rack. Yuta popped his head up from behind a rack of pants,

“Wait let me see.” He said and Mark held up the shirt again,

“You already have that.” Yuta dipped back down to continue looking at whatever he was looking at,

“You should get this.” Jaehyun held up a blue, long sleeve shirt that said Stussy above the left breast. It was cute, Mark had to admit. And, it looked like it would be comfy,

“Is it expensive?” Mark asked and Jaehyun looked at the tag,

“Seventy-five bucks?” His roommate looked at him and shrugged, “It’s not that bad, it’s high quality and stuff, so.”

“It’s just a shirt, seventy-five dollars is a lot for a shirt.” Mark continued searching through the cheaper shirt rack,

“Come on, Mark. You don’t have anything like this. You always wear white or black, add some color for once. It would look so nice on you with some ripped jeans or something. And then we could go out and drink while you look cute.” Jaehyun went to put it back, but Mark took it from him and threw it over his arm,

“Fine, I’ll buy it.” Mark chewed his lip and Jaehyun smiled at his roommate,

“Good,” Jaehyun sipped his coffee again before turning around, “Yuta.”

“Yeah?” The Japanese man popped his head up again to look at the two,

“Did you find anything?” He asked, but Yuta shook his head as he made his way over to the other two,

“This is cute, are you gonna buy it?” He lifted the bottom of the shirt that was in Mark’s arms,

“Yes, yes, I’m gonna buy it.” Mark looked at Jaehyun and shook his head to which his roommate just smirked,

“Of course he’s going to buy it, because he’ll look super cute in it.” Jaehyun looked through some of the shirts on the rack, but he was apparently not satisfied with the options,

“I don’t need to look cute or handsome or whatever.” Mark rolled his eyes,

“Aren’t you going to go cozy up to a man or something.” Yuta asked, he had ordered green tea from where they got their coffee but had finished it. Yet, he continued to make the motion of sipping it. It must have been a habit,

“No. There are no men in my life besides you two and Donghyuck. I hate men, they’re stupid and they don’t know how to communicate. They’re assholes.” Mark leaned against the rack, a scowl spreading across his face,

“Whoa Mark. Tell us how you really feel.” His roommate looked at him,

“This can’t be because of what happened with Johnny, right?” Yuta looked at him curiously, eyeing him up and down. Mark had dyed his hair when he got home from class. And luckily, his roommate was home and willing to help him. Now, it was a light brown, almost blonde even. He liked it, he really liked it actually. Jaehyun told him he liked it as well and he felt a bit better about himself. It had turned out good, too. It was even, the bleach lifted the color easily and the toner actually did what Donghyuck claimed it did. Yuta liked it too, it was something different for Mark. That’s why the two men offered to take him out shopping for some new clothes, maybe Mark needed to change up his look,

“What?” Mark looked at him incredulously, “No, of course not. _Why _would it be about Johnny. This has nothing to do with him.”  
“I mean after you kissed him, you were all freaked out and stuff. You even left and went to bed. The whole thing was your idea, you didn’t even get to watch a movie with us.” Jaehyun looked at him. He was serious. He had that look on his face that Mark was kind of scared of. He looked like a dad that was trying to get his child to tell the truth. He hated that look,

“I’m just…” Mark rubbed his face with his right hand and sighed, “Fine. I’m mad because of Yukhei.”

“Okay, tell us something new.” Yuta looked at Jaehyun and then at Mark again,

“He was making out with a girl in the library and like, yeah.” He shrugged,

“Oh no, that sucks, Mark,” Jaehyun frowned as he looked at his younger roommate. Mark was staring at the floor, “Even after you talked to him about how you felt?”

“I…” Mark looked at him and let out a deep sigh, “I didn’t actually talk to him.”

“Mark.” Jaehyun face palmed and dragged his hand down his cheek,

“No, I know. I should’ve talked to him and I can’t be mad because he doesn’t even know how I feel about him. But, I just feel so mad about it. Mostly because I didn’t do what I was supposed to and now I don’t get him and the only person I can blame is myself.” Mark’s face had started to get red, he didn’t know if it was from frustration or if he was going to cry. Or both,

“Wait, wait. Okay, relax,” Jaehyun put a hand on his shoulder, “It’s okay that you didn’t talk to him. I know it’s hard to talk to someone like that.”

“But, I still should’ve and now I’m upset and I keep crying about it, but how do I cry about it when it’s like, my fault.” Mark frowned at his roommate,

“Mark, it’s fine to cry about things that you’re upset or frustrated about. It’s okay to be sad.” Yuta smiled at him. It was that signature “Yuta” smile that made everyone feel like they had to return it. Mark still couldn’t,

“I guess…” He shrugged as he looked at the shirt that was cradled in his arms. He did actually like it. It was a nice pale blue and even though he wasn’t super big on color, it would still look really nice on him. Especially with the new hair color,

“Also, what about…Johnny?” Yuta seemed tentative to ask as he knew Mark might react negatively to the question,

“What about him?” Mark looked at the Japanese man who shrugged,

“Just that…Like you kissed him and then you practically ran away afterwards. Now you’re ignoring him,” Jaehyun finished for him, he sipped his coffee again, “What was that all about?”

“I just didn’t like it? I don’t know.” Mark began walking toward the checkout. He didn’t really want to talk about it anymore, but he knew that they would keep pressuring him until he told them the truth. They followed him,

“You didn’t?” Yuta asked, “I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable or anything, but it kind of looked like you liked it.”

Mark sighed. They really could see right through his lie. He did like it, too much. That’s why he kept thinking about it. That’s why it was kept in the back of his mind, lingering like Johnny’s lips were and the tingling sensation on his fingertips. He didn’t want to forget it, that was the thing. He wanted to keep it because he could remember how good it felt. But, he also wanted to forget it because that’s what kept him from feeling like Mark,

“I did…” The light haired boy looked at the other two, his eyes were filled with concern and he knew it because he could feel tears well up in them,

“Don’t cry. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Markie.” Jaehyun put a hand on his shoulder and rubbed it,

“No, I’m not—” Mark wiped his eyes, willing the tears away from them, “I’m fine, I’m not going to cry. I’m just confused and I don’t know how to not be confused. I’m mad at Yukhei, but I’m also mad at myself because I can’t even decide what I want. And then there’s Johnny who didn’t do anything wrong and now I feel bad for ignoring him, but I just…How can you talk to someone —your friend— after you kissed him and enjoyed it?” Mark asked,

“I mean he liked it too, so.” Jaehyun crossed his arms over his chest. He really looked like a dad. Mark remembered something he had said previously, if he wasn’t studying in college he probably would’ve been a teen dad. At the time, it had made Mark laugh. He thought it was a joke about how his roommate was prone to sleeping around in high school. But now, Mark thought he was serious. Jaehyun had a tendency to act very fatherly, especially with Mark. He just wanted to keep him safe and make sure he was okay all the time. He’d make a great dad some day,

“What?” Mark furrowed his brow. Did he hear that right?

“After you went to bed, we kept playing and Donghyuck asked him ‘did you like kissing Mark?’ as a truth and he said yes. Like a genuine yes,” His roommate looked over him, “I think he kind of likes you, Mark.”

“Likes me? Like a crush?” Mark rubbed the back of his neck as Jaehyun nodded,

“I think so,” His roommate took the shirt from him, “We don’t have to talk about it anymore, but just keep it in mind.”

“What are you doing?” Mark reached out to take it back,

“I’m paying for it.” Jaehyun pulled it away and smiled, his dimples becoming defined on his cheeks. He looked like marshmallow,

“Why?” Mark looked at the shirt and then at his friend,

“Why not?” Jaehyun went to get in line to pay. Mark looked at Yuta who was chuckling to himself about the situation,

“Mark, you’re so cute.” Yuta went to hug him and ruffled his hair as he did so. Mark could only roll his eyes but he smiled at the affection. So, Johnny might like him? That was news to him. Or was it? He thought back. He wasn’t amazing at reading people, but he could still tell what certain people were thinking. He remembered that Johnny could look somewhat jealous when he talked about Yukhei, but he never thought anything of it. He always thought he imagined it. And then, when they kissed, it seemed almost as if Johnny had expected more. He had chalked it up to just regular, college horniness. But then again, he didn’t really expect Johnny to like boys,

“How are you and Sicheng?” Mark changed the subject. He had to think about it, he knew that. But, he had to think about in when he was alone. So he could contemplate everything with no interruptions,

“We’re good,” Yuta accepted the subject change. The two boys would push him to talk, but not too hard, “Like, really good.”

“How so?” Mark wanted to sit down, but all he could do was lean gingerly against the wall where there were shelves lined up,

“I don’t know, he’s just really receptive to me. I like him a lot. He seems a bit cold at first, but he’s actually secretly super affectionate and is always bothering me for kisses.” Yuta smiled at the thought, he must have been really happy,

“Wait, can he hear at all?” Mark asked curiously,

“He told me he can hear like background noise when he has his hearing aids in, but that’s all. It’s just for like environmental awareness. Other than that he can’t hear anything” The Japanese man started looking through the clothes closest to Mark,

“You guys are cute.” Mark almost grinned, he liked the fact that his friend was happy,

“I think so, too. He’s teaching me sign language and always gets frustrated when I don’t do it right, so then he like moves my hands for me. It’s really fun. I’m glad he can read lips though, it makes it easier.” Yuta picked up a pair of pants and unfolded them to look at them,

“Wait, are you guys…”

“Fucking? Sorry,” Yuta cleared his throat and looked at Mark, “_Having sex_? Yeah, why?”

“I’m just curious how it works?” Mark shrugged and felt the pants that Yuta was holding up,

“With the fact that he’s a boy or that he’s deaf?” Yuta folded the pants haphazardly and put them back on the shelf as Mark watched,

“Both, I guess?” Mark took the pants off of the shelf and folded them neatly to put them back,

“I don’t know, nothing really changes with the fact that he can’t hear. Again, he’s verbal so he can tell me what’s wrong or, you know, what’s _not_ wrong. But, he taught me to squeeze his hand or something if I can’t see his face since he can’t understand me if he can’t see me. As for sex, you just have to make sure they’re comfortable that’s basically all sex is in the beginning. You make sure your partner is comfortable and relaxed and that there’s plenty of lube. And that you’re using a condom. And you have to tell your partner what’s wrong if there is something that hurts or whatever. Also, what you do like would be helpful too because they can use that as comfort for you. Just make sure everything is comfortable and you’re not anxious and that will minimize pain and such. Especially the first time,” Yuta crossed his arms and looked at Mark, “Why?”

“I’m just curious.” Mark shrugged,

“Well, if you’re thinking about it, you should probably try something yourself first.” Yuta talked casually, as if he wasn’t talking to Mark, a virgin when it came to that type of thing. Mark could feel his cheeks heat up with the thought of what Yuta was suggesting. Did he just…Did he just suggest like…fingering himself?

“Y-Yeah.” Mark looked around, anywhere but Yuta’s face. He knew he was just trying to help, Mark _did _ask after all. Was he really thinking about sex though? Not particularly, he was just curious,

“Here.” Jaehyun returned to the two and held out a bag to Mark,

“You didn’t have to pay for it, Jaehyun.” Mark took it reluctantly, but his roommate smiled at him,

“It’s fine, Mark. I wanted to. You deserve something nice,” Jaehyun looked between the two, “Are we done?”

“Yeah, next store.” Yuta announced as he began walking. Jaehyun put his arm around Mark as they followed. Maybe he was thinking too much. He should just do what Yuta suggested and see how it felt. He should also text Johnny back and tell him he was sorry. Or maybe he could just claim that he lost his phone and had to get a new one and didn’t have Johnny’s number anymore. No, he should just apologize and offer to work on the project with him again. He would, today even. For the other thing, however, he’d have to think. He’d have to think really hard on what he could do to get himself “in the mood” as it were. He would try, most likely fail, but he would definitely try. Well, at some point he would. Maybe.

***

Mark texted Johnny back that night. The same night that Jaehyun bought him the shirt, the one he was wearing now. He liked it, it was cozy. The shirt was soft which didn’t surprise him. It was almost eighty dollars after all. It was slightly big on him, but still hugged his shoulders and arms. The sleeves gave him sweater paws which made him look even smaller. He had responded with a slight hesitation, but he knew he had to do so. It wasn’t just for him, it was for the other man. He didn’t send him some huge paragraph about how much his feelings conflicted, no. He just said sorry for not responding and that he needed some time to think things over. He also apologized for running off after they kissed, but he didn’t use that word explicitly.

He was watching a movie on his computer and eating a quesadilla he’d gotten from Taco Bell. It was really good, way better than boxed mac and cheese which he ate basically every night, switching off with cup ramen every so often. He could’ve cooked better meals, been healthier, he was just lazy. He was a hard worker, but only when it came to anything but himself. He didn’t need taking care of, but if someone was there to encourage him to take care of himself more, he actually might. Jaehyun would, it’s just that he didn’t have time between school and his own boyfriend to take care of Mark. It wasn’t like Mark cared if Jaehyun would “take care” of him or not, he didn’t really notice it. But, he did need to work on living a healthier lifestyle.

It didn’t take Johnny long to text back, Mark knew he was waiting for that text. He was glad Johnny hadn’t given up on him yet. He didn’t know why, but Mark was slightly nervous to read the text. He didn’t know what to expect. He finished chewing his quesadilla and swallowed it before picking up his phone.

Johnny: hey, it’s fine i get it.. i hope everything is ok now? :)

Mark was relieved at the answer. The smiley face made him feel better, too. He let out a deep sigh and picked up his last piece of chicken quesadilla. He really liked chicken.

Mark: yeah, i’m good seriously i’m sorry

Johnny: it’s fine mark i just wanted to make sure we were good and were still friends

Mark bit his lip, slightly ticked off that there was no apostrophe in the way Johnny typed “we’re”. It was the writer in him, of course he wasn’t mad at it. He didn’t care, he was just finding things to care about, but the problem was that he cared about Johnny and he definitely cared about the way he felt when they kissed. Because it felt good.

Mark: we’re good in my book

Johnny: same

Johnny: what r u doing?

Mark glanced at his movie before returning his attention to his phone. He was holding his piece of quesadilla in his other hand and he could feel the grease seeping into his fingertips,

Mark: just eating

Johnny: eating?

Mark: quesadilla

Johnny: send pics

This was how they usually texted. Pretty much one word at a time but Mark kind of liked it. It was funny. Johnny always managed to make situations funny. They were also prone to sending the most random pictures to each other. One reason was because Johnny was a photographer, so his photos were random but usually beautiful in some way. Mark’s were just random. He sent him a photo of his greasy, Taco Bell quesadilla that was stuck between his thumb and index finger,

Johnny: kinda sexy

Mark: ikr

Mark: hey we gotta work on the project, are u free any time soon?

Johnny: im free whenever yeah

Mark: tmr?

Johnny: sure, u started writing?

Mark: ya, it’s terrible tho

Johnny: shut up

Mark smiled and ate his last piece of quesadilla. He felt better now that they were texting normally. He half expected Johnny to ask him about the kiss, but he assumed he was waiting to talk to him about it in person. Mark wanted to ask him too, but he was much too nervous to do that. It wasn’t a good idea, especially not over text. He looked at his computer. The sound was playing from the speakers in his computer. He caught his lip between his teeth and chewed on it. The two characters were kissing each other loudly and he would’ve rolled his eyes because of how staged it was, but he didn’t. What was that feeling and why was it coming from a stupid Netflix movie? He looked at his phone and responded with a short “no” before he shut it off and tossed it onto his bed side table. He winced at the clatter it made and then leaned forward to ball up the paper, fast food bag and throw it across the room.

He turned out the lights but turned on his LEDs so there was some sort of illumination in the room. He paused the movie almost hurriedly. Was he seriously about to do this? Jaehyun was out with Taeyong so he was home alone. He could do this. He _was _going to. Mark rubbed his face as he deleted his Netflix tab and searched up something he never thought he would search. Porn? _Gay _porn. He had watched straight porn before but never anything that appealed to what he was feeling out as his sexuality. He didn’t know what he was looking for so he just clicked the first one and ignored the title. He thought porn titles were a bit of a put off, there was never one that looked good to him. He turned down the sound a little bit. Even if he was home alone, he didn’t want to play it too loud. He didn’t want it to assault his ears.

He watched for a minute. Mark could feel his body heat up, especially around his neck and cheeks. The heat pooled just beneath his belly button and he bit his lip tighter. Porn wasn’t even sexy how was a couple minutes of it _actually _turning him on? Maybe it wasn’t just the porn, maybe it was the fact that he did need some type of release and maybe it was manifesting itself in a sexual way. He was sitting up, watching somewhat intently as the smaller boy moaned lewdly. He swallowed thickly and tilted his head to the side. That could be him. Well, not exactly as the boy, or man rather, was slightly more muscular and had a more rectangular body. Mark was rather “curvy” for a man. He had wide shoulders but his waist was small and skinny, perfect for someone’s hands to pull him down and manipulate his body. His hips were only slightly wider. He had gotten complimented on his ass more times than he could count and his thighs were naturally thick, something he knew was rather popular in this day and age. His body was perfect for a man that wanted him, it really was.

He took a deep breath and let his lip go from between his teeth. His thighs were warm, they ached to be touched, but unfortunately there was no one there but him. No one to touch him how he secretly wanted. There was no big top to manhandle him like the one in the video. He could feel the heat rushing beneath his waistband. He didn’t look at the outline it was making in his pants for fear it would turn him off. His sweatpants were too hot, they were sticking to his thighs, he needed less clothes on. He pulled them off hastily, kicking the rest of them off and onto the floor so he was sitting in his boxers. The cool air hit his skin and it gave him goosebumps. He took a deep breath before he let his hand wander beneath the waistband of his boxers. His eyes were trained on the video playing in front of him and he would’ve cringed at the obscene squelching noise it would make occasionally if he wasn’t taking his own cock into his hand.

It was rare that Mark would so hurriedly be able to masturbate, but the entire month was taking a toll on him and he desperately needed a release. Crying about it was no longer an option. He remembered the way Yukhei did it, squeezing slightly at the base before pulling up. His hand was curled tightly around the base of his cock, but it didn’t move. It wouldn’t be comfortable. It was too dry. He thought about using spit, but it just wasn’t that hot when it was his own. He let go of himself and reached blindly down to find his bedside table drawer. He opened it and took a quick glance, the dark blue LED lights illuminating it just so. He got out a small bottle of lube. Normally, he wouldn’t have had it but he picked it up after what Yuta had said. He closed the drawer and held onto the bottle as he slid out of his boxers.

His cock was heavy and the tip of it was a dark, blush pink. He looked at it as it laid against his thigh. He thought it would turn him off but he could feel himself get harder as a little bit of pre cum leaked out of the tip. He took it in his hand again and dropped the lube from his other hand. He swirled his thumb over the head of it and swallowed thickly as a tingle shot up his spine. _Oh_. That was new. He wasn’t used to getting hard so quickly. It usually took even longer for him to get an erection than to actually cum. Now he thought he might do both quicker than he’d ever done before. He kept messing with the tip, jumping slightly every so often with the sensation that was being fed to him. He glanced at the video again. It wasn’t really anything new. The two men were still fucking and moaning filthily on the screen. But this time, the bottom was sitting on top of the man, legs spread wide, big hands held onto his hips as the top met him halfway and Mark thought that was exactly how he wanted to take a cock.

His cheeks were hot and he knew they must’ve been flushed. He slid his fist down towards the base and he let out a sigh. _Fuck _he thought, _oh fuck_. Why was this time any different? He wasn’t sure. He just knew he was impossibly hard and not used to this and it felt fucking _good. _He breathed out as he fisted himself, it was slow at first. Very slow. He would let his thumb slide over the head when he got to the top and squeeze hard at the base. He dug his thumb nail into the slit and he let out a small sound that was akin to a moan. _Shit_. Since when did this actually feel good? Since now. He wanted to cum. No, he _needed _to cum. He bit his lip, so he wouldn’t make any more noise. It was just harsh breathing. He didn’t need the lube. He forgot about in fact. He was leaking and it was enough. And even if there were a few spots that were dry, every time his hand ran over them, his cock twitched in his fist.

His eyes were half closed in arousal, but he made a conscious decision to let go of his dick. He glanced at the small bottle of lube and blinked at it. He wanted to try something. He was nervous, but the anxiousness made him impossibly harder. He took a deep breath as he adjusted his position. He was still eyeing the porn that was playing on his computer. He made a mental note to delete the hell out of his history later. He somewhat tried to match what the bottom was doing, still riding the other man’s cock like his life depended on it. Obviously Mark didn’t actually have a dick to sit on, but he had his fingers. He kneeled on his knees, spreading his thighs rather widely. It was slightly awkward, but that’s how he wanted it. That’s how he imagined he’d take it. He sat down, his thighs settling on his calves gently. He felt sexy. His ass must’ve looked good and he imagined it would be nice pressed against the stomach of some guy who’d be fucking him. Hard. He was still wearing the new, long sleeve, blue shirt and after he squeezed out some lube onto his fingers and spread it around, he pulled the shirt taut. It hugged his waist in the right ways and he wished their were hands on him. He wished their were fingers digging into his hips, leaving bruises.

He looked down, again. His hard, pink cock was aching to be touched and he wished there was a hand that would wrap around it and squeeze it and play with it. It was oozing clear fluid and Mark thought it was hot to watch it slide down the underside of his cock and onto his balls. He put the hem of his shirt between his teeth so his ass was exposed, but he had a free hand to smear his pre cum against his thick, flushed thighs. It was sticky. He wiped his fingers on his bed sheets and placed his hand in front of him to steady himself. He was going to make sure to pray after this. He reached behind him, his breathing picking up slightly. Mark closed his eyes and let out a breath. Yuta’s words echoed in his mind: relax and be comfortable. No, there was no partner he was sharing this with, but it was the first time that he was about to stick anything up his ass, so naturally, he was pretty nervous. He sucked in a breath as he let a fingertip press against his entrance. It was sensitive and it clenched at the sense of intrusion,

“You can do this,” Mark whispered. Even with how horny he was, even with the thought of how much he wanted it, he was still Mark. Which meant he still had anxiety and he was still nervous. He needed more lube, he reached for it and put more onto his fingers so that they dripped with it. He didn’t know what that would accomplish, but he was so nervous. He ran his fingers over his entrance again so it would be easier to work his fingers in, “You can.”

He pressed his index finger further, breathing deeply. His breath hitched as his finger dipped into his hole. _Shit_. It didn’t hurt, Mark had small hands. His finger had only just “scratched the surface” per se. It was slick, he could slide it in further. So he did. His hole squeezed around it again and he tried to relax himself so it wouldn’t be so stiff and uncomfortable. He didn’t know how to finger himself, he probably should’ve watched a video on it or asked someone who actually knew what they were doing. He didn’t though and there he was, his index finger up to the first knuckle. Mark took a handful of his blanket as he brought another slick finger to his entrance. He teased it a bit before he let it slide in next to the first. It burned a little this time, but Mark liked the small amount of pain it brought about. He wanted so badly to be touched, kisses to be pressed against him as worked himself open. He wanted someone’s lips to be on his thighs, sucking and nipping as they made their way to his neglected cock. It would feel so good if someone’s hands were smoothing over him, squeezing in all the right places so that Mark would moan just as lewdly as the man in the porn video.

“Oh, _fuck me_.” He moaned quietly through clenched teeth as he pressed his fingers further into his hole, the hem of his shirt still caught between his teeth. He didn’t know who he was talking to, probably the imaginary man he wanted to fuck him. The man wasn’t imaginary though, he existed. He didn’t really know what he was doing, like at all. He let his shirt fall as he opened his mouth, eyes screwing shut as he curled his fingers. He moved them slowly, in and out with every breath he took. It was a new sensation and even if he didn’t have anything to compare it to, he wouldn’t lie, it felt good. He was focusing so hard on what he was doing that the sounds of the video blurred into background noise. He didn’t notice how much his cock was leaking as it pooled between him. He didn’t think he could come like this though, not yet. He’d been drooling from the fabric in his mouth and he wasn’t even thinking about swallowing. His lips were glossy with his drool and it dripped down onto his shirt before he licked them, catching his lip between his teeth again. The burn had dissipated, but he pulled his fingers out regardless. That was about as much as he could take and he was really aching to come. His hole clenched again from sudden lack of fingers. His hands were small, so two fingers didn’t do much, but he’d have to work up to more. He took a deep breath as he laid back against his pillows, eyes trained on the computer screen. He would’ve been surprised to see that the two men were still fucking in the video, if he wasn’t so focused on release.

Mark’s hand returned to his angry, now red cock. He moved his leg up and put his hand under his thigh. He curled his toes in concentration as he watched his fist move up and down between his legs. God, why was he so hard? Why was he so horny? He had only thought about one thing. He moaned softly, eyebrows knitting together in concern. He squeezed himself as a thick strip of hot cum painted over his fist. And he let his head loll onto his pillows as his cock twitched as he came. It was kind of a lot. Maybe it was just because he had been so fucking hard and so fucking horny. Or maybe because he was so stressed out and all of it had been pent up and he came _hard _as a release. He was sweating, but as he panted, he half smiled and licked his lips. He shut his laptop with his foot, needing silence. He didn’t realize that it could ever feel that good. He might have to masturbate more often.

He sat up after a few minutes and looked at the drying cum that had landed right over his hand. He needed a shower and to cool off. He looked down at his shirt and almost laughed at the way he had dirtied it. He rubbed his face with his “clean” hand and got up to put on his boxers and get a towel so he could take a shower. He was tired as hell now. He could’ve gone to sleep right then and there but he didn’t like sleeping dirty. He dragged himself into the bathroom and as he ran the shower and got undressed he wondered something. That whole time, why was the only thing he could think of Johnny?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally <3  
ik i said i was gonna update less frequently but i honestly have nothing else to do,,,   
im brainstorming for my next fic tho c:

Mark woke up to his phone buzzing underneath his pillow. He was half asleep as he pulled it out by its charger and answered it without even checking who it was,

“Hello.” He threw his arm over his eyes as he laid back down into his bed. He didn’t even know what time it was. He pulled his phone away from his ear shortly to check the time. 4:24 am,

“Mark.” The voice on the other end was soft and Mark detected something that sounded like slurring,

“Yeah, Hyuck?” Mark sat up and rubbed the sleep away from his eyes,

“Can you come…Over?” Donghyuck’s voice sounded tired, he huffed in the middle of the sentence, like he was out of breath. Mark thought it was strange. He’d never heard that before. His voice wasn’t shaking like his voice usually did when he was having a panic attack. And by this point, at 4:30 in the morning, Hyuck would’ve been taking a long weed nap. Regardless, Mark was still going to go. He was already getting up and getting a fresh pair of sweatpants on,

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming, Duck,” He paused, “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know.” Donghyuck whined, he sounded kind of scared and Mark was starting to get worried. He was already getting his new, red converse on. He had paid for those himself,

“Okay, it’s okay. Do you want to stay on the phone?” Mark opened the door and closed it behind him. He’d made sure to grab his keys and his wallet in case of ID,

“Yeah…” Hyuck sighed. Mark wanted to keep him talking as he walked. They didn’t live too far away from each other. He could get there in ten minutes, five if he ran,

“What did you do today?” Mark asked, he wasn’t really that scared of walking on the street so early in the morning. He lived in a sort of college town, it wasn’t in the middle of the city where he could get kidnapped. It was all college kids who lived in the same type of apartments as Mark and Jaehyun did. Donhghyuck lived alone, his parents paid for the apartment. They didn’t really approve too much of their son, but since the accident, they set him up with everything so he doesn’t drop out of college and become a real junkie. Mark is the one that really took care of him and made sure he didn’t drop out. He knew he would be okay eventually, but it was really hard to be in college and it was really hard to be Donghyuck in college,

“Um…I did my homework…And then I went to a party…And I just got home, but I feel all…mmm.” He was talking really slowly, it was making Mark nervous. He sounded like he was really drunk,

“What did you do at the party?” Mark chewed his lip, quickening his pace. His new converse squeaked as stepped and they pinched his toes, but he wasn’t paying attention to it,

“Mmm..I drank and I slept with a guy.” Donghyuck sounded like he was shuffling around in his bed,

“You did? You used a condom, right?” Mark always asked him questions like that. He wanted his best friend to be safe, of course. That was very important,

“Of course I did…Don’t be stupid, Markie,” Donghyuck paused, “I think we did…”

Mark cursed silently as he stepped up the stairs to his best friend’s apartment, “Hey, let me in.”

He heard some shuffling through the phone and then the door opened. Mark looked at him and hung up his phone before he put it in his pocket. Donghyuck sniffed and looked at him,

“Took you long enough.” Hyuck said as Mark stepped inside. He would’ve rolled his eyes if he wasn’t so nervous about his best friend. He rarely got drunk, very rarely. He drank when he was with Mark but he never got drunk. And he never, ever got wasted. Not like this,

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Mark closed the door and locked it before he took Hyuck’s hand and led him back to his bedroom. Mark sat him down on the bed before he went into his best friend’s drawers and got him some fresh clothes. Donghyuck just watched him silently, he looked really tired. Mark made his way back over to him and set the clothes down next to him,

“Do you want me to help or can you do it yourself?” Mark asked. He was clearly referring to Donghyuck getting changed. He was wearing typical Donghyuck party clothes. Tight pants, big shirt. Mark always thought he looked cute when he wore stuff like that, hot even at times,

“Can you?” Donghyuck looked up at him. He looked like a little kid, not the usual Hyuck that Mark knew. Any other time, he would’ve been turning it sexual, asking Mark if he was really going to strip him. He even would’ve taken it upon himself to tease Mark and start taking off his best friend’s clothes instead of his own. But Mark knew what this was. It wasn’t the first time he’d done this, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last,

“Yes,” Mark responded simply as he began taking off Donghyuck’s shirt. He was still coherent enough to lift his arms in aid and Mark pulled it over his head with ease. He would’ve told him to take a cold shower if it wasn’t so early in the morning, he knew Donghyuck would want to sleep so he decided just changing into fresh clothes would suffice. Hyuck laid down and Mark unbuttoned his pants so he could pull them off, “Lift your butt.”

Donghyuck did as he was told, lifting his butt so Mark could tug the tight pants down towards his ankles. It took a few harsh tugs to get them past his knees and Mark pulled them off and dropped on the floor in a heap along with the shirt,

“Do you need new underwear?” He watched as his best friend shook his head and sat up, eyes half closed and waiting for a shirt. Mark got the fresh shirt from beside him and scrunched it up so he could pull it over his best friend’s head. Hyuck stuck both of his arms through the armholes and shook his head again as Mark went to get the pants,

“No pants?”

“Just shirt.” Donghyuck responded,

“You’re gonna get cold,” Mark sighed as his best friend ignored him and crawled over to lay on his pillow. He went into the bathroom and got Donghyuck’s makeup wipes out of the drawer. The boy had an extensive skin care routine, facial cleansers, serums, toners, Mark could name anything skin care related and he would probably have it. Hyuck would not be up to going through the steps of taking care of his face and Mark didn’t even know what any of it did so he would be no help. A makeup wipe would be sufficient for that night. He turned off the light in the bathroom as he returned to his best friend, “Look at me.”

Hyuck looked at him and Mark started to gently wipe his face. His best friend let him, compliant to everything he was doing. He looked so tired and Mark was actually genuinely worried about him. He figured after a goodnight’s sleep he would be fine, he just needed to be taken care of and cuddled. Mark wondered if he would ever get to be taken care of like this. He wasn’t trying to be greedy or anything, it was just that, he was always there for his best friend. Couldn’t he want to have the same treatment as he gave his friend? Of course. But, maybe it was because he was just really good at taking care of Hyuck and nobody would be that good at taking care of him without knowing him for at least a year.

He threw the makeup wipe on the bedside table before he stood up. Hyuck looked at him, wondering where he was going. He looked cute with no makeup on, like a child. His bare face was so pretty, he had freckles that he liked to call “beauty marks” because it sounded more sophisticated. His skin was darker compared to Mark’s, it was almost golden. It glowed when he laughed, but right now it was rather dull. His hair was messy, tousled. It must’ve been from the guy he slept with, Donghyuck had a tendency to get his hair pulled. Mark held up his index finger to him and went into the kitchen. He got out a glass and filled it with tap water before returning to his best friend.

He set the glass on Donghyuck’s bed side table and turned out the light. He got into bed next to him and let out a deep sigh. He’d probably sleep for a few more hours before he’d wake up and make his best friend a haphazard breakfast. He heard his best friend hum next to him and Mark pulled him close. Hyuck took a handful of his shirt in his fist and stuck his face into Mark’s neck. Hot, wet tears fell onto Mark’s skin. It was quiet, but he could hear his best friend suck in short breaths and let them out shakily into his neck,

“Shh.” Mark shushed him gently as he stroked his hair. He knew the cry too well. It was a soft, sad cry that made him want to cry too. It was the cry that told Mark that he was weak and sad and it was just so different than what Mark knew him to be. Usually Hyuck was the strong, confident one that didn’t care how people saw him or what they thought of him. Now, he seemed small and like he _needed _to be held. So Mark would hold him until he fell asleep.

After a while, all he could hear was the soft breathing of his best friend. His hand had gone slack against his chest where he was holding onto his shirt before. Mark was still petting his hair, though his other hand had migrated to rub his back gently. It must’ve been soothing as his best friend had gone to sleep soundly. He liked taking care of people, especially his best friend. He knew he would have to be taken care of, anyway. Every so often he needed it. And every so often, Mark needed it to. Sure, Donghyuck could take care of him, but only when Mark would actually tell him he needed it. He rarely ever told anyone when he was going through it. Hyuck only ever found out when he’d try to get Mark to go out and he would refuse. Even though going to parties wasn’t really Mark’s “thing”, he’d still go with his best friend. It was mostly to keep an eye on him and take him home after.

Mark sighed and looked up at the ceiling. He always felt different in other people’s bed, he wasn’t as comfortable as if he was in his own. But, there was always a different type of comfort that came from laying in someone else’s bed. When he laid in Donghyuck’s, he felt the comfort of his best friend, but he also felt the security he gave to him. He seldom laid in Jaehyun’s bed, but when he did he felt the reassurance that his roommate could give to almost anyone. The singular time that Mark laid in Johnny’s bed, he remembered he felt warm and safe. It was a strange feeling for him, he never felt that outside of his own bed. The only other time he’d felt that was when he was in Yukhei’s arms. The feeling of security was odd for him, because he wasn’t even confident or secure in himself. He liked it, obviously. He didn’t know how much he thought about it, it honestly kept playing over and over and _over _in his mind. Reiteration. He hated it.

He threw an arm over his eyes. He was so fucking frustrated. He’d been laying there for at least a half an hour and that was just too long when it was almost six in the God damn morning. He wasn’t just annoyed that he couldn’t sleep, though. Deep down, he was really upset at the fact that all he could think about was Johnny’s mouth on his or even on his neck, his chest. Between his thighs. He never thought about Yukhei in that way after, even after he sucked his dick. A simple kiss from truth or dare was trying to ruin him and it was working. The only reason he fell asleep that night so easily was because he was tired from jacking off. Now, he wasn’t tired because there were so many thoughts racing through his mind, one after another. He was glad he made up with Johnny, but did he even mean it? Yes, of course, he meant it. He’d figure it out eventually, but he wasn’t sure if he could do it alone.

***

“Give me that.” Mark snatched his bubble tea from Johnny and stuck his straw into it,

“You dumbass, that’s mine.” Johnny took it back from him and took a big sip out of it,

“It’s mine!” Mark giggled as his friend made a face at the taste and he grabbed the cup and shook his head. He pointed at the label, reading it confidently, “Oreo with original bubbles.”

“That is so sweet. How can you drink something that sweet?” Johnny looked at him incredulously,

“It’s yummy,” Mark responded simply with a shrug. He took a sip of his drink and raised his eyebrows at Johnny, “That’s sweet.”

Johnny covered his face as he laughed gently. He took his own drink in his hand and stuck the straw in. It made a satisfying “pop” noise,

“Give me that,” Mark took it and tasted it, “Yo, that’s kinda good. Is that coconut?”

“Taro milk tea with coconut jellies.” Johnny took it back from him, almost comically, and sipped it. He hummed happily,

“Mmm, thank you by the way. I can still pay you back if you want.” Mark looked at him as he opened his computer. They were in the library, much to Mark’s chagrin. But, he wasn’t focused on that, he was focused on Johnny and their project,

“It’s fine, it was like four dollars. I’m not gonna go broke from getting you boba.” Johnnystarted messing with his camera as he glanced at the boy next to him,

“What if you do, though?” Mark chuckled quietly to himself as he looked at Johnny, who was only slightly amused,

“It’s fine, let’s work.” He sat back in his chair and took a deep breath,

“Working is so hard,” Mark looked at him and leaned on the table, “I don’t want to.”

“Well, we kind of have to, you know,” Johnny smiled at him, “It’s due really soon.”  
“Can we work on it in a few minutes?”Mark smiled back at him innocently, trying to convince him to listen to him,

“Yes, we can,” Johnny put his chin in his hand as he leaned on the table. He touched Mark’s bangs gently, “I like your hair by the way, it’s cute.”

“Thanks, I felt like changing it up.” Mark watched his finger play with his hair. He liked being called cute, it was a nice compliment. It made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside,

“You did a good job.” Johnny looked impressed as Mark sipped his bubble tea again,

“Jaehyun helped me. He always helps Tae dye his hair, so,” Mark laid his head on the table and looked up at the tall man, “I trusted him not to fuck up mine.”

Johnny hummed in response, eyes still flickering over Mark who blinked slowly. It wasn’t that awkward between them, but Mark couldn’t stop looking at Johnny’s lips. He wondered if the man noticed, but then again Johnny couldn’t stop looking at Mark in general. _That _was something Mark noticed. He heard the seat next to him get pulled out and he watched as Johnny practically rolled his eyes before looking at the table. He felt a tap on his shoulder,

“Hey.” Mark nearly froze at the deep voice behind him. He knew that voice, too well, in fact,

“Hey…” Mark sat up and glanced at Johnny before he turned his head to look at Yukhei,

“Hey, long time no see. Or text,” That was a rather petty thing to say and it kind of made Mark feel like he just got stabbed in the stomach, “What’s up?”

“Um, nothing,” Mark paused, “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing,” Yukhei looked past him at Johnny for a second and then back at the boy in front of him, “We haven’t talked in a while, where have you been?”

“I’ve been busy…” Mark said slowly. He was a bit confused as to why Yukhei was approaching him now. He knew he made a mistake by not texting him back ever, but it had been over a week now. He could’ve called or texted to ask if Mark wanted to talk, not approach him later when Mark really thought the relationship or whatever it was was _over,_

“Busy with?” Yukhei prodded further,

“School?” Mark responded, he sounded unsure of himself and he knew that was a huge mistake in front of Yukhei,

“Ahh, I see,” The Chinese man took a deep breath, “So can we talk?”

“About?” Mark blinked at him. His leg had begun to bounce up and down in anxiousness,

“Us?” Yukhei glanced at his leg,

“We’re kind of in the middle of something, Yukhei.” Johnny cut in. Mark looked at him as he rubbed his neck nervously,

“I wasn’t talking to you,” He paused, “What’s your name again?”

“Johnny,” The dark haired man responded simply, crossing his arms across his broad chest, “Seo. Remember?”

“Okay, _Johnny, _I’m talking to Mark right now, so give us a couple minutes.” Yukhei looked back at Mark,

“Dude, no,” Johnny narrowed his eyes at him, “We’re doing a project. You wanna talk to him? Text him later.”

“Johnny..It’s fine…” Mark pulled at his hair nervously,

“Mark, you said we would work after a couple minutes, it’s been a couple minutes. We’ve been procrastinating this for a while, I think we should bang it out right now so we can edit it sooner rather than later.” Johnny looked at him. His eyes were intense, Mark could see that they were asking him to not go with Yukhei. It wasn’t just about their damn project though,

“You moved on pretty quickly haven’t you, Johnny?” Yukhei smiled innocently, “Bet you still have the photos of her, hm?”

“Shut up, don’t talk to me that way.” The tall man shook his head at him,

“I’m just saying, your eyes are practically undressing Mark as we speak.” Yukhei smirked, he didn’t care what he was saying because he was clearly making Mark uncomfortable and anxious,

“I think you’re thinking of you? I’m not really like that, I prefer consent,” Johnny responded,

“To be honest, I am surprised she stayed with you for so long. She clearly wasn’t satisfied.” Yukhei smirked at Johnny’s reaction. Mark had no idea who they were talking about,

“Can you just not? I asked you to not talk to Mark right now because we’re doing a project, you didn’t need to come in here and start running your mouth about things that are in the past.” Johnny gripped his plastic bubble tea cup rather tightly in anger,

“Or maybe you’re just mad because you want to bang him?” The Chinese man leaned back in his chair,

“Shut the fuck up. You will literally fuck anything that moves _just _because they have a hole you can stick your dick into, you horny fuck,” Johnny pushed his cup across the table, “Stop talking about her or I will beat your ass into the ground, dick.”

“You’re cute,” Yukhei chuckled at him before he looked at Mark, “Come on, I wanna talk to you, please.”

“He doesn’t want to talk, Yukhei.” The tall man practically growled,

“I’m not talking to you. For the last time.”

“Well, I’m talking to you. And I’m telling you that Mark doesn’t want to talk to you right now.” Johnny ran a hand through his hair, he was clearly frustrated,

“Are you Mark, now?” Yukhei raised his eyebrow at the tall man,

“No, but I’m his friend and I actually give a shit about him and don’t just think about having sex with him all the time.” Johnny cracked his knuckles and Mark thought he was trying to seem stronger and bigger than he was. Mark stood up suddenly, becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the situation,

“I’ll be back in a second.” Mark started to walk away,

“Mark.” Yukhei started,

“No, you know what? Don’t let me stop you from talking about me like that. _Both _of you. It’s totally fine, I totally don’t care what you’re saying and it’s totally not rude or inappropriate to talk to my friend that way about me. It’s _totally _fine,” Mark waved his hand in dismiss, “Also, I’m sorry, Yukhei. But, I don’t want to talk to someone whose going to talk about or to someone else in that way. Maybe you should go back to your girls. Sucking your dick was a one time thing, I don’t think we’re right for each other.”

“I…” Yukhei started again,

“No, it’s done.” Mark scurried away. He went into the bathroom, breathing picking up rather quickly. He couldn’t get enough air though and every time he tried to swallow, it felt like it got caught in his throat. One simple sentence could set him off. He looked at himself in the mirror, he was paler than normal. He leaned his arms on the counter and tried to take deep breaths. He wasn’t getting air, there was no air. He couldn’t breathe. He felt like he was going to throw up, but he knew he wouldn’t. _Fuck, breathe. Why can’t you fucking breathe? _He tried so hard but nothing would come in still. His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest and he felt tears start dripping down his cheeks. Something was squeezing his chest and it wouldn’t let go. He shut his eyes tightly as the tears rolled down his cheeks, one after another. He didn’t even notice the door open, and then Johnny was standing next to him. He would’ve asked him to leave had he not needed someone to take care of him at the moment,

“Mark,” Johnny said softly, coaxing him to become aware of his surroundings again, “Mark, look at me please.”

He looked at Johnny and what he saw was comfort. He felt a hand on his back as he kept taking shallow breaths,

“Take a deep breath. Through your nose, do it with me,” Johnny took a deep breath and Mark tried to match him, failing miserably on the first attempt. The second and third time though were much better. Mark could actually retain air and was starting to breathe normally. Johnny thumbed Mark’s cheeks, wiping away his tears gently, “Good, that’s good.”

His voice was soft, it offered him reassurance. Mark wanted to reach out and grab that feeling and hold onto it forever. It was just out of his reach. There were still tears sliding down his cheeks, but they were slowing. He looked up at Johnny. The tall man’s eyes were soft. They were such a beautiful shade of brown. He could get lost in them forever and he wouldn’t be sure he’d ever want to find his way out,

“You’re safe.” Johnny’s voice was gentle, it smoothed out the ugly wrinkles in Mark’s mind. _You’re safe_. It echoed in his mind too many times. He was safe, this was safety. Johnny didn’t know what that word did to Mark,

“I’m sorry,” Mark started to ramble, “I didn’t mean to walk away or be mean I just like why would he say that, he’s not usually that mean. I’m so sorry he said that you and I’m so sorry I walked away—”

He was cut off by Johnny’s lips on his. Mark was surprised, his eyes widened as he was kissed suddenly. He didn’t pull away. Instead his eyes fluttered shut, eyelashes resting comfortably on the tops of his cheeks. Their height difference wasn’t that different, but Mark had to look up and stand a little taller in order to keep their lips connected. Johnny’s hands were on his waist now, gripping it tightly, but not too tightly. They felt secure. Mark threw his arms around Johnny’s neck. Their lips moved together in that rhythm that Mark remembered and apparently Johnny remembered too. He liked it. He liked it so much. Johnny pulled away slowly, placing a small peck on Mark’s lips before he looked down at him.

Mark opened his eyes, he had no words. Not because he was surprised, he just genuinely didn’t know what to say. So, he didn’t say anything. Mark just hugged him. He wrapped his arms around the taller man’s waist instead of his neck and let his head rest on his chest. Johnny wrapped his arms around Mark in return and squeezed him tightly. He felt so safe. He loved it, it was so much better than what he felt with Yukhei. _So _much better. Johnny rubbed his back kindly and Mark half expected him to kiss the top of his head. He would’ve loved that.

He’d forgotten about the previous events, the one that caused him to run into the bathroom in the first place. He forgot about what Yukhei had said, even though it hurt him. He forgot about “her”, whoever that was. He forgot about the way that Johnny’s harsh words that somewhat scared him because he wasn’t used to hearing that from him. He didn’t even care right now. He was in his arms, that’s all he cared about. He could be weak, because there was someone there to protect him, to comfort him. He didn’t know how long he had asked for that. Far too long. But, he felt like he could breathe again,

“Do you feel better?” Johnny’s voice was deep and Mark could feel it rumble as his head was pressed against his chest. Mark could only nod in response as he let out a deep sigh, “Good.”

“I’m sorry.” Mark said after a few minutes,

“You have nothing to apologize for, Mark. Everything’s fine.” Johnny continued rub his back, pausing when he made it to the small of his back before bringing his hand back up towards his shoulders. Mark picked his head up and then looked up at Johnny,

“Are you sure?” The smaller of the two men asked. Johnny nodded at him,

“Can I kiss you again?” Johnny smiled when Mark nodded. He was nodding quickly, he knew what he wanted. The taller man dipped his head down and kissed Mark again. What was so different about kissing him than anyone else? It was the comfort that Johnny gave him. Everything was soft when it came to him. He knew he had to stop comparing him to Yukhei, but when he was with him, everything was had been so hard and rough. Johnny was gentle and that’s what Mark really wanted. He wanted soft and gentle. That was made him feel safe. He pulled away,

“Can we kiss somewhere else, we’re like, in the boy’s bathroom,” Mark paused and bit his lip, “Also my bubble tea.”

“Yeah, let’s get out of here.” Johnny chuckled and pecked him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi c:  
i wrote a pretty long chapter for you guys as i'm getting surgery tomorrow and don't know how long it'll be before i'm back writing again  
most likely a couple days but just in case i wanted to give you more to read to make up for it if i take a break (i honestly doubt i will lol)  
markjohn finally~ i'm force feeding it to y'all now  
enjoy! <3

Johnny’s apartment was really nice when Mark actually took a good look at it. There were photos pasted all over his walls, presumably ones that he took. The set up was clean and Mark was honestly kind of surprised he could afford it. Then again, his parents paid for it. It was a pretty open floor plan, the kitchen and the “living room” were connected. There was a small bathroom off to the side and then Johnny’s room was it’s own room as well. Mark was sitting on his bed comfortably. He had finished his bubble tea and was really wishing he had more. Johnny came into his room with a bag of popcorn and Mark looked up at him. He set it down on the bed as he got onto it to sit next to Mark,

“Sorry, took a while,” Johnny watched as Mark picked up the bag and pulled it open, “Careful, it’ll be hot.”

“Mmm.” Mark popped a couple pieces in his mouth and smiled at him as he chewed,

“Cute.” Johnny said simply which made Mark blush,

“Do you like me?” He cocked his head to the side as he looked at the tall man, he continued munching on the popcorn happily. He wasn’t used to being too confrontational, but at that point he was really done with not knowing what he had or what he was going to get,

“It’s not obvious?” Johnny asked, “We were kissing in the boy’s bathroom.”

“Mm, not an answer.” Mark shook his finger at him,

“Yes, I like you. A bit sassy, hm?” Johnny chuckled and took a handful of popcorn, which was quite a lot because Johnny’s hands were rather large, “Do you like me?”

“Yo, that was like the entire bag of popcorn,” Yes, Mark was trying to evade the question, but since Johnny answered his, he would have to answer. Mark chewed his lip, “And…I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Johnny asked, raising his eyebrow at the boy,

“Like, I can’t tell if I do…” Mark scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. What did it feel like to like someone? Mark never really _liked _anyone, “What does it feel like?”

“Um…” Johnny crossed his legs, “I guess it just feels like you don’t want to be away from them or you can’t stop thinking about them? Your heart starts to race when you’re near them. Have you never had a crush on anyone before?”

Mark thought back. He liked his girlfriends in the past, but not like he had a crush on them. He didn’t feel any different when he was around them, if anything he felt more awkward. He didn’t really feel that awkward with Johnny, but he thought that was because they were friends. But then again, he kissed him so easily the second time. And he hugged him. And he couldn’t get him out of his mind, like Johnny said, “Not really.”

“Oh.” Johnny chewed his lip nervously,

“I think I like you.” Mark said. It was almost confident sounding,

“Really?” Johnny’s eyes lit up a little bit when those words came out of his mouth,

“I think so.” Mark ate another couple pieces of popcorn and he let a smile tug at the corners of his mouth,

“Should I kiss you again?” Johnny smirked,

“Yes,” Mark shivered as the tall man cupped his cheek and kissed him gently. Yeah, he probably liked him. He could kiss him for hours, “You’re gay?”

“I’m bisexual,” Johnny pulled away from him, his hand still pressed into his cheek, “Are you?”  
“I don’t know.” Mark shrugged, leaning slightly into the touch,

“You don’t know a lot of things…” Johnny looked at him, slightly unsure of what the younger boy was saying. Yet, his hand remained on his cheek,

“I don’t know how to figure them out.” Mark bit his lip as Johnny removed his hand,

“Well, I could always help.” He shrugged,

“How?” Mark asked. He laid down and got comfortable in the bed, eyes still on Johnny,

“How? I mean, um…If you’re down we can do things together.” Johnny smiled sheepishly,

“Things?” Mark was just teasing him at this point, but in all honestly, he was rather curious about what these “things” were,

“Like we can go out together, and we could kiss and do other things if you want to do them.” Mark had never seen Johnny so flustered and he’d definitely never heard him stumble over his words like that,

“Are you asking me out?” Mark looked at him seriously,

“Maybe?” Johnny bit his lip,

“Sure, we can go out.” Mark nodded. Secretly, fireworks were going off in his head. It wasn’t just because he’d always wanted to be asked out, but mostly because it was Johnny. He’d apparently, really taken a liking to him. He was so down,

“Really?” The tall man cleared his throat, “I mean, yeah, that’s cool.”

Mark just giggled and threw a piece of popcorn at him. Johnny smiled fondly at him, he looked pretty happy. It made Mark feel better about the whole situation,

“Are you a virgin?” Johnny asked. It caught Mark off guard a little bit, but he supposed he it was a valid question,

“Um, technically no. But, in terms of like, butt sex, yes,” Mark watched as Johnny chuckled at his word choice, “Are we asking questions?”

“Sure.” Johnny laid down next to him,

“Okay, do you like girls or boys better?” Mark looked at him curiously,

“Um, I don’t know if that’s really a thing for me. But, right now, I’m obviously like into you. So, I think that maybe I like guys better right now?” Johnny shrugged,

“I meant more like, do you like…” Mark trailed off,

“Pussy or ass?” Johnny laughed as Mark nodded shyly, “I like both. It’s just not that simple, Mark.”

“Oh.” Mark made a face that looked like he had duck lips and he sniffed,

“I’m into you right now, that’s kinda all that matters,” Johnny moved a piece of hair out of Mark’s face, “Jealous?”

“Maybe a little, but in complete honestly, I need to get used to this to be honest.” Mark sat up and looked at him. He bit his lip, a bit nervous at how he would react,

“I’m fine with going slow. I really do like genuinely like you and I want to see where this goes.” Johnny sat up next to him and smiled kindly at Mark,

“When did you know?” Mark wiped his mouth so it was devoid of fake butter,

“That I had a crush on you?” Johnny waited until Mark nodded, “When I found you on those steps outside the frat house a couple of weeks after you broke my camera.”

“That long ago?” Mark looked at him like he was crazy,

“That long ago,” Johnny nodded, “I fall quick and I fall hard.”

“Have you ever been in love?” The shorter boy looked at him intently,

“Yeah, you?”

“Never.”

“It hurts, don’t do it.” Johnny laid back down and ran a hand through his hair,

“How do I ‘not do it’?” Mark watched him,

“It’s impossible. Just be careful when you do.” Johnny sighed and closed his eyes,

“I’ll try,” The light haired boy leaned over to connect his lips to the taller, “You taste like butter.”

Johnny hummed in response, kissing Mark again softly. His lips were soft and plump. Mark knew why he knew how to kiss now. He’d been in love. He knows how to love someone. That’s why he felt so secure and safe, because he’d protected someone more than his own heart before. It was endearing, it made Mark want to kiss him more. He wasn’t jealous. Well, he was jealous, but only over the fact that he’d actually experienced the sensation of being in love. Mark didn’t know what that felt like, but it must feel amazing to know that the other person loved you back.

They kissed for a while. Lazy, chaste kisses that made Mark feel like he had butterflies in his stomach that were trying to escape. Johnny seemed to like it too because he wasn’t getting bored with the simple kisses that they exchanged. Mark tried not to act too surprised when the taller man licked at his bottom lip. He could only smile in response, before he parted his lips slightly. Johnny didn’t want to leave anything unknown as he kissed Mark. Even though it would be considered “lewd” to be kissing with tongue, the whole thing was still very serene. Mark had gotten comfortable so quickly with him, it kind of scared him. But, it was good. He felt halfway happy. He was still confused, he still didn’t know exactly what he was doing. But, he was getting somewhere and that was good enough for him at the moment. He pulled away, his nose still touching Johnny’s who smiled,

“Who’s ‘her’?” Mark adjusted himself so that his body was close to Johnny. He could feel his body heat radiating off onto him,

“Her?” Johnny gave him a questioning look,

“Like, you and Yukhei kept talking about ‘her’.” Mark sniffed as the tall man kissed his cheek,

“He was talking about my ex,” Johnny sighed and rubbed his eyes, “It’s a long story.”

“Oh, sorry.” Mark frowned at the big man. He looked rather sad when he talked about it,

“No, it’s okay,” Johnny paused, “Basically, Yukhei and I were friends and then I started dating this girl, Hana. And we were really good, that’s who I was in love with, but to make a long story extremely short, she cheated on me with him. And I was really upset and we got into a fight at a party, like a physical fight. So, I stopped being friends with him because he’s a dick. That’s why I don’t like him. Along with the way he treats you.”

“Oh,” Mark didn’t really know what to say. He was a little shocked in fact, he knew now that Yukhei wasn’t an amazing person or simply the write person for him, but he never expected that, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. He just likes to rub it in my face, but, now you can see why I don’t really like him.” Johnny took Mark’s chin gently so he could kiss him. Mark hummed in response to the act, kissing him softly,

“I don’t think he was the write person for me anyway…” Mark pouted, “I made an unfortunate mistake.”

“I mean, it’s fine, you don’t know exactly what you want. He’s very charismatic, I don’t blame you. But, he’s a bit of a show off. The Mercedes and all that.” Johnny went into his bedside table and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He took one out and put it between his lips,

“Tell me you don’t smoke inside.” Mark looked at him, a small laugh bubbled up and out of his mouth,

“I don’t smoke inside?” Johnny clenched his teeth and raised his eyebrows at him,

“Johnny.” Mark took the cigarette out of his mouth,

“Mark,” The tall man shook his head and smiled, “I’ll open a window.”

“You don’t need this.” Mark looked at the cigarette,

“I do, though,” Johnny took it back from him and put it between his lips again, “Addiction.”

“Well, you could at least _try _to quit.” Mark laid down as Johnny went over to his window and opened it. He watched him light the cigarette and blow a puff out of the window,

“I didn’t know you cared so much, Mark.” Johnny leaned his arms against the window sill as he smoked,

“I care about people’s health and I also care about the mouth that I kiss.” Mark looked at him,

“I brush my teeth a lot,” Johnny looked back at him and rolled his eyes, “What?”

“You should quit,” Mark watched as Johnny took another puff and shook his head, “I’m just saying.”

“I’ll try, it’s just hard.” Johnny stuck the end of his cigarette into the plate that sat on the window sill to snuff it out,

“I’ll help you, you’re helping me.” Mark stretched out,

“I thought we were going out now.” Johnny stood at the foot of the bed,

“We are going out, you’re still helping me by doing so. I’ve never dated a guy before, I’ve never had sex with a guy. I barely know who I am myself. Trust me, you’re helping me.” Mark yawned quietly and blinked his eyes a few times,

“Fine, I’ll try to quit,” Johnny grinned, “Hold on, I have to brush my teeth.”

“Mm.”

***

Mark stared at the ceiling. He couldn’t sleep at all. He had come home after a few hours with Johnny. All they did was talk and kiss. Mark really liked that, that was all he really wanted to do. The tall man didn’t do anything that Mark didn’t want him to do. Well, actually, he didn’t do much unless Mark got him to. He was fine with that though. It made him feel all fuzzy inside. In all honesty, Mark was really feeling up to doing more, but he knew he should take it slow. So he was going to. He was definitely tired, mostly because he’d actually spent a while jacking off again. It was a little strange for him, but it felt good so he thought fuck it. It was normal to do that. He thought of Johnny, of course. He thought of Johnny and he wondered if the tall man ever did that and thought of him.

Even though his body was dead tired, his mind wouldn’t shut the fuck up. He couldn’t stop thinking about what Yukhei had done. He didn’t know any of that, but maybe he should’ve assumed. He was actually kind of glad he had never responded to Yukhei, but at the same time he couldn’t decide if he felt bad or upset over it. He didn’t like the way he talked about him though. It was really rude and made Mark extremely uncomfortable. Hence the panic attack, which was embarrassing. But, Johnny came running after him. It showed he cared. He wouldn’t forget the fact that he was actually _dating _Johnny now. Well, dating was a strong label. They made out and Johnny asked him out. He wasn’t expecting much more than that.

Mark rolled over and looked at his phone. 1:24 am. He groaned. He just wanted to sleep. There was a new message from Johnny, but he didn’t want to get caught up in texting him again or he would never get to sleep. He picked up his head so that his phone would unlock and he could see what the message said. It was nothing important. He shoved his phone back under his pillow and looked at his dark ceiling. A deep sigh escaped his lips and he sat up. He ran a hand through his hair, rather frustrated. It wasn’t only that he couldn’t stop thinking, he just missed being kissed and held, too. He wanted to fall asleep in someone’s arms. It would probably take a while before that would happen. He rubbed his face harshly. What could he do to fall asleep? Or, what could he do to stop himself from thinking so hard.

He heard Jaehyun’s door open. Mark got out of his bed and stood up. He stretched and adjusted his basketball shorts as he went to open his door. He peaked his head out before stepping out into the hallway quietly. He heard hushed whispering and short kisses as he creeped further to listen to what they were saying. It was just an exchange of “I love you’s” and it made Mark feel a little bit fuzzy inside. He heard the door shut and he leaned against the wall, waiting for his roommate to come back,

“Mm, I love you, Jaehyunnie.” Mark mocked jokingly as his roommate nearly jumped out of his skin,

“You fucking bastard, holy shit,” Jaehyun held his chest as if he was having a heart attack. Mark just laughed, “You scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry.” Mark was still giggling quietly,

“What are you doing awake, I thought you were sleeping?” Jaehyun turned on the light, blinking away the sudden change,

“I can’t sleep,” Mark shook his head, “Why was Tae leaving, like, just now?”

“He has to pack, he’s going on a trip.” Jaehyun went into the living room and Mark followed. He sat down on the couch and Jaehyun sat next to him, propping his feet up on the coffee table,

“He’s packing at like two in the morning?” Mark asked, he scratched the back of his head and sniffled,

“He’s leaving at five,” Jaehyun twirled his hair between his fingers, “For two weeks.”

“Where’s he going?” Mark leaned his head against the back of the couch,

“To visit his mom.” His roommate pulled his vape out of his pocket and looked at him,

“I love youuuuu~” Mark mocked again, giggling as he watched Jaehyun roll his eyes,

“He said it first, not me.” He grinned,

“Mmm, someone’s happy.” Mark smiled. He was happy for his roommate, it was definitely important for Jaehyun to hear that,

“I am,” He paused, taking a hit and blowing it out towards Mark, “And you?”

“What about me?” Mark raised his eyebrow at him, he played with his ear, tugging at the earlobe gently,

“Um, you were jerking it, weren’t you?” Jaehyun shrugged nonchalantly. Mark bit his lip, his cheeks heating up in embarrassment,

“What?” He said. He was definitely acting dumb, he didn’t realize he was being loud,

“Ah, Mark, come on. I heard you,” Jaehyun chuckled at Mark’s reaction, his face continuing to get more and more red, “It’s fine, don’t be embarrassed about it, it’s normal.”

“Right…” He ran a hand over his face and pulled his knees towards his chest, “…Was I being loud?”

“No, no. I just heard something I wasn’t used to hearing from your room and I figured you were…You know, masturbating.” Jaehyun laugher as Mark screwed up his face,

“Oh God, do you really have to use that word?” Mark frowned at him,

“Your options are masturbating, jacking off, jerking off, jerking it, the list goes on,” Jaehyun leaned back against the couch and sighed deeply, “Why were you doing that anyway, you never do that type of stuff?”

“I don’t know? I got a boner and I just did it?” Mark wrapped his arms around his knees and hugged them,

“Why’d you get one though?” Jaehyun cocked his head to the side. Mark thought he looked like a puppy when he did that and any other time, he would’ve pinched his cheeks and told him he was really cute,

“I don’t know, why do _you _get boners?” Mark asked, shaking his head. It would’ve made him laugh if he wasn’t so embarrassed that his roommate could hear him moaning, alone in his room,

“When I think about Tae sitting on my dick,” Jaehyun stopped, thinking for a moment before he turned to look at Mark, a smirk spreading across his face, “You were thinking about Yukhei, weren’t you?”

“Hell no. What’s wrong with you,” Mark fake gagged and shook his head, fluffy hair bouncing softly, “I was thinking about Johnny…”

He mumbled the last part, looking down. His neck was hot and he felt extremely self conscious with what he just confessed. He knew his roommate would keep his mouth shut, that’s why he let him know,

“Did you say Johnny?” Jaehyun looked at him. He didn’t look judgmental nor did he look like he disapproved. In fact, Mark thought he saw a flash of relief in his eyes. Mark was truly relieved that he wasn’t thinking that way about Yukhei, that must have been what his roommate was thinking too,

“Yeah,” Mark murmured, “To be honest, today he asked me out and I said yes…”

“Wait what?” Jaehyun looked at him seriously, “Explain.”

“Ugh, okay. So, like, remember when you went to pay for my shirt. Yeah? Okay. I was talking with Yuta and I was just asking about him and Sicheng and then somehow we were talking about sex. You know me, I’m not like a horny guy right? Okay, so the other night I was kinda..I got a boner, okay? And then I jacked off and it was good, but I got really confused because all I could think about was him. And then the next day I went to the library— Oh and by the way I saw Yukhei making out with some girl like a week ago and that’s why I am not really interested in him. Also that’s why I changed my hair —anyways, I was with Johnny, today, at the library and we were talking and he got me bubble tea and honestly like my heart. I love boba. But then, Yukhei showed up and was trying to talk to me because I never answered his text, but I low key thought we were done and I was happy about that but nope. Johnny started getting annoyed with it and I didn’t know what to say and then Yukhei said something inappropriate about me and I was getting uncomfortable and Johnny basically called him a slut, _basically_. And then I actually popped off and told Yukhei that we weren’t gonna be a thing. Then, I went to the bathroom and had a panic attack but Johnny showed up again and was comforting me and I started to rant but to shut me up he kissed me. And I really liked it and I like kissing him more than I like kissing Yukhei. Then he took me to his place and we made out and talked for like three hours and he asked me out and I said yeah. And then I came home and jacked off again and now I’m here.” Mark took a deep breath, it was honestly unbelievable that he was a writer,

“Wow,” Jaehyun got up and went to the fridge. He got out a couple cans of beer and went to sit back down next to his roommate, “So he asked you out and you said yeah? That’s kind of fast.”

“I know, but it’s just, like, going out,” Mark took a can from him and opened it, wincing slightly at the loud pop it made, “I’m not expecting a lot. I’m just expecting like kissing and shit.”

“Would you want to go on a date with him though? Like if he asked you?” Jaehyun popped the tab of his own can and took a long sip,

“I mean…Yeah, I would actually. He just feels different to me. He kisses me the way I want to be kissed. It just feels like he knows me already and we’ve only been friends for a few months. I think I’m just also tired of not knowing who I am and I want to hold on to the feeling he gives me.” Mark sipped his as well, but slower than his roommate,

“What feeling does he give you?” Jaehyun inquired. He set the can of beer on the table and looked at Mark. He was showing him that he was listening,

“A warm, disgusting, fuzzy feeling. Like safety. It’s honestly all I’ve ever asked for. And he honestly like…When I was with Yukhei I felt like, um, like I felt like sucking his dick was expected, you know? But then, with Johnny it doesn’t feel like he expects anything from me. Like he’s content with what I’m comfortable with,” Mark paused and chewed on his bottom lip, “Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like I didn’t willingly suck his dick, I definitely wanted to. It’s just that, it was so quick and all he did was give me hand job after. I felt like he expected me to do that and then he was only worried about getting himself off. But also, I didn’t really…I wasn’t really that horny with him. Like, even just thinking about Johnny in a sexual way…It’s a lot.”

“Honestly, it sounds like you like him, so I think you made a good decision,” Jaehyun pulled his legs onto the couch and yawned, “I’m proud of you. You’re not sexual, I know, but honestly if you let it out you’ll feel a lot better. Just remember to tell him the truth. And don’t be surprised if he actually asks you out, he seems like the type.”

“You think?” Mark held onto the beer can tightly, tapping it gently as he listened to Jaehyun talk,

“I think so, he’s really nice, Mark. I really like him,” Jaehyun smiled, “I think he’ll be good for you. I’m so serious.”

Mark smiled and took another sip of his drink. He was actually happy that his roommate was saying these things because it made him feel like he was actually doing something right at the moment. He was excited for what was to come and he really meant that. It was rare that Mark was excited about life, but here he was,

“Wanna go clubbing?” Mark looked at Jaehyun, a grin spreading across his face,

“Clubbing? Hell yeah,” Jaehyun chuckled, peering at Mark, “What’s gotten into you?”

“I just think it would be fun to do something like that, especially since your boyfriend isn’t here, you’ll need something to do.” Mark giggled,

“You know me so well,” Jaehyun stretched and yawned again, “I gotta get to bed.”

“After you just drank an entire can of beer?” Mark asked, raising his eyebrow,

“Yeah, it’ll make me tired if I’m not doing anything.” Jaehyun stood up and pat Mark’s head,

“Goodnight.” Mark smiled at the affection,

“Goodnight, Mark. Sleep well.” Jaehyun padded away and Mark laid down on the couch as he heard Jaehyun’s door close. He let out a deep sigh. It made him feel good knowing that his roommate supported his decision. He knew it was quick, but, why not? Mark had been wanting this for a long time and it seemed good. If it didn’t turn out good he knew he would be extremely disappointed. He couldn’t think that way. He was allowed to have hope for once in his life. He had it, and so far it was doing well for him. A few hours in at least. It would be impossible to tell off of just how they spent the day how the rest of their relationship would go. But, he believed Jaehyun when he said that he was a good guy and he thought they would do well. He was even excited to see if Johnny would actually invite him on a date. All he knew right now is that he missed kissing him and he would love to be cuddled to sleep by him.

Mark yawned, rubbing his eyes as he laid on the couch. He wouldn’t be happy in the morning when he woke up with a massive crick in his neck, but he was beginning to get tired. He closed his eyes, settling onto the couch. It was pretty comfortable as far as couches went. The light was still on, but he was too lazy to get up and turn it off. He just put his arm over his eyes and thought about getting the kisses he still desired. It let him fall asleep content. And what he dreamt about let him wake up with a smile for once.

***

Mark looked pretty hot. It had been a week and a few days. A Saturday night. Clubbing wasn’t his thing, not in any way, shape, or form. But, Jaehyun didn’t forget his offer and there he was, getting ready to go out. He had invited Johnny, who said yes obviously. He’d also invited Donghyuck, knowing that he would usually love to do something like that. But, he said no, much to Mark’s surprise. He told him he had to work on his homework. It was rare that he did something like that and some people would’ve worried about him, but Mark knew he was serious. He’d go with him next time.

He looked in the mirror, checking the way his body looked. He was wearing a black tee shirt that had a few graphics on it. It was tucked into his tight, black jeans. They were ripped at the knee and hugged his thighs tightly. On either side of his legs, there was a strip of leopard print that ended about half way down his thighs, each strip was adorned with a zipper. He’d put on simple, all black converse because apparently that’s all he could afford and his favorite type of shoe. A black, leather belt hugged his hips, keeping not only his pants but also his shirt in place. It was rather chilly that night, so he’d put on a bomber jacket. It was one of the most expensive things he owned. It was a deep emerald green that made him look expensive. It was slightly baggy, but that’s how those jackets were supposed to look. The fabric looked like it was quilted from the way it was sewn and it was a soft velour material. A thin, silver chain hung around his neck, a couple rings, and a bracelet. It was rare that Mark dressed up this much, but by God did he look amazing. The only thing he hadn’t done was his hair. It was wavy and hung in his face. It was cute, it made him look endearing.

He turned around, checking his back in the mirror. Well, he was actually mostly checking his butt. It looked the same as always, good. The pants he was wearing were tight, almost uncomfortably. However, it did lift up his ass a little bit, so no matter how good it looked regularly, it definitely looked better right now. He looked at his door as Jaehyun poked his head in,

“Are you ready to go?” He asked. He smiled as he looked Mark up and down, “You look hot.”

“Thanks,” Mark watched as his roommate stepped into the room. He looked him over. Jaehyun looked pretty hot as well. He always looked the best with the hair on his forehead pushed back, it made him look manly. He was wearing a plain, red hoodie with a dark jean jacket over it. It was well made, it had accents of golden thread over the seams and was thick. It would definitely keep him warm. He was also wearing black jeans, but they weren’t ripped. The red looked good against Jaehyun’s milky skin tone, “You too.”

“Thanks,” His roommate smiled at him and crossed his arms over his chest, “Yuta’s coming, by the way. But, he’s meeting us there.”

“Mmkay,” Mark nodded, “So’s Johnny.”

“Cool, you wanna go?” Jaehyun watched as his roommate nodded, “I’ll call uber.”

Jaehyun left the room and Mark went to look at his phone. He chewed his lip, but smiled as he read through his messages. Hyuck told him to have fun with an immense amount of hearts and love emojis. One from Johnny that said “I can’t wait to see you” with one of the blushing emojis. And, one from Taeyong. Which was rare. Their texts only consisted of “can you let me in” and “yeah”. This time, though, Taeyong had told him to keep an eye on his boyfriend. It was sort of a joke, but Mark also knew that Tae was half serious. He was a little bit insecure, Mark knew that. He would keep an eye on him, but he wouldn’t really have to. Jaehyun was committed, he didn’t say “I love you” to just anyone. Mark replied to all of them, sending a selfie of a kissy face to his best friend who promptly replied “put on more makeup”.

Mark rolled his eyes. He wasn’t big on makeup, but he’d evened out his complexion and put a _tiny _bit of eyeshadow on his eyes. He stretched, popping his neck with a sigh as he padded out of his room and into the living room,

“Ready?” Jaehyun looked up at him from his place on the couch,

“Ready.” Mark nodded shortly with a smile. It was already nine pm, but Mark wasn’t tired. He was actually pretty excited. He was happy to be going out with his friends, as well as Johnny. Even though the club scene wasn’t exactly his thing, it was nice to get out once in a while. And honestly, he wanted kisses which he was sure he was going to get tonight. He and Jaehyun got into the back of the car. It was a nice car, his roommate must’ve ordered the one that had extra leg room. They weren’t too far from the clubs, perks of living in a sort of “college town”. Of course there were bars and clubs close to where they lived, the only business they got was practically all college students with fake IDs. Mark wasn’t twenty-one yet, either. He would be twenty in August, going into his junior year of college. Jaehyun had gotten him a fake ID, regardless of whether or not he liked to drink for times like these. But, the bouncers outside of the clubs rarely cared either way.

Mark looked out the window, watching the trees pass and eventually clear up as they entered a downtown-esque area. He wondered how different clubbing would be with someone he was interested in, someone he could kiss. Jaehyun had told him stories about ending up in the bathroom more than once with Taeyong and he wondered if that would happen to him. Only the kissing part of course, there was no way he was fucking someone in the bathroom of a club. Exhibitionism wasn’t his thing unless he was sucking dick in a McDonald’s parking lot. It was dark out, street lights illuminated the road every so often. But, it was a clear night, a sliver of moon doing its best to light up the night, but ultimately failing. It was turning to spring, the chill of winter still tugging at the blooming flowers. But, there was no longer snow on the ground and the trees were beginning to bud. It was still cool overall, but not as frigid as the dead of winter. He was glad he was wearing a jacket.

They arrived shortly, both men thanked the driver politely before getting out. Mark shut the door gently before turning around to look at the building looming in front of them. Jaehyun stood next to him, hands shoved into his pockets. Mark looked at his phone, checking for any indication of Johnny being there. But, once he looked up, he’d know the tall man anywhere. A shiver ran up his spine when he saw him. It wasn’t like he didn’t think Johnny was usually hot, but holy _shit_, his pants just got a little bit too tight. The tall man was leaning against the neatly stacked brick of the club. It was kind of dark, but there were a few lights that illuminated him just so. He was wearing a black button down shirt, but Mark could see that it was actually rather see-through. The top few buttons were unbuttoned, a black tank top worn underneath so that he wasn’t just showing his bare chest. Two silver necklaces hung around his neck, a dainty one that Mark assumed would have a cross at the end, the other being a chain that hugged the base of his neck. He was wearing black pants, but they were a little bit baggy rather than tight. Even though the see-through shirt reached below his waist, Mark could make out a thick, white belt that said something on it in bold, black letters. His hair looked a little wet, but it was pushed out of his face on one side, the other side fell into his eye. A silver earring hung from one ear. He was smoking, of course, but Mark still felt like drooling everywhere. He thought he might let him fuck him in the bathroom if he looked like that.

He shook the thought from his head, gathering the confidence to go over to him. They were technically “going out” but Mark still felt somewhat awkward when approaching him. It was normal and honestly, he probably wouldn’t ever get over that. Jaehyun started walking so he followed quickly. When Johnny saw him, he dropped the cigarette from between his fingers and smushed it with his shoe. He was clearly embarrassed that he got caught smoking when he was supposed to be quitting,

“Hey,” Johnny smiled innocently at Mark before raking his eyes over him. The shorter boy swore he could hear his breath hitch as he looked at him, “Damn, you look good.”

“So, we’re littering now?” Mark raised his eyebrow at him as he put his hands on his hips. He ignored the fluttering in his stomach from the obviously genuine compliment,

“No! I mean…Fine, you caught me,” Johnny put his hands up in defeat, “I’m sorry.”

“Mhm, can I have the pack?” Mark held out his hand, crossing his arms when the tall man shook his head,

“I don’t have it. I bummed that off of some guy,” Johnny chuckled as Mark gave him an unconvinced look, “I swear. Now give me a kiss.”

“Demanding,” Mark stood on his tip toes to kiss him, placing a hand on his cheek. He smiled into it when he felt a hand on his waist, “You look really good.”

“Thank you. You do too.” Johnny pecked him before Mark’s soles returned to the sidewalk. He looked at Jaehyun and laughed when he saw his roommate’s disgusted face,

“Shut up, this is what you do with Taeyong all the time.” Mark hummed happily as Johnny moved some of his hair out of his face,

“Yeah, well he’s not here right now so I have to watch this and miss him, unfortunately,” Jaehyun looked at the tall man and held out his hand, “What’s up, man?”

“Not much,” He replied as Mark watched them do some sort of “bro handshake”, “Good to see you.”

“You too,” Jaehyun paused before he smiled devilishly at the two, “Better be careful with him, John, his ass is super sensitive.”

Mark yelped as his roommate slapped it when he walked by, getting in line to show ID to the bouncers so he could be let in. Mark rubbed his butt, shyness creeping onto his face and neck. He looked up at Johnny when he took hold of his chin. A gentle kiss placed onto his lips made him feel immediately better,

“Come on, let’s get in line.” Johnny said, taking hold of Mark’s shoulders and steering him towards his roommate. Mark played with his rings as they waited. The line wasn’t extremely long, but they still were going to have to wait for about twenty minutes before they got in. Yuta showed up within the next five, angering people as he cut the line with Sicheng. They both looked really handsome and Mark noticed Sicheng gripping Yuta’s hand tightly. They were talking to Jaehyun, leaving Mark and Johnny in their own world,

“Where’d you get this?” Johnny asked, tugging lightly at Mark’s jacket,

“I don’t know, somewhere online for a shit ton of money.” Mark looked up at him as he put his hand in his pocket,

“Designer baby,” Johnny chuckled, putting his arm around the short boy. Mark felt himself blush again and it crept up to his ears. He knew Johnny didn’t necessarily mean it as a pet name, but it felt like he was calling him “baby” and that had Mark shivering beneath his touch, “Are you cold?”

“No, no. I’m fine, sorry.” Mark gave him a quick smile before taking a deep breath. He was definitely still nervous around him,

“Are you sure?” Johnny looked at him, clearly worried that Mark was either cold or he had said something wrong to make the younger boy uncomfortable. Johnny could read him, he needed to remember that,

“Yeah, I’m fine, John.” Mark smiled at him for real, earning himself a kiss which he eagerly reciprocated,

“Ew,” He heard from behind, it was a girl’s voice and Mark immediately felt self conscious. He pulled away, refusing to look back at whoever it was. He could see Johnny looking back out of the corner of his eye and he took a handful of his shirt. He didn’t even know if it was about them, “They’re letting gays into this club now?”

Never mind, it was about them. Mark pulled tighter on Johnny’s shirt, telling him to let it go, but it was never that easy,

“Excuse me?” He heard the deep voice say as Johnny turned around. His heart sank, now was definitely not the time to be fighting with random girls in line,

“I said they’re letting gays into this club now?” The girl repeated herself. Mark turned to look at her. She was pretty, of course, they always were. Her lips were a bright red, brown hair resting on her shoulders. She was wearing a short, skimpy dress and high, black boots. Mark thought she must’ve been cold and that was what was contributing to her bad mood,

“Yes, I didn’t know it was a crime to go to club if you were gay,” Johnny smiled at her kindly, it was kind of scary how nice he looked when he clearly had no respect for the woman standing behind them, “If you don’t like it, maybe you should try another club. I heard the strip club down the street is accepting members.”

The girl scoffed, ducking her head beneath the dividers as she got out of line and stalked away angrily. Mark watched as she pulled down her dress, clearly realizing that it might be slightly too short for the chilly, March weather,

“I thought you were bi?” Mark let go of Johnny’s shirt and turned back around as they neared the front of the line,

“I am, but it’s girls like her that make me want to be gay.” Johnny took out his ID from his wallet and Mark snatched it from him to look,

“Happy belated birthday,” Mark looked up at him, “Twenty-two?”

“Thanks,” Johnny chuckled as he took the plastic card back from the shorter boy and tapped it on his fingers, “Yeah, I’m old.”

“You’re, like, two years older than me…” Mark took his own ID out, the fake one, which Johnny also took from him to look at it,

“Here it says you’re a year older than me,” The tall man raised an eyebrow at him before giving it back, “Is it a problem that I’m ‘like’ two years older than you?”

“No,” Mark smiled as he emphasized the unneeded word. He had a tendency to overuse the word “like” when talking, but never in his writing. He realized he didn’t actually know how old Johnny was until that moment. Was it weird to be dating a twenty-two year old as a twenty year old? He supposed there were worse situations, like an eighteen year old dating a fourteen year old, now that was pretty bad. But, when Mark was fifteen, Johnny would’ve been seventeen. They were both over the age of consent and Mark was turning twenty-one in a few months anyway. It just meant that Johnny had more experience than him, “It’s fine.”

“Mmkay. Go.” Johnny nodded towards the bouncer and Mark gave the large man his ID. His fake had never failed him, but then again, he rarely went to clubs in the first place. He tried not to look nervous, but the fact that Johnny was standing behind him made him ten times more anxious than he would be anyway. He could also feel Johnny’s eyes on his butt. He didn’t know how, but his ass definitely had a sixth sense for starers. That, and when he turned around to glance at the tall man, Johnny had to lift his eyes up so he could smile at him.

They got into the club without any issues and Mark could practically feel the music in his bones it was so loud. Jaehyun had gotten the group a few seats and as Mark made his way over to his roommate with Johnny trailing close behind, he saw people making out and taking something that probably wasn’t good for them. He reached out behind him for the tall man’s hand, sighing gently in relief when he took it. Mark sat down looking up at Johnny as he sat down next to him on the couch. They were sitting in what was basically a small lounge area in the corner of the club. People hung out there when they weren’t dancing or snorting coke in the bathroom. This one was unoccupied and happened to fit five people pretty perfectly. Sicheng and Yuta were ordering something from the bar and Jaehyun was on his phone, most likely texting his boyfriend,

“You guys want shots?” Jaehyun looked up at the two, he was sitting across from them in a chair. He had to talk pretty loud because of the music. He locked his phone and set it on the low table that was in the middle. Johnny must have nodded because Mark’s roommate got up and went off to the bar,

“Just you and I,” Johnny raised his eyebrows up and down bunch of times. It made Mark giggle and press a kiss to his lips, “Mm.”

“Mm?” Mark licked his lips and looked at the tall man, he was rather amused,

“Mmmmmmmm,” Johnny hummed, his face close to the shorter. His voice was deeper than usual, “You taste good.”

“Do I?” Mark raised an eyebrow at him. Their faces were so close together that their noses were almost touching, but not quite. Mark looked into his eyes, the deep, chocolate brown staring back at him. There was something sensual about staring into someone’s eyes, it wasn’t better than kissing, but it was definitely something he liked,

“Mhm.” Johnny blinked slowly and Mark could sense a smile behind his lips. He kissed him instead, opening his mouth almost immediately as their lips met. Mark wasn’t wasting any time. Johnny gladly reciprocated the act, flicking his tongue into Mark’s mouth. It was gentle, somehow, and by now Mark was used to it anyway. For some reason, now knowing that Johnny was twenty-two made him feel something more. As if it was almost not allowed for them to be dating when it was perfectly acceptable. He was just kind of horny about the whole thing. He wrapped his arms around his neck, playing with the hair on the nape of Johnny’s neck gently as they made out,

“I was wearing chapstick, but I think you’re wearing it now.” Mark whispered —loudly— into his lips after a few minutes. He looked at Johnny’s lips as the tall man licked them and rubbed them together,

“Is that Blistex?” Johnny asked, clearly amused at the way Mark put his head on his arm and laughed softly,

“Yes.” He lifted his head up, the tall man placing a chaste kiss on his lips again as he did so,

“Mm, Blistex. It’s like the gourmet of chapsticks.” Johnny laughed as Mark rolled his eyes,

“Here you go, lovebirds. Mark will be wasted after one shot, but I got all of us two.” Jaehyun placed the tray down on the table. Yuta and Sicheng followed and sat down on the other couch. This place was just made for couples. Mark turned towards the table,

“I will not be wasted after one shot.” He crossed his arms, annoyed at the accusation,

“Yes, you will.” Jaehyun sat down in the chair and smirked,

“Is that tequila?” Johnny had his hand on Mark’s back, which he was acutely aware of, every time it moved he thought he might flinch,

“It sure is,” Jaehyun winked at them before he took one of the shot glasses in his hand and a piece of lime in the other, “Bottoms up.”

Mark watched as his roommate downed the shot and then shoved the wedge of lime in his mouth as soon as he swallowed. Jaehyun closed one of his eyes as he shook his head from what Mark assumed was the strong alcohol or the sourness of the lime. Or both,

“That’s rough,” Yuta sipped his own drink, “You’re gonna be dead tomorrow.”

Sicheng and Yuta didn’t exactly need the couch as Sicheng was sitting in his boyfriend’s lap comfortably. Mark thought it was cute. Yuta’s arm was wrapped around his waist and the Chinese man was leaning back onto him, a small smile on his face. He didn’t have his hearing aids in and Mark wondered why, he usually always wore them,

“Hey, we’re here to drink aren’t we?” Johnny held out a shot glass to Mark. He looked at him before he took it,

“Totally,” Mark drank the shot in one fell swoop, cringing at the taste. He picked up a piece of lime and stuck it in his mouth, savoring the sour taste. Johnny laughed at him before taking his own shot. He looked fine afterwards, even without the citrus, “What the fuck, pro drinker.”

“I used to party literally every weekend,” Johnny raised his eyebrows briefly, his eyes flashing a “don’t ask” type of look, “I’ve tried everything in the book.”

“Like, everything?” Mark looked at him curiously, he wasn’t a junkie for sure, but that would explain the nicotine addiction,

“Okay, almost everything,” Johnny saw the look on Mark’s face, “I grew up, don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried.” Mark shook his head. He was worried, but he wasn’t going to admit that to him. He must’ve been some experimental druggie when he was nineteen and as long as he wasn’t a heroin addict, Mark was fine with that,

“You look worried.” Johnny put his arm around him, pulling him close to his body,

“I’m not.” Mark looked up at him, which earned him another kiss. Every time Johnny kissed him he swore he felt like he was on cloud nine. His stomach fluttered and his fingertips tingled with want. All he could do was smile,

“Mmkay, Blistex.” The tall man looked down at him, a smirk stretching across his lips,

“Can’t you just call him baby like a normal person?” Jaehyun whined as he set down his second shot glass. He wiped the back of his hand across his mouth as Johnny chuckled shortly,

“I could. But, Mark has to be okay with it and we’ve only been dating for like a week.” The tall man took his second shot as well. It was almost too easy for him,

“A week and, like, four days.” Mark shrugged beneath the tall man’s shoulders,

“Oh, he’s been counting,” Johnny raised an eyebrow at him, the smirk never fading from his lips, “Does that make it okay to call you baby?”

“You can call me whatever you want.” Mark responded simply, trying extremely hard not to chew on his lip from his nerves,

“Okay, Markle Sparkle.” The tall man leaned back against the couch. He laughed when Mark looked at him with a face of disgust,

“You’re kidding, right?” The short boy watched as Johnny tried to contain his laughter, giving him a deadpan look,

“Yes, baby, I’m kidding,” Johnny smiled at him. But, Mark was literally about to throw up. Not because he was repulsed by the pet name, but because he wasn’t used to it and it made him feel really good. He wanted to go hide in a corner, in all honesty. But, he couldn’t. He was here and there was no reason to run away. Johnny definitely sensed something was wrong when Mark didn’t respond right away. The shorter boy blinked at him when Johnny took his hand and rubbed it soothingly, “We’ll wait a bit longer, mm?”

Mark gave him a short smile before he picked up the lonely shot that was left on the table and drank it quickly,

“I wanna dance. Do you wanna dance?” Mark looked at Johnny who raised his eyebrow before nodding and getting up,

“Yeah, let’s dance.” He held out his hand for Mark who took it and stood up as well. He tip toed so he could press his lips against the tall man’s,

“Don’t be a pussy, Mark!” Jaehyun yelled over the music. The short boy just turned around and smirked at his roommate before he dragged Johnny off towards the dance floor. He was definitely still nervous, but the liquid courage was beginning to kick in. He was known for being a lightweight so it didn’t take long for him to feel the effects of alcohol nor did he have to drink to much in order to feel it. Johnny seemed rather surprised at Mark’s sudden burst of confidence, but he definitely wasn’t complaining.

The music seemed even louder on the dance floor, but Mark had gotten used to the way it shook his entire body. He could still feel his nerves buzzing, but the alcohol coursing through his veins was working on masking them. Johnny’s hands migrated to his hips, gripping them tightly as the two began to sway with the loud music. Mark’s arms wrapped around the taller man’s neck. He didn’t know what the song was, but it was most definitely about sex. As all club songs usually were. Johnny must have done this before as his hips moved side to side with a sophisticated, practiced sensuality. They weren’t close enough, according to Mark. With his lip caught between his teeth, the shorter boy let Johnny pull him closer, their bodies brushing together with every move. He wasn’t looking at his face, he was looking between them.

Mark only looked up when Johnny lifted his chin up and caught his lips in a slow moving kiss. He felt Johnny roll his hips against him and it made him open his mouth, letting out a soft sigh at the friction. He wasn’t too much of a moaner but Johnny brought something out in him. He wanted to be pressed against a wall so badly. The tall man had pulled away and was kissing up his jaw towards his ear, still grinding against the shorter boy,

“Does that feel good?” It was rhetorical question being whispered into his ear. He shivered, a smile pulling at his parted lips. He side eyed Johnny, biting his lip again. They must have been pretty red with how much he was playing with them, “Good.”

Mark closed his eyes as Johnny pulled him closer by the hips harshly. He loved the hands on him, gripping his hips so tightly, he felt like they were glued to him. He felt wanted which made it even hotter. They’d only been “dating” for not even two weeks, but Mark felt them instantly click. He was fine with him touching him like that, he liked it. He wanted more. And just the fact that Johnny could actually make him horny made him want him even more. He’d jacked off more times that week than he could count in his entire life time, even as a teenager. And it was all because of him. He just imagined the taller man in between his thighs and even now, thinking about that, Mark could feel himself heat up in arousal.

He rested his forehead against his chest, moving one of his arms so he could take a handful of the see-through fabric instead. Johnny was still grinding into him shallowly but his hands had moved as well. One took a handful of his ass, squeezing it through the tight, black jeans. The other slid down his thigh, lifting at his knee so his thigh was pressed tightly against Johnny’s hip. He felt like he needed to bite down on something. He smoothed his hand back up to the tall man’s neck and looked up so he could kiss him. Mark’s eyebrows were knit together in faux concern, but really he was kind of focusing on not coming in his pants. He bit down on Johnny’s bottom lip to which the taller man made a noise. They had both forgotten that they were still in public, but it didn’t really matter. Everyone was doing the same thing they were. Mark was surprised people didn’t have sex on the dance floor, that’s already practically what they were doing,

“A bit cheeky, aren’t you?” Johnny whispered and Mark couldn’t tell if he was talking about his ass or the way he bit the taller man’s lip. The short boy would’ve rolled his eyes, but he was more focused on their pelvises rubbing together,

“Fuck.” Mark breathed out harshly, the friction was so good. He didn’t know what was making it feel better, Johnny or the alcohol thrumming through him. Maybe both. Mark wanted to be bold and he’d never dare to do what he was about to. But, he was going to and he did. He turned around, pressing his ass against Johnny’s crotch. He heard the tall man’s breath hitch as he pressed his back against his chest. Mark reached back, settling his hand on the back of his neck. Johnny’s hands found his hips again. They were still dancing to the music, but they swayed with some type of rhythm that the two only knew themselves. One of Johnny’s hands tugged Mark’s shirt out from beneath his waistband and lifted it slightly. He was most definitely sweating, but he felt Johnny’s hot hand on his bare stomach and he smiled at nothing in particular. Mark felt lips on his neck, nipping and sucking. It made him moan and he could feel Johnny’s bulge press against one of his ass cheeks,

“You’re so fucking hot, Mark.” Johnny said against his neck, hot breath sending a shiver down his spine. Everything felt so good and Mark could feel everywhere he touched him whether it was with his fingers or his lips. It was way too warm. He wanted to take off his jacket. He wanted to take off his shirt, his pants. Everything. He wanted Johnny to do the same. He wondered what he looked like naked. Well, he sort of knew from when he slept at his place, but he wanted to see him naked for _him. _And he wanted to get undressed for Johnny. He wanted him to touch his aching thighs, kiss them. Mark wanted Johnny to spread them and tell him how beautiful he was.

Johnny’s hand wandered aimlessly towards Mark’s waistband, a few fingers dipping below it. Mark always shaved, but he still felt self conscious when Johnny’s fingers brushed just below his navel. Mark dropped the hand that was on his neck and wrapped it around Johnny’s wrist instead. He didn’t know if it was just because he wasn’t used to that or he didn’t want that to be done in public. Regardless, Johnny respected Mark and pulled his fingers out from beneath his pants. Instead, the tall man wrapped his arm around his waist as Mark let go of his wrist. He wasn’t having it anymore. He turned back around, looking up at Johnny who was practically drooling,

“I want you.” Mark said quickly before reconnecting their lips.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello !  
my surgery went really well and i'm healing really fast!  
i had started this chapter before it, but finished it recently so here you guys go c:  
this chapter is literally just johnmark so i hope you like it  
thank u guys for your comments and kudos <3   
i really appreciate it!
> 
> please enjoy johnmark's phone sex ^^  
<3

Mark woke up with the most painful headache he’d ever had in his entire life. He rubbed his temples and groaned as he sat up. He suddenly became aware that he wasn’t wearing any pants below the neat blankets of his bed. His own bed. He was at his apartment. He was also wearing one of his sleep tee shirts rather than the one he went to the club in. He was wearing his boxers however. He laid back down, his pillow smelled like Johnny. He rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath. _What the Hell?_ He heard the door open and he looked towards it. It was Johnny, he was looking at his phone, clearly texting. He looked up,

“Oh hey, you’re awake,” Johnny smiled at him, he was wearing a pair of sweatpants that looked a little bit too small for him. Mark thought they must have been Jaehyun’s. He wasn’t wearing any shirt, “Do you feel okay?”

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine.” Mark sat up again, running a hand through his bed head and scowling at his blankets as he tried to remember what happened the night before. He looked up at Johnny when the tall man took his hand and put a couple of Advil in it,

“You sure you’re okay, Mark?” Johnny sat down on the edge of the bed,

“Did you sleep here?” Mark asked, popping the pills into his mouth and taking the water bottle from his bedside table to drink from it,

“Yeah,” Johnny nodded his head to the spot next to Mark, “Right there.”

“Oh…” Mark bit his lip, he looked at the tall man again, “Did we…”

“No,” Johnny shook his head, “Nothing happened. We were dancing and you started kissing me and you wanted more, but you were getting pretty tipsy so. I didn’t do anything because you can’t technically give me consent when you’re under the influence and I didn’t want you to wake up and regret anything. Plus, we haven’t been together too long. Not long enough for us to do that, yet.”

Mark had to smile at that. He laid down, breathing out a sigh of relief as he looked at the ceiling. He cared about consent, which made him a hundred times sexier. He also understood Mark’s need to take it slow. They had gotten pretty handsy with each other so he thought for sure something was going to happen. He was relieved to know it hadn’t, not because he didn’t want it, more so for the fact that he did want it, but he wanted to be able to feel it. And also not be super nervous about it,

“How’d you fit on this bed with me?” Mark sniffed as Johnny laid down beside him again,

“Like this,” Johnny wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close, they just barely fit on the small bed together, he wondered why Johnny hadn’t taken him to his place, “Also you slept _on_ me for like half the night.”

“On you?” It made Mark giggle as he looked at him,

“Yeah, it was uncomfortably warm, but you were dead asleep so I couldn’t move you.” Johnny moved Mark’s hair out of his face and went to kiss him. The shorter stopped him by pressing his hand over his lips,

“I have alcohol morning breath.” He spoke behind his hand to which Johnny rolled his eyes at the boy and pulled it away so he could peck him,

“That’s all I wanted.” Johnny made kissy lips at him, but Mark pushed his face away,

“Did you smoke?” The short boy sat up again and tried to fix his inevitable bedhead,

“Um, yes. Last night I did, again. Not today.” Johnny yawned and played with Mark’s oversized shirt as he tried desperately to fix his hair,

“Why?” Mark looked down at him and gave him a face that looked like he had duck lips,

“It makes me chill out.” Johnny looked back at him. His face was bare and he looked tired, but he was still super handsome. It took all of Mark’s strength not to look at his bare chest,

“Were you anxious or something?” The younger asked innocently,

“No,” Johnny chuckled, “Like, chill out as in so I wasn’t horny.”

“Oh.” Mark breathed out. He should’ve expected that. He frowned as he looked at Johnny’s arm. He’d never noticed it before, but he had a tattoo on his left forearm. It was of a sunflower and it was rather simple. It had color, but they were just basic colors, yellow, brown, green. Mark traced over it with his finger gently,

“I got it a year ago.” Johnny looked at him, giving him a soft smile,

“What does it mean?” Mark asked, thumbing the colorful ink that stained the tall man’s arm,

“It’s just there to remind me that I’m strong and that I should stay motivated no matter what happens. You know, because sunflowers face the sun which helps them live. It’s just supposed to tell me to be positive in any situation and keep going.” Johnny watched Mark touch his arm, clearly liking the way the boy was gently grazing his tattoo with his finger,

“That’s really…touching,” Mark looked at him and bit his lip as he smiled, “I didn’t know you were so poetic like that.”  
Johnny reached up and pulled Mark down by his neck to kiss him. He really liked kissing him, like so much. It just made him feel like he was doing something right and that Johnny was giving him little presents every time he did something good. He liked the praise, maybe a little too much. Mark continued to grip his arm, kissing Johnny kindly,

“I like you a lot, Mark.” The tall man said when they parted,

“Even after only a couple weeks…?” Mark savored the feeling of Johnny’s hand on his cheek. It was so big that it could’ve covered his entire face,

“Even after a week and a few days.” He corrected. It made Mark smile and lean his forehead against Johnny’s. He felt like he knew him forever, maybe that was a perk of being friends with someone before you started dating. But, Mark also thought it was just a side effect of Johnny. The taller man wasted no time in getting to know him, joking about things the younger wouldn’t have joked about unless it was with Hyuck or something. It still made him laugh, it still made him feel like he was happy. So when Johnny asked him out, he was eager to say yes. The kisses made it infinitely better. Everything about the other man had Mark addicted. He wanted more, he needed it. He was a drug and every fix wasn’t enough for him. The short amount of time felt like a few months, but he just made him so comfortable that he was fine with that. Mark didn’t have to waste time. He would take it slow, but he was already ready for more,

“I like you, too.” Mark said. The sun peeked through his curtains, shedding its golden light on the two. The universe was agreeing with them and all Mark could do was lean down for another short kiss. He liked the way Johnny said his name. It made him feel like it belonged to him. He liked the way he held him, but respected him when it came to things he didn’t want. Sure, it had only been a couple weeks. But, Mark could care less, that’s not what he was focused on,

“Are you hungry?” Johnny asked, sitting up next to him,

“A bit.” Mark fixed his hair again, but the tall man pulled his hand away from his head,

“Stop that.” Johnny sucked his teeth,

“Why?” Mark asked before getting out of his bed and stretching his arms up as far as they could go. He looked a lot like a child when he did that and Johnny looked at him fondly,

“You look fine already.” Johnny moved so that he was sitting at the edge of the bed again, his feet reached the floor easily where Mark would only have his toes touch,

“Fine is not good.” Mark went to his drawer and found some basketball shorts to put on. He’d never been too self conscious about people seeing his body so he wasn’t that beat up over the fact that Johnny was staring at him,

“Come here,” Johnny waved Mark over to him, to which the smaller boy sighed and padded over to him. Johnny put his hands on his hips and pulled him close so that he was between his legs, “You look good, okay?”

“Okay…” Mark gave him a small smile. It was nice, having someone reinforce compliments. Mark wasn’t that great at loving himself. He was better than most, but it wasn’t like he liked looking at himself in the mirror. It depended how he was feeling that specific day. Johnny just really made him feel like he was worth something and wanted. The tall man pecked him and Mark leaned his arms on his shoulders, wrapping his arms loosely around his neck. Johnny’s body was so nice. He had broad shoulders and strong arms. Mark thought the tall man could probably pick him up easily. He was toned, but it was nothing crazy. The younger boy would love to run his hand across his chest. He noticed he was still wearing one of the necklaces from the night before. It was the dainty one, that did in fact have a cross at the end. He picked up the charm between two fingers, it was pretty, “Are you religious?”

“Fairly,” Johnny responded, “Are you?”

“I love God. I pray every night.” Mark let go of the charm and looked down at the man’s face. Johnny was only slightly shorter than him when he was sitting on the bed,

“Oh, so you already have practice being on your knees for extended periods of time.” Johnny teased, chuckling shortly at his own joke. Mark hit his shoulder lightly,

“I’ve already had practice sucking dick in general, John.” Mark smirked, letting go of the man and extricating himself from between his thighs,

“One time,” Johnny stood up and stretched,

“Um, you don’t know that.” Mark picked up a hoodie from the floor and sniffed it, it seemed clean enough so he pulled it on,

“More than once?” Johnny raised his eyebrow at the smaller boy,

“No, just once. But, don’t assume what I have and haven’t done.” Mark waved his finger at him,

“Okay, then I’ll just ask you. What have you done?” Johnny crossed his arms over his bare chest, peering curiously at Mark,

“Mmm, not much,” The smaller of the two men opened the door and walked out of his room. He heard Johnny follow him. He noticed Jaehyun’s door was open and when he poked his head in he was confused to see he wasn’t there, “Where’s Jae?”  
“I don’t know,” Johnny shrugged. He was still clearly worried about what Mark had done before because he was waiting for an answer,

“Give me your phone.” Mark held out his hand as Johnny pulled out and unlocked his phone to give it to him,

“What are you doing?” Johnny asked, confused,

“I’m texting Jaehyun.” Mark started typing on his phone,

“Why can’t you use your phone? I put it to charge last night.” Johnny went into the living room and Mark followed,

“It’s so far,” Mark whined, he locked the phone and gave it back to Johnny happily, “I didn’t think you’d actually give it to me.”

“I have nothing to hide, Markle Sparkle.” Johnny looked at it, swiping through something before he took out the carton of eggs in the fridge,

“Call me that again, _please_.” Mark’s voice was dripping with sarcasm as Johnny laughed. He had set his phone down on the counter which was playing music now,

“So, can I know what you’ve done now?” Johnny glanced at him, he was still shirtless as he searched through the cabinets to find a bowl for the eggs. Mark went to the plate cabinet and got out a bowl to give to him,

“Um,” Mark tapped his finger against his chin in thought, he hadn’t done much, “I don’t know, I’ve given someone a hand job, jacked off, sucked dick…fingered myself…”

He said the last part quietly, playing with his fingers in embarrassment,

“Oh, really?” Johnny cracked an egg into the bowl and as he went to throw them away he looked at Mark. He smiled, “Don’t be embarrassed.”

“I just…It’s weird, isn’t it?” Mark rubbed the back of his neck as he watched the man crack another egg,

“It’s not weird at all, it’s normal. Fork?” Johnny looked at Mark again who went and got a fork out of the silverware drawer and gave it to him,

“What have you done?” Mark watched him start whisking the eggs with the fork,

“With boys? Oh God, pretty much everything,” Johnny paused and glanced at him. Mark was waiting for him to list the things he’d done, “Hand jobs, blow jobs, rim jobs, fingering, sex. I’ve masturbated obviously.”

“You’ve fingered…like, yourself?” Mark bit his lip, that was probably a dumb question,

“No, no,” Johnny searched through more cabinets until he found a pan and he put it on the stove and turned on the burner, “Other guys.”

“How many guys have you been with?” Mark got out a knife to get a pat of butter and stuck it in the pan, he watched intently as it melted,

“Um, three.” Johnny got the bowl of eggs and poured it into the pan,

“Three?” Mark looked up at him. Three guys?

“Yeah,” Johnny looked at him as he broke up the eggs in the pan with a spatula, “Are you okay with that?”

“Um..I guess I have to be.” Mark chewed his lip,

“Hey, you don’t _have _to be anything. I get that it’s weird, I do. And I totally understand if you feel uncomfortable with that. Just letting you know that I’ve never not used a condom so don’t worry about that portion. But again, we’ve not been dating too long and I know you’re a virgin with guys so there will be absolutely no rushing and everything will happen if and when you’re ready.” Johnny pushed the eggs around again with the spatula and looked at Mark with a smile,

“If?” Mark got out a couple plates and went into the fridge to get out some bread,

“Yeah, I mean, if you’re never ready that’s fine too. I don’t mind.” Johnny said, looking back at the pan. It made Mark’s heart flutter. He was so considerate Mark thought his heart might break, but in a good way. He sniffed as he put the bread in the toaster,

“I hate you.” Mark pouted as he went back over to Johnny and hugged his waist. Johnny put his arm around him, spatula still held firmly in his right hand,

“Why?” He chuckled,

“You’re too nice. How did I get you?” Mark looked up, a small smile spreading across his lips,

“By being you.” Johnny dipped down and captured his lips in a chaste kiss before turning off the burner.

***

Another couple of weeks had passed. Mark was still extremely happy with his situation. He texted Johnny a lot and talked to him even more. Sometimes they got a little bit inappropriate, but most of all it was just Johnny telling Mark that he couldn’t wait to see him again and the two asking each other never ending questions. They made out so much that Mark felt like he was missing something whenever they weren’t kissing, but still, he couldn’t bring himself to do anything more. Johnny was far too patient with him, but he was so glad that he didn’t push him too far out of his comfort zone. Mark still fantasized about sleeping with him almost every night. Yet, he couldn’t find the courage to tell him that he wanted to give him a blow job or the fact that he really liked when Johnny grabbed handfuls of his ass. He was still shy, which was weird. He was used to the shyness, but he didn’t understand how he could suck Yukhei off so easily in the back of a car, but wouldn’t even let Johnny’s hand wander down his pants in the comfort of his own bed. Maybe it was the fact that Johnny actually _knew _him where Yukhei didn’t. The problem was that Mark had kind of become a horny fuck.

He was FaceTiming with Donghyuck, complaining about his problems. His best friend was clearly amused that he was having these issues because he kept giggling. Then Mark would whine and threaten to hang up if he didn’t give him any advice. He was hugging his pillow as he sighed repeatedly. What was wrong with him? Jaehyun had gone to Taeyong’s dorm, leaving him home alone. They were doing really well. Mark had been nervous when they went clubbing and Jaehyun wasn’t there when he woke up. But, as it turns out, his roommate had slept at Yuta’s place, assuming that something was going to happen between Mark and Johnny. It didn’t. Mark almost invited Johnny over tonight, but he had a lot of homework to do that day. He was procrastinating it now as he listened to his best friend’s bong bubble quietly,

“I’m obsessed with kissing him. Like actually it’s a problem,” Mark whined. He swore he was going to scream into a pillow, “I want to do _something _with him, but I’m so scared.”

“He’s—” Donghyuck coughed as he blew out the smoke, “He’s literally the most gentle guy ever, just tell him you want to choke on his dick.”

“Okay and then what?” Mark rolled his eyes as his best friend continued to cough, “Drink some water.”  
“Then you act upon what you said?” Hyuck did as he was told, sipping the water he kept on his night stand, “Like suck his dick?”

“I’m scared, Duck.” Mark bit his lip as his friend’s face came close to the screen,

“Baby, why are you scared, you sucked Yukhei’s cock no problem.” Duck picked up his phone as he laid down in bed,

“I know, which is why I feel even worse. Like I feel bad that I did that and can’t even do his,” Mark groaned as he copied his best friend, turning onto his back, “I’d kill to do it, I would.”

“I think you’re just overthinking it, honey,” Donghyuck loved to call Mark different pet names and Mark loved it too. But his and Johnny’s relationship had made it the point where Johnny would call him names and his heart would flutter. It was just “baby” and “babe” and he still wouldn’t let up on the “Markle Sparkle”, but Mark loved it regardless, “Have you even seen his dick?”

“I mean, kind of. He changes in front of me all the time, but I always kind of avert my eyes so I don’t seem like a creep,” Mark paused, “Before you ask, it’s like…average.”

“No, no, no. Markie, there is no way that man is just ‘average’. Do you need glasses? Put on your glasses, baby. That man has a big dick along with some big dick energy. I’ve seen him in sweat pants. That’s a big bulge.” Donghyuck stuck his dab pen into his mouth and took a long hit,

“Shut up.” Mark rolled his eyes. He actually kind of wanted to get high, maybe it would let him have some clarity on the situation,

“I’m so serious. Plus, you said you averted your eyes and he didn’t have an erection or anything. For sure, that man’s a grower.” Donghyuck sat up again and took a deep breath before he let out a sneeze,

“Bless you. I mean, in his pants it does look…like he’s packing,” Mark watched as his best friend took another hit, “Jesus, Hyuck, how many things are you smoking at once?”

“I’m too lazy to use my bong again, okay? And thank you. And yes, he’s definitely packing _something_,” Donghyuck giggled, “He’s going to make your ass clap.”

Mark pursed his lips at that, sliding out of the FaceTime much to his best friend’s dismay. He started scrolling on instagram. He was somewhat popular on there. He went to his most recent post to check the comments. He didn’t think he was that great at taking selfies, but the comments begged to differ. The photo was of him in a white mask with his signature circular glasses. He looked really cute, one eye was more open than the other, his hand resting just so on his chin. He pretty much looked like he was raising his eyebrow dramatically. It was obvious that he was in the car. Of course Johnny had commented which made Mark smile. It was just a heart, nothing much compared to what Donghyuck had commented, which was just overkill. He clicked through to his boyfriend’s page which was just a collection of photos of him. It was all very aesthetic, a few mirror selfies, a few modeling photos, a couple boyfriend-esque photos here and there. The dumb photos made him laugh, the serious ones made him smile. He didn’t know how he got so lucky,

“Come back, you bitch.” He heard from his speakers, it had him laughing as he tapped back through to the FaceTime,

“You called?” Mark smiled into the camera,

“I just missed your ugly ass face.” Donghyuck smirked as Mark continued to giggle uncontrollably. His phone dinged as he got a message from Johnny,

“Waittt, he texted me a photo.” Mark tapped on the notification, immediately regretting his decision when his eyes fell on the picture. Mark squeaked. No way he just got sent a dick pic,

“What is it? Why’d you squeak,” Donghyuck paused, “Stop, you just got a dick pic, didn’t you.”

Mark let his mouth fall open. _What the fuck. No seriously, what the fuck. _He took a deep breath, but he couldn’t stop staring at it. He didn’t know why. He curled his toes and rubbed his eyes. There was no way he was about to get horny off of an unsolicited dick pic from his boyfriend, right? Wrong. Mark felt his thighs heat up along with his neck. The picture was, well, it was a picture of a dick. They usually weren’t very sexy, but somehow this one got a rise out of him. He clicked on the photo, letting his eyes take in what he saw. He was surprised that he was so curious about it, but then again, he just told his best friend that he wanted to suck his boyfriend off really badly. It was definitely a suckable dick. The tip of it was nice and pink, maybe a shade lighter than Johnny’s natural lip color. Mark couldn’t tell how big it was from the photo, but it definitely wasn’t small and it _definitely _wasn’t skinny. He swallowed thickly as he sat up straight. He had read receipts on and Johnny was probably watching the chat like a hawk,

“I think I just _heard_ you pop a boner, have fun masturbating, Markie.” Donghyuck giggled on the line before he hung up, the familiar beep telling Mark that his best friend was gone. _Shit._ He had absolutely no idea what to say. He couldn’t say “wow” nor could he respond with his own dick pic because he was sure that was not what Johnny wanted to see. He could take a picture of his ass. But, that was kind of boring. He wished his best friend didn’t leave yet, he didn’t know what to say. He closed the photo when he heard the swoosh of a new message.

Johnny: Sorry, I didn’t mean to send you that.

Wait what? He didn’t mean to send him that. The punctuation was just unnecessary and Mark wasn’t _that _stupid. He definitely meant to send him that. Mark rolled his eyes as he read the message again. If he really didn’t mean to send it, he would’ve been freaking out. He was sure that his boyfriend had a raging boner on the other side of that phone, just like he was giving Mark. He shut off his phone and quickly rid himself of his basketball shorts. How did one take an ass pic? He pulled off his boxers, his cock already half hard. He bit his lip as he smiled, he never really got _excited, _but right now he was. For real. He liked the fact that he left Johnny on read, keeping the man waiting for a response. He really didn’t know how to do this. He changed his LED lights to red. It was quite cheesy, but he thought it might be better since it was the color that represented passion and lust. That was his writer brain, he knew Johnny wouldn’t even think twice about it.

He pushed up his pillow against his headboard and set his phone up so that it was on an automatic timer. Mark turned around, scooting closer to the camera so just his ass was in it. He turned around to press the button and quickly got into the position he wanted. He was sitting on his calves again, legs spread, which was pretty much his go to position for fingering himself. It was just easy access to his ass. He pulled up his shirt so his lower back was bare and arched his back. Mark dropped his shirt when he heard the photo get taken, turning back around to look at the picture. It was pretty good for a first try and he was too lazy to take another one so that one would just have to do. Donghyuck wasn’t lying when he told Mark his ass was fat, because damn. It honestly was not a bad ass in the slightest.

Mark: [Attachment: 1 Image]

Mark: do u think im dumb :|

There was no time for punctuation and he saw that Johnny had read the message immediately. He got even more excited when he saw his boyfriend was typing.

Johnny: honestly was rly hoping not, i went out on a limb there

Mark’s screen lit up with a call from Johnny to which he accepted gladly,

“Hey, baby, what are you doing?” The tall man’s voice was lower than usual and Mark figured it must have been from being horny,

“Seriously? I just sent you a nude and you’re going to ask me what I’m doing. You weirdo, I’m putting my pants back on. That’s what I’m doing.” Mark bluffed, unmoving and waiting for a response,

“Shut up,” Mark heard his boyfriend shuffle, he must’ve been getting comfortable on his bed, “Did you have that on hand?”

“I just took it,” Mark bit his lip, “Are you…”

“Yes?” Johnny breathed out harshly, but his voice was gentle, clearly testing the waters. The younger could just tell that his boyfriend’s hand was wrapped around his cock, “Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah,” Mark sat back in his original position and put his phone on speaker. He placed itnext to him, “Yeah, I’m okay with that.”

“You just took it, so you’re naked?” Johnny murmured into the phone. Jesus, there was no way they were about to have phone sex, really?

“I have a shirt on,” Mark responded, “Are we about to have phone sex?”

“If you’re okay with that.” Johnny repeated himself and Mark nearly rolled his eyes,

“You don’t have to ask for consent over the phone, John. I was just wondering if that’s what you were getting at.” The shorter boy sighed as he took his cock in his small hand. It was only half hard, but he would waste no time in getting it where he wanted,

“That’s what I’m getting at,” Mark could practically hear Johnny smirk as he said that, “I didn’t know your ass was so good, baby.”  
“You totally did, come on you always touch and stare at it.” Mark looked between his legs. It was honestly kind of an uncomfortable position to be in when he wasn’t stretching himself out. His calves would always fall asleep and he found it difficult to focus on the task at hand. He shimmied down so his butt was resting on his bed rather than his lower legs which now sat on the outside of his thighs. His feet found a natural position so that he was comfortable. He put his arm in front of him, resting it on the bed. His right hand still wrapped tightly around the base of his cock,

“Because I want it,” Johnny said simply, “What are you doing?”

“Uh…Getting myself, like, hard…” Mark pulled his fist up and licked his lips. His cock was pink and hard, reacting to Johnny’s words. Even if he did feel a bit awkward at the situation, it wasn’t stopping his body from heating up in the usual way it did,

“Baby, don’t be shy. Do you want to know what I’m doing?” Johnny paused shortly, but only out of courtesy, “I’m thinking of you while I tease myself. I wish you were here so I could kiss your pretty lips and see them stretched around my cock.”  
Mark’s breath hitched at that. His boyfriend really was wasting no time when it came to the dirty talk. He kind of liked it. There were butterflies tingling in his stomach as he thought of giving his boyfriend head,

“I want to do that,” Mark answered honestly, “I want them around it.”

“You want what around what, baby?” Johnny said into the phone. It made Mark blush, he was going to make him say it,

“I want my lips around your cock…” Mark whispered. He missed Johnny’s touch and his kisses. He should’ve invited him over. He wanted his boyfriend to smooth his hands over his thighs and tell him what a good job he was doing by pleasuring himself,

“Babe, you’re gonna have to speak up.” Johnny gritted out,

“I want my lips around your cock, John.” Mark said it a little bit louder. He reached for the lube which was already out on the bed side table from the night before. It had been a few days since he had fingered himself, but he had always gotten it out in case he decided he wanted to. He flipped the cap open and squeezed some onto his fingers,

“And what would you do when they are?” Mark heard Johnny moan quietly,

“I’d…” Mark bit his lip, he took a deep breath. He could tell him, “I would tease the tip, running my tongue over it until I got it to leak. Then’d I’d wrap my hand around the base because I don’t know how to take it all and I’d squeeze so you wouldn’t come from the teasing…Then I would use my spit, because it’s probably not wet enough and I’d spread it around the head with my finger before I’d lick up from the base to the tip. And then maybe…I’d take it as far as it can go down my throat because I want to make you happy.”

“Hmm,” Johnny hummed into the phone and it made Mark shudder as if he was doing that into his ear, “You’d make me happy no matter what you do, babe. But, that sounds amazing.”

That made Mark smile and he covered his mouth with the back of his clean hand,

“I wish you were here.” Mark whispered as he pulled at his ass cheek. He picked up his phone and placed it in front of him rather than off to the side,

“I wish I was there too, Markie,” His boyfriend responded, “Mark, honey, are you comfortable?”  
“Yeah,” Mark took a deep breath, that nickname was new from him, “I am.”

“Finger yourself.” Johnny said. It was more of a command than anything and it made Mark shudder with want. His thighs longed to be wrapped around his boyfriend’s waist and they ached with arousal. His cock was pink and angry that it wasn’t being touched as it leaked out pre cum. He was used to this sight by now, it didn’t phase him. The thing that did though was Johnny’s sudden change of tone. It wasn’t bad nor was it scary, it was just new and he didn’t know how to respond. It wasn’t a gentle question, his voice seemed cold,

“Wait…I…” Mark chewed his lip and heard Johnny adjust himself on the line,

“If you’re comfortable enough, can you finger yourself? I’ll guide you through it, baby,” Johnny changed his tone, the gentleness returning and Mark felt a wave of relief wash over him, “How do you usually do it?”

“O-On my knees.” The young boy scrunched his nose at the way he stuttered, but he was beginning to get nervous with the situation,

“Ah, baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so harsh. Take a deep breath okay?” His boyfriend said softly. Mark did as he was told, “Maybe try lying on your back this time, it’ll be different.”

Mark had always done it the same way. He didn’t like change so when he found something that worked for him he usually always did it in that way. Regardless of his need for constancy, he laid down on his back. Taking his phone and setting it next to his face on his pillow. It would be good to get him out of his comfort zone, boy was he out of it right now,

“Okay, how do I…” Mark trailed off. He was lying down straight which didn’t really give him any access to what he was looking for. He still had a shirt on, but then again, he always did it with a shirt on,

“You gotta pick up your legs,” Johnny chuckled, but he wasn’t laughing at Mark, he was just laughing at his boyfriend’s never-ending cuteness, “Like try just sliding them up with your feet still on the bed and if it’s not comfortable then you can try spreading them more.”

Mark brought up his legs, listening to what his boyfriend was saying intently,

“Comfortable?” Johnny asked, Mark nodded in response before realizing that he would actually have to verbally answer,

“I’m comfy.” Mark confirmed, hooking his left hand under his thigh to pull it up more,

“Good,” Johnny paused, “Can you close your eyes?”

“Why?” Mark closed his eyes anyways, not too tightly

“It’ll be easier to pretend it’s me.” Johnny shuffled on the phone again,

“What about you?” Mark asked, playing gently with the underside of his thigh,

“I can wait, baby, let’s take care of you first.” Mark’s boyfriend said gently. He wished he was with him so badly, he wanted kisses and he wanted Johnny to hold onto his waist. He didn’t want to be the one doing this to himself anymore, he wanted his boyfriend to do it for him. It would feel so much better,

“Okay…My eyes are closed.” Mark told him quietly,

“Good,” Johnny cleared his throat, “Markie, do you have lube?”

“Yeah, I already put it on my fingers…” Mark teased his entrance with one of his fingers, spreading the lube generously over it. He found himself to be rather sensitive lately, so even the simple act had his breath caught in his throat. He also found himself not needing as much as when he tried the first time. He’d gotten used to the act and he actually liked the burn. The only problem was that he was already used to it and he needed more. His hands were only little,

“Work a finger in, baby.” Johnny’s voice was soothing and kind. Just what Mark needed to feel encouraged. He caught his lip between his teeth as he pressed a finger into himself, the lube helping to slick the inside making it easier to slide it in. Mark pulled up his shirt and spread his free hand over his stomach. It wasn’t that different from how he usually did it, but the fact that Johnny was listening to him through his phone made him really hard. His cock leaked incessantly, pre cum pooling onto his tummy and dripping down towards his thigh. It was heavy and thick against his stomach, a shade of pink that was nearing a reddish-purple. It twitched every time Johnny’s deep voice crackled through the phone call.

Mark squeezed his eyes shut, letting his hole adjust to his finger. It was small, but again, he hadn’t done this in a while. He clenched around it and curled his toes as he spread his ass cheek to get easier access. _Fuck. _It was a good stretch, but it also kind of made the finger inside of him hurt. He didn’t let go though. He wanted it to be Johnny. One of his fingers practically equalled two of Mark’s. It would stretch him so much better than his own small hand. He remembered what Johnny had told him, that he’d eaten guys out. At first, Mark thought it was kind of nasty, but Donghyuck made him watch porn on it and honestly, he was kind of into it. He wanted Johnny to lick flatly against his hole and push his thighs up. He wanted Johnny to take handfuls of his ass and spread it, so he could dip his tongue beneath his entrance until he came,

“Does it feel good?” Johnny’s mouth was close to the phone, he must have been listening for Mark,

“Want you,” Was all Mark could breath out. He was really horny, all he could think about was Johnny’s fingers instead of his. He was barely paying attention to what his boyfriend was saying, “Want you so bad, please. Want kisses.”

He always said that. It was true. He wanted him really badly, but when he was finally given the opportunity he couldn’t find the courage to take it. Mark swallowed thickly, letting go of his ass and lifting up his balls instead. They were in the way and neglected just like his cock. He pulled them towards his cock and squeezed gently, letting out a soft moan,

“Don’t hold back, Mark. Let me hear you,” Johnny’s voice was so deep next to him and Mark swore he could come just from the sound of it, “If I was there I would be taking care of you, pressing kisses to your beautiful lips. Can you add a second one?”

“Mm.” Mark hummed in agreement. Yes, he would add a second and he did. His middle finger followed suit. It was just as slick as the first. He pushed it in extremely slowly as his entrance fluttered around it. He wasn’t sure if it was protesting or accepting it, but regardless, he joined it with the first one. He spread his legs wider, heat spreading across him relentlessly. His neck was hot with want, the insides of his thighs were burning. More. What could he do to get more when it was just him? He let go of his balls and he could feel his cock thicken even more. His free hand found its way to his chest and pushed his tee shirt up even more. He thumbed his nipple gently. He’d never done it before, but he could feel that they were hard with arousal. He moaned and squeezed his eyes even more before opening them. When he did, they wouldn’t focus and he thought his eyes must be crossed,

“You sound so sexy, Mark. Keep going, I bet you look so good.” Johnny breathed into the phone. It made him smile and he had to shut his eyes again as he pinched his nipple between his thumb and index finger. They were pink, matching the tip of his cock. Mark breathed out a faint whimper,

“Johnny.” Mark whined, pressing the back of his head into his pillows harshly,

“I’m here, honey. I’m here,” Johnny cooed. He was too kind, listening to Mark wreck himself through the phone. The younger boy hoped his boyfriend wanted him just as badly as Mark did, “Try something for me, babe. Curl your fingers toward your tummy for me. Keep doing that until it feels good.”

Mark would’ve been confused had he actually been coherent enough to care what that meant. But he wasn’t and he did what his boyfriend told him without a question. He curled thefingers in his ass up towards his stomach a few times, adjusting the position every time he did so. His mouth fell open and he opened his eyes with a loud sob. This time, his eyes really were crossed in pleasure. He could hear Johnny chuckle lowly on the other end and he would’ve been annoyed if he wasn’t about to come without even touching his dick. _Good_ was such an understatement and he had to stop moving his fingers so he didn’t make a mistake and come too early,

“Do you know what that is, baby?” Johnny asked him, but Mark could just whimper in response, “It’s basically your g-spot. Good job finding it, honey.”

The praise made him hornier which should have been impossible. He never would have found it, had Johnny not helped him. That was a new sensation and it was _incredible. _He curled his fingers again, letting himself moan. He wanted more praise. He wanted Johnny to be proud of him. He already was, but Mark needed to hear it,

“You’re doing so good, babe.” There it was. That’s what he needed. Mark let go of his nipple and took his cock into his hand. He definitely would’ve preferred taking it into his dominant hand, but his left hand would have to do as his right hand was buried knuckle deep in his ass. He squeezed it and slid his hand up and down slowly. It was too much at once so he wrapped his hand around the base of his cock and squeezed it. He left it that way as he focused back in on his ass. The burn was gone, but that’s not what he wanted,

“Another?” Mark asked, biting his bottom lip. He needed Johnny’s lips on his so badly it wasn’t even funny,

“You want to put in another?” Johnny sounded skeptical through the phone and Mark closed his eyes again, taking a deep breath,

“Yes. More.” He said simply,

“Go ahead, baby, be careful and don’t hurt yourself.” Johnny said gently into the phone. Mark nodded, even though he knew he couldn’t seem him at all. He worked his ring finger in and he bit down on his lip hard. That was what he was looking for. He imagined what it would be liked to try to take Johnny’s cock and even though the thought scared him, he was so horny that he drooled with the idea of it. All this from one dick pic. He would’ve imagined more nudes would be involved, but he didn’t need it. And now knowing that Johnny did that type of stuff, he might be keen to send him more. Johnny was a photographer after all, he probably had a million nudes.

The stretch was good. The burn of the three fingers in his hole had his eyes rolling into the back of his head. He didn’t know why he liked that sensation, but maybe it was the fact that he knew that was how it went when people were having sex. He wanted to feel that burn and then he wanted pleasure that he couldn’t replicate. He sort of wished he had bigger hands so it would be more intense. Mark had baby hands, they were tiny compared to Johnny’s long, thick fingers. He whimpered again as he curled his fingers. He lost the sensation and he needed desperately to get it back. As he tried to find it again, he scissored his fingers slightly which made him squirm. That hurt,

“Fuck.” Mark sighed. He thumbed his cock, rubbing the tip slowly. The sticky substance that seeped from the head never ceased and now it wasn’t just pooling on his stomach. It had slid down his thigh and had made a puddle between his legs on his sheets,

“You okay?” Johnny asked, he was clearly concerned and it made Mark’s heart jump,

“I’m good…” Mark breathed, he wondered what he was doing. He hoped he wasn’t just sitting there listening, he didn’t want to be the center of attention, “Come with me.”

“Are you close?” Mark could hear his boyfriend adjust himself on his bed again,

“Fairly, really wanna come with you, please.” Mark begged. He sounded and looked pathetic. Three fingers in his ass, moving and curling slowly so he could find that sensation again. His hand around his pink, leaking cock and his shirt pushed haphazardly up to his neck so his nipples were exposed. His face was flushed, his eyes half lidded in intense arousal. His thighs were flushed too and he was sure his rim was an angry red from the his three fingers stretching himself out,

“Okay, baby. I’ll come with you,” Mark heard Johnny spit and he assumed it must’ve been into his hand so he could actually jack off without dry hands. Mark started to fist his cock slowly. It was actually kind of hard to do with his left hand but he really wanted to come, “Tell me when you’re close.”

It took a couple minutes of Mark focusing hard on what he was doing to actually get close to coming. The problem was that he’d never come before while he was fingering himself, but he really wanted to. Even if he was still touching his cock with his left hand. He swallowed thickly and bit his lip. He’d been moaning pretty much nonstop, having no self control to actually filter himself. He hoped it turned Johnny on, but from the way his boyfriend was sounding through the phone he thought it definitely did. Johnny would let out the occasional low moan and was cursing away,

“I’m…” Mark had to catch his breath, his eyes screwing shut as he felt his navel tighten. His thighs shook a little bit and Mark thought he might cry with how much he wished Johnny was there, “Gonna come.”

“Come for me, Mark.” Johnny said into the phone simply and Mark complied, letting hot strips of cum paint his tummy and chest. He let out a whimper, tears pricking at his eyes. He really wanted some fucking kisses. It would’ve been so easy for his boyfriend to come over. He only lived ten minutes away and he ended up having phone sex instead. His hole clenched around his fingers as he let go of his cock that was still twitching. He covered his mouth with the back of his hand as tears fell down his cheeks. _What the fuck?_ He heard Johnny let out a string of swears as he came too and Mark pulled his fingers out of his ass gently. He wiped them on the sheets and bit down on his hand that covered his mouth. He let out shaky breaths, trying to stop himself from crying, but the tears didn’t stop,

“Babe?” Johnny asked after a minute, he’d come down from his high and was wondering where Mark was, “Hey, babe? Are you there?”  
“Yeah.” Mark tried to mask his shaky voice, but failed miserably,

“Why are you crying, Mark?” Johnny’s voice dripped with concern and Mark picked up his phone as it buzzed with a FaceTime call. He wiped his eyes and pulled down his shirt over his bare body before he answered it, “Baby? what’s wrong.”

Mark sat up as his boyfriend’s face appeared on the screen, full of concern. Mark’s cheeks were wet with tears as he pouted into the camera,

“I don’t know, I just…I don’t know.” More tears followed the previously made paths and Johnny looked so upset that it made Mark’s heart hurt,

“Deep breaths, okay?” Johnny was laying down, shirtless. His broad shoulders on full display as he looked into the camera. Mark took a deep, shaky breath, “Did I make you uncomfortable, I’m so sorry.”  
“No. I… I wanted to do it I promise, I’m just,” Mark leaned his face in his hand and rubbed his eyes as more tears threatened to fall. He looked up and blinked them away quickly, “I’m embarrassed…”

“Oh, honey, why?” Johnny sat up too,

“I don’t know. I just…I sounded stupid.” Mark let out a small sob. He actually didn’t know why he was crying,

“You didn’t, baby. I promise you, you didn’t. You did so good, I promise,” Johnny frowned at him, “I’m so sorry if I did something wrong.”

“You didn’t, John. You didn’t. I’m just being dumb.” Mark looked away from the camera and breathed out a quiet “fuck”,

“You’re not being dumb. I understand if you got embarrassed, but I promise you, to me it was sexy and cute and I’m glad I got to do that for you,” Johnny pouted into the camera, “Look at me.”

Mark looked back at his phone, his eyebrows knit together as his glossy eyes began to form more tears,

“You’re allowed to feel embarrassed, okay? But for me, I really enjoyed it and I felt really good getting to hear you. So even if you feel embarrassed, I’m not judging you at all,” Johnny smiled, “Did it feel good?”

Mark nodded and sniffled. He wanted a hug,

“I miss you.” The younger told him honestly,

“I miss you too, baby. Do you want me to come over?” Johnny asked. It was true, he did have a car so it would be very easy for him to go to Mark’s place,

“No, I’m fine,” Mark took another shaky breath, “Can you stay on call?”

“Of course, I can,” Johnny smiled at him again, “Baby, you’re good, I promise.”

“Okay…” Mark paused as he looked at his boyfriend, “Are you naked…?”  
“Yes.” Johnny laughed and it made Mark smile,

“…Do you think you could, like, send me more of those again?” He asked before he wiped his mouth, he was blissfully ignoring the fact that he was covered in cum up to his chest,

“Nudes?” Johnny asked as he stretched his arm up,

“Yeah.” Mark said quietly as he nodded,

“Of course I can. I’d be happy to.” Johnny smiled at him and put his face close to the camera so his entire face was filling up the screen. Mark took a screenshot of him and giggled softly,

“I wanna try too.” He smiled shyly at his boyfriend. It was so weird how he could change so easily from a horny boy that wanted Johnny to dick him down to telling him that he wanted to try sending him more nudes super shyly,

“I’d love to see them, any of them that you choose to share with me.” Johnny leaned his chin in his hand,

“I want to cuddle,” Mark frowned, “And kisses.”

“I’ll come give you them tomorrow, I promise, baby.”

Johnny made a lot of promises. It would’ve made Mark scared, but the thing with Johnny was that he actually followed through with them. He hated the fact that he had something so good and yet was still struggling immensely with how he was sexually. It wasn’t hard for him to get horny, not anymore at least. But after he came he honestly felt kind of guilty and he had no idea why. He didn’t know why the whole phone sex thing made him cry, but he was being honest when he said he was embarrassed. He wanted to share himself with Johnny so badly, but once he realized what he had done it was like God was judging him or something.

He knew Johnny wasn’t phased by the moaning or the fact that Mark could switch his feelings like a light switch. Mark just had to learn how to control it and Johnny would help him with that. He needed to get more comfortable with his body first, sending nudes to someone he trusted was probably an okay way to do that. He even thought the whole phone sex experience brought the two closer, which of course it did. That was the first time he’d done anything remotely sexual with him besides kissing. Even if it was just over the phone, it still had some effect on them. They both came for each other. That was probably the most important part. And Johnny was so sweet. He actually believed him when he said that he was sexy and he liked hearing him.

Mark felt bad for crying, but it wasn’t bad to let his feelings be known. Not at all. He was embarrassed to share himself like that, but it definitely made him stronger and more secure in his sexuality, especially with Johnny. He would find himself happy that he had that experience and extremely satisfied. Johnny taught him something new. He wasn’t even focusing on getting himself off. He spoke through the phone purely to pleasure Mark and that honestly made his heart skip a beat. He wondered what it would be like when they finally got around to having sex for real. He knew he would get there eventually and honestly, he would be excited. And he wouldn’t cry. He couldn’t cry. Well, he might from the pain, he knew it hurt in the beginning. But then again, Johnny had to be the most gentle person he knew.

He was glad to call him his boyfriend, and he was glad that he was there for him whenever he needed. He was so happy for once in his twenty years of life. He figured something bad was going to happen sooner or later, but how could someone focus on that when their life is going so fucking good. A month changed him around. He became a horny fuck that couldn’t stop thinking about sleeping with his boyfriend and yet, the thought of Johnny knowing him so well and reading him like an open book had him cowering in fear. He wasn’t worried though. Johnny was going to pull something out of him that made Mark comfortable with life. And he couldn’t wait.

***

Johnny had kept his promise. He picked Mark up the next day after class and they lazed around for the rest of the day, kissing and cuddling just like he had asked. Every time Johnny opened his mouth to speak, Mark was worried he was going to say something about the experience from the night before but he never touched on the subject. Mark wondered why, but it was most likely from the fact that Johnny was careful not to upset the younger. He was fine with that, he supposed. But, they should probably talk about it. They were a couple after all. Mark wasn’t going to bring it up, he was too nervous about it. He should though, it would make him feel better. But, he wasn’t going to.

He was sitting on Johnny’s bed, typing away on his computer. He was writing an essay on one of his classes. It was a really convoluted class called “Critical Theories and Methods”. The one that was just a series of three hour lectures. He hated it. That’s why he decided to get the essay out of the way so he could hang out with his boyfriend and not worry about classwork. They had finished their project back in March, during the beginning of their relationship. It had turned out well enough, Mark finally found the motivation to write the story portion. It was probably because he was getting the affection he needed and it everything was starting to make sense.

Johnny was laying next to him, scrolling away on his phone. Soft music was playing out of it and even though Mark was really focused on writing, he could still feel the presence of his boyfriend right next to him. It was only five in the afternoon, but the sky was dark and heavy with gray clouds. It was probably going to rain, but it made him feel even cozier. He loved when it rained, even though it made him super sleepy. Laying in bed while it poured outside was one of his favorite feelings, it just made him feel safe. He let out a deep sigh as he stared out the window, trying to think of what to write next. He was wearing Johnny’s hoodie which was way too big for him, but one of the most comfortable things he had ever worn. It smelled like him which he liked and the sleeves were way too long for his arms, giving him sweater paws. He felt a hand on his leg and he looked down to the man next to him,

“Take a break?” Johnny looked up at him,

“Why?” Mark looked back at him and blinked. He pushed his glasses up on his nose and reached his hands up so he could stretch out,

“You’ve been working for a while, don’t you want to take one?” Johnny raised his eyebrows. Mark shrugged and closed his computer as he sniffed and rubbed his nose,

“Mmm.” Mark hummed and stretched out across his boyfriend, kind of like a cat. Johnny rubbed his back as Mark laid perpendicular on him for a few moments before he moved around and straddled him. His legs were on either side of Johnny’s waist. Mark’s boyfriend looked past his phone and up at him with his eyebrows raised,

“Yes?” The tall man asked politely,

“I’m sleepy.” Mark took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes,

“Hi sleepy, I’m Johnny.” His boyfriend joked before looking back at his phone and continuing to scroll through it,

“You’re so funny.” Mark scoffed as he pulled Johnny’s phone out of his hand and looked at it. It was just instagram but Mark wanted his boyfriend’s attention on him, not his phone. He set it down next to his computer,

“I know,” The tall man smiled up at him before pulling him down for a kiss by the neck, “Can I ask you something?”

“You’re going to anyway, so shoot,” Mark kissed his cheek before trying to remove himself from on top of the tall man. Johnny, however, placed his hands on his boyfriend’s thighs so he wouldn’t move and Mark looked down at him before cocking his head to the side, “Yes?”

“Last night…What’d you think?” Johnny asked cautiously. There it was. Mark immediately began chewing on his lip anxiously,

“What did I think?” Mark repeated after his boyfriend. He liked it, but he was still embarrassed about the whole thing. He felt blush creep onto his cheeks as he sighed gently, “I mean, I liked it…”

“But?” Johnny asked, he squeezed Mark’s thighs gently before letting go of them,

“It was just new and I felt self conscious after,” Mark placed his arms on either side of him, his hands on the bed as he looked down at his boyfriend, “Like…And then I was more embarrassed because I cried about it.”

“Stop chewing on your lip, baby,” Johnny shook his head, “You felt self conscious, I know. But how did you feel during? You sounded like you were having fun.”

“Hm…” Mark whined and let go of his bottom lip. He rubbed his forehead with a sigh before he sniffled quietly, “I did like it, I was just embarrassed that you heard me like that. Why are you asking me this?”

“Because, I’m trying to gauge your feelings on this type of stuff, Mark.” Johnny told him, looking at him seriously,

“Why?” Mark sat up straight. He was beginning to get uncomfortable but Johnny was right, they should talk about this,

“I just want to know what you’re comfortable with so I don’t make you cry next time. To me it’s important and I know you want to do stuff eventually because of your mannerisms with me,” Johnny paused, “But, you get all squirmy and scared when I try to move past just kissing. It’s fine with me if you don’t want to get into that stuff yet, but you need to actually talk to me about it and tell me what you’re comfortable with right now. That’s why I’m asking you this.”

“No, no. _You_ didn’t make me cry. I cried because I’m not used to someone hearing me like that and I don’t want people to see me like that either. I just feel like it’s embarrassing and I sound and look ugly. I’m just, like, scared…” Mark removed himself from Johnny’s lap to sit next to him,

“You’re not ugly, Mark. You don’t sound ugly, you don’t look ugly. You’re handsome and pretty or beautiful, whatever you want to be called,” Johnny sat up and looked at him, “Babe, honestly, you made me hornier last night than I’d ever been in a long time.”

Mark blushed at that and pulled his eyes away from his boyfriend to stare at the bed. That made him feel good, but he still felt guilty for not being able to be with his boyfriend in the way that he wanted to be. He couldn’t put his finger on why,

“Are you sure?” Mark asked quietly,

“Very sure.” Johnny rubbed his back and kissed his cheek. Mark turned his face so he could peck him gently to which the tall man smiled,

“I want to do more. I really do,” Mark bit his lip, but let it out from between his teeth before he got scolded again, “I just need to go slow and I’ll get there, okay? I’ll tell you when I’m ready.”

“Is it different with me?” Johnny asked him and Mark swore the older knew him better than Mark knew himself. It was weird to know that,

“How…?” Mark trailed off as he looked back at his boyfriend,

“Relationships teach you a lot.” Johnny stretched and let out a deep sigh before he yawned,

“I guess it’s different? It’s just that, like, we’re actually together. Like, we’re in a relationship and since my feelings are so strong for you I guess they kind of hold me back from doing things even though I want to do them. Like, I don’t want to disappoint you or make you not like me because of something I did wrong. I don’t want you to think I’m ugly or gross for certain things so I think that it, like, scares me when we go there. And it was different doing it with girls because I didn’t feel attached to them, along with Yukhei. Like, I thought I did, but then I realized how easy it was for me to give him a blowjob and I realized that I didn’t like _actually _want to be with him. And now that we’re together, I don’t think I can lose you and I feel like that’s what is stopping me from doing those things. In case you don’t like me after or something.” It all came spilling out of his mouth in one long rant. He tugged at the hoodie strings subconsciously as he frowned at the bed,

“Look at me, please,” Johnny said. It was his signature when Mark was going a little bit off the rails. Mark always listened to him though, it pulled him back to reality when he looked into those brown eyes, “The whole point of us being together is to grow together. And trust me, I know you’re not as confident as me when it comes to certain things, but that’s mostly because I think this is the first relationship you actually care about. Which makes me happy, but again Markie, you can show yourself to me. I will always say that. I don’t think you’re ugly or any of that and I _never _will. Even if we end up not working out. I will wait as long as you need me to, okay? Thank you for telling me, that’s all I wanted to know.

“I liked last night…” Mark twirled the hoodie strings between his fingers, “I really liked it. The only thing that would’ve made it better is if you were there. I really wanted…I really wanted you.”

Johnny smiled and shook his head before he kissed Mark,

“That was the intention.” He said quietly into his lips. Mark kissed him back, leaning into him and grabbing Johnny’s shirt in his sweater paw. He climbed back into his lap, his legs straddling the tall man’s hips this time. The man was much bigger than him so his thighs were spread a little bit further than normal to accommodate the width. Mark put his small hands on either side of his face so he could kiss him harder as Johnny pulled him down on top of him when he laid down. Mark was finally starting to feel better, not only about how he felt, but also the short conversation they had made him feel more secure. Johnny’s fingers were playing with the nape of his neck and Mark smiled into the kiss as it tickled him. He loved the feeling of being wanted, his lips captured in the taller’s. That was until there was a loud crack of thunder that made Mark jump, pulling away quickly from his boyfriend. He made a small noise from the sudden, harsh sound that sounded a bit like a scream in the back of his throat. Johnny had started laughing at his boyfriend’s reaction. Mark fell over off of Johnny and onto the bed as he pulled up the hood and pulled on the strings and groaned. Johnny was still laughing and the younger sat up, looking at him through the scrunched up hood,

“Shut up, I’m gonna hit you,” Mark whined as Johnny sat up, “Fuck.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. I won’t laugh,” The tall man chuckled still, “It’s just thunder.”

“How did you not get startled by that?” Mark hit him lightly to which Johnny held his shoulder in faux pain,

“I don’t know? I was focused on you,” Johnny pouted as he continued rubbing his shoulder, “Owie.”

“Shush you, don’t be a baby.” Mark giggled lightly as he tied the strings into a tight bow to keep the hood crinkled around his face,

“You look like a butthole.” Johnny looked at him fondly, regardless of what he just said,

“Thank you, I appreciate that.” Mark smiled before he jumped again at the sound of thunder crackling over the apartment. Johnny chuckled shortly before he pulled the younger man into a hug. It had begun raining, Mark could see out of Johnny’s big window on the side of his room. The rain was pelleting against the glass and Mark felt cozy in his boyfriend’s strong arms,

“You’re so cute.” Johnny whispered gently,

“Shush.” Mark untied the hoodie strings and pulled the hood down as he breathed into his boyfriend’s neck. Johnny always smelled so good, but Mark assumed he liked his scent because of his attraction to him. He sighed and let his eyes flutter shut from the tightness of the hug. It was so safe and secure. The next time the thunder cracked, he didn’t jump or shake. Mark pulled away from his boyfriend and pecked him,

“You’re pretty jumpy, Markle Sparkle.” Johnny chuckled as Mark rolled his eyes,

“I was surprised and not prepared for thunder, mmkay?” The younger flopped down on the bed and listened to the rain patter against the window,

“Yes, baby.” Johnny laid back down on the bed next to him and pulled Mark towards him,

“Yah, I’m relaxing.” Mark squirmed in his grip,

“I can make you relax.” Johnny tested and Mark looked at him,

“Oh yeah?” Mark pushed his boyfriend’s face away from him as Johnny made kissy lips at him,

“Yes, we can watch a movie, that’s relaxing.” Johnny grabbed his remote from his bed side table and turned on the TV that was set upon his dresser,

“I thought you were going to offer to, like, sex me up.” Mark giggled,

“Funny.” Johnny started flipping through channels,

“Oyyy, you don’t know if I’m kidding.” Mark pouted when his boyfriend gave him a deadpan look,

“Babe,” Johnny glanced at him before going back to looking at the television, “One conversation is not going to change you that quickly, I know that.”

“Fine, you’re right. Give me cuddles.” Mark was pulled harshly into another hug by Johnny and he laughed as he kissed his nose. The rain didn’t let up, neither did the thunder. But, he was so comfortable that the loud noises outside of the coziness of the bedroom no longer phased him. He was so glad that Johnny knew him well, especially without any effort. He didn’t have to worry about unspoken words because the taller already knew exactly what he was thinking. It was weird, yet comforting to know. He just didn’t know how Johnny did it. But then again, Johnny had been in a few more relationships than Mark had. Well, relationships that he actually put his heart into,

“What do you want to watch?” Johnny asked as he rubbed his back,

“Don’t know.” Mark mumbled, he was getting kind of sleepy from the thunderstorm that was happening overhead. He loved springtime because it rained so much, it was just nice to listen to when he was doing something. Now, it was just making him really tired,

“Are you sleepy?” Johnny chuckled again as Mark nodded, “Goodnight.”

“Night night.” Mark murmured against him, his face resting in his boyfriend’s chest,

“Ah, hold on,” Johnny adjusted them so that he was sitting up and Mark was laying in his lap, “What do you want to eat later?”

“Umm..Sushi.” Mark breathed out, clearly getting more and more lethargic with every second,

“Okay, baby.” Johnny began rubbing his back, playing with his hair occasionally as the younger started to fall asleep. He didn’t know if it was solely because of the rain or the lack of sleep he had gotten last night. Maybe both, maybe neither. He just felt warm and secure where he was. The thunder had migrated further away and now it was comforting to listen to. But, Mark was dozing off anyway, not really listening to anything but the heavy rain and his boyfriend’s breathing. The TV was quiet in the background. The back rubbing and the hair playing never let up. He loved the feeling of being cared for, he really never wanted it to go away. It wouldn’t, not any time soon at least.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)  
<3

Somehow, Mark and Johnny had been dating for a solid six weeks. It was finally warming up in mid-April, the chilly March weather turning to the temperate springtime. It rained a lot which Mark liked, except for when he had to walk places. But, he didn’t mind so much when he got caught in the occasional downpour. Mark had finally worked up the confidence to go further with his boyfriend, especially after their conversation and the whole phone sex thing. They didn’t go all the way, but Mark did get to suck Johnny’s dick as he had so previously desired. And, no matter how nervous he was, he let Johnny return the favor. Well, not quite in the same way. Johnny was eager to give his younger boyfriend a new experience in which Mark got to experience rimming. It was definitely a strange, new feeling but that’s not to say he didn’t come. The only thing was that he basically made Johnny cover his head and Mark’s knees with a blanket so he didn’t have to look. It just made him feel better, but it definitely felt good.

That and Mark had decided that he liked taking nudes. Maybe it was the fact that his boyfriend was a photographer so he liked when Johnny looked at the photos he took. Or maybe it just made him more confident in his body. He didn’t always send them, they were mostly for himself to look at in order to feel good about his body. But, Johnny wasn’t complaining when he received a few. The emotions felt good too. Mark felt closer to his boyfriend, even if he was still a bit nervous to even look at his face when he was getting pleasured. It was just nice to know that his boyfriend enjoyed what Mark could offer to him and he definitely liked what Johnny could give him. He was starting to feel a little bit more relaxed about the whole thing and their relationship. Johnny was just an amazing person and Mark felt so lucky to have him. So incredibly lucky. They spent a lot of time together, especially over the weekends. They’d gone out on a few dates, mostly to the movies or out to eat. Mark liked it, it was extremely romantic. He didn’t think he’d ever been romanced so hard in his life, but Johnny sure did like being romantic.

Somehow, Mark was roped into going to a frat party with his boyfriend that night. It was a Friday and pretty clear for the usual rainy, spring weather. Jaehyun and Taeyong had agreed to go as well, just for kicks. It was nearing the end of the school year after all, it would make sense that people would already start winding down. Even though finals were actually in mid-May. Mark was waiting on the couch patiently for everyone to be ready. He didn’t _really_ want to go, but he would be spending time with his boyfriend and that’s all he really wanted to do for the time being. It actually took a lot of convincing from Johnny for Mark to go, but he finally agreed when the taller wouldn’t let up. At least it was just a party, he could leave whenever he wanted to,

“Hey, cutie,” Johnny walked into the small living room of Mark’s apartment with a smirk. He’d slept over the night before, “Come here often?”

“No, I’m here for my booty call.” Mark leaned his head against the couch as he looked up at the tall man,

“Mmm, I’m sure he’s really hot.” Johnny sat down beside his boyfriend, still smirking as he leaned in for a kiss that he didn’t receive,

“Yeah, he’s right there.” Mark gestured to Jaehyun as he shuffled into the room as well. Johnny frowned as he looked at Mark’s roommate,

“Hi?” Jaehyun looked at the two and raised his eyebrow,

“Just kidding, I was waiting for you.” Mark pecked his boyfriend with a smile, clearly enjoying the horrible “joke” he had just made,

“I can’t with you guys. It’s disgusting.” Jaehyun shook his head as he sat down next to Johnny,

“As if you and Taeyong are any better, Jae,” Mark shook his head, “Fucking on the couch more than your own room.”  
“It’s all him, I swear.” Tae walked into the room with his hands up in defense,

“You’re like bunnies.” Mark giggled as Johnny kissed him on the cheek,

“It’s not like you’re any better moaning John’s name all the time.” Jaehyun pulled his boyfriend into his lap and wrapped his arms around his waist tightly,

“Oh really now?” Johnny looked at his boyfriend suspiciously,

“Nope, didn’t happen,” Mark shook his head and bit his lip, “That’s not a thing.”

“Can we go?” Taeyong squirmed in his boyfriend’s grip, “It’s already ten.”

“Yeah, let’s.” Jaehyun pressed a gentle kiss to his neck before letting him go. Johnny got up before helping Mark up and giving him a soft kiss on the forehead. The youngest could only giggle lightly at the affection before kissing his boyfriend on the lips,

“Do you guys ever stop kissing?” Jaehyun stood up and scrunched up his nose at the overt affection the two were giving each other,

“No, not really. Mark literally kisses me until he can’t kiss anymore,” Johnny paused, “Which is never.”

“I like kissing,” Mark whined, “Feels nice. Stop judging me.”

“Taeyong is kind of like that. He’s like a cat, he likes affection until you give him too much and then he’ll bite your fingers off.” Jaehyun took his boyfriend’s hand and kissed it before intertwining their fingers,

“Shut up you.” Tae bit Jaehyun’s hand lightly with a small smile,

“Kinky.” Johnny said with a smirk,

“Okay, we’re going.” Mark went to the door and opened it before turning around and waiting for the tall man to come over to him. He smiled up at Johnny as he received a tight, quick hug before the two were out the door. The two other men followed, Jaehyun briefly turning around to close and lock the door to his and Mark’s shared apartment. Mark had slipped his hand in Johnny’s, who squeezed it tightly. They were lingering behind the two others who were whispering in front of them. Mark thought they must be talking about them, but he honestly could care less. He smiled when Johnny planted a kiss on the crown of his head before putting his arm around him and pulling Mark close to his large body. It was so comforting to be close to someone that cared about him.

Mark let out a sigh as he looked around. It was dark outside, obviously, as it was ten pm. He liked the body heat that his boyfriend gave off. Mark liked to be warm, hence the mound of covers that were strewn across his bed. He would complain when he was at Johnny’s place if the tall man wasn’t so warm and comfy to lay on and snuggle with,

“We don’t have to stay for too long if you don’t want to. I just thought it would be fun to go.” Johnny’s voice was soft and deep as he spoke,

“It’s fine. I get to spend time with you,” Mark looked up at him with a small smile, “As long as you don’t abandon me.”

“I won’t.” Johnny told him. Mark closed his eyes fondly as he received another kiss on the head. They didn’t have to walk very far to get where they were going. Plus, they heard the music from probably a mile away. Mark always thought that Jaehyun would make the perfect frat boy. He was handsome and perfectly charismatic. Along with the fact that he loved to drink cheap beer and that’s all they seemed to serve at fraternities. Jaehyun wasn’t really about that life though. It’s not that he didn’t like to party, no way. Jaehyun _loved _to party and get drunk. He just didn’t have to do it every weekend to feel something. His roommate was pretty much the perfect guy. He was kind of jealous.

Mark looked up at his boyfriend as they walked up to the door of the loud fraternity. He thought Johnny could use a haircut, but regardless, he still looked good. He mentally prepared himself before they went inside. He knew what it was like far too well. Deafening music that made it almost impossible to stand or even function along with girls who were basically naked. On top of that, everyone was always making out or dancing too sexually. And then there was always someone who was throwing up in the yard or bathroom. It was just one big, horny shit show. It just wasn’t his scene. Not nice, timid Mark. But then he remembered he actually talked to his boyfriend at one. Sure, it wasn’t inside on the couch squished between four different bodies. But, he did have to say, it was quite a fond memory to remember.

The inside was just as described. That and way too bright. It was definitely energetic. Mark was _not _very energetic, not tonight at least. He sighed as he was pulled into the fray. He didn’t like how many people were touching him when he was just standing there. Too many people didn’t understand the concept of personal space and were bumping into him way too much. He’d just gotten in the door, how was this even possible? Johnny was still next to him but the protection of the taller seemed miles away. He already wanted to go home. But, Johnny was smiling so he couldn’t. Mark didn’t let go of the man’s hand and he honestly felt like a little kid. A little kid attached to a parent who was trying to go and have their own fun. He didn’t let go though. He didn’t want to.

Johnny was already talking to people, dragging Mark along with him wherever he went. He was apparently more popular than Mark had thought. And he didn’t know why, but he felt a twinge of jealousy from the lack of attention that he was receiving. There was no reason for it, Johnny was still his, that wouldn’t change in one night. But, he couldn’t stop himself from feeling that. He looked around, wondering where his roommate had gone. He was nowhere in sight though. Mark looked up at Johnny as the taller let go of his hand,

“I’ll be right back,” Johnny smiled down at him as he saw Mark’s face, “One second. Promise.”

Mark didn’t say anything, he just accepted the kiss that was placed on his lips before he watched the taller walk away. He looked around briefly before sighing and leaning against the wall. It had been way longer than a second. He didn’t know what to do with his arms, he never did, so he crossed them over his chest tightly as he waited. He didn’t know where Johnny went. Probably to get a drink. Mark let his eyes wander around the room. Frat houses were big. Unnaturally so. They extended either way to far to either side or were way too tall, it was weird. They had way too many rooms, too. There was probably four living rooms on the first floor. And then there were probably twenty bedrooms. Then after that, there was at least ten fraternities at his college. Two hundred frat boy bedrooms was a lot. That’s a lot of dirty socks. He honestly didn’t even know what fraternity they were at right now.

He leaned his head against the wall. He would’ve sat down had there actually been an open seat. He liked being in the corner, though. Nobody was looking at him or bothering him. If he was sitting down on a couch or somewhere, he would’ve felt like everyone was staring at him. Maybe everybody was staring at him for being a loner in the corner. But, he could care less. He wanted Johnny back. He lifted his head up as he caught a glimpse of someone. Someone he knew. It sent a wave of panic over him as he looked down at the floor, staring intently. He wished he was wearing a hoodie so badly so that he could pull it over his head and hide. But he couldn’t. _Shit. _He’d totally forgotten that the man lived with a fraternity. Did he get brought to that specific house? And apparently, even if Mark couldn’t see him, he could see Mark,

“Hey.” The voice was deep and even though the music was blaring, he could still hear him way too clearly,

“Hi…” Mark looked up to stare Wong Yukhei directly in the face. Somehow, he was already way too close for comfort,

“How’s it going?” The Chinese man asked politely. Mark wouldn’t lie, he looked good. His hair was blonde now. Actually, it was white underneath his backwards baseball cap. Mark thought that he really looked like a frat boy,

“It’s fine,” Mark paused, almost forgetting his manners, “How are you?”

“I’m good,” Yukhei smiled at him, it was a big grin that made Mark want to die. Mostly because he was just _so _uncomfortable, “I like your hair.”

“Thanks. I like yours.” Mark gestured shortly to Yukhei’s head as he chewed his lip. A terrible habit, he should stop,

“Thank you,” Yukhei matched him by crossing his arms over his chest. But, his stance was so much stronger, he had a much larger presence than the shorter, “You want a drink?”  
“No thanks.” Mark shook his head as he dropped his arms and played with the hem of his tee shirt. It was actually Johnny’s, so it was much too big for him. But, it smelled good and gave him comfort,

“Waiting for someone?” The man in front of him raised an eyebrow. He really was handsome,

“Johnny.” Mark responded simply with a gentle sigh. He looked past Yukhei, wondering if his boyfriend was going to show up,

“Oh yeah. You guys are dating now, right?” Yukhei glanced around before he looked back at Mark and cocked his head to the side, “Where is he though?”

Mark just shrugged and let his lip go from between his teeth. He hoped he would arrive in a moment or two, but he didn’t,

“Well, I’m sure he told you horrible things about me. I’m assuming that’s why you dropped me so quickly and moved onto him.” Yukhei rubbed his bicep,

“No…” Mark rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “We just…Like click more…I don’t know.”

“Oh no. I’m not mad or anything. You just ghosted me and I’m not used to that,” Yukhei shrugged and Mark thought that he sounded pretty conceited after that sentence, “Just curious as to why. Like, what did he tell you?”

“You’re a player.” Mark sniffed as he looked up at the Chinese man,

“Mmm,” He nodded, a smirk spreading across his face, “Yeah, I am.”

“What?” Mark furrowed his brows at him,

“I am a player. But, I can still commit when I want to,” Yukhei exhaled forcefully through his nose in a sort of mock snort, “Of course. You’d prefer the moody, quiet type over the party animal. I still would’ve dated you, Mark.”

“You didn’t text me again after, you know…” Mark glanced past him again,

“After you sucked my dick?” Yukhei asked, annoyance creeping into his tone, “Yeah, well you never texted me back in the first place so I wasn’t too keen on double texting you if you weren’t ever going to respond.”

“I might’ve.” The shorter boy looked back at Yukhei,

“‘Might have’ is not worth my time,” He made air quotes as he said ‘might have’. It kind of hurt Mark’s feelings to hear that, “I didn’t want to get my hopes up and then get them dashed. I’m sure you felt exactly the same way.”

“I’m sorry. I should’ve texted you back, I just got scared.” Mark frowned. It was true, he had felt the exact same way and he was genuinely sorry that he didn’t follow through. He would’ve been extremely upset if Yukhei had never texted him back, too. He should’ve responded, regardless of what he heard. He shouldn’t have even believed them and gone right the the source which was Yukhei in the first place,

“Understandable,” The Chinese nodded, the grin returning to his handsome face, “I would be too. But, I have to say, I’m a little disappointed. I really wish you had just asked me in the beginning and we could’ve avoided all this ghosting and shit. We might have been in a different place.”

“I thought ‘might have’ wasn’t worth your time.” Mark let a smile pull at the corner of his lips,

“Touché.” Yukhei laughed,

“Different how, though?” Mark let the smile fade from his face. He was genuinely curious what the man was thinking,

“I don’t know,” Yukhei shrugged, “It’s a shame we never got to find out.”

“Mm, I guess.” Mark nodded, somewhat agreeing with what he had said. He was genuinely happy with Johnny. Actually, he was more than happy. But, he did still wonder what it would have been like had he and Yukhei actually worked out. He was just so scared of someone that wasn’t like him. Johnny wasn’t exactly like him, but they were similar enough that Mark found eternal comfort in the man. They could both be quiet or loud whenever they wanted to. Johnny knew exactly how to make Mark laugh until he cried. But, they still had things they had to work through that was easy to Mark with someone who didn’t know him like Johnny seemed to,

“He told you his girlfriend cheated on him with me, right?” Yukhei asked curiously. His arms were still crossed, his feet shoulder length apart. He looked so big and strong like that, Mark must’ve looked like an ant,

“Yeah.” Mark nodded,

“God, he just lives to ruin me,” Yukhei shook his head, “He cheated on her first.”

“What?” Mark looked up and directly into Yukhei’s eyes. His stomach had just dropped into his knees. No, the floor. Did he hear that correctly?

“For real. I told her because he wouldn’t and she wanted to get him back so we had sex. I’m not saying it was the right thing to do in anyway and I do regret it. But, he wasn’t telling you the whole truth.” Yukhei looked at Mark seriously. There was absolutely no way that was true, right? Mark swore he was about to pass out from that piece of news. He could feel an anxiety attack rising in his throat. No. _No_. Not right now. He took a deep breath as he looked at Yukhei again, forcing a smile to return to his pale lips,

“I should…Um…I should talk to him about that.” Mark didn’t even do a good job at convincing himself about that,

“Probably,” Yukhei dropped his arms to his side, “Hey, are we good now?”

“Yeah, we’re good.” They really were. Mark felt somewhat better, at least about his relationship between him and Yukhei. He was scared though. Scared about what he had just heard about his boyfriend. He couldn’t just let himself believe it though. That would be the same thing he did to Yukhei. Maybe worse, since he and Johnny were actually dating. He had to talk to him. He needed to communicate with Johnny. That was the basis of a relationship, right?

“Can I get a hug?” Yukhei opened his arms and Mark chuckled before he hugged Yukhei gently. It was different than hugging Johnny. Yukhei was more firm with his hugs while Mark’s boyfriend enjoyed giving soft, cuddly hugs. The Chinese Man reminded him a lot of a large, clumsy puppy that liked to plop down in his lap while Johnny reminded him of a tree that he could cling to when he needed it. It wasn’t awkward. It was honestly much needed. He let out a short giggle as Yukhei pecked his cheek. It more friendly than anything,

“Dude,” Johnny’s voice came from behind the Chinese man, “The fuck are you doing?”

It was the exact _worst _moment that his boyfriend could’ve arrived. Seriously, it was just horrible timing. Mark almost didn’t want to let go because he was about to be caught in the middle of something yet again. He sighed gently as the hug was dissolved and Yukhei turned around to look at Johnny,

“Relax man, just keeping your boyfriend company while he awaited your return. Where’ve you been anyway? It’s not that polite to leave your significant other hanging.” Yukhei said. He was honestly asking for it, but that’s just how he was. He told it like he saw it. Johnny rolled his eyes as he looked at Mark. He was holding a red solo cup of what Mark thought must be the cheap, frat beer. Mark bit his lip as he looked at his boyfriend nervously,

“You didn’t have to hug him to keep him company. You didn’t have to keep him company at all.” Johnny scoffed as he looked back at the Chinese man,

“That’s kinda mean. Seriously, what kind of man leaves his boyfriend behind without company? I was being polite, he looked lonely,” Yukhei’s eyes flickered to the cup in Johnny’s hand, “Come on, man, you didn’t even get him a drink.”

“This is for him…You know what it doesn’t matter to you. Get lost.” Johnny’s expression turned to one of disgust as he held out the drink to Mark,

“Seriously, not polite,” Yukhei took the drink from him before handing it to Mark, “I think I’ll stay. We just made up.”

Mark froze when he felt the Chinese man’s arm settle around his shoulders. He was truly asking for a fight and Mark _really _didn’t want to be in the middle of it. Yet, he was. And there was absolutely nothing he could do about it because he never spoke up. He looked at his boyfriend to see a glimmer of jealousy twinkle in his eyes before he looked at Mark. The younger just saw a bit of pleading and pain as if to say “why aren’t you shrugging him off?”. It broke his heart a little bit. He should have shrugged him off, but he didn’t,

“Get the fuck off of him,” Johnny looked back to Yukhei. His voice was deep and demanding, nothing like the gentle giant Mark knew off. When the Chinese man didn’t move, Johnny grabbed Mark’s arm harshly to drag him away. It made him flinch as he felt the roughness of the large hand around his wrist. He dropped the beer in response. It splashed to the ground, the cup bouncing and rolling away. It spilled on his new shoes, “Let’s go.”

“John—,” Mark started. They hadn’t made it very far before Mark was interrupted by the older letting his arm go and spinning around to punch Yukhei in the face. Mark stared at the two, his hand shooting up to cover his mouth. He was shocked, honestly. Even more shocked than the way Johnny had grabbed him. Yukhei had gone stumbling backwards at the sudden impact and he held his nose where Johnny had made contact with his fist. Mark’s boyfriend was shaking out his hand as Yukhei pulled his away from his face to look at it. It was bloody. His nose dripped blood and it would’ve made Mark cringe had he not been so startled. He continued to stare, even when the harsh, uncomfortable grip returned to his wrist. Even when he was being pulled out of the house. Yukhei watched him leave, his expression grim as blood gushed out of his nose. Mark didn’t even notice that the house had gone quiet.

He stumbled down the steps, his wrist still caught in Johnny’s large hand. Only then did he realize he was angry,

“Can you—,” Mark wrenched his arm out of his boyfriend’s grip as he was being dragged along the sidewalk, “Jesus Christ, let me go.”

“The fuck was that, Mark?” Johnny turned around as the younger was rubbing his wrist. His posture and tone of voice told Mark that he was upset and Mark would have been scared had he not also been mad,

“Was what?” Mark glared at him, still trying to rid his wrist from the feeling of Johnny’s tight hand,

“You let him hang all over you like that? Seriously?” Johnny crossed his arms. They were in the middle of the sidewalk, the music from the house continuing to shake the ground,

“We were fucking talking and we made up, it wasn’t a big deal.” Mark rolled his eyes, scoffing at his boyfriend. He never really got angry and even when he did, he rarely yelled,

“Oh, you guys made up. Great,” The taller threw his arms up in the air as he looked around, “Fucking awesome.”

“What, I can’t make up with someone that I wasn’t really on good terms with now?” Mark put his hands on his hips and looked at his boyfriend incredulously, “Jealous?”

“Me? Jealous?” Johnny scoffed, “Says you! You can’t even let go of my hand for one fucking second when we go somewhere.”

“You never said anything before! Besides it’s not even jealousy, it’s just anxiety,” Mark paused. It did hurt to be called out on something he had trouble controlling. His little body couldn’t handle being upset as he balled his fists at his sides, trying to seem bigger than he was, “Why the fuck did you hit him? Because we hugged?”

“I don’t fucking know. Yes, sure. Because he fucking touched you and I hate him, literally. And you _knew _that. I thought you were done with him too and I come back and you guys are getting all cozy together and it made me mad to see that. And then he kept talking about how I was being a fucking bad boyfriend for leaving you and I didn’t like that so I fucking punched him,” Johnny rubbed his face aggressively, “Why the _fuck _would you hug him, Mark?”

“Because we made up! He asked for a hug and I said okay. Maybe he was right and you shouldn’t have just left me all alone!” Mark raised his voice, “You can’t fucking hit people, what is wrong with you? And you can’t _grab _me like that! It’s unnecessary and scary and rough and it makes me feel like you don’t care who you act like that to.”

Johnny didn’t say anything and Mark could barely see. It was too dark. All he could see was the silhouette of the taller man who seemed to be contemplating. Mark’s fists were shaking at the side of him as he tried to calm himself down. He didn’t know if he was just angry or upset or scared or all of the above,

“I just wanted to fucking leave, okay?” Johnny didn’t apologize,

“Good for you, you could’ve fucking asked me politely. Like you usually are and you could’ve not punched him. That’s not fucking you, Johnny,” Mark swiped a hand through his hair, “I don’t want to be with someone who’s going to hit people when they don’t get their way. That’s fucking childish.”

“_I’m_ childish? Please think about that. And tell me you didn’t just…” Johnny snorted as if it was funny, “Tell me you didn’t just say ‘I don’t want to be with someone who’. You’re going to break up with me now?”

“No, I didn’t say that,” Mark crossed his arms. It would’ve scared him, but it didn’t, “I didn’t say that at all. Oh my God, are you even listening? It’s not acceptable to hit people. God damn!”

“Oh come on, you totally implied it.” Johnny’s voice was still deep and unnerving,

“Did you cheat on her?” Mark scuffed his shoe against the pavement,

“What?”

“Your ex. Did you cheat on her?” Mark repeated himself as he rubbed his arms to warm himself up. It was chilly outside,

“The fuck? No!” Johnny practically yelled it and yet Mark still didn’t flinch,

“Yukhei told me—,” Mark was cut off again. He dug his nails into his bicep and didn’t stop until he felt the stinging sensation that came with broken skin,

“Oh my fucking God, enough with Yukhei. Enough with that fucking guy, seriously.” Johnny pressed his arm into his forehead, trying to calm himself down,

“Yukhei told me you cheated on her first, so did you cheat on her?” Mark repeated himself firmly,

“No, I didn’t cheat on her.”

“Let me ask you again, did you che—,”

“I don’t fucking know if I cheated on her,” The taller man ran a hand through his hair harshly, “Fine, you want to hear the fucking story? I kissed a different girl when I was fucking drunk. And I didn’t tell her because I didn’t think anything of it. It was a mistake. I don’t give a fuck what you call it, I really don’t. You can call it cheating, you don’t have to call it cheating. I don’t give a _damn. _But, you know what? It’s not an excuse to _fuck_ my ex-friend. In _my _apartment, okay? It’s just not a fucking excuse. I made a mistake, yeah sure. But, you can’t just go and have sex with someone because of a drunk mistake. There’s something called communicating and I don’t care how you do it, but you do it. You can yell, you can scream, you can throw things as long as you put your feelings on the fucking table and you don’t betray me and make me lose trust in some of the best things I’ve ever had. So that is why I’m fucking pissed off at you, okay? Because it’s going to be a repeat of last time and I’m going to lose everything. All. Over. Again.”

“Do you really think I would cheat on you?” Mark asked, the adrenaline was beginning to fade and he could feel the hurt chipping it’s way into his heart,

“I don’t know. Do you think I would? Because that’s why you asked me the question,” Johnny paused, “You see how much it hurts now, don’t you?”

He did.

“Johnny…” Mark started,

“I’m fucking going home. Sorry I grabbed your wrist or whatever, but I just fucking can’t. I know I’m overreacting but I’m pissed off and I don’t know if it’s at you, Yukhei, or myself. I really don’t think I could deal if you were anywhere near him again, I really don’t. I know it’s not all his fault but I need to blame someone and it’s him,” Johnny shoved his hands into his pockets as he began to walk away, but he stopped briefly, “I won’t respond, but can you just text me when you get home so I know you’re safe.”

There it was. There _he _was_. _Even if they had just fought. Even if he was just angry at nobody in particular. He still cared. And that hurt Mark the most. He watched his boyfriend walk away, his long legs taking big steps. Mark swallowed thickly, trying to blink away the tears that were threatening to fall. He turned around a couple of times, wondering what to do before he started to walk home. He sniffled as he chewed on his lip. The stinging sensation from where his nails were became much worse. He was probably bleeding. He was cold, maybe from the lack of appropriate clothing or adrenaline. But most probably because he lacked Johnny. He’d never seen him like that, angry. But most importantly, Mark had never seen his boyfriend so sad. When he told him what happened, Mark could practically feel the pain in his voice. It was because Mark had felt that pain himself before so he was able to recognize it.

Sure, Mark was angry too, briefly. But he was mostly upset that Johnny had reacted like that. He wasn’t usually so physical, at least not harshly. Mark wasn’t used to that. And he definitely still didn’t like the way he had grabbed him or punched Yukhei in the face. But it was true. Mark should’ve said something. He should’ve spoken up, he should’ve told Yukhei that it wasn’t appropriate. If he had done something, the whole situation could’ve been avoided. He always blamed himself. Always. Johnny could’ve brought him with him when he went away. Yukhei didn’t have to talk to him. Yukhei didn’t have to hug him or taunt Johnny. But it all happened. Johnny didn’t have to react that way. And that’s why everything else happened. He regretted yelling at the taller so much. But, he was scared. The whole cheating thing had him scared. And technically, yes, Johnny did cheat on her. But it was true, communication was important. They could’ve broken up on other terms. And he was drunk, it didn’t mean he was going to do it again.

Mark frowned, he was still trying so hard not to cry. His heart hurt so badly. He still had Johnny, of course. But this was technically their first fight and Mark didn’t think it would hurt so bad. He didn’t think they would ever have one in the first place. Good things always came to an end, but that wasn’t to say that Mark and Johnny were done, no way. Their “honeymoon phase” was over. That was all. They had to talk, but that was it. They had to get through this, that’s it. But, why was it so hard for Mark to tell it like it was. To tell the truth. Why was it so hard for him to speak his mind. He didn’t want to hurt feelings, even though Johnny wouldn’t be hurt by his words. Not the next time they spoke at least. He was still in a relationship, but he’d never felt so fucking alone.

He walked home quickly. Wasting no time in getting in bed and sobbing into his pillow. He felt so guilty for everything, even though not all of it was his fault. There was blame on other people. There was blame on Johnny. He didn’t know he was going to blow up like that, usually he was the one that was level headed. But, certain things hit nerves and Mark knew that. Mark had felt it, too. He didn’t like that they were yelling at each other in the middle of the street. He didn’t like that they were yelling at each other, period. It wasn’t fair. But he had no control over it. He texted Johnny like the man had asked, sending a simple “home” to him. He didn’t respond. Mark rubbed away the snot that was coming out of his nose from the wet, ugly sobs that he was letting out and looked at his ceiling. He wanted to apologize and forget it ever happened. He wanted to be held again, to feel those safe arms around him so he could sleep soundly. He wanted his warmth back. But, all he could feel was cold. How could one person affect him so much? He didn’t know, but he hated it and loved it at the same time.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took me a little longer than usual!  
had a bit of a busy week (along with some writer's block but we back on track now~) :)  
enjoy!  
<3
> 
> *this is an unedited chapter, i'm sorry for any mistakes, i'll edit this when i finish the next chap :)

Mark woke up late the next morning. He wasn’t the type of person to get up early unless he had to, but he never woke later than mid-morning. It was noon time when he finally opened his eyes and sat up. He’d slept hard. That always happened when he cried himself to sleep. They were some of the best sleeps of his life, unfortunately. He smoothed down his hair as he sniffled and looked around his room. There was nothing new or interesting, he was just disoriented from waking up so fast. He sighed as he stretched and scratched the back of his neck sleepily. Mark grabbed his phone to check his notifications. He wasn’t really eager to do so and wasn’t expecting a message from Johnny in the slightest. He was surprised to see a couple from his boyfriend. Obviously a few from his best friend. One from Yukhei and Jaehyun.

Johnny <3 loved “home”

Johnny <3: really sorry ab last night

Johnny <3: can we please talk <3

Mark sighed again, deeper this time. He didn’t know if it was in relief or because he was remembering what happened. He smiled slightly when he saw the messages from Donghyuck.

Duck: markkk

Duck: wake up whore

Duck: imu let’s hang pls

And then a frown.

Yukhei: Hey, I’m really sorry. Hope we can talk about this.

Jae “Roommate”: u ok?

Mark yawned and rubbed his face as he thought about how to respond. Three out of four people wanted to talk. Two out of four stressed him out. The other two just cared about him and how he was feeling. He did want to hang out with Hyuck. He actually really wanted to hang out with his best friend. It would take his mind off of things. But, he had to talk to Johnny and he wasn’t about to put that off and ghost his boyfriend. Most definitely not. Jaehyun was easy. Yukhei was not so easy. If Johnny knew that he was texting him the same thing would happen as last night. Mark sniffed and pulled at the collar of his shirt.

He texted Jaehyun first, telling him that he was fine. He honestly didn’t even have to text him back, he could’ve just walked across the hallway and knocked on his door. He texted Hyuck next and told him to call him in an hour. He contemplated what he would say to Yukhei and rubbed his face with a deep sigh. He moved onto Johnny, deciding he would text Yukhei back later. For real this time though.

Mark: im sorry too

Mark: when do u want to talk?

Johnny read the message immediately and Mark almost dropped his phone when he started typing.

Johnny <3: busy now?

Mark: i just woke up, but no

Johnny <3: can we meet at the cafe in 30?

Mark: mhm

Mark sniffed and rubbed his eyes. He was relieved that Johnny had reached out to him. He was so fucking relieved. He would’ve done it himself, he definitely would’ve. It’s just that, it would have been so hard for him to do it. But, Johnny knew how to be mature, even if he wasn’t acting that way the night before. His phone buzzed again and he looked at it to find a heart emoji from Johnny. It made him smile. It made him feel better. He just couldn’t wait to get his kisses again. He needed that.

He got up and stretched, his bones popping satisfyingly as he woke up from his heavy sleep. He remembered he was wearing his boyfriend’s shirt, but it probably smelled disgusting now. He needed a shower. He could pull that off within thirty minutes. He got out a simple white tee shirt and some black jeans from his drawers and went into his closet to find a hoodie. He took out a dark, navy blue one with black lettering on it. It was Johnny’s, of course, so it would be slightly too big for him. It smelled like him and it would be comfortable at least. He shuffled into the bathroom and turned on the water in the shower before grabbing a bath towel from under the sink. He was still super sleepy but a nice, hot shower would wake him up. Maybe it would energize him for the conversation that was to come. He’d realized he forgot to grab a pair of underwear and padded back to his room to get some.

When he returned to the bathroom, he closed the door and set his clothes down on the sink counter. He used to always go back to his room when he was getting dressed, but he just got used to bringing his clothes with him to the bathroom when he started living with a roommate. Mark got undressed and stepped into the shower. The water hit his back and it immediately felt amazing. It was warm and steamy. Mark just let it run over his body. He didn’t know he was so tense, but the hot water was really relaxing him. Something stung though, on his arm. He turned his arm over to look at what it was. He sighed when he saw the shallow cuts in the shape of his nails that dug into his bicep. He swiped a hand over it and bit his lip gently. Mark arched his back in order to stretch it out before he actually started to wash his body. It wasn’t a very long shower, he did have places to be after all. His hair would be curly after, but he kind of liked the way it looked when it was wavy.

He got dressed and pulled on the hoodie after drying off. He took a deep breath and savored the scent of his boyfriend. It was so soft and cozy, it made him feel like he was being hugged by him. He swiped a hand across the foggy mirror and fixed his hair before he got his toothbrush out to brush his teeth. He looked closely at his face, scrunching up his nose when he saw a couple blemishes beginning to arise. He didn’t know why, the only time he had been stressed in the past six weeks was last night. Maybe he should wash his pillow case or disinfect his phone. He opened the medicine cabinet and looked through Jaehyun’s skin care to find anything that would help them immediately. He found something that seemed like it would work and looked into the mirror so he could dot it on the unwanted acne. Mark stretched again, trying to wake his body up more. He was so tired, but he didn’t know why.

He opened the door and padded back to his room, stopping in front of his roommate’s closed door. He knocked on it gently before turning the handle to open the bedroom door. Mark peeked inside, figuring that he should tell him he was stepping out. Jaehyun had rolled over to look at who was coming into his room,

“I’m going out, I’ll bring you back coffee.” Mark told him, his voice soft,

“Okay,” Jaehyun cleared his throat as he sighed, “Thanks.”

Mark nodded and closed the door gingerly before going back to his room. He had to leave if he was going to get to the cafe on time, but he wanted to lay back down and go to sleep. Maybe it was because he just lacked energy from the night before. No matter how long he slept, he would still be tired after he argued with his boyfriend. It just took energy out of him and made him sad. He was probably just feeling a little bit down and even though they were supposedly going to fix it, he wouldn’t find himself being happy until after Johnny and him had worked it out fully. He sighed again as he pulled on his ratty, old converse. He’d kept them just in case. And since his other ones had cheap beer all over them he decided he’d wash them later and just wear his old ones.

It was sunny outside which did put him in a little bit of a better mood, a lot better than if it were to be gloomy and rainy. He tugged at his hoodie strings as he walked, a hand shoved in his pocket. He swore he walked everywhere, but that’s because everything was so close together in college. At least where he lived. The cafe that Johnny was talking about was only about a ten minute walk at the pace Mark was going. It was five if he was walking quickly. Mark wasn’t a huge coffee person, but he definitely drank it. Johnny, however, was a coffee connoisseur and loved to go there so Mark wasn’t really surprised that he suggested to meet there.

The sun was shining mildly onto the grey sidewalk, breaking every so often for the dark shadow of a building or tree. It was comfortably warm out, Mark’s dark sweatshirt soaking in the bright, mid-April sun. Cars paused periodically at the stoplights that lined the intersections and continued when the light turned green. The rumbling resembled a continuous, white noise that was extremely calming as they drove past Mark quietly. The occasional familiar honk of a horn caused him to look over, but he always returned his attention to the pavement. The trees and flowers were beginning to bloom. The leaves and buds greener than ever as new life began to grow. Yellow streaks of pollen sat on untouched, parked cars as Spring was beginning to announce itself. The clouds were fluffy and white, not a trace of rain filled the brilliant, blue sky. It was cozy, even just walking outside.

He opened the door to the cafe, the little bell above the door dinging quietly. It smelled like warmth and the mellow scent of coffee filled his nose immediately. The dark, wooden flooring creaked beneath Mark’s dirty converse as he made his way over to the counter to order himself a drink. The gentle clink of spoons against the stark white, ceramic mugs and the large, clean picture windows that let in the soft, Spring sunlight made the whole place feel homey. Mark felt comfortable there. He glanced at his phone and saw no indication that his boyfriend would be arriving soon. It had been around thirty minutes since Johnny had asked him and he wasn’t exactly punctual, but he was never terribly late to anything. He sighed as he turned to order from the girl at the counter. She was definitely a college kid. Mark wondered how people ever had time to do anything but homework. But then again, he somehow found time to hang out with Johnny whenever he had free time. Maybe he should get a job.

He sat down at one of the small round tables for two. It felt lonely sitting at a table meant for more than one person when he was alone. He sipped his coffee as he rested his chin in his hand. There were only a few people in the cafe including the two baristas that still seemed to be working tirelessly behind the counter. Mark was tracing patterns on the table quietly as he waited. He’d become impossibly tired again. He looked up as the tiny bell above the door rung again, his heart sinking a little bit when he saw his boyfriend. He had ordered Johnny’s coffee too and it sat across from him. The tall man had apparently noticed as well as he immediately sat across from the younger boy and held his coffee in both hands,

“Hey.” Johnny said. He looked a little bit frazzled and that made Mark feel slightly better. He definitely didn’t look bad by any means, but his hair was tousled and he looked like he had barely slept. It made him feel bad, but nothing was really his fault,

“Hi.” Mark looked at him, continuing to draw patterns with his fingertip on the simple, wooden table. His heart was fluttering in his chest, he was nervous for no reason. Maybe it was just the fact that he didn’t know what was coming,

“Mark, I’m just going to get into it. I’m really sorry for last night. It was really not my place to yell at you like that and get upset. It was my fault, I shouldn’t have reacted like that at all. And I’m really, really sorry I grabbed you like that, that was not appropriate at all.” Johnny thumbed his cup of coffee and glanced at the table shortly before looking back at Mark. He wondered if this was the right place to be having this conversation. He might cry,

“It’s okay. I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have been so friendly with Yukhei and stuff. And I’m sorry for yelling at you, too.” Mark chewed his lip gently and he let it go when he made eye contact with his boyfriend,

“No. I was really in the wrong and I feel really bad about it. I did a lot of thinking last night and if you want to be friends with Yukhei then I’m fine with that.” Johnny put his hand out and the younger took it. He must have noticed the slightly nervous look on Mark’s face and wanted to comfort him. Johnny sipped his coffee as he looked at his boyfriend,

“Really…?” Mark asked as he looked at him,

“Yeah, of course. I shouldn’t be able to stop you from doing anything that you want to do just because I’m your boyfriend. Just because me and Yukhei’s relationship was ruined doesn’t mean I should ruin yours. And no matter how much of a pain in the ass he is, I trust you,” Johnny paused, letting a sigh fall out from his lips, “I was just upset because I felt like history was repeating itself. But it’s not and that’s no reason to get short with you at all. The blame is on me, please don’t blame yourself because you did nothing wrong. Being rough and physical with you is also absolutely not acceptable either and I hope I didn’t hurt you too badly. I’m so, so sorry. And I did cheat on her. It’s cheating no matter if I’m drunk or not. But, I still stand by what I said, or yelled, about communication and it not being an excuse to cheat back on me.”

“You didn’t hurt me. Not physically. I was just…Like surprised I guess. Because I’ve never seen you like that and it was just weird to see you so angry. I _was _sad because of it and I’m still trying to get over that feeling…But, I’m fine and I’m just relieved that you texted me so quickly. I didn’t know what to expect,” Mark looked at him as Johnny squeezed his hand gently, “Yukhei was asking for it, but you can’t hit people…It’s scary…”

“I know. I know, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m not going to try to justify it at all, but I was just so upset at him. I should’ve talked to him instead or just left.” Johnny frowned,

“I’m not mad at you. I really like you and I just got worried about us. But, I was mostly worried about you because you were so upset.” Mark gave him a pout as he looked over his boyfriend,

“I’m fine, I’m just glad to be making up with you. Did you sleep okay?” Johnny asked. He was so caring that it actually physically hurt Mark,

“I slept like a rock. I always do after I cry,” The younger told him, to which his boyfriend sighed, “No, no. It’s not meant to make you feel bad. It’s just the truth. I cry, I sleep really hard.”

“I’m sorry,” Johnny watched Mark giggle to which the older chuckled lightly, “Well, Ibarely slept.”

“Why?” Mark sipped his coffee and looked at Johnny rather concerned,

“I just kept thinking about you and how bad I fucked up. I felt pretty lonely too, so I was sort of like… I miss my little spoon. I thought maybe you were really mad and you wouldn’t forgive me.” Johnny shrugged lightly,

“No, I was afraid you wouldn’t forgive me,” Mark raised his eyebrow, “Little spoon? I’m the big spoon.”

“Of course I would forgive you, you never did anything wrong in the first place. And no, you love to be the little spoon. You press your ass all up against me and shit.” Johnny shook his head with a chuckle,

“Shush,” Mark whined, looking fondly at his boyfriend as he squeezed his hand, “We’re in public.”

“I know,” Johnny looked at him, “Are we okay, then?”

“Yeah, of course.” Mark smiled, he was so relieved. The life returned to him almost immediately as all he could do was giggle at his boyfriend who looked at him weirdly,

“That was easier than I thought,” Johnny shook his head with a smile, “Energetic?”

“A little bit, I’m just happy.” Mark arched his back in order to stretch it out a little bit,

“Date?” His boyfriend suggested happily,

“Can I come over tomorrow instead? I promised Hyuck I would hang out with him today and I really want to. It’s been a little while since we got to, just us.” The younger gave him a questioning look, cocking his head to the side,

“Of course you can,” Johnny frowned, “But I’m sad.”

“Whyyyy?” Mark whined again,

“I just missed you, but now that I know we’re okay I’m fine,” The tall man let go of Mark’s hand and picked up his coffee to take a big sip out of it, “What are you guys going to do?”

“Eh, he’s probably going to smoke and then take a long ass weed nap while I watch Netflix,” Mark sniffed, “That or he’s going to beg me to get high with him and then we’ll both take weed naps.”

“Druggie,” Johnny laughed, “Weed’s good.”

“Not you too.” Mark facepalmed,

“It’s the most tame drug, come on.” The tall man took another sip of his coffee and glanced at the counter before looking back at his boyfriend,

“That’s true, but it feels kinda weird. I always feel like I’m going in and out of my body and then everything is so slow.” He shuddered and giggled as his tall boyfriend smiled at him,

“That’s the point, it’s relaxing. You don’t have to worry about anything else when you’re high.” Johnny shrugged,

“That’s true. I’m just not used to it, I guess. And Donghyuck just like does whatever. He functions like he’s normal and I’m like drooling as I stare at a wall,” Mark bit his lip, “I’m lying actually, he laughs so much and that makes _me_ laugh.”

Johnny hummed gently as he smiled at his boyfriend. Mark had honestly seemed to forget that anything had happened the night before. He was just happy that he had his boyfriend back and he was so excited to get a hug and kiss from him. They would probably have to talk about it more because just making up about something and touching on the subjects wasn’t enough to cut down any problems. Pulling it up from the root was the only way to kill a weed after all,

“Let me walk you there, then.” Johnny said,

“Why are you so nice?” Mark asked,

“Because I like you and you’re my boyfriend. Do you want to go now?” He asked with a smile,

“Umm,” Mark looked at his phone, “Yeah, I’ll text him.”

“Okay.” Johnny watched as the younger started typing on his phone quickly. Mark could feel his boyfriend’s eyes on him and he would’ve felt self conscious, but he liked when he looked at him. It made him feel like he was wanted, desired even. It made him feel like Johnny was proud of him or something. The way that he was looking at him was fond, like he was looking at the only thing in the world. He loved it. He loved the attention. And what made it even better was the fact that they’d just made up. The night before was rough but the fact that they had fixed it made him feel so much more wanted. Even the fact that he was going to hang out with his best friend and his the tall man was actually kind of jealous for once,

“Mmkay. He said he’s home.” Mark got up,

“Does he want coffee?” Johnny stood up as well,

“No, he’ll just drink the rest of mine.” The younger looked at him with a small smile as Johnny took his hand and led him out of the cafe,

“Mmkay.” The taller hummed as he put his arm around Mark and pulled him close. The younger boy leaned his head against Johnny’s shoulder and murmured happily,

“Did you mean what you said about me being friends with Yukhei?” Mark asked. The position was slightly awkward to be in while walking, but he didn’t really want to let go,

“Yeah, I meant it. I don’t know how happy I’ll be about it. But, I can’t tell you who you can and can’t hang out with. I don’t control you and I trust you,” Johnny kissed his head gently and unwrapped his arm to take his hand instead, “I’m not trying to make this toxic.”

“Won’t you be jealous?” Mark looked up at him. His hand was so small compared to his boyfriend’s and it made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside when he thought about their size difference. It also made the sweatshirt seem a tiny bit too warm,

“Of course I’ll be jealous and it’s not like if you decide you want to be friends with him that I’ll hang out with you both. I still don’t like him, but like I said, you can be friends with whoever you want. I shouldn’t be able to stop you. I trust you though. And I would never cheat on you. Never.” Johnny squeezed the shorter’s hand in reassurance and Mark smiled at nothing in particular, playing with the hoodie strings on the oversized hoodie,

“Wow.” Was all Mark could manage to get out. He was truly shocked at the amount of compassion that the older man had. He thought he might crumple onto the floor because of how weak his knees felt. Was he shaking? He couldn’t tell. He was truly just kind of…Enamored. That was the word. Mark stared at the ground as they walked, his shoes crunching over any stray rocks that may have been in the way. He couldn’t bring himself to look up at the taller, but he didn’t know why,

“You okay?” Johnny squeezed his hand again and Mark looked up at him, his lip caught between his teeth,

“I’m fine. I’m good,” Mark paused as his boyfriend raised his eyebrow at him, “Really. I’m just happy. Reallyyy I’m good.”

“Okay, okay,” Johnny leaned down to give him a quick kiss, “Is that mine?”

“What?” Mark looked down at the hoodie and blushed with a small smile, “Yes.”

“You’re so cute,” Johnny grinned at him, “Seriously, you’re so cute.”

“Stop.” Mark whined. Heat creeped onto his cheeks and he pressed his coffee cup into his face to try and curb it,

“No, you’re so cute. I’m being serious. You make me smile until my cheeks hurt no matter what you do. It’s crazy. I don’t even think I’ve ever liked someone so much.” Johnny admitted. He was rather shy about it which surprised the younger. His boyfriend was usually super confident, but he looked pretty embarrassed,

“I really, _really_ like you, too,” Mark looked up at him with a gentle, reassuring smile, “A lot.”

Johnny stopped and turned towards Mark. It hadn’t taken them terribly long to get to Donghyuck’s so they were standing in front of his apartment. The younger looked up at him with a small smile that got bigger when Johnny pressed his large hand to his cheek. Mark leaned into the touch, blinking slowly as his boyfriend thumbed his cheek. He felt so safe. It made happiness wash over him at the touch of affection. Johnny looked into his eyes. They were deep and gentle and Mark forgot he was even on the sidewalk for a second. He liked him so much, more than before maybe. Maybe it was because they made up after an argument or maybe it was because Johnny trusted him so much to be friends with someone that the older virtually hated. He sighed gently before he stood on his tiptoes to press his lips against Johnny’s softly. That spark, the one that he’d always felt, went shooting down his spine and he shivered slightly as he put a hand on his neck. It was a comforting kiss that made him feel full inside. The emptiness had slipped away, replaced by something he had never experienced before. It was quite addicting,

“You guys are losers.” Donghyuck’s voice cut through the sweet silence and Mark looked at him with a smile before he stuck out his tongue at his best friend. Hyuck returned the gesture immediately,

“Thank you.” Mark responded before looking back at his boyfriend,,

“Have fun, baby.” Johnny pecked him before smiling at Donghyuck,

“We will.” Hyuck responded simply before he made grabby hands at his best friend. Mark glanced at Johnny again and smiled when his boyfriend adjusted the hoodie strings,

“See you tomorrow.” Johnny slapped the younger’s butt lightly as he walked away to which Mark looked back at him with a short smirk. Donghyuck waved sassily as Mark went inside before shutting the door,

“Johnny is so hot.” Was the first thing that came out of Hyuck’s mouth. Mark giggled at him as his best friend followed him to his room,

“I know. Unfortunately.” Mark flopped down onto the bed and buried his head into one ofhis best friend’s pillows. It smelled like vanilla and weed, but it was a comforting scent,

“Unfortunately?” The bed dipped as Hyuck laid down next to him and Mark picked his head up to look at him,

“Yes,” Mark whined, “He’s so hot, it sucks.”

“Why?” Donghyuck stretched out, his leg falling over Mark’s body comfortably,

“Because,” Mark looked at him, “You know…”

“Because,” His best friend sat up and Mark did so too, “He makes you horny, but you’re too afraid to have sex with him because you’re insecure and you’ve never had butt sex.”

“I hate you, did you know that?” Mark gave him a pout,

“Cause I’m right,” Donghyuck reached over to his bedside table to get his dab pen, “Why are you so scared though?”

“I don’t know,” Mark snatched it out of his hand and pressed the button so he could take a hit, “Because I’m just, not used to this shit. Like I’ve never been with a guy, I have no idea what anal sex is like. I didn’t even like masturbating until a couple of months ago.”

“But now you literally _never_ stop jerking it,” Hyuck took it back from him before he could put it to his lips and pressed a button a few times, “Setting’s too high, you’ll get fucked up.”

“I _want _to get fucked up.” Mark told him as his best friend handed the pen back to him and he took a long hit,

“A first for you,” Hyuck waved his hand in front of his face as Mark blew the smoke towards him with a light cough, “You guys have done other stuff, you told me. In detail. Sex is like the next step.”

“I can’t even look at his face when he does shit to me. I put the blankets over my knees so I don’t have to look. It’s so stupid,” Mark whined again and hugged one of his best friend’s pillows, “Also like sex is so different. That’s like…A dick in my ass. That’s so weird.”

“It’s not _that _weird. It feels good, obviously, or people wouldn’t do it,” Hyuck took a long drag and looked at Mark, “You’ve fingered yourself, it’s not horribly different. It’s just thicker and like longer.”

“Bleh,” Mark giggled, “It hurts, doesn’t it?”

“At the beginning, yeah. It just burns a little bit, but if you prep well you’ll be fine,” Hyuck coughed, “When it comes to feeling self conscious about him pleasuring you, you won’t really be worried about that all when you get into it. You won’t really be able to see and besides you’ll be so preoccupied with having sex and feeling good that you won’t have to look between your legs.”

“Really?” Mark looked at him as he chewed on his lip,

“Yeah, especially with someone you’re in a relationship with. It’s not just, like, the sex, it’s also like being close to him and strengthening your relationship, you know? I mean you don’t _need_ to have sex to be in a strong relationship, but if you’re both sexual people then it really helps. And I know you’re not _super _sexual…Well, you weren’t before you met him, but I think you want it so I think you should do it. As long as you’re comfortable,” Hyuck pat Mark’s head, “Besides, Johnny is definitely the type of guy to be kiss and hold you the whole time so you’re comfy, you know what I mean? Like, he really seems like the type of man to be super loving and careful with you, not rough. He’d make sure you’re prepped and relaxed enough that you can take it with minimal pain. Wouldn’t move until you told him, super slow. The best kind.”

Mark smiled at the thought, pulling up the hoodie’s collar and biting it happily. Anything but his lip, “You really think that’s how it’d go?”

“Um, fuck yeah. It’s literally the best type of sex, too. Mm, my last boyfriend would do it so sweetly. I’m really sensitive so I always feel the burning sensation and it makes my eyes water a lot and he used to kiss away the tears and kiss me. I loved it. He would totally do that to you,” Hyuck took another hit and then gave his pen to Mark who was grinning as he listened to his best friend, “You look so dumb. Did I make you horny?”

“No,” Mark giggled as he took another drag, “It just makes me feel better, I guess. Does it not feel good rough?”

“Ha, of course I made you feel better. I’m such a good friend,” Hyuck laid back down and let out a deep sigh, “It’s not that it’s not good, it’s just different. Like, it takes a specific mood for me. But, it’s all you really get if you’re just hooking up. Nobody likes taking it slow with a one night stand.”

“What kind of mood?” Mark asked, cocking his head to the side before he laid down next to his best friend,

“Mm…Like rough sex is good when you’re jealous or he’s jealous. Or if you’re like fighting it can lead to it. Sometimes being angry can make you horny to be honest. After a stressful day, too. Like, mm, getting it rough after a hard day is good to tire you out and relax you.” Hyuck answered, hugging his pillow tightly,

“Why do you have so much experience with this?” Mark laughed, he was definitely feeling the weed at this point, but he didn’t really notice it,

“I have a lot of sex, what do you think?” Hyuck chuckled back, “Started in high school, stopped after my accident for a while, and then started again because it’s great. I very much enjoy it.”

“Of course you would.” Mark pursed his lips and ran a hand through his hair,

“Does he have a big dick?” Hyuck smirked,

“Yes, it’s enormous,” The brown haired boy pulled at his hoodie strings as the two laughed, “It’s like big, though yeah. Do you want to see it?”

“How dare you not show me earlier.” Donghyuck sat up with an incredulous look and Mark pulled his phone out of his pocket as he sat up to,

“I’m sorry, we haven’t hung out in a while.” Mark scrolled through his photos thoughtfully as Hyuck looked over his shoulder,

“Wait, wait, stop,” Mark’s best friend took his phone from him with a grin, “Look at you, sexy motherfucker. You take nudes now?”

Mark just smiled at him, the drugs taking part control of his mind. He wouldn’t have cared either way, but he gave no protest to the way that his best friend had snatched the phone out of his hand. He liked his privacy, but apparently not at the moment,

“Look at you, that’s your booty.” Hyuck pointed to the photo with a shit-eating grin,

“It looks so big, right?” Mark laughed shamelessly,

“It’s _fat_. It’s gonna jiggle when he fucks you.” Donghyuck laughed so hard, Mark thought he might start choking,

“Yah. You’re so nasty.”

“It’s gonna clap.”

“Shut up, dummy,” Mark hit him lightly, “Look at his dick.”

“Okay, okay,” Hyuck continued scrolling through his photos, “You’re really feeling yourself lately, hm?”

“Yes.” Mark nodded,

“Finally, you appreciate your perfect body. Skinny waist, big butt, thick thighs. The whole package. He’s gonna put his big hands on your tiny waist and it’s gonna be the most secure, amazing feeling you’ll ever get. I swear,” Hyuck paused, looking at Mark’s phone intently. He leaned over to see what he was looking at and giggled when he did, “That’s a nice cock.”

“I know.” Mark bit his lip with a smile,

“How big is it?” Hyuck looked at him,

“It’s like…If I had both my fists around it, there’s still more, like an inch and some more, maybe?” Mark rubbed his leg,

“Mm,” His best friend hummed, “He’s kinda…like big.”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m scared to fuck him. Like, what if it doesn’t go in all the way.” Mark sniffed as Donghyuck laughed,

“That’s not how that works, of course it’s gonna go in all the way you dumb ass.” He shook his head,

“It’s gonna hurt,” Mark whined, “What if my ass bleeds or something.”

“Hush, it’s not going to bleed if you use lube and shit. Johnny will take care of you, I told you.” Hyuck locked the phone and gave it back to him before reaching over to get an unopened can of red bull,

“How do I tell him then?” Mark asked seriously,

“I mean, you can just be like I’m ready to fuck you,” Donghyuck glanced at him with a giggle and then opened the can and took a short sip, “I’m kidding. Okay, well, hm. Okay, so when you guys make out, you know like you always are, you can just let him do his thing and it’ll eventually lead that. And he’ll probably ask you, ‘are you sure’ or ‘are you okay with this’ and you can just say yeah and then he’ll take it from there. Or, you can sort of take initiative on it and pull down his pants or something. That’s usually the universal sign of ‘I want to do it’. Or, you guys can have a serious conversation about it, I’m sure he would appreciate that, too. Like, mm, you can just ask him about sex and when you guys talk about it you can just tell him that you want to. I know it’s kinda hard, but once you get it out there you’ll feel better.”

Mark tugged at his hair gently, no matter how high he was —he wasn’t that high—, this type of conversation would always get him nervous,

“You’ll be fine, honey. I swear and then once you do it, you can tell me all about it and how good it was,” Hyuck paused so he could take another sip of his red bull, “My advice to you, do it at his place because he lives alone and he’s probably gonna have all the shit you need like lube and condoms. I’m sure he carries a condom with him, but your bed is tiny and would probably be super uncomfortable to have sex on. And like, he seems like the type to be like ‘are you sure’ a bunch of times because he’s so caring, like before everything he does probably, and just give him a verbal yes. Don’t nod or something because it’s kind of half assed and might give him the wrong impression, at least for the first time. And also, just remember, you can say stop at any point and if he doesn’t stop I’m going to beat his ass, but I’m _sure _he will respect you. Oh, oh, and if it hurts or you’re uncomfortable you gotta tell him. Like seriously, super important.”

“How can you read him so well?” Mark raised an eyebrow at him,

“I’ve fucked my fair share of different types of guys. Plus, I just know people and from what you’ve told me, he seems very respectful and shit,” Hyuck looked at him, “I’m a little surprised because I thought it would take you months to get comfortable with him like this. Guess you’re just as horny as the next guy.”

“Kind of,” Mark bit his tongue lightly, “Like, he makes me pretty, um, horny.”

“I can tell, you’ve declined enough face time calls from me at midnight for me to know that’s your time to jerk off.” Hyuck giggled,

Mark hummed as he laid back down on the bed, “I wouldn’t have let just anyone lick my asshole.”

“What a nice way to put it.” Donghyuck laid down next to him again and pulled him close,

“Mm.” Mark blinked slowly. He was getting kind of sleepy. He wasn’t kidding about that weed nap. He smiled as his best friend began playing with his hair. Mark had almost no experience with this. But, he knew that he wanted to be with Johnny in a different way. It would bring them closer. A lot closer. Sex was the type of thing that Mark thought he would only do after he knew his partner inside and out already. But, he didn’t know _everything _about Johnny and he felt like he wanted to do it. He was scared, he was definitely scared. And after only a couple months of dating, he never in a million years thought that he would be ready to sleep with his boyfriend. But, he felt ready. Was it too early? Donghyuck didn’t think so. It wasn’t like he was sixteen and would have to wait a whole year before it was socially acceptable to have sex, he was twenty. He could have sex whenever he wanted to. And maybe he wanted to now.

Johnny was the type of person that made him feel comfortable with himself. He built him up and would never attempt to tear him down. Not even if they broke up. Johnny _wanted _Mark to feel good about himself, to feel confident about who he was and what he was capable of, whether it was writing, voicing his feelings, taking nudes, or anything in between. Johnny was there for him and the difference was that he actually _wanted_ to be there. Besides, after they’d started dating, it was like a switch in Mark flipped. He’d discovered a different side of himself and how sexual he could truly be. He had only scratched the surface, of course. But, he wanted to know more. He was curious. He didn’t know if he would feel like that had he been with someone else. Johnny just made him feel like he was doing a good job being himself and that’s what he needed. He didn’t crave for affection anymore. He was already getting it in the best way possible.

Making love to his boyfriend seemed like an opportunity he didn’t want to pass up, no matter how much his nerves were getting in the way. He wanted it, of course he did. And it would probably be amazing and even more eye opening. Donghyuck was right, Johnny would probably be super loving and caring towards him and he really wanted to feel that. And _him_ of course. He wanted to talk to him about it, he wanted to communicate. He could, he had the confidence in him somewhere. It wasn’t Johnny’s job to make him comfortable, Mark had a part to play in that too. In fact, Mark’s part in his confidence was bigger than Johnny’s, the man had just shown him the way. And he was so grateful for that.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))))))  
this chapter is like honestly, just straight up porn, but yay johnmark finally did it lmao  
this is completely essential to the story line i promise kjkjdkf (jk its not, but ik what y'all want lmao)
> 
> *if you are uncomfortable with smut, just skip this chapter, it has very, very little plot in it ^^
> 
> anyways please enjoy!  
thank you so much for the kudos and comments, i really appreciate it !  
<3
> 
> (im very very very sorry for the cheesy last line lmao)

Two months. It had been two months since Mark and Johnny had started dating. Two months since Mark had first felt truly happy and not alone. He was proud of himself. He didn’t let anything get in the way of what he wanted. He wanted Johnny and nothing held him back from that for two whole months. Eight weeks. Eight _happy_ weeks. It was incredible to him. To anyone else, it would have been easy. But, it surprised him that somebody wanted to be by his side for a full sixty days. One thousand four hundred and forty hours of nothing but affection from another person, save for the couple of times they bickered and that one argument. He didn’t care. He really didn’t. Did Mark take Donghyuck’s advice? No. So, did they have sex? No, not yet. But, he really wanted to. He was just trying to work up the courage. That’s not to say they didn’t fool around. They did a lot of that. _A lot_.

Mark was much more comfortable in his body thanks to the never ending compliments and reassurances his boyfriend offered. He didn’t cover Johnny with a blanket anymore, although he might still prefer it. But, every time he looked between his thighs when his boyfriend was pleasuring him it made him ten times hotter. Johnny had a tendency to pause and look at Mark to make sure he was okay and admire him. But, the younger just found it frustrating. So much so that sometimes he would take his small hand and shove his boyfriend’s head back down so he could actually come. He thought Johnny found it kind of hot because he would let out a deep chuckle every time Mark did that. He always wore a shirt though, he didn’t like showing off his chest. They’d gotten to the point where the younger had let the tall man finger him and he didn’t know if he should be mad because he was so good at it or happy. He’d only let him do it once and he swore he’s never squirmed so much in his life. It was both the fact that it felt good and was uncomfortable at the same time. Not uncomfortable in a bad way, just that it was new and Mark wasn’t used to anything but his small hand. Johnny’s was much bigger than his.

Mark had also hung out with Yukhei in the past couple weeks. They mostly just talked and Mark had made it clear that he was happy with Johnny, very happy. Yukhei respected him and apologized about being so touchy. He was happy that they had made up because the Chinese man was actually super nice and he would definitely make a great friend. Johnny had actually broken Yukhei’s nose which shocked Mark. He was even more taken aback than when the act had actually occurred. Yukhei had told the younger that he deserved it and wasn’t about to press charges or anything. He also told Mark that the two ex-friends had been in touch and Johnny had reached out to him to apologize and offered to pay for any medical bills he caused. Yukhei appreciated that but told him his parents were covering it. It made Mark feel better that his boyfriend was still being a decent person to him.

Mark was lying comfortably in his boyfriend’s bed on his phone. They had just gotten back from eating out at a fairly nice restaurant and Mark had eaten so much he thought he was going to pass out. He rubbed his tummy beneath his shirt and sighed as he texted his best friend. Donghyuck had been bugging him almost every single day about the two sleeping together and it was, to put it simply, quite annoying. He knew his best friend just wanted Mark to gather his confidence and tell Johnny that he wanted to have sex with him, but texting him about _every day _was just a little bit sucky.

Duck: mark

Duck: mark lee

Duck: mork

Duck: ksdkfjsdkjfksj

Mark: wat

Duck: hi

Mark: hi

Duck: what r u doing

Mark: im laying down

Duck: laying dowwwnnn?

Mark: yes waiting for johnny

Duck: y

Mark: he in bathroom

Duck: o is he shitting

Mark: idk prob

Duck: lmao

Duck: u guys gonna fuk :)

Mark: i will let u know what goes down bitch

Duck: fine u boring ass

Mark: <3

Mark looked up and stretched out across the bed as Johnny came into the room,

“Are you a dog?” Johnny asked as he sat down on the bed and looked down at Mark’s face,

“Yes, pet me.” The younger grinned as the taller ran a gentle hand through his hair,

“Kinky.” Johnny chuckled as he adjusted himself so he was sitting against the headboard. Mark put his head in his lap and looked back at his phone,

“Shut up.” Mark hit his thigh playfully,

“Ow,” The tall man rubbed his thigh jokingly before he returned to playing with Mark’s hair, “Happy two months.”

“Happy two months.” Mark sat up with a smile so he could kiss him,

“Cutie.” Johnny spoke into his lips softly and Mark rolled his eyes as he climbed into his lap,

“I’m not.” The younger wrapped his arms around his neck as he sat comfortably on the tall man’s thighs,

“You really are, though?” Johnny smiled. Mark straightened his back as a large hand grabbed a handful of his butt and the other lifted his shirt to rest on his bare waist,

“I’m not,” Mark whined, “Why are you massaging my ass?”

“I’m not massaging it, I’m just touching it,” Johnny chuckled, “Did you want me to stop?”

“No, it’s fine.” Mark played with the hair on the nape of Johnny’s neck and pecked him again. His boyfriend fiddled with the skin on his waist softly as they kissed each other. It was comforting, but it took everything for Mark not to let out small giggles at the ticklish sensation. He was more focused on Johnny’s lips on his, though. He hummed as his boyfriend pulled away to kiss his jaw. The younger bit his lip and closed his eyes as Johnny kissed his neck. He leaned closer, his chest almost touching the older’s as he focused his attention on what Johnny was doing. Mark let out a gentle sigh as his boyfriend sucked a hickey. His neck was sensitive, so when Johnny’s nose tickled against it he jerked with a quiet laugh. Johnny just smiled against him and pecked the hickey before capturing the younger’s lips again shortly,

“So ticklish.” Johnny spoke softly as he moved his hand up to rub Mark’s back,

“Sorry.” The younger apologized, blush spreading over his cheeks. He leaned his forehead against Johnny’s and pursed his lips,

“No need, baby. Everything’s fine, yeah?” The older smiled as Mark put both of his hands on Johnny’s cheeks and pecked him,

“Everything’s fine.” He repeated before Johnny kissed him again. It was deeper this time, like he wanted something to come out of it. Mark did too, so he let the older kiss him hard. He opened his mouth as Johnny swiped his tongue against his bottom lip. He shut his eyes as the tall man moved his hands to Mark’s thighs. He shuddered when he squeezed them, kneading them gently. Their lips moulded together, the older kissing him intensely as he held onto the younger’s thighs firmly. Mark remembered Donghyuck’s advice. He did want to have a conversation about the whole thing, but now was the perfect opportunity to “just pull down his pants”. It really was. But, he didn’t really know if he _should_ do that. He was psyching himself out slightly, but he decided fuck it. If it was going to happen at all, it should be now.

Mark slid his hands down his boyfriend’s chest, his fingers lingering over his abs. He rarely touched Johnny’s chest, but every time he saw it, he wanted to let his hands spread across it.They were both dressed rather nicely, Johnny was wearing a nice tee shirt and an expensive pair of jeans. Mark pushed up the hem of his boyfriend’s shirt, their lips still connected, and took the buckle of his belt in his small hands. He blew air out of his nose as he struggled to undo the belt. Mark pulled away and looked down so he could focus on what he was doing. He furrowed his brow. _When the hell did belts get so hard to unbuckle? _He could feel his face heating up in embarrassment as he chewed on his lip.

He let out a quiet, shaky breath as Johnny took his hands and held them in his own. The confidence was gone, it was basically obliterated. He could tell that his entire face was red, but he continued to stare at his boyfriend’s legs as he tried not to freak out a little bit,

“Babe,” Johnny started, rubbing his thumbs over Mark’s knuckles, “Look at me, please.”

Mark took a deep breath as he looked up at the taller slowly. His lip was caught between his teeth and he thought he might chew it off. He swallowed thickly, expecting his boyfriend to laugh at him, but he never did. He was looking at him seriously, which perhaps was even worse and Mark’s heart sank. He pulled his hands out of the larger ones and sighed,

“I thought…I thought you wanted…like…to have sex…” Mark trailed off and looked down again. He’d made it awkward and he felt embarrassed to have messed it all up. He messed everything up,

“I do,” Johnny lifted the younger’s chin gently, “Of course I do. But, we never talked about it.”

“I was just, um…I don’t know, I thought, that…Um…Like, talking about it was dumb…” He stuttered. He wanted to smack himself. He sounded so stupid,

“No, no,” Johnny adjusted himself and Mark climbed off of him to sit on the bed, “Baby, I just thought you weren’t ready yet because you never told me.”

“I…I didn’t know how to…” Mark sniffled and rubbed his face, tears threatening to spill out of his eyes,

“Okay, baby, come here. Don’t cry,” Johnny said. The younger complied and crawled closer to his boyfriend who wiped a stray tear away, “Take a deep breath, mm? Listen, I’m completely okay if you want to have sex. But, are you even ready? You still get nervous sometimes, I just want you to be sure.”

Mark bit his lip and fiddled with the hem of his shirt. He thought back to what Donghyuck had said again. A verbal yes was better than just a nod,

“Yes,” Mark nodded. He looked at Johnny. His confidence was still dashed, but it was his own fault in the first place, “I want to have sex with you.”

“Now?” Johnny asked, sitting up straight. Mark could tell that his boyfriend was trying to contain his happiness. Even though he was about to be all nerves in a few minutes, he decided he did want to do it with his boyfriend _now_,

“Yes,” The younger nodded again gently, “Now.”

The older smiled and leaned over the end of his bed to grab a couple discarded pillows. He set them on the bed and looked at Mark who was watching him,

“Sorry, I’m…Quite excited,” Johnny cleared his throat as he stood up and placed the pillows against the headboard. He looked at Mark with a small smile as he sat down on his bed again, “Do you have any questions for me?”

“Will you go slow?” Mark asked quietly,

“As slow as you want me to. Snail’s pace, slower even. You can tell me to stop anytime you want or need and I will.” Johnny cupped his cheek and pecked him,

“Even if you’re like…In me already?” The younger looked into his eyes,

“Even if I’m already in. You have my full consent and as long as I have yours then we’re good. It’s your power to stop it at any moment. It could be at the beginning, middle, or even the very end and I will still stop.” Johnny smiled,

“Okay, I want to.” Mark nodded again,

“Okay.” Johnny got up to shut off the lights and turn his fairy lights on. They were dim enough to set a mood, but bright enough so that they could still see each other and Mark’s boyfriend could see what he was doing. The older always used them in lieu of the bright overhead lights. He knew it made Mark more comfortable because the younger wouldn’t focus so much on how he looked,

“Can you put music on?” Mark tugged at his sock,

“Yeah,” Johnny picked up his phone and connected it to his speaker before he started playing music softly. He set it back down on the bedside table. Mark just liked the background noise, he didn’t actually know what the music was or what they were singing. He looked up at Johnny as he took off his socks. The older crawled back onto the bed and kissed Mark gently. It was probably one of the most gentle kisses the younger had ever received from him. It melted away the uncertainty and anxiety that was eating away at Mark. It replaced it with warmth and comfort and something that the shorter boy couldn’t quite put his finger on. He loved that feeling, but he didn’t know what it was called. He let Johnny lay him down against the mound of pillows on the bed, his head resting comfortably against them as they kissed. He felt his boyfriend move one of his legs so the tall man could fit between his thighs as he followed Mark’s lips down. He pulled away, “Is this okay?”

“Yeah.” Mark whispered. He glanced at Johnny’s lips before looking back up at the deep, brown eyes that were staring into him. He felt like he could see the entire universe in his boyfriend’s eyes. The dark, chocolate colored irises blended with the rich black of his pupils creating a space that Mark could only describe as safe. He loved brown eyes. Johnny’s were the perfect shade. They were secretive and enigmatic when the world was dim, but within the sunlight they revealed Johnny’s true nature.They became light, like pools of honey that dripped from the honeycomb of hard at work bees. They glittered with tiny gold flecks that one would only see in the most expensive jewelry. They were silent, but beautiful, like fireflies that lit up the night sky on a warm, summer night beneath the moon. They gave Mark hope and told him that everything was going to be okay.

Mark moved a piece of stray hair out of Johnny’s face and kissed him again. It was sweeter this time, but still much deeper than one of the superficial kisses Mark was prone to giving. He ran a hand through his boyfriend’s hair. Even though everything had become sweet and gentle, the thought of actually sleeping with Johnny had Mark feeling hot. He could feel his pants get a little bit tighter and his thighs heat up with want. He adjusted himself, but the taller man was so close to him that their crotches brushed together lightly. The younger broke the kiss as Johnny took a handful of Mark’s thigh and kneaded gently as he began to grind shallowly against him. It was a new sensation. He had never really done that before, save for the time that they went clubbing. But now it was different. This was going somewhere. It felt good.

Mark pressed his head into the pillows and bit his lip. He looked at Johnny again when the older stopped and straightened up. He pulled off the tight black tee shirt that he was wearing and tossed it over the edge of the bed before leaning back down to kiss Mark. The younger accepted the kiss happily, letting his hands run over his boyfriend’s back. He moaned softly as Johnny rolled his hips against him slowly again. The shorter boy spread his thighs wider, tugging at his boyfriend’s hair gently. The older paused, moving his hands to Mark’s waist to pull off his shirt,

“No,” The younger said quietly, grabbing one of his boyfriend’s hands to stop him, “Last, please.”

“Okay,” Johnny nodded, moving his hands to the waistband of Mark’s pants instead. He sat up to unbutton the younger’s jeans and pull them down. Mark lifted his butt off the bed and helped push the tight pants over his thighs. He had expected more kisses once Johnny had haphazardly pulled them off, but the older scooted down the bed so he could kiss Mark’s thighs instead. He nipped and sucked at the soft, supple skin, smoothing over it with gentle, fleeting kisses as a few hickeys bloomed on the sensitive skin. Mark was biting his lip as to not make any noise, but he sighed shakily as Johnny kissed up towards his boxers. He pulled down his boyfriend’s boxers enough so that his hips were exposed, but not enough to reveal his half hard cock. He pressed his lips gently against the younger’s hipbone and Mark squirmed slightly when the older took his clothed cock in his big hand, “Okay?”

“Yeah.” Mark nodded as he swallowed thickly. His boyfriend hooked his fingers in his boxers and pulled them down in one, swift motion and Mark kicked them off hurriedly. He pulled one of his legs up, his foot firmly planted on the bed. Johnny kissed the inside of his thigh as he took Mark’s cock in his large hand. It’s not like he hadn’t done this before, but it felt different to the younger boy. Whenever they had fooled around in the past, it wasn’t about being close to each other, it was more about getting off. There was something unfamiliar about the way his boyfriend was touching him. It was slow and tender. Nothing was moving too fast, nothing was strictly sexual. Mark moaned quietly, biting his knuckle to curb any noise that he would be making. Johnny let go of the younger’s cock. It didn’t take very long for him to get fully hard and it laid heavily against Mark’s tummy. The older sat up again to unbuckle his belt,

“Wait.” The shorter boy sat up too and looked at Johnny as he undid the damned belt himself,

“Mm, you _can _do it,” Johnny chuckled lowly and kissed him again, a hand pressed into his cheek. Mark ignored the teasing and pressed his lips against his boyfriend’s hard, “Needy.”

“I want you,” Mark looked at him seriously, whispering into his lips. He looked down and pulled down his boyfriend’s zipper slowly before unbuttoning the jeans. The younger boy pressed his hand into Johnny’s boxer-covered cock and looked up at him again. He was clearly pleased with himself as the older bit his lip from the touch, “Please?”

“Yes, baby. Hold on,” Johnny got off the bed and rid himself of the uncomfortable jeans. Mark watched him open his bedside table drawer and take out a bottle of lube and a box of condoms. He set the bottle on his bed and opened the box of condoms to pull one out before he threw the cardboard back into the drawer and shut it with his foot. He tossed the metallic, square packet into the sheets somewhere and crawled back onto the bed. Mark laid back down as his boyfriend got in between his legs again, he picked up the bottle of lube and flipped open the cap. Johnny squeezed a little bit onto his fingers, “Are you okay?”

“Yes.” Mark watched him spread it across his fingers and pulled up his legs so that Johnny could actually get access to his ass. He held onto one of his thighs with one hand, the other playing with the corner of the pillow that his head was resting on,

“Can I?” Johnny glanced at Mark’s ass before looking at his boyfriend,

“Finger me? Yes.” The younger giggled quietly. It was short-lived as he sucked in a breath as the pad of Johnny’s index finger pressed gently against his entrance,

“Are you sure?” The older looked at him, placing a big hand on the younger’s knee and grasping it softly,

“I’m sure,” Mark nodded for the hundredth time that hour. He closed his eyes tightly when Johnny slowly pressed a finger in, “Shit.”

“You okay?” Johnny asked,

“Mhm.” The younger bit his lip and let go of the corner of the pillow to take his neglected cock into his hand. He rubbed the head of it with his thumb lightly as Johnny moved his finger shallowly. Mark opened his eyes and looked at his boyfriend who was focused on what he was doing with the younger’s ass. He inhaled a sharp breath as the older man curled his finger once or twice before pressing a second finger to his hole,

“Another?” Johnny asked, looking at Mark who was staring at his cock, playing with the pre cum that was leaking out of the slit. He blinked as he turned his attention to his boyfriend,

“Huh?” Mark slid his fist down and licked his lips. Johnny gaze fell onto the mess that the younger was making and Mark swore he saw his boyfriend’s dick twitch beneath the cloth of his underwear,

“Another finger?” Johnny swallowed thickly as he stared between the younger’s legs at the hand that was wrapped around the erect, pink cock. He looked at Mark as the shorter nodded, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. Johnny pressed another finger in, it was slow, but slightly rougher and Mark squirmed at the burn. The older didn’t let up, pushing both of his fingers in as far as they would go. The younger squeezed his eyes shut, biting down hard on his lip. It didn’t stop the moan from escaping his lips. Johnny’s fingers were longer and thicker than his own and he liked the burning sensation it gave him. His hole clenched around the fingers as the older moved them back and forth. Johnny pushed up the hem of Mark’s shirt, his hand brushing his cock slightly, and placed his hand on his stomach. It seemed to give him more leverage as he pushed his fingers in and out. Johnny scissored them a little, trying to stretch out the tight, pink hole,

“I…I’m sorry,” Mark let go of his cock and sighed deeply, “But, is that Ariana Grande singing…?”

“Are you serious?” Johnny stopped moving his fingers and looked at his boyfriend with an expression that said ‘are you really asking me if Ariana Grande is singing while I’m three knuckles deep in your asshole?’, “Mood killer.”

“Sorry,” Mark looked at Johnny’s crotch, satisfied at the wet spot that was growing larger and larger by the second. He closed his eyes with a small smile, “Don’t stop.”

Johnny laughed as he worked in a third finger that made the younger let out a loud sigh. The burn had returned and he squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to relax himself to accommodate the three, large fingers. Johnny paused to get more lube and pressed the cold gel against his entrance. Mark took a deep breath, trying not to breathe too heavily. He could feel pre cum sliding down the underside of his cock and the inside of his thigh as he pulled his lip into his mouth. Johnny worked him open, the burn never fading. Mark didn’t complain though, the older was only preparing him for the next step. It was a dull pain, so he could handle it and if it hurt like that when it was the real thing, he would stop it.

After a few minutes, Johnny pulled his fingers out and Mark’s hole clenched around nothing from the lack of fingers. He opened his eyes to look at his boyfriend who was ridding himself of his underwear. Mark’s eyes went directly to the older’s large cock and he felt dread spread through him. It was fully erect as it stood between his boyfriend’s legs almost proudly. The younger swallowed thickly at the thought of it and he wasn’t sure if it made him more scared or made him hornier. Johnny wrapped his hand around it and fisted it a couple of times before he looked at Mark. The younger sat up, his eyebrows knitting together in concern. The older leaned over and kissed him sweetly, brushing his hair out of his face. Mark looked down to take Johnny’s cock into his hand and used his thumb to spread out the sticky substance that was oozing from the tip.

He swirled it around before moving his tight fist down to squeeze the base of his boyfriend’s dick. He used the pre cum as faux lube in order to make it a little bit more comfortable when sliding his fist up and down around the cock. It was still pretty dry though, and he didn’t want to chafe anything. He leaned down to kiss the head lightly before wrapping his lips around the tip of Johnny’s cock. He’d done it once or twice before, sucked his dick that is. And he was always satisfied with how his boyfriend reacted. He gave him the recognition that he wanted and deep groans would always find their way out of the older’s lips. He swirled his tongue around the pink head before sticking his tongue into the slit to lap up the viscous pre cum. He’d never swallowed his boyfriend’s cum, he was a little scared he might choke. But the little beads that made their way out of the slit were fine. It was a strange consistency, not one that he had ever experienced before. But, he wasn’t complaining.

He squeezed his hand around the base of the cock earning himself a small sigh from the older man. He moved his face down so he could lick at the underside of his boyfriend’s cock, where the vein was the most prominent. His tongue was flat as he went from base to tip, moving his fist slightly around the bottom of his boyfriend’s thick cock. Johnny didn’t shave like Mark did, but the hair was neatly trimmed and not out of control. The younger put his free hand on Johnny’s thigh and squeezed the skin gently. He pulled away briefly, his face still very close to his boyfriend’s dick. Mark brought his fist up and wrapped it around the head instead, moving it relentlessly to earn himself another low moan. He smiled, continuing to rub the tip with his entire hand as he kissed Johnny’s thigh before moving to lick curiously at his testicles. Mark didn’t really _like _balls. He thought they were kind of weird, even his own. But, that’s not to say that playing with them didn’t feel good and he knew neglecting them would just be kind of rude,

“Mark.” Johnny breathed out. The younger ignored him, moving back up to take the head into his mouth again. He pressed his hand harshly into his boyfriend’s thigh as he took more of the cock into his mouth, making sure his teeth were nowhere near the sensitive skin. He willed himself not to throw up everywhere as he continued to push more of his boyfriend’s dick past his lips. He closed his eyes, swallowing shallowly around it as he took a handful of Johnny’s thigh and squeezed it. The older put his hand over Mark’s as he let out a sharp breath, “Mark, stop. I want to cum _in_ you.”

Mark gagged around the cock and pulled it out of his mouth to cough. Spit ran down his chin and glistened on his lips. His face was hot and surely red as he looked up at his boyfriend who was staring back at him, a half smile gracing his lips,

“Fuck, you look so fucking hot like that.” Johnny’s cock twitched as Mark sat up and wiped off his chin. His eyes had watered slightly and were red from the way he forced the dick into his throat. He’d have to practice that more. The older smashed his mouth against Mark’s in a hot, openmouthed kiss. Their tongues mingled with each other. Licking into each other’s mouths shamelessly. Mark let out a sigh into his boyfriend’s mouth who smiled. Johnny pulled away to look for the condom that had gotten lost in the sheets. Mark reached behind himself to pick up the shiny, square packet that was digging into his foot. Johnny went to take it from him, but he pulled it away,

“I want to.” Mark looked up at him to which Johnny smiled. He wrapped his arm around his waist, his hand splaying across the small of his back as he leaned in to kiss him,

“Open it.” Johnny spoke softly, kissing Mark’s cheek before swiping his tongue over the shell of his ear lightly. The younger shivered as he looked down at the metallic packet before trying to tear it open. It was always much harder to open condom packets than people expected, but he finally got it open and took out the ring of thin latex. He placed it against the head of Johnny’s cock, squeezing the tip of the condom as he rolled it down over his boyfriend in a single, smooth motion. The older watched him and pecked him lightly when he pulled his hands away. Mark kissed him briefly before he laid back down, letting his head hit the pillows.

Johnny got in between his legs pushing one of Mark’s legs up against the younger’s chest gently. Mark held his thigh in place as he looked up at the ceiling, breathing as deep as he possibly could, trying to relax himself. He could feel his entrance clench with want, his thighs aching, ready to be touched and manhandled. He swallowed thickly. His entire body wanted it, his heart wanted it. But, his mind was racing. _It was going to hurt. He’ll hate it, it won’t feel good. Johnny will be too rough_. He couldn’t stop thinking about all the possibilities where it went wrong. He thought he was ready, but he was feeling so many doubts in his mind. He froze when he felt Johnny swipe a finger over his hole,

“Are you sure?” The older asked and Mark looked at him, his eyebrows knit together in concern,

“Wait…” Mark whispered, “I’m scared.”

“Do you want to stop?” Johnny asked. There was no indication of disappointment in the older’s face or voice. Just concern for the younger. Did he want to stop? No. His body wanted it. _He _wanted it. He wanted to be close to his boyfriend, to feel him in a different way that he’d never experienced before. He wanted to feel the affection and what the older felt for him. It wasn’t too late to turn back, to do this another day. But, he didn’t want to stop,

“No,” Mark played with the hem of his shirt, he had forgotten he still had it on, but was grateful that his boyfriend wasn’t pushy about him taking it off, “Will it hurt?”

“Mm,” Johnny nodded his head from side to side, weighing the options, “Maybe a little bit at first. But, I will make sure that it goes away before I start moving as long as you can tell me how you’re feeling.”

“Okay,” Mark said quietly, nodding, “I want to keep going.”

“Okay, baby,” Johnny leaned down and kissed his lips sweetly, before he straightened back up and looked down so he could focus on what he was doing. Mark sucked in a breath and closed his eyes as he felt the tip of his boyfriend’s cock press against his hole. He knew Johnny had fingered him in order to prep, but he was quite nervous that it would be too tight, “Babe, deep breath, please.”

Mark took a deep breath and as he breathed out he felt Johnny push in slowly. He squirmed slightly, lifting his other leg. His boyfriend paused, pushing Mark’s thigh open gently with his large hand. It definitely burned, but Johnny wasn’t even halfway in. The younger pressed the back of his hand into his mouth and sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. He knit his eyebrows together in apprehension as he chewed on his lip. He let out a sharp sigh as Johnny continued pushing in _very _slowly. Mark swallowed thickly, tears pricking at his eyes as the dull pain became stronger. He bit his knuckle and opened his eyes as Johnny kissed his cheek. The older pulled Mark’s hand away from his mouth and intertwined their fingers. The act of affection made him feel a lot better and he smiled slightly when Johnny kissed the corners of his eyes,

“Are you okay?” He murmured , placing fleeting kisses all over the younger’s face,

“It hurts.” Mark said softly. He couldn’t tell if Johnny was all the way in or not and he pressed his nails into the bottom of his thigh where he was holding it to curb the dulling pain,

“I know, baby. You’re doing so well,” Johnny reassured him, kissing his lips softly. The older looked between them and Mark winced as he fit himself all the way into the younger. Mark felt a tear slip out of his eye and the tall man kissed it away. He squeezed Johnny’s hand and the older leaned down to kiss him again. The younger boy let out a deep sigh, trying to relax. He was so tense, but Johnny was doing his best to make him feel better and it was working. Mark put his calf over the tall man’s back and sighed as he tried to adjust to his boyfriend’s size, “How’s it feeling?”

“It still hurts a little bit,” Mark pecked him and took a deep breath, “But, I’m tired of waiting.”

“Are you sure?” Johnny asked. He adjusted himself so that his arms were on either side of Mark’s chest. The two still had their hands intertwined and the younger really didn’t want to let go,

“I’m sure, just please go slow.” Mark accepted a kiss from the older as Johnny rocked his hips slowly, just barely pulling out and pushing back in. The burn was definitely still there but Mark was beginning to relax, his hole adjusting to the new size and sensation. Johnny was going impossibly slow, focusing on the younger’s face to read how he was feeling. When Mark’s face seemed to relax from the tense expression he had, the older man began rocking his hips in longer and deeper strokes, still going slow like Mark had asked.

It was new, but Mark wasn’t complaining. Not at all. The remnants of pain were slipping away, replaced by a type of pleasure that would be impossible to recreate with just his fingers. Johnny looked really focused on what he was doing, staring intently at where the two connected. Mark sighed, blinking slowly as he was beginning to feel really good. Johnny’s fingers were still intertwined with his and he let go of his thigh to put his hand on the back of his boyfriend’s neck. He pulled Johnny down to kiss him and he moaned quietly into the older’s lips at a particularly hard thrust. Johnny pulled away to look between them again before returning his lips to Mark’s,

“Are you flexible?” The older breathed out, continuing to thrust deep and slow into the younger,

“Um, fairly.” Mark was too focused on the cock inside of him to be confused. He gasped quietly as Johnny grabbed one of his ankles and pushed Mark’s leg up and over his shoulder. He stopped moving and looked down at the smaller boy,

“Sorry, are you okay?” He asked. Johnny always stopped what he was doing to make sure Mark was comfortable. It wasn’t like he didn’t appreciate that, but the older did it every single time the younger was actually feeling good or about to come,

“I’m fine,” Mark looked at him, “Keep going.”

Johnny chuckled at that, continuing to rock his hips back and forth. Mark pressed his head into the pillow and arched his back. He squeezed his eyes shut, moaning rather loudly as Johnny thrusted into him, hard, hitting the bundle of nerves that the younger always tried to find, but was never able to after that one time on the phone. The older seemed to be able to find it easily, as the first time Mark let Johnny finger him, he found it within ten minutes,

“Ahh, fuck,” He moaned. It came out breathless as Mark smiled at the pleasure. He reached in between them, curious to know just how much he was being stretched. He touched his rim gently as he opened his eyes and looked down. His cock leaked incessantly at the thought of Johnny’s thick cock stretching out his hole. It made him even hornier, the pre cum pooling onto his poor shirt. Johnny thrusts got faster, they were rhythmic and well paced and they made Mark whimper as he listened to his boyfriend’s breathless moaning. The older leaned down to kiss him again, Mark kissing back before pulling away, “I wanna…I wanna ride you.”

“Huh?” Johnny looked at him, slowing his thrusts as he tried to comprehend what the younger had just said,

“Like…I wanna be on top. Like ride you…Like in porn…” Mark repeated himself, embarrassment returning to his face as he looked away from his boyfriend,

“Wrap your legs around my waist.” Johnny told him. Mark did as he was told, wrapping his legs around his boyfriend’s waist tightly. The leg that was over Johnny’s shoulder felt stretched out and he figured it might be sore in the morning along with the obvious. Johnny circled his arm around the younger’s much smaller was and pulled him close to him so he could sit back comfortably. Mark was pulled up with him, sitting in his lap. He put his legs down so that he was straddling his boyfriend, sinking down on his dick with a soft moan. He let out a sigh. He was sweating and he could see that Johnny was too. He bit his lip as he pulled off his shirt, looking at the older to see his reaction,

“You look beautiful, baby.” Johnny knew how self conscious he was about his chest. He still had his arm around his thin waist and he kissed his neck. Mark put his hands on Johnny’s shoulders to steady himself and looked down between them. The older put his other other hand on Mark’s thigh and the younger intertwined their fingers again as he lifted up his hips before sinking back down with a gentle sigh. He’d been wanting to do this since they started dating. He was just fascinated by the position, it was quite strange. Johnny pulled away from Mark’s neck and kissed his lips instead as the younger continued to fuck himself on his boyfriend’s cock.

Mark moaned as Johnny kissed his way down to one of the younger’s nipples and licked it experimentally. He was clearly satisfied with the reaction that he got as he took it into his mouth and sucked gently. Mark squeezed his hand and the older briefly pulled away from his nipple to kiss their intertwined fingers before he returned his mouth to the younger’s rosy pink bud. There was so much that Mark wasn’t used to and it all felt so good. He was overwhelmed and wasn’t sure what to focus on. He did know one thing though, he was so happy that he was experiencing this with Johnny. He was being so gentle and caring. It made Mark feel cared for. The whole thing was so intimate and Mark was feeling so good about it, about everything really.

Johnny tightened his grip around the younger’s waist and thrusted up to meet him halfway. Mark’s eyes crossed in pleasure at he bit his lip. He would’ve giggled if he wasn’t having sex because Donghyuck was right, the sound his ass made against Johnny’s pelvis and thighs was quite loud. The younger arched his back, sliding down hard against the older. He could feel his ass shake slightly from the force and let out a sharp breath as he focused on the cock moving in and out of him. He reached down to take his own cock into his hand and fisted it quickly. He was so hard and he just really wanted to come. His thighs were beginning to get tired from lifting himself up and Johnny must have noticed as he laid the younger back down again, Mark wrapping his legs around his waist.

Johnny moved their intertwined hands to next to Mark’s head and continued the pace of long, deep strokes. He set his forearm next to the younger’s head, leaning over him. Mark took his free hand and cupped his cheek, kissing the taller sweetly. Johnny smiled into the kiss as the shorter whined quietly. He didn’t like being loud, but he couldn’t exactly help himself. Every time the older thrusted all the way in, Mark let out a moan. The younger smiled as he bit his lip. He let out a sob as Johnny adjusted his angle and found Mark’s prostate again,

“Right there,” Mark breathed out, “Please right there.”

Johnny complied, setting his pace at the angle that was giving his boyfriend the most pleasure. Mark felt so fucking good, tingles of pleasure spread across his entire body as he opened his mouth in a silent scream. He squeezed his eyes shut and listened to Johnny breathe harshly in his ear. He was starting to get close, he could feel it. His legs were still wrapped around his boyfriend’s waist, but he spread his thighs wider, curling his toes in pleasure,

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,” Mark sighed loudly, digging his heels into his boyfriend’s back, “Please don’t stop, please. Oh, _fuck_.”

He sounded quite pathetic and he thought Johnny would laugh at him, but the older was focused on getting the younger to come. Mark eyebrows knit together as he moaned loudly. He felt so full, in more ways than one due to the dick that was in his ass. But, he felt the tenderness and warmth that his boyfriend was radiating. There was still somehow a gentle feeling, no matter how hard the taller met the younger’s butt. Mark couldn’t place the feeling. He didn’t know what it was called. He just felt like he was being cared for and his boyfriend was so focused on making him feel good that he didn’t care about himself. No matter how horny, or how close he was to coming, it made him smile,

“Johnny…” Mark moaned which made the older look at him with a fond gaze. It was the first time he had said his name and he was sure that it made his boyfriend feel good to hear it,

“Come for me, babe.” Johnny told him, capturing his lips in a tender kiss. Mark squirmed as his cock twitched, painting hot ropes of cum over both of their chests. The younger leaned his head back against the soft pillow, letting out a long, breathless moan as he came. Johnny continued to fuck him as Mark’s hole clenched around his cock. The younger sighed, shutting his eyes gently. He wrapped his arm around his boyfriend’s neck as he began to come down from his high. The taller groaned softly as he came too, his thrusts becoming shallower as he fucked himself through his high. The shorter boy could feel his boyfriend’s cock pulsating in him.

Mark opened his eyes as felt Johnny relax and the older immediately kissed him. It was the sweetest kiss the younger had ever received from his boyfriend. Johnny pulled away and kissed his cheek before burying his face in his boyfriend’s neck and taking a deep breath. He loved the affection, it made him feel good. He already felt like he was completely calm, the bed soft beneath him. Their fingers were still entwined and Mark thought his palm must be sweaty, but the tall man made no indication that he was letting go or even pulling out. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Johnny actually pulled away and kissed him again.

Johnny let go of Mark’s hand and put his hand on his waist instead. The younger unwrapped his legs from around the bigger man’s waist as the older pulled out gingerly. Mark sighed as he did so, his hole clenching around nothing at the sudden lack of something filling him up. He watched his boyfriend get up and pull the condom off. Johnny looked at Mark as he tied it off and threw it in the trash. The younger watched him with a small, half smile. The older man leaned down to give him another kiss before he pulled away and padded into his bathroom. Mark closed his eyes. He didn’t know if he was just incredibly relaxed or sleepy, or maybe both. He was definitely feeling some type of way as he listened to the soft music. He opened his eyes when his boyfriend returned, a wet cloth in hand as he sat down on the edge of the bed and gently wiped Mark’s cum of of both of their stomachs and chests.

He threw the towel in his laundry hamper and go up to put on some loose, grey sweatpants and got a big shirt out for Mark. The younger hummed happily as he put it on and got comfortable on the bed. It wasn’t very late in the evening, but Mark was suddenly very tired. He smiled when he felt Johnny lay down behind him and wrapped his arms around the younger. The older kissed Mark’s cheek gently before putting his face in his neck,

“How was it?” Johnny whispered against his neck, his breath tickling the sensitive skin on his neck,

“So good,” Mark sighed happily placing his hand over Johnny’s that was hanging over the younger’s waist, “I felt so good. Thank you. Did I do okay?”

“You did amazing, baby. You’re amazing. I felt good, too,” Johnny kissed Mark when the shorter looked over his shoulder at him, “I don’t think I’ve ever felt so connected to someone when I had sex in the past.”

“Is that why you, like, stopped after you came for a little while?” Mark asked, rolling over and putting his leg over his boyfriend’s waist and giving him a gentle peck,

“Yes…” Johnny smiled, clearly a little bit embarrassed to admit it, “I was just a bit shocked. I came pretty hard I won’t lie. I know that I’m not like super vocal or anything, but I really just needed a minute.”

Mark moved Johnny hair’s out of his face and cupped his cheek, “I thought it would bemore romantic, but I really liked it.”

“Ah, it was romantic. That’s just how sex is.” Johnny chuckled, taking Mark’s hand and intertwining their fingers again. Mark closed his eyes and sighed. He didn’t feel much different, but he was definitely relieved. He liked it, obviously. It wasn’t as scary as he expected it to be. He wanted to do it again. It was just so passionate and Mark could feel the desire that radiated from his boyfriend. He couldn’t believe he had just had sex with him, to be honest. He was proud of himself, but he was more curious about all the ways that they could do it. He felt a little giddy knowing that Johnny was feeling new emotions when he was with the younger. Mark’s feelings ran deeper than he had ever felt before and he was so fucking happy that he got to be even closer to him. It didn’t just bring them closer physically, but also emotionally. Mark couldn’t stop smiling,

“Happy two months.” Mark spoke softly, opening his eyes and playing gently with the soft skin of his boyfriend’s cheek,

“Happy two months, baby.” Johnny gave him an affectionate kiss. Two months wasn’t a very long time to fall for someone. But, Mark was falling so fucking hard. He was so glad he wasn’t just about to hit the floor at full force, Johnny was there to catch him. He closed his eyes again, letting an idiotic grin spread across his lips. He was so tired. He listened to the quiet music, relaxing even further as the older played with his hair gently. He let out a deep sigh, letting himself fall into light snooze. It was quick, but he couldn’t help himself, all of his energy was spent on having sex with his boyfriend. He swore he heard his boyfriend say something else, but his voice seemed so far away so he couldn’t hear.

Everything was falling into place perfectly. As he drifted off into a deeper sleep, listening to his boyfriend’s gentle breath. He was so grateful for what he had. A roommate that actually gave a damn about him, his best friend that would never give up on him, a few friends that seemed to genuinely like him, and his boyfriend who gave him unconditional affection and cared about him so much that it physically hurt Mark. Johnny helped him so much with actually feeling good about himself and he was in such a good place. He honestly couldn’t believe that he had enough confidence to go shirtless while he was fucking him. Nor could he believe that he had actually worked up enough courage to tell him that he wanted to ride him. He’d have to call Donghyuck in the morning. Or at the very least, text.

The beginning of the summer was arriving and he didn’t know what he was going to do when his boyfriend went away. Johnny was graduating that year, and Mark was totally proud of him. But, he had no idea what was going to happen to them and it honestly scared him. Just when he was starting to feel good about everything. He had another thing to be scared about. For now, he was focusing on the safety that he felt and the intimacy that the two just shared. Mark wouldn’t worry for now. He was still trying to figure out what emotion he was feeling. Well, he was sort of feeling every good emotion as of lately, but there was a specific one that he couldn’t place. He would curse his writer brain for knowing too many vocabulary words. But, he swore that the emotion he was beginning to feel when he was Johnny began with the letter ‘L’.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello~!  
sorry this took me so long and sorry that it's a bit short -> i have been quite busy, but also have been having a bad case of writer's block which is extremely frustrating because i know what i want to write it just won't happen haha  
anyways here's a little update and i will do my best to write a better one for next time!  
thank you guys for reading and all the kudos and comments, it really makes me feel good and im so glad you are enjoying the story  
<3
> 
> i promise that this fic will not be abandoned, i definitely plan on finishing it, it just might take me a while!

Mark woke up to the soft, yellow sunlight shining through Johnny’s big window. He stretched out his arms and yawned before rolling over. His boyfriend was sleeping soundly, gentle breaths escaping his lips. He looked peaceful which made Mark smile as he placed an affectionate kiss on the older’s forehead. He closed his eyes again and sighed happily. Johnny’s arm hung over the younger’s waist and it made Mark feel quite cozy. The bed was soft beneath him, the pillow warm under his head. His ass ached, but not in a terribly painful way. It was kind of satisfying to feel like that. He sat up after a couple of minutes, stretching out his back. He realized that he was only wearing one of his boyfriend’s big shirts and no pants, not even underwear. He’d forgotten about that.

He scratched his thigh, gently pulling the hem of the big shirt up to look at his legs. He smoothed a hand over the red and purple bruises that bloomed on the soft skin. Mark jumped a little bit when a hand spread over the small of his back. He looked down at his boyfriend who was stretching out as he woke up from his deep sleep. The older smiled at him and Mark leaned down to kiss him gently,

“Good morning.” Johnny’s voice was deep and rough. He cleared his throat before pecking the younger again and sitting up,

“Good morning.” Mark smiled, stretching his hands up toward the ceiling before laying back down comfortably in the large bed,

“How’d you sleep?” The older asked, pulling Mark’s shirt down to cover the top of his thighs, “Are you sore?”

“I slept really good. And a little bit, but not terribly,” Mark grabbed his phone off of the best side table, “How did you sleep?”

“Good. Really good.” Johnny smiled before he got up and stretched out his entire body,

“Where are you going?” The younger looked at him as he opened up his messages,

“I’m gonna shower really quick,” The older chuckled softly at Mark, “Is that okay?”

“I suppose so.” The younger rolled onto his stomach as he started texting his best friend. Johnny lifted the hem of the large shirt and placed a gentle slap on Mark’s butt to which the shorter boy giggled,

“It’s like Jell-O.” Johnny snickered as he went into his closet to get out a towel,

“Mm,” Mark looked at him with a smirk, “Maybe I’ll take it from behind next time.”

“Tease.” The older grabbed his ankle, his grip firm but not overly vigorous,

“If you kiss my foot, I’m going to scream.” The shorter boy shivered when Johnny placed gentle kisses on his ankle that travelled up his leg. Mark looked over his shoulder again as the older took a handful of the back of his thigh,

“Did I do these?” Jonny rubbed a hand over the hickeys, coming dangerously close to to Mark’s ass,

“No the hickey fairy came while we were sleeping,” The younger rolled over onto his back. Johnny was leaning over his legs, one knee on the bed. Mark sighed gently as his boyfriend placed his lips gently on his hip before leaving a few kisses on his navel, “I thought you were showering…”

“Mm, I am. It’s just that every time I see your body, I have to appreciate it.” Johnny told him to which Mark smiled. The younger sat up to kiss his tall boyfriend,

“It’ll still be here when you get back.” Mark glanced at the older’s lips as he spoke against them. He looked into Johnny’s eyes with a gentle smile before giving him another quick peck,

“Fine.” Johnny kissed his cheek before leaving the bedroom to go take a shower. Mark laid back down with a satisfied smile. He typed out a message to his best friend as he stood up. He’d never really looked around his boyfriend’s room too closely as every time they were together in it, they were either making out or sleeping. Pictures were taped along the walls, some were polaroids, others seemed to be printed professionally. Mark ran his hand over one of them. It was just a simple picture of a flower, but it was somehow one of the most gorgeous pictures he’d ever seen. He looked down at his phone as it buzzed.

Duck: yes hello

Mark: guess what

Duck: what

Mark: my butt sex v card was incinerated

Mark: :)

Duck: !!!

Duck: i am so proud of u how was it

Mark: idk how to explain it

Duck: wdym

Mark: idk i just feel good, like we’re closer now and stuff

Mark: im just happy

Duck: yay markie is happy ^^  
Mark: he’s in the shower now but a few mins ago he was like touching my thighs and i didn’t rly feel uncomfortable with it

Mark: like i usually squid and tell him to stop

Mark: squirm*

Duck: lmao squid

Duck: u just feel better ab ur body prob which is good

Duck: i mean after u have sex with ur bf there’s rly nothing else to hide so mark i think ur like

Duck: happy happy

Mark: ew i hate it

Mark: take me back to sadness

Duck: no

Duck: go get in the shower w him

Mark rolled his eyes with a short laugh before he looked up at the walls again. He was surprised to see a few pictures of himself and he went over to them to take a closer look. The first few were the pictures that Johnny had taken at the library when they had first started being friends. Mark thought he looked awkward with the way that he smiled and how he covered his face, not particularly fond of being photographed. There were a couple from when the two had watched the sunrise together. The colors were brilliant and Mark could see that he looked much more comfortable in them. He smiled when his eyes fell on one specific picture. Mark was kissing Johnny’s cheek happily as the older smiled into the camera. It was a really stupid photo, in Mark’s professional opinion, but he secretly thought it was very cute.

He looked to the photo next to it, letting his fingers linger over the one of the two of them. It was of a girl. A pretty girl with long hair, her teeth were shiny and white as she smiled into the camera. She seemed confident in herself, larger than life. She seemed like the type of person that Johnny would like. Definitely his type. He looked at the next picture. It was the same woman, her hair tied up in a messy bun as she smiled at the camera again. She was so pretty. He pulled the picture off of the wall and looked at the back. It read “I love you, Johnny” with neat handwriting and a simple heart in black sharpie. He gave a gentle sigh, looking over his shoulder as his boyfriend returned to the room.

He was wearing a fluffy white towel around his waist, water dripping down his chest. He looked at Mark as he pushed his wet hair out of his face,

“I was wondering when you were going to notice those.” Johnny smiled, going into his closet to find something to wear,

“When did you put these up?” The younger pointed to the photos of himself,

“Like a while ago, babe. When we first started dating,” Johnny chuckled at him as he pulled on a shirt, “Took you long enough.”

“Sorry,” Mark whined, tapping the photo in his hand, “I’m always distracted in here.”

“Clearly,” The tall man dropped the towel from around his waist to pull on a new pair of sweatpants. He went over to the smaller boy and wrapped his arms around his waist to pull him close to him, “Last night was so good. You have no idea how happy I am, Mark.”  
“Me too. I feel good, like more confident and close to you,” Mark looked up at him, tip toeing so he could kiss his lips gently. Johnny took a handful of the younger’s ass and grinned at him, “You’re not wearing any underwear.”

“I’m aware,” The older chuckled, rubbing the small of Mark’s back softly, “Something wrong with that?”

“No, I just feel like you never wear it.” The younger shuddered when his boyfriend slapped his butt,

“It’s uncomfortable~” The older gave him a fake whine before pressing another kiss to his lips,

“Mm,” Mark looked down at the photo in his hand before he held it up, “Is this the girl?”

Johnny took the photo from him, the smile fading from his lips. He stuck it back on the wall next to the other photo with a gentle sigh,

“Hana,” The older placed an affectionate kiss on Mark’s forehead before sitting on the bed, “Yeah.”

“She’s pretty.” The younger thought out loud before letting his eyes fall onto his boyfriend who nodded slowly,

“She is,” Johnny looked up to the younger as he got into his lap, “Why are you saying that though?”

“I don’t know. I just saw her and she looked like someone that you would like. Or love I guess. I feel bad that you guys broke up.” Mark wrapped his arms around Johnnys neck and smiled as the tall man put his big hands on the smaller’s hips,

“Don’t. I’m glad we broke up, it wasn’t a good relationship in the end. I loved her, but it was an unnecessary type of love. We were too obsessed with each other and it caused issues and we were too caught up in being petty. I was sad, but so relieved when we broke up,” Johnny hugged Mark, it was firm but gentle, “I just keep those photos around because she was someone I loved and she taught me things. I still have photos of Yukhei up there too. Did you notice there’s a lot more of you than there is of both of them combined?”

“Maybe,” Mark smiled, rubbing his boyfriend’s cheek with his thumb gently. He didn’t know he would feel any different but he did. He felt appreciated and that made him feel so much more comfortable with himself. He was just happyand that was all he had been asking for his twenty years of life. And he was finally getting that and it just made him _happy_. Mark kissed his boyfriend’s nose tenderly, running his hand through the taller’s hair softly, “I’m hungry.”

“Okay, baby. I’ll cook,” Johnny stretched out as Mark got up, “What do you want?”

“Mm. I want eggs and toast, please.” The younger went into the closet to find some pants and he pulled on a pair of basketball shorts,

“Mmkay,” The tall man got up, “Hey.”

“Hey?” Mark looked at him,

“You make me happy and I’m really glad you sort of talked to me last night and we got to be together. I really like you.” Johnny’s eyes were soft as he looked at Mark with a small smile,

“I really like you, too. And I’m happy too, I feel better about us.” The younger looked back at him. He accepted a tender kiss, smiling like an idiot as their lips touched. He was genuinely so happy it was crazy. He didn’t realize that he could be so content with life. But he was. Johnny did something to him and he was amazed by it. He was amazed by the impact of one man on his life. Two months ago he never would have expected himself to be such a happy person, but here he was grinning like crazy as his boyfriend kissed him with caring lips. And the biggest part of it all was that he deserved it. He deserved happiness and he was finally receiving it and it was good. Johnny was honestly everything he could ever ask for.

***

Mark yawned. He was laying on his couch watching a show. Jaehyun was cooking something and it smelt pretty good. It had been a few days since he and Johnny had “celebrated” their two month anniversary. They were both beginning to get busy with the end of the school year and decided that they should focus on their work for a little while. They had seen each other a lot and Mark wasn’t complaining about seeing his boyfriend all the time, of course not. It’s just that, if he didn’t see him for a while he would miss him, and then maybe when they saw each other again the kisses would be even better than before. He’d finished his homework for the night and was very happy when his roommate offered to cook dinner for the both of them. Jaehyun was a pretty good cook in all honesty, so Mark was definitely excited to eat.

He yawned again, rubbing his leg as he watched the TV. He was obviously texting Johnny a lot. Well, most of their messages consisted of “I miss you” and dirty things that the older liked to fluster Mark with. It wasn’t like the younger boy didn’t reciprocate it, he was secretly pretty dirty. But, it definitely made his cheeks red when he read some of the things his boyfriend said. Especially about his body. They did genuinely miss each other’s general company, but Mark wasn’t going to lie when he said that he missed Johnny for the kisses and the sexual stuff too. He sat up when his roommate brought him a bowl of fried rice and some chopsticks,

“Thank you.” Mark accepted the bowl gratefully with a small smile and took his chopsticks into his right hand,

“You’re welcome.” Jaehyun sat down next to him, placing his bowl in his lap and taking a big bite,

“Mm, it’s good.” Mark chewed as he watched the movie on TV,

“Thanks, I’m glad you like it.” His roommate smiled at him, his dimples dipping into his cheeks. Mark picked up his phone as it buzzed, smiling wider when he saw a message from his boyfriend, “How are you and Johnny by the way?”  
“Mm, we’re good, just busy so we decided we would only meet on weekends for now,” Mark looked at him, “But we’re like so good.”

“That’s good, I’m glad. You guys are super cute, it’s a bit gross,” Jaehyun laughed gently as he took another bite of his fried rice, “But I’m really glad that you’re happy. Like, I’m really glad you finally _feel_ happy. It makes a difference, doesn’t it?”

“What? Being happy?” The younger boy asked,

“Yeah.” Jaehyun took another bite of his food,

“Yeah, a big difference. I was never unmotivated in school in the first place, but having the weekends to look forward to makes me work even harder for some reason.” Mark glanced at the TV,

“Working harder makes time go by faster, so you’ll get to see him quicker.” Jaehyun let out a gentle sigh,

“We actually, like, slept together.” Mark bit his lip, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he looked down at his food,

“Really?” Jaehyun looked at him,

“Really.” Mark bit the end of his chopstick happily,

“Mark~. Wow, I’m kind of proud of you to be honest,” Jaehyun let a laugh fall out from between his lips as he pat Mark on the back. It was a very “bro” thing to do, but it made the younger boy giggle quietly, “How was it?”

“It was like…Really good? I don’t know,” Mark cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck shyly, “I was scared so it took me a long time to relax, but he was really gentle and he kept asking me if I was okay which I thought was really kind.”

“Ah,” Jaehyun scrunched his nose and shook his head, the smile never leaving his mouth, “Do you feel different?”

“Mm, I don’t know. More confident with him, I guess. But that’s because there’s nothing really left the imagination anymore. We’ve seen each other entirely so there’s nothing I really have to hide from him anymore. I still feel shy though, but that’s just because he makes me feel shy.” Mark stretched out, placing his empty bowl on the coffee table and setting his chopsticks inside of it,

“Yeah, it gets easy after a few times I’d say. Tae was self conscious for a little while, but not anymore. Not with me,” His roommate yawned, “You’ll get used to it.”

“Does it ever get, like, boring?” Mark asked,

“What, sex?” Jaehyun looked at him, “Not really. I mean for me and Tae, the mood can switch a lot. So like, it can be fun or loving. Sometimes if he’s upset it’s rough. It changes a lot, so it doesn’t really get _boring_. I mean it can be vanilla, but you can always switch it up. But, like, I’d say you should just stick with whatever you guys are doing right now because it starts to get fun.”

“Ew.” Mark scrunched up his nose but smiled at his roommate regardless,

“Ahh, you asked.” Jaehyun hit him lightly,

“True,” Mark stretched, “Are you and Tae good?”

“Yeah, we’re fine. We’re both focused on school so we haven’t seen each other in a while but I miss him. And I’m pretty sure he misses me because he texts me it like, every minute.” Jaehyun laughed,

“Aww, that’s cute.” Mark smiled,

“Did you start enjoying relationships, Mark?” His roommate glanced at the TV,

“Maybe,” The younger boy bit his lip, “I mean, I just…I finally feel good about myself.”

“That’s really good. Seriously.” Jaehyun put his bowl next to Mark’s on the coffee table and sat back against the couch,

“How did you know, like…When you were in love…?” Mark played with the hem of his shirt shyly,

“When I was in love? Like with Tae?” Jaehyun looked at him and chuckled when Mark nodded, “Mm. When did I fall in love with him? I think I fell in love with him when he took care of me when I was really sick with the flu. Because it made me feel like I was being loved, you know? I was super sick for like a week, remember? And he made me soup, made sure I would eat, give me medicine, and a few other things. And he never complained, nor was he afraid that he would get sick. I always told him that he should go home, but he always laid with me and played with my hair until I fell asleep. I don’t know, it made me feel so loved and cared for and even though we fight a lot we always come back to each other because we know how important we are to one another.”

“When you told him that you like, loved him…Were you scared?” Mark chewed his lip,

“Actually he said it first by accident, but I told him I loved him too. I think it was nerve wracking to hear it because, you know, it’s ‘I love you’, it’s a pretty big step in my opinion. But, when you say it, it’s almost like a weight being lifted off of your shoulders. When you finally get it out there it feels nice to hear yourself say it and it feels even nicer to have someone say it back to you,” Jaehyun paused, “I also don’t really think there needs to be a specific time that you have to say it. If you decide that you love him in the middle of the sidewalk then just say it. I don’t think it has to be super romantic or anything, just saying it will make it romantic. But, if you’re not sure whether or not you’re feeling that feeling, then you should wait. False hope isn’t fun for anyone.”

“Ah, okay…” Mark sighed,

“Why? Do you feel like you love him?” Jaehyun asked softly,

“No, no. I was just curious in case I ever do.” The younger shrugged gently,

“He’s a good guy, Mark.”

“You think?” Mark asked, looking at his roommate,

“Yeah, he’s so nice and he treats you well. I think you picked a good one.” Jaehyun chuckled,

“I like him a lot.” Mark admitted with a smile,

“Good. And I know he really likes you too.” Jaehyun crossed his arms as he watched the movie,

“Hm.” Mark watched too as he played with hem of his shirt. He sighed quietly, picking up his phone as it buzzed again. Every time he saw a message from his boyfriend he felt butterflies in his stomach. He always smiled when he saw his name. He always smiled when he saw him in general. Or even thought about him. He just really liked him. For real. He missed him a lot and he wanted to be back in his arms in the soft, warm bed of his boyfriend’s apartment. He wanted his lips on his so he could sleep soundly at night. He just wanted Johnny in general. It was a funny thing to miss someone so much. It almost hurt him and it was strange to feel that way because he almost never missed anyone that much. When he first moved away to college, it was hard. He missed his parents, but never like that. It was hard to be away from someone that treated him the way he deserved to be treated. Not that his friends didn’t treat him well, it was just different when it came to a significant other. He was curious as to what that feeling was, but he always chalked it up to just him liking the tall man. But the more he disregarded it and ignored it, the bigger it got.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay i think i found my flow again :)))  
sorry it took me so long to update but here you guys go~  
the beginning is a little bit cracky because i was just trying to get something down on paper, but the end of the chapter is a lot more in my writing  
i also never established where they went to school really, it's somewhere in New York, an unnamed university lmao  
anyways, enjoy :)  
<3

“Yah,” Mark slapped his best friend’s butt as he laid on the bed next to him, “Yah! Wake up, dumb bitch.”

“I’m awake, idiot.” Hyuck rolled over onto his back to look at him,

“You looked like a dead bug,” Mark snickered as he laid his head on the fluffy pillow, “I’m sorry, I love you.”

“You’re very rude lately, you know that?” His best friend wrinkled his nose at him,

“Ah, sorry,” The older whined, “It was a joke.”

“Sex has changed you, Mark Lee.” Donghyuck shook his head,

“No, no,” Mark chewed on his lip, “It’s not the sex.”

“Nope, it definitely is. You’re all relaxed and happy,” Hyuck reached over to his bedside table to get his glass of water and he sipped it, “How many times have you guys done it?”

“Mm, twice?” Mark shrugged,

“You seem unsure?” His best friend grabbed his phone and unlocked it,

“No. Twice. We’ve done it twice. We did it last night,” Mark smirked,

“Ew,” Hyuck paused, pulling up his hood and taking a photo of himself, “How was it?”  
“Are you snap chatting a guy?” The older rolled onto his stomach and bit his lip, “And it was good. Like, I don’t know. He’s really good at it.”

“No,” Hyuck looked at him incredulously followed by a gentle pout, “Nobody uses snapchat anymore, we’re talking on instagram…And I’m sure he is, he looks like he’s good at it. His abs are probably so good too.”  
“Yeah, they’re super hot. And like…Ah, he’s so gentle, I don’t know. I fucking love it.” Mark took Donghyuck’s phone out of his hand and took a photo of himself to send it to whatever man he was talking to now,

“You fucking love fucking?” Donghyuck ripped his phone out of his best friend’s hand and cursed at him under his breath,

“I fucking love fucking, yeah. Don’t swear at me.” Mark flicked him lightly but smiled, clearly amused at his best friend,

“What’s your favorite position then?” Hyuck asked, glancing at him,

“I don’t know we’ve only done like three.” The older shrugged,

“Well out of the three, come on. Don’t be a dummy.” Donghyuck told him,

“Ahh. Mmm, I really liked what we did last night. I was just laying on my stomach with a couple pillows under my waist.” Mark shrugged again, chewing on his lip gently,

“Ah, please tell me you weren’t texting me while you were fucking him.” His best friend gave him a disgusted look,

“No, I was a bit preoccupied, thanks. Haven’t you texted me while you were having sex before?” Mark asked him, continuing to type on his phone,

“I’ve called my mom while I was having sex before so probably.” Donghyuck laughed as he saw his best friend’s face,

“You’re so nasty. How do you even focus? I can barely open my eyes.” Mark glanced at him, fingers pausing as he did so,

“Ah, you get used to it. My eyes stopped screwing up like a long time ago. Unless they’re really good, then I have to bite my knuckle and all that good stuff,” Hyuck yawned softly, “Do you really get like that?”

“Yeah, kind of. I mean I can look at him, but certain things he does makes me go all bleh. Like I go all, um, boneless.” Mark giggled as his best friend climbed into his lap,

“I bet he really liked seeing your ass jiggle as he _thrusted _into you,” Donghyuck chuckled and then winced as the older pinched his side, “Owie.”

“Shut your mouth,” Mark hit him lightly, “Anyways, yes, low key he was really enjoying it. It was very passionate. Also he’s obsessed with my thighs, like look.”

Mark pushed Donghyuck off of him and stood up. He pulled up the legs of his basketball shorts to show him the dark, blooming bruises that lined the inside of his legs,

“Whoa, he really does. Jeez, don’t they hurt?” Hyuck reached out to ghost a finger over them,

“Not really. But, he’s done it both times, it’s weird.” Mark laid down on top of his best friend,

“Ah, you love it. It feels good, dummy.” Hyuck tapped his butt gently,

“Mm, it does,” The older smiled, “I love you.”

“I love you, too, you big baby.” Donghyuck rubbed his best friend’s back gently before the older sat up and slid off of the younger,

“What does it feel like to be in love?” Mark asked. It had been a very prominent question on his mind but he didn’t really know why. He knew he wasn’t in love with Johnny, yet he kept thinking about it. Perhaps it was just the fact that it was the first real relationship he’d ever been in. Or at least the first one that he was actually emotionally invested in. He just really wanted to know what it felt like in case he ever felt it,

“I don’t know, I’ve never been in love. I’m a slut.” Donghyuck told him nonchalantly,

“Stop, you’re not a slut. Don’t say that,” Mark furrowed his brow, “Why would you say that?”

“Because it’s true? I sleep with a lot of men,” His best friend looked at him, “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not offended by it. Besides, I called myself that so it’s okay.”

“Don’t say that, though. It makes me feel bad. And just because you sleep with a lot of guys doesn’t make you a slut. It just means you sleep with a lot of guys.” Mark said, a frown spreading over his lips,

“The definition of a slut is ‘a woman who has many casual sexual partners’. I have many casual sexual partners.” Donghyuck read off of his phone,

“You’re not a woman.” Mark laughed,

“That’s true,” His best friend giggled, “Anyways, I don’t know what it’s like to be in love. I wish I did, it seems nice.”

“Yeah.” Mark frowned, laying back down and getting comfortable on one of the pillows,

“You love Johnny?” Donghyuck asked him quietly,

“I don’t think so. Not yet,” The older shook his head, “I just was wondering how it feels in case I do fall in love with him. You know? I don’t know.”

“I understand,” Hyuck told him with a gentle smile, “You’re so cute, Markie.”

“Mm, you’re cuter than me.” Mark chuckled quietly, patting him on the head. Donghyuck smiled wider and closed his eyes. He reminded the older a little bit of a puppy and it made him smile at the cuteness,

“I know,” Hyuck kissed his cheek with a smirk, “You know, you’re so chill now. Wanna get high?”

“Okay,” Mark shrugged, “Actually, I’ve noticed you’ve been sober for longer recently, are you feeling better?”

“In terms of what?” Donghyuck reached over his best friend to grab his pen out of his bedside table drawer,

“Like, your pain and anxiety?” Mark gave him a skeptical look, “Obviously?”

“Oh,” His best friend took a long hit, “Mm, yeah, I feel better I guess. I’m always going to have pain, like joint pain and residual pain. Sucks. But, I can sit in a car now and my anxiety is better. I wanted to be able to do well in school though, so I’m trying to slowly bring myself back to soberness. I feel like I haven’t been sober in three years.”

“You basically _haven’t_ been sober in three years.” Mark took the pen from him and put the tip in his mouth,

“That’s true,” Hyuck rolled onto his stomach, “Who are you texting so avidly?”

“My boyfriend, sir. I figured it was kind of obvious.” Mark looked at him,

“Are you guys sexting?” His best friend met his eyes and smiled innocently,

“No, we’re just talking. Shush up, Duck.” Mark put his hand into Donghyuck’s face, pushing him away by his cheek,

“Would it be weird to say that I want to have sex with you?” He paused, “Platonically, of course.”

“Yes, that’s extremely weird, Donghyuck. But, I’m flattered, truly,” Mark giggled, “I love you.”

“I love you too, mm,”Hyuck stretched out, “I’m tired, let’s cuddle.”

“Mmkay.” Mark wrapped his arms around his best friend and pulled him close. They were still laying down on the comfortably soft bed. The older was still looking at his phone, scrolling through instagram as his boyfriend repeatedly texted him,

“The buzzing tickles.” Hyuck whined,

“I’m sorry, my boyfriend misses me.” Mark looked at him with a small smile,

“I want a boyfriend.” Donghyuck gave him a soft pout and the older gave him a few gentle pats,

“Then get one, plenty of people would love to date you. You’re cute and you like to have sex, what more can you ask for?” Mark blinked at his phone,

“That’s true. But, I’m deathly afraid of commitment, baby.” The younger told him with a short chuckle,

“We know.” Mark laughed along with him, pressing his face into his best friend’s neck and puckering his lips,

“Stop, that tickles.” Donghyuck tugged the older’s hair gently and Mark pulled away with a smile,

“Do you like Johnny?” Mark asked simply,

“Yeah, why?” His best friend looked at him curiously, “I think he’s sexy.”

“I mean do you like him for _me_, Duckie.” He hit Donghyuck lightly, laying his head against one of the pillows to look at the plain, white ceiling,

“Yes, I do. I think he’s really good for you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so happy before, which makes _me _happy. I think you’re also more relaxed since you started dating him and you’re even much more affectionate which I like. It just shows that you’re more content with life and I think that’s really good because I know how anxious and sad you are sometimes,” Hyuck looked at him seriously, “So, yes. I love Johnny for you. And he’s hot, so I’m fine with staring at him while you hug him instead.”

“Thanks,” Mark laughed gently and gave his best friend a genuine smile, “I love you.”

“I love you more, you cutie patootie.” Donghyuck puckered his lips and kissed the older’s cheek,

“I know you do.” Mark patted him happily, ignoring the fact that his best friend had gotten spit all over his cheek. He looked at his phone as it buzzed against his chest again and smiled. He didn’t know how many times Johnny had said “I miss you” in the past hour but it was probably too many. But it would never be too many in Mark’s mind. He loved it. He loved the validation it gave him and he loved the way that the butterflies in his stomach would flutter when he saw those three simple words and maybe a heart or two. Most would say that they were just in their honeymoon phase and it wouldn’t last. But honestly, Mark felt like it would last forever and he genuinely hoped that it would. In the back of his mind he knew that nothing could last _forever _but not everything had the obligation to. Fleeting things could come and go, but if it made him feel like he belonged in the world then he didn’t mind if it lasted only a couple of seconds. It gave him the sweet taste of happiness and he was perfectly content with that. But, he secretly hoped that his satisfaction with life would last forever. He didn’t need to think about that.

He had to learn to live in the moment and he was. He was being taught slowly but surely that this was what he deserved and it made him feel like he could do anything he wanted. He seemed to enjoy more moments with people that he liked to spend time with and it was just a side effect of feeling wanted. He was slowly coming out of his shell and learning to genuinely be present. He was gradually becoming what he would like to call _himself_. He didn’t want to be known as the boy who went about his day in such a monotonous manner that he was like a robot. He just wanted to be _Mark _and he was finally being him. He was finally becoming true to himself and that’s what gave him the most happiness out of everything. But he was honestly so fucking grateful he destroyed Johnny’s camera that day because maybe he wouldn’t be learning to love himself if it wasn’t for that.

***

Mark loved his dates with Johnny. The older man just always knew where to take him and make it the most romantic that it could possibly be. He never pinned his boyfriend to be the super romantic type, but the older man apparently loved taking Mark out on dates. It’s not like he didn’t appreciate it, he really did. It was maybe one of his favorite things about his boyfriend. He could basically make anything romantic. Even just lying in bed together seemed to have a charm to it. However, Johnny’s “big” dates did have a tendency to be pretty quirky. They would go on the regular type too, obviously, like go out to dinner or go the movies. But, occasionally Mark would find himself doing aerial yoga or some shit like that. They were honestly, very weird. But, they were silly so the younger boy had no reason to complain. Especially because he was doing it with his boyfriend.

Johnny would be off to Chicago for two weeks after the weekend was over and Mark was very much _not _excited for the weekend to end. Sure, they’d been away from each other every week because they had to do their school work with no distractions, but they still saw each other basically every weekend. And it wasn’t like they didn’t see each other on weekdays occasionally too. Mark knew that Johnny wasn’t leaving _him_, but he was still leaving and it _still _gave the younger boy anxiety. But, he wouldn’t be whiny about it because that would just be childish. So he kept his uneasiness to himself, even though he knew that it was unhealthy. He would surely shed a few tears when he waved goodbye to the tall man at the airport.

It was the beginning of summer too. Johnny had graduated, earning himself a degree in photography. Mark was a rising senior meaning he still had one more year of Hell left. Well honestly, it wasn’t that bad. But, he would be so happy when he was finally free from school. He was proud of his boyfriend, but also scared for what the end of the summer would bring. He didn’t want his happiness to end, but who said it had to? He didn’t know what the future held for him, but it was okay. Johnny promised they would spend the summer together and Mark wouldn’t let himself be held up by his anxiousness for the future.

The end of year and graduation celebration they had was pretty insane, too. Of course it would be, they were college kids. Everyone got together, Yuta, Sicheng, Donghyuck, Jaehyun, Taeyong, Johnny and Mark. They drank and drank and a bunch of them even smoked. Mark was high as a fucking kite because he decided that it would be fine to just let looseonce in a while. Most of them were graduating anyways and he was actually really grateful to be apart of it. The night was a blur, but he knew he had fun. He just remembered that he was giggling practically the entire time because of the weed and that he had accidentally kissed the wrong guy. He’d also learned that drunk (and high) sex was kind of incredible. It was rough and sloppy which was a drastic change from their slow, romantic sex to say the least. He remembered that he just couldn’t keep his mouth shut when Johnny was fucking him, but the tall man had _definitely_ liked that. When he finally dragged himself out of the bed in the morning after the crazy night —splitting headache and ass aching— to look in the mirror, there were bruises in the shapes of fingertips on his hips and thighs. He may or may not have found that extremely hot.

Regardless of the turn of events from the night before Johnny still took care of him. He fed him, made sure was comfortable because he felt like his back was actually broken, and made sure he drank a lot of water. He remembered they just watched movies all day and shared lazy kisses occasionally. Johnny was just the perfect guy. He really couldn’t ask for much more. Mark found himself to be happier and happier almost every single day.

He wanted to do something in return for his boyfriend for all the things the taller had done for him. He knew that Johnny appreciated the beauty of the world just as he did. Maybe even more. It was one in the morning, a week and a few days after graduation, and Mark had dragged his tall, sleepy boyfriend out of bed much to his dismay. He was aching for someone to experience his serendipitous love for the early morning hours and maybe, just maybe, he could get Johnny to have a taste. Mark rarely drove, but his boyfriend reluctantly gave him the key to his worn out car and got in the passenger seat.

They drove for nearly an hour and a half and Mark was determined to get away from the bright city lights that polluted the dark night sky. It was a perfect night for what the younger had planned, not a cloud in sight as he took winding roads that led deep into the woods. He was thankful that the city wasn’t too far from where he wanted them to be and he could’ve gone even farther if he wasn’t so impatient. They talked for a while, Johnny trying to pry whatever the younger had in store out of him, but Mark wouldn’t budge. They fell into a comfortable silence, the car humming quietly as Johnny played soft music through the bluetooth in the car. Trees lined both sides of the road making the night seem even darker. The headlights of the car illuminated the path in front of them, their only source of light save for the sliver of moon that seemed to follow the two. The darkness chased the car, engulfing the road that was left behind as they drove.

Mark looked over the steering wheel to make sure that he didn’t hit a tree as he turned onto a narrow road that couldn’t even be considered one. It was bumpy and they could both hear the crunch of gravel beneath the old tires of the car. Johnny was leaning his head against the window, but he looked at Mark when the younger came to a stop, parking on the side of the path,

“Did you take me here so you could murder me?” Johnny joked as Mark turned off the car and took the key out of the ignition,

“No,” Mark whined, a short chuckle not far behind, “This is part of a campsite, dummy. They’d find you instantly.”

“Did you bring a tent? I don’t think I could pitch a tent at,” Johnny paused and looked at his phone, “Two forty-one in the morning, babe.”

“No, shush. Just come on.” Mark unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the door so he could get out of the car. Johnny got out too, closing the car door behind him. The younger locked the car as the taller came around and leaned down to place a gentle kiss on his lips. Mark smiled and slipped the car key into his boyfriend’s pocket before slipping his small hand into the larger one. He led Johnny down the path, their shoes crunching the tiny, stray rocks as they walked,

“Are we allowed to be here? Since it’s apart of a campsite?” Johnny asked him as they came to a small clearing,

“Who’s going to know? It’s almost three am.” Mark told him to which the older man laughed quietly,

“Didn’t think you were such a rule breaker, Markle Sparkle.” Johnny smiled,

“Shush,” Mark stopped to face his boyfriend before he pointed to the sky, “Just look.”

Mark looked up as his boyfriend did. He smiled as his eyes found the stars. They twinkled brilliantly against the dark night sky. Each one seemed even brighter than the first and so many more than he had ever remembered seemed to fill the sky. The moon was bright, even for the thin crescent that it formed and he wondered what it would be like on a full moon. Even though it was impossibly dark, it seemed like there was so much light. The trees lined the small clearing, encasing the two in a comfort as the soft summer breeze ruffled Mark’s hair playfully. It would’ve been better if they’d gone even further away, but it could just be used an excuse for them to go again. He heard Johnny’s breath hitch and he smiled softly,

“Whoa.” The tall man breathed out gently,

“Isn’t it pretty?” Mark looked at him, squeezing his hand gently,

“It’s beautiful,” Johnny looked back at him, “It reminds me of your eyes.”

“My eyes?” Mark asked quietly, they couldn’t see each other well, but the look on his facing was questioning,

“Yes, your eyes,” Johnny paused, taking a quick look at the sky again before looking back down at his boyfriend, “Your eyes twinkle like the stars sometimes.”

“When?” The younger smiled,

“When you’re happy. Sometimes I can look into your eyes and I just see the whole universe. It’s when you’re just…I don’t know…_happy_. Relaxed,” Johnny told him, leaning down to kiss him gently. Mark accepted it happily. He was surprised to hear that his boyfriend would look into his eyes the same way that the younger looked into his. It made him feel special to know that the taller could see when he was happy. Maybe it was obvious or maybe it was just obvious to Johnny, “You’re prettier than the stars.”

“I’m not.” Mark disagreed, whispering against his lips,

“I’m serious,” Johnny fixed a piece of the younger’s hair gently. It made Mark smile despite his opinion on how he looked, “I think you’re beautiful. Please, I really just wish you would see it. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, Mark. Your eyes, nose, lips are perfect. Your smile is incredibly contagious, your laugh is charming. Your hands are soft and tiny, I absolutely love holding them and playing with them. Your body is perfect, I could literally touch you all day and not get bored. And I’m really not trying to be dirty, I just like holding you and cuddling with you. I just want to keep you safe and I want you to be happy and I think I’m just falling in love with you.”

Mark felt like time was a standstill. Nothing was moving and all he could hear was the rustle of the trees and the soft breathing that came from himself and his boyfriend. His eyes had adjusted to the dark and all he could make out was the outline of Johnny’s chest. His hand was still closed tightly in the taller man’s and he looked up when he felt a squeeze,

“Fuck. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” Johnny pulled his hand away from Mark’s to rub his face, “Fuck. I didn’t mean that. I mean, I _did _mean that but I didn’t mean to say that. _Fuck._”

The younger boy pulled his boyfriend’s hand away from his face and intertwined their fingers before placing his free hand on the back of his neck and pulling him down for a kiss,

“It’s okay,” Mark looked at him seriously. He wasn’t even freaking out, much to his own surprise, “It’s fine.”  
“I’m sorry. I should’ve kept to myself, it just came out. I just never really felt my emotions get this strong and it just came out. I’m sorry.” Johnny ranted,

“It’s okay, really. It’s okay,” The younger squeezed his hand before taking a deep breath, “I’m happy. It makes me happy to hear you say that. I just can’t…Like, I don’t know if I can say that…”

“You don’t have to. I wasn’t expecting anything, I wasn’t expecting myself to even say that. And I’m not offended if you still just _like _me. I’m glad you like me. I’m really glad,” The tall man sighed, “And it’s like…I’m not in love with you, _yet_. Very much emphasis on the ‘yet’, but Jesus Christ if we continue like this I will. Surely, I will. It just feels so good to be with you and to be yours. I don’t think I ever stop thinking about you.”

“I’m crazy about you too, Johnny,” Mark giggled, “Stop rambling, you sound like me.”

“Sorry, I think I freaked myself out a little bit.” Johnny said truthfully. Mark let go of his hand and wrapped his arms around his waist so he could hug him. The tall man hugged him back tightly, resting his chin on top of the shorter’s head. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Mark pulled away and kissed his cheek softly,

“Can we lay down?” He asked, his voice came out in a whisper,

“On the grass?” Johnny chuckled when Mark shrugged, “Sure.”

The younger let go of him to sit down and he waited for his boyfriend to do the same. Johnny laid down opening his arms for Mark to lay in them. The short boy rested his head on the tall man’s chest. The ground was soft and damp, but he could honestly care less. He would make a note to bring a blanket next time. They laid there comfortably, gazing at the sky and occasionally pointing out stars that seemed to shine a little bit brighter than the rest. Mark seemed to think that Johnny was the brightest star out there. He contested the sun.

All he could seem to think about as they laid there was the fact that someone could actually love him like that. He knew what Johnny had meant when he said that he thought he was falling in love with him. It meant that he wasn’t quite there yet, but he would get there if they stayed together. And they would. Of course they would stay together. Mark wondered how long it would take for Johnny to _be _in love with him. And he wondered how long it would take for him to be in love with Johnny. He was curious what that felt like. What it felt like to say ‘I love you’. He hoped that he wouldn’t have to wonder for much longer.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys deserve some smut :)  
enjoy!   
<3  
p.s. thank you so much for the comments and kudos, ily all  
(this is un-edited)

It didn’t take very long for them to get distracted by each other. Mark’s lips were pressed harshly against the taller’s, his butt seated in the man’s lap as they kissed each other. Johnny’s hands were wandering over the younger’s body, playing with the supple skin of the younger’s waist. They were still in the middle of the clearing, the grass tickling at Mark’s legs as he focused on the tall man beneath him. He was straddling his boyfriend, leaning down so he could actually reach his lips. He moaned softly as Johnny nipped at his lips gently,

“Are you even comfortable?” The tall man whispered quietly against his cheek as he kissed his way to Mark’s neck,

“Kind of.” The younger whispered back, leaning his head to the opposite side so his boyfriend could kiss his neck easier,

“We can go to the car?” Johnny offered, his breath was hot against Mark’s ear and it sent a shiver down the smaller’s back,

“I’m lazy.” He told the man, emphasizing his laziness with a kiss,

“I’ll pick you up,” Johnny sat up and Mark slid off of his lap, laying down in the grass in protest before looking up at his boyfriend, “Stand up.”

“If I stand up I might as well just walk. Come back, I was kissing you,” Mark complained. He let himself be pulled up by his boyfriend and yelped when he was thrown over the tall man’s shoulder with ease, “Hey!”

“Shush. Don’t scream, you’re gonna wake up the campers.” Johnny walked to the car, setting the smaller down gently against the backdoor and giving him a quick kiss on the lips,

“Honestly that was kind of sexy.” Mark took a handful of his boyfriend’s shirt and pulled him down,

“What’s wrong with you tonight?” Johnny put his arms on either side of the younger, palms placed firmly against the car before he pecked him,

“Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m just…” Mark trailed off,

“Horny?” Johnny asked him with a short chuckle before kissing him again,

“Maybe a little?” The younger looked up at him, “Or a lot?”

“I’m guessing a lot.” Johnny kissed him again, harder than before and Mark reciprocated the act eagerly,

“Yeah, maybe a lot.” Mark breathed out. He looked down and untied Johnny’s sweatpants hurriedly,

“What do you want me to do? Fuck you against the car? Can’t we at least get in the backseat?” The tall man watched his boyfriend tug his pants down and he bit his lip as they pooled around his ankles,

“What if I want to suck you off first?” Mark looked up at him, a smirk spreading across his lips as he took Johnny’s dick into his small hand and swiped his thumb across the head, “Do you _ever _wear underwear?”

“I was going to go to sleep and yes I wear underwear…” Johnny stopped, curling his hand into a fist as he supported himself against the car. Mark let out a short chuckle before kissing him again, “Since when were you so confident with this?”

“I don’t know. Do you want me to suck your dick or not?” Mark slid his fist down, his eyes still locked on his boyfriend’s,

“Please,” Johnny shifted his weight from one foot to another, “But, you’re wearing shorts and the rocks will dig into your knees, won’t they?”

“I’m not sure I care too much. I’ve gotten rug burns before,” Mark shrugged, letting go of the tall man’s cock. He slid onto his knees, wincing slightly at the sharp gravel that met his skin, “Ow.”

“I told you.” Johnny chuckled,

“Shush.” Mark took his cock into his hand again, fisting it a couple of times before placing a gentle kiss to his boyfriend’s inner thigh,

“I’m a little mad that I can’t actually see you right now.” Johnny removed one hand from the car to lift up his tee shirt,

“Just pretend you can, you’ve seen me do it enough times already,” Mark grabbed his boyfriend’s hip gently, looking up slightly before wrapping his lips around the tip of the tall man’s dick. He ran his tongue over the slit, smirking when he heard Johnny let out a sharp breath. Mark pulled away, fisting his boyfriend’s cock steadily before spitting into his hand to make the experience more enjoyable for the older, “Come on. I just started, babe.”

“And?” Johnny bit down on his lip as Mark took the heavy cock back into his mouth. He moved his head back and forth slowly, moving his hand simultaneously around where he couldn’t reach. He pulled away again, but only to play with the tip. He licked and kissed it before sucking on it gently to coax the small beads of pre cum into his mouth. Johnny let go of his shirt to run his fingers through Mark’s hair. The younger giggled softly, the vibrations made his tall boyfriend jerk slightly. Mark pulled away again, his fist returning to long, tight strokes. His shorts were getting impossibly tighter as he jerked his boyfriend’s cock, “Fuck.”  
“Fuck?” Mark asked. He kissed the pink tip again, smiling as he took it into his small hand and lapped at the underside of Johnny’s cock. He heard the older groan lowly,

“Stop teasing.” The tall man said harshly as the younger rubbed the tip incessantly with his palm,

“Stop teasing?” Mark looked up at him, his hand coming to a halt, “What would you like me to do instead?”

“I don’t know, just stop teasing my dick.” Johnny looked down,

“Mm, okay.” Mark kissed the head again, flattening his tongue against the slit before taking his boyfriend’s cock into his mouth again. This time, though, he slid it further into his mouth. He closed his eyes, tightening his grip on Johnny’s hip as he tried to relax his throat. He dug his nails into his boyfriend’s skin, hoping that this time he would actually reach deep throating territory. He paused, swallowing around the cock in his mouth as he breathed out through his nose. His mouth was salivating, spit sliding out from between his bottom lip and the cock that was heavy in his mouth. He was acutely aware of how stretched out his lips was and he felt blood rush beneath his waistband at the thought of how thick his boyfriend’s dick was.

He hummed shortly as Johnny pulled at his hair. He let out a deep breath again, his brow furrowing as the tall man slid his cock the rest of the way in slowly. He opened his eyes, tears pricking at them as his nose met the soft skin of his boyfriend’s navel. He heard Johnny curse lowly under his breath and it would’ve made him smile had he not had the tip of a dick getting to know the very back of his throat. He gagged, coughing as much as one could before swallowing around it. He closed one eye as Johnny tugged at his hair again. Mark made a small noise in the back of his throat as his boyfriend began rocking his hips back and forth slowly. He gagged again as the cock slid in and out past his lips, hitting the back of his throat a couple of times,

“Fuck,” Johnny swore, letting his head loll back as he shallowly fucked his boyfriend’s mouth. Mark brought his free hand to Johnny’s other hip and dug his nails into the skin there as well, “Ow, Mark.”

Mark pulled away, coughing as his throat adjusted to the lack of cock between his lips. He relaxed his hands, smoothing them over the abused skin of his boyfriend’s hips. He felt saliva drip from the corner of his mouth and he smirked as he rubbed it away with the back of his hand. It was probably mixed in with some of the sticky pre cum that was sliding out of Johnny’s cock pretty much nonstop. He licked his lips as he stood up, but winced when his legs protested. Small, sharp rocks stuck to his kneecaps as he straightened out. He wiped them away as Johnny ran a hand over the younger’s hair in order to fix it. The older leaned down to kiss him, pressing him harshly against the metal of the car. It was cool beneath Mark’s back and he could feel his boyfriend’s cock press at his thigh,

“You want to fuck me now?” Mark asked, toying with the tie of his basketball shorts,

“Yeah, I want to.” Johnny told him, his lips grazing over the younger’s jaw again,

“Like how bad?” Mark grabbed his shoulders, turning to look the other way as his boyfriend sucked at the sensitive skin,

“Fuck. So bad, Mark.” Johnny smirked when the short boy moaned quietly as he reached beneath the tight waistband of the younger’s shorts,

“Fuck me then,” Mark breathed out seriously, looking up at his boyfriend. This isn’t where he had intended the date to go, but he wasn’t going to complain. Not at all. He just seemed to feel more comfortable about the whole thing and was so turned on that he didn’t care how short the date had gotten cut. He was barely even tired at almost four in the morning, “Where do you want to fuck me?”

“Since when were you so shameless?” Johnny kissed his neck again before moving to kiss him on the lips. They were impossibly close to each other. Mark felt like he could feel everything as his boyfriend pressed his body closer,

“Where?” Mark repeated himself, pressing his lips to the tall man’s as if to emphasize that he wasn’t playing around,

“Car. Backseat.” Johnny told him and Mark slid out from between the car and the man so that the older could open the door to the backseat. The younger boy climbed into the back seat, pulling off his sneakers and chucking them into the front seat. Johnny was untying the laces of his shoes as well and he kicked off his sweatpants before climbing into the backseat and getting on top of Mark haphazardly. He threw his garments into the front seat as well, a shoe hitting the windshield before tumbling onto the floor. Neither of them were focused on their clothes other than the fact that they had to get rid of them,

“Close the door, there’s a breeze.” Mark bit his lip as Johnny pushed up his oversized shirt before sitting up as much as he could. He reached behind him to close the car door and he winced when it slammed shut,

“You’re trying to get me to break my shoulder, huh.” Johnny chuckled before leaning down to kiss him again and Mark smiled,

“No,” He paused, licking his lips, “I was gonna say something weird, but never mind.”

“No tell me.” The taller man adjusted himself, sitting up again and leaning his head to the side so he wouldn’t bump it on the ceiling of the car. He pulled Mark’s shorts down and the younger pushed them off with his foot,

“I was going to say… ‘But, can you break my back?’ but then I got scared.” Mark said quietly, chewing on his lip. He was back to his usual shy self,

“Sure, I can blow your back out, baby.” Johnny chuckled, leaning back over his boyfriend and kissing him sweetly. He reached down between them and placed his big hand over Mark’s boxer covered cock and squeezed it lightly. The younger man sighed quietly, lifting his hips off of the carseat and pressing himself further into his boyfriend’s palm. He let his eyes flutter shut, his toes curling as pleasure spread across his lower back and just beneath his navel,

“Do you have lube?” Mark whispered, rubbing his hand over the back of Johnny’s neck and pulling him down so he could kiss him. Their lips connected with a certain passion that Mark only ever found when he was with Johnny. It was obvious that he could only find it with his boyfriend, but it seemed to be much stronger than before. He wasn’t sure exactly what it was from. Perhaps it was a side effect of Johnny’s confession from slightly earlier, but it made Mark feel even better than before,

“Um…No…” The tall man said, raising an eyebrow, “I don’t.”

“How are you supposed to finger me?” Mark looked at him, “It’s so dark, I can’t see shit.”

“Ummm,” Johnny sat up again, reaching around for something on the ceiling of the car. He clicked on the overhead light of the car and Mark blinked as his eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness. It wasn’t actually all that bright, the light was actually pretty dim, but they had been in complete darkness for over two hours. Neither of their eyes were used to light, “Jeez. Um…I have lotion.”

“Lotion?” Mark gave him an incredulous look,

“What is that look for? You never used lotion to jerk off?” Johnny asked him,

“Okay. One, no, because I rarely masturbated before I met you and two, that look is for why you have lotion in your car but not lube?” Mark propped himself up on his elbows,

“Why would I keep lube in the car, Mark? Also, I’m flattered.” The tall man leaned over to the front to try to reach for the small bottle of lotion in the side of the driver’s side door,

“I don’t know? Maybe because you have a horny boyfriend that would like to have sex in the car like, right now? Why in the Hell would you keep lotion in here?” Mark winced as Johnny dug his knee into his crotch, clearly preoccupied with reaching for the lotion, “Ow.”

“I have dry hands, okay? And also sorry. Hold on,” Johnny climbed halfway into the front seat, grabbing the lotion from the side well and pushing himself back into the backseat. He sat down a little forcefully on Mark’s thighs and the younger breathed out with a gentle ‘ow’, “Sorry, baby.”

“You’re heavy,” Mark took the bottle of lotion from him, “What is this? Aveeno?”

“Oatmeal is good for the skin, okay. I’m feeling very judged right now, wow.” Johnny gave him a pout, but Mark only giggled and kissed him softly,

“I’m sorry, I’m being needy. I’m sure my asshole will be…Very moisturized after this,” Mark chuckled as he lifted up his hips again to pull down his boxers. He bit his lip when his boyfriend took his cock into his fist and squeezed it gently, “How does this work?”

“Um, how it usually does?” Johnny asked, moving his hand up and down around the younger’s cock as he looked at him,

“No, like, mm,” Mark breathed out, “Where do I put my feet? So you can actually finger me? Ah~.”

“Put your foot on the seat. Like here,” Johnny patted the front passenger seat headrest, “Pull the other one up to your chest or you can go all spread eagle and put it on the middle headrest.”

Mark did as he was told, placing one foot against the passenger seat headrest and adjusting himself so that his ass was exposed to his boyfriend. He pulled the other one towards his chest with a gentle sigh,

“Do you even need to get prepped? We did it last night.” Johnny let go of Mark’s cock and took the bottle of lotion from the younger boy. He popped open the cap and squeezed some into his palm. He rubbed it around on his fingers before looking down at the man beneath him,

“Probably not, but I just like when you do it…Just for a couple minutes?” Mark smiled innocently and Johnny chuckled. He ran his middle finger over Mark’s rim before slipping it beneath the ring of tight muscle with ease. No matter how many times he’d done it —which was quite a bit at this point in their relationship—, Mark’s breath would still hitch and he would still arch his back slightly at the sudden intrusion. It must’ve been habit at this point because it didn’t hurt. The only thing he really had to complain about was the fact that lotion should definitely not be used as a substitute for actual lubricant. But, it did the job and he was way too horny to ask his boyfriend to stop.

Johnny curled the finger a few times, pressing down on Mark’s inner thigh with his free hand as he fingered him. The older man was really used to what his boyfriend liked and could always find his prostate with relative ease. Especially with his fingers. At this point, he was just trying to please the man laying below him,

“I kind of wish I could eat you out, it would be so much better than just fingering you.” Johnny pulled out his finger and swiped his fingers over the younger’s entrance again,

“I could sit on your face.” Mark deadpanned, looking at his boyfriend seriously,

“You could _what_?” Johnny stopped and raised an eyebrow at him,

“Sit on your face?” The younger smirked, “Unless you’re afraid I’d suffocate you.”

“Nope, I’m not really afraid of that at all.” The tall man reached behind him to open the door and he climbed out of the car as soon as he kicked it open,

“What are you doing?” Mark sat up, bumping his head on the ceiling in the process. He rubbed it gently, “Ow.”

“I was going to readjust so you could sit…” Johnny crossed his arms, “You were kidding.”

“I wasn’t kidding. I just didn’t actually think that this is the best time for you to eat me out like that. I assumed this was going to be a quick fuck, but this is actually taking forever,” Mark paused, “Can you come back here? I promise next time we can take the time to do that in the comfort of your apartment, babe.”

“Fine,” Johnny gave him a pout as he climbed back into the backseat of the car and pulled the door shut behind him, “You’d better do it.”

“I will. Now please. I’d really like to take you,” Mark swallowed thickly, “Do you have a condom?”

“Yes, that I do have.” Johnny reached around the front seat and picked up his sweatpants. He dug around in the pocket and pulled out the signature shiny wrapper before throwing the unneeded cloth back into the front seat of the car,

“So you brought a condom but you didn’t bring lube. I am not a woman, Johnny, I don’t self lubricate.” Mark took the condom out of his boyfriend’s fingers and ripped it open,

“Okay, seriously? What’s up with you? I get that you’re being needy, but there’s no need to be rude so what’s this about? Is it about what I mentioned to you because I already apologized and you said it was okay. I’m fine with you being like this, but I could use an explanation because I’m not really used to you acting like a mean person. So, seriously, where’s my Mark?” Johnny gripped the headrest on one of the seats as he looked down at his boyfriend. Mark sighed as he pulled the rubber out of the package and set the foil neatly on the floor,

“I’m sorry. It’s not about what you said…I’m just…nervous for you to go away I guess?And I’m taking it out on you, I suppose. Sorry, I’m being mean.” Mark watched as Johnny took the condom from him before leaning down to kiss him sweetly,

“Markie, you could’ve just told me how you were feeling.” Johnny intertwined their fingers with his free hand,

“I’m not good at talking…You know that.” Mark frowned, watching as his boyfriend expertly rolled the condom over his dick,

“I do know that. And I will ask you every single time you are acting different than normal if it means you will tell me. I’m not going away for very long, baby. Two weeks, okay? It’s even less than two weeks, it’s thirteen days. And I will call you every single day, okay? I promise it will go by before you know it and I’ll be back to hug and kiss you and cuddle with you. And sleep with you both in the dirty way and in the true way,” Johnny smiled, “I promise I will come back to _you_. And only you.”

“Really?” Mark bit his lip, chewing on it as he looked into his boyfriend’s eyes,

“I pinky promise,” Johnny untangled their hands to hold out his pinky finger and Mark hooked his finger with the tall man’s. Johnny kissed the younger’s hand quickly, “Okay, are you ready now then?”

“Yes. Hold my hand? Please?” Mark smiled when his boyfriend intertwined their fingers again. Mark laid back against the door, bumping his head against the window, “Ow.”

“You really need to stop hitting your head, baby.” Johnny chuckled,

“Just fuck me, please,” Mark put his foot back on the headrest and this time he put his other foot against the headrest on the opposite side as well. Johnny took a handful of his thigh as he lined up the tip of his cock with the younger’s entrance, “Ah, the lotion.”

“Oh shit, sorry,” Johnny picked up the lotion again and squirted some into his hand before spreading it over his dick. He looked at Mark again who gave him a short nod before Johnny pushed in. He slipped in rather easily, but the younger boy still winced at the intrusion. He let out a harsh breath that sounded more akin to a moan than anything else. Mark closed his eyes as his boyfriend paused to adjust his position. The tall man placed his hand against the window, just above Mark’s head and he used the other to press the younger’s knee to his chest. Mark winced, he was only slightly used to being bent all out of shape, but in all honesty he kind of liked it. He had always been more flexible than the average guy and he supposed it made it easier to take a cock, especially in all the ways he thought he wanted to. He sighed gently when Johnny began rocking his hips, setting a comfortable, slow pace, “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Mark nodded, opening his eyes to look up at his boyfriend. He pulled him down for a kiss and he smiled as Johnny kissed him back happily. He reached a hand down between himself and his boyfriend, his fingers feeling around gently for where the two were connected. He had a bit of a strange fascination with the way he could stretch around the taller and he let a finger poke gently at his rim. Their sex was really very vanilla, but he enjoyed it because of how passionate it could get. He let his fingers run over his boyfriend’s broad back, digging his fingernails into the cloth covered skin at a hard thrust. A lewd moan found its way out from between his lips. Johnny began rocking his hips even harder, their skin meeting with quiet, obscene slaps,

“Fuck.” The tall man let out a sharp breath before pulling his hand away from the window to place it on the door handle, gripping it until his knuckles turned white. Mark curled his toes, his leg muscles tightening as he focused all of his attention on the pleasureful feeling that was spreading across his body in small, tingly sensations. Mark felt his head get heavier and he let it roll against the window and seat as his eyes rolled back, vision blurring. He realized how tired he was at that moment, but he could care less as he bit his lip. Johnny’s pace was methodical and practiced, but every time he thrusted in, it forced the younger back against the door of the car,

“Go faster,” Mark told him. Johnny complied to the shorter boy’s wishes almost immediately, rocking his hips into him faster and harder than before. The younger man moaned out a string of swears, pushing up the hem of his shirt over his chest. He tried to adjust himself by pushing himself up with his hand, but his arm gave out and he hit his head harshly against the window, “Ow, _fuck. _Oh my God.”

“Jesus.” Johnny chuckled, slowing his pace as Mark rubbed the back of his head,

“Don’t. Keep going, it’s fine. Please,” The younger almost begged him and Johnny let out another laugh before looking between them and returning to his quick, deep thrusts. Mark took his own cock into his small hand, wiping away the pre cum from the tip and he began fisting it hurriedly, “Kiss.”

Johnny leaned down to give him a kiss as Mark haphazardly reached up to grab the nearest headrest to adjust himself. This time he was successful. His back was hurting as he was crunched against the car door which was actually extremely uncomfortable when he was getting fucked in the ass by his tall boyfriend that was pushing him back against it with each pleasure filled thrust. Mark sighed, picking up the leg that was folded against his chest and placing his ankle over his boyfriend’s shoulder. Everything was going impossibly fast as he jerked himself off, his eyes were trained on Johnny’s face. The tall man was glistening with sweat. The car was actually pretty warm and it smelled like sex. Mark wondered if it was actually fogging up from the harsh, ragged breathing that the two were letting out relentlessly. It would’ve been funny and he would’ve wanted to check if he didn’t want to come so badly at that very moment,

“You gonna come?” Johnny asked. He knew the younger’s face well enough to know when Mark was beginning to reach his breaking point and it never took as long as they both thought it would. Maybe it was from the years of not giving himself release or maybe it was just the fact that Mark was actually pretty sensitive. The younger nodded hastily,

“Can you do it?” The short boy squeezed his eyes shut, referring to his cock that was impossibly hard and angrily red. Johnny braced one of his arms against the window so he could keep his pace that was beginning to become quite hurried and erratic, but he did as he was asked. He took Mark’s smaller cock in his hand and began moving his fist up and down in tandem with his thrusts. The younger’s face was red, his abused lips parted as he furrowed his brow in focus, “I’m gonna.”

“Mhm.” Johnny hummed, digging his thumb into the slit as Mark’s cock twitched. Hot spurts of cum painted over the taller man’s large hand and on the younger’s chest. Mark was breathing heavily, throwing an arm dramatically over his face as he let out Johnny’s name in a high pitched moan. The taller would have chuckled if he wasn’t coming himself. The combination of hearing his name come breathlessly past his boyfriend’s lips and the clenching of Mark’s rim around his big cock had him coming hard. Harder than usual, even for just some simple car sex. He sighed as his hips slowed, riding out his orgasm. Mark obviously needed a minute as his eyes were still covered by his arm. Johnny had to laugh when the younger let his arm fall away from his face,

“What?” Mark asked,

“You had a long orgasm, huh? Because you still had your cum face on for a second.” Johnny let out a breathless chuckle, letting go of Mark’s half hard cock and wiping his hand on the younger’s soft stomach,

“I have cum on my face?” Mark squinted at him, his eyes fluttering shut for a second before he opened them again,

“No. Never mind,” Johnny shook his head, placing a gentle hand on the short boy’s hip so he could pull out, “Someone’s tired.”

“I started to feel really exhausted right before I came and now I’m sleepy,” Mark moaned softly as his boyfriend removed his cock from him. His angry, red rim clenched around nothing in particular at the sudden lack of something filled him up. Mark reached down to feel his entrance and he winced at the tenderness of it, “Do you have a towel?”

“Uh, tissues,” Johnny reached down to grab a small box of tissues and gave it to Mark who took a couple out of it and wiped up the cum that was drying on his chest. Johnny also took a few and wiped off his hand. He looked at Mark who was trying to keep his eyes open, “Baby, are you okay?”

“Mhm, yeah.” Mark nodded as he sat up and stretched out his back before rubbing his head,

“Did you hit your head too hard? Do you have a concussion now?” Johnny rubbed his hand over Mark’s head gently before pecking him kindly,

“No, no. Really, babe, I’m okay,” Mark kissed him back, a smile spreading across his lips. He heard Johnny chuckle and he opened his eyes as Johnny tied off the condom and wrapped it in few napkins before placing it gently on the floor, “Don’t forget that.”

“I won’t.” Johnny reached into the front seat to grab his sweat pants and he gave Mark his shorts as well,

“Can you come in me next time?” Mark looked at him as Johnny opened the car door and climbed out of the car to put on his pants,

“Like, no condom?” Johnny leaned down to look inside the car as Mark pulled on his boxers before also climbing out of the car,

“Yes. Please?” Mark looked up at him, wincing as his bare feet hit the sharp gravel. He pulled on his shorts and tied the waistband tightly,

“Sure, I just got tested recently, so I’m fine with that as long as you are.” The tall man took the younger into his arms and kissed the top of his head lovingly,

“Tested?” Mark looked up at him, wrapping his arms around his waist,

“Like STD testing?” Johnny said, kissing the younger gently, “Let’s get in the car.”

“Okay,” Mark closed the back door and got in the passenger seat of the car. Johnny just laughed as the younger smiled at him through the window before getting into the driver’s side and buckling his seatbelt before starting the car, “What’s STD testing got to do with this?”

“So I don’t give you an STD if I come in you? I’m clean, I’ve got the paper at home,” Johnny pulled the car out of the narrow, gravelly path, “Actually, I got tested before we slept together.”

“Well shouldn’t I get tested?” Mark asked, leaning his head against the window before glancing at his boyfriend,

“Yeah, if you want to go bare, I would appreciate that,” Johnny chuckled, “But, I’m the first guy you slept with and I use a condom every time so unless you’re sleeping with other people or something I think we’re fine.”

“I’ll go with Donghyuck.” Mark yawned,

“Okay, baby,” Johnny turned the volume up a little bit on the radio, “I’ll wake you up when we get back.”

“Okay.” Mark agreed, closing his eyes gently before reaching across the center console for his boyfriend’s hand. Johnny took his hand and squeezed it gently. It was a very loving gesture and it made the younger feel safe. He listened to the hum of the car as he slowly let himself be lulled to sleep like a baby that needed to be driven around in order to make it fall asleep. He could feel his boyfriend’s thumb rubbing over his knuckles and it made him feel ten times more comfortable as he was leaning against the uncomfortable door. He let out a deep sigh, sleep grasping at him and pulling him into its clutches.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if you guys are still enjoying this story, but i hope you are!  
it's really just fluff now so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
but it's still fun to write, and it's actually closing in on the end (i say that but will still manage to write 50k before i end it lol)  
anyways,  
thank you for all the kudos and comments  
please enjoy!  
<3
> 
> oh also 100k :D

Mark didn’t want to open his eyes at all. He could hear his boyfriend shuffling around the room, doing last minute packing before he would be going away for the next two weeks. Mark didn’t really want to accept at all. He knew that if he woke up, if he opened his eyes, that it would be acceptance that it was the morning and Johnny would be leaving,

“Come on, baby.” The tall man laid down over him, wrapping his arms around him and giving him a bunch of kisses all over his face and on his neck. Mark whined before he opened his eyes to look at the man that was smiling back at him. The younger gave him a gentle peck,

“Nope, can’t wake up,” Mark closed his eyes, “It’s still yesterday.”

“It’s morning, baby. We have to leave in ten minutes, okay?” Johnny gave him another gentle kiss before rolling off of him and padding out of the room. They had spent the entire day before lazing around and relaxing. They had both slept in incredibly late because they arrived back at Johnny’s apartment at six in the morning. They didn’t do much but watch shows and make out all day as Mark was trying to ignore the fact that his boyfriend would be leaving him soon. He rubbed his eyes as he watched the older scurry around his apartment,

“I don’t want you to go,” Mark sat up with a pout. Johnny paused to look at him, “Can’t you stay?”

No, baby,” The older shook his head, “Like I said, I’ll be back in two weeks. It’ll be over before you know it. Plus, I’m only two hours away by plane and I’ll be an hour behind in Chicago’s time zone. I’m just going to spend time with my parents so you can text me whenever you want and I’ll text back. What do you think is going to happen?”

“I don’t know,” Mark shrugged as Johnny sat down on the edge of the bed, “What if you don’t like me anymore when you come back or something?”

“Mark, I will like you just as much, if not _more, _when I get back. I promise you that nothing bad will happen on my end and I think everything is going to be fine here as well. You have Hyuck and Jaehyun isn’t moving out until July so you have him, too. Stop worrying, there is no reason to worry.” Johnny cupped his cheek and gave him a gentle kiss,

“I’m just going to miss you a lot…” Mark played with the sheets, his eyes sliding down to look at the blankets, “I might cry.”

“Don’t cry,” Johnny lifted the younger’s chin and kissed him again, “No tears.”

“No tears,” Mark agreed, looking into his boyfriend’s eyes before pulling his chin away, “Are you done packing?”

“Yes.” Johnny nodded to which Mark sighed. He climbed out of the bed and stretched out his arms. The tall man stood up and picked up the backpack that was sat next to the bed,

“Wait. I need something before we go.” Mark went to the closet and began rummaging around in it. He could feel Johnny’s eyes on him and he turned around when he pulled a hoodie off of a hanger and smiled. His boyfriend chuckled before giving him an endearing smile,

“Whatever makes you feel better, cutie,” The tall man wrapped his arms around his waist loosely before kissing him softly, “Anything else?”

“No, that’s all,” Mark tiptoed to peck his lips one last time before pulling away and putting on the sweatshirt that was much too big for him, “Can I carry anything to the car?”

“Here you can carry this,” Johnny gave him the backpack, “And could you pull my carryon? I’ll take care of the big luggage.”

“Okay,” The younger put the bag on one shoulder, “What time is it?”

“It’s eight fifteen, why?” The tall man asked as he went into his living room, Mark following closely behind him,

“Wondering if it’s too early to bother Duck. Which it is, but I’ll do it anyway.” The younger shrugged, pulling up the handle of the smaller suitcase,

“Why do you have to bother him?” Johnny looked at him, opening the door so Mark could go into the hallway of the two story house,

“Because I’m sad and I will need cuddles after I wave goodbye to you.” The short boy watched his boyfriend pull his apartment door shut and try the handle before he turned to him with a goofy smile,

“Don’t be sad, please? You’ll make me sad, for real.” The tall man told him, taking the handle of his suitcase in one big hand and Mark’s hand in the other,

“I’m not really sad, I’m just going to miss you a lot. Like, we’ve been hanging out so often I think that it’ll be weird when you’re away. Because I’m just so used to being with you like all the time. We would even see each other in school, even if it was just in the hallway.” Mark buried his chin beneath the collar of the hoodie, looking down as he tugged the suitcase behind him,

“I’m going to miss you a lot too, Markie. It will be a little different, but it won’t be much different than just FaceTiming me when I’m not around.” Johnny told him, picking up the suit case to haul it down the stairs. He placed it at the bottom before going back up the stairs to take the carryon from Mark,

“It will be different, though. A lot different? I won’t get to touch you for two whole weeks. That’s pretty different in my opinion.” The younger sighed, following his boyfriend down the stairs and taking the small suitcase back into his own hands,

“Fine, it is different. You’re right, baby. But, like I have repeated many times, I will do my best to make it seem like I’m right next to you. And like I said, _nothing _bad is going to happen at all. I’m yours. Solely yours. Okay?” Johnny looked down at him before opening the second door and going outside. Johnny lived in one of those two story house apartments, but he lived on the second floor. Luckily for them —as horny college students, that is—, nobody lived on the bottom floor as it was being renovated,

“Yes, okay. I’m sorry, I hate being anxious.” Mark shook his head gently, trailing behind the man quietly,

“Stop. It’s okay. There’s no need to be sorry. I get it. Actually, it makes me like you more somehow. It just makes me know that you like me.” The tall man chuckled,

“You’d better hug me for like ten minutes before you have to go through security.” Mark looked up at him and Johnny leaned down to give him a gentle peck,

“Yes, yes. Let’s go,” The older man pulled his boyfriend onto the sidewalk and unlocked his car. He popped the trunk before picking up the larger of the two suitcases with a quiet grunt and putting it in the back of the car. Mark threw the carryon in the back as well before shutting the trunk, “So strong.”

“I know. I’m stronger than you. Do you see my guns?” Mark flexed his arm with a short giggle as his boyfriend rolled his eyes,

“You’re so cute, baby. Get in the car, though, we have to go.” The tall man went around to the driver’s side and got in the car. The younger did as he was told, getting in the passenger seat with a soft sigh. He looked out the window as Johnny pulled away from the curb. It was a warm outside, the sun was shining brightly and there were almost no clouds in the early morning sky. He leaned his head against the window before glancing at his boyfriend and furrowing his brow,

“What?” Johnny looked at him briefly,

“Did you leave the condom in here?” The younger boy looked at him,

“Um…” His boyfriend bit his lip, knowing exactly what the younger boy was talking about, “Maybe…?”

Mark looked over his shoulder to the backseat and he wrinkled his nose when he saw the mound of tissues encasing the condom they had used a couple nights before, “Oh my God.”

“Shit, I totally forgot about it,” Johnny laughed, “I’ll throw it away at the airport.”

“Tell me you wouldn’t actually bring a two day old, used condom into an airport, Johnny.” The short boy looked out the window again,

“It’s covered in tissues, nobody will know what it is. And they have trash cans everywhere, I’m sure when we walk in we will run into a garbage can straight away.” Johnny took Mark’s hand in his own and thumbed his knuckles gently,

“Mmkay, whatever you say.” Mark stretched out his back, watching the buildings pass as his boyfriend drove effortlessly. He sighed gently and shook his head. He was trying so hard not to think about the next two weeks, but it was quite difficult when they were literally on their way to the airport. He focused on the way that Johnny’s thumb ran over his much smaller knuckles. He focused on how loving it felt and it made a smile tug at the corner of his mouth. He willed it away, but not for any particular reason. They drove in silence, but it was comfortable. Mark didn’t really feel like talking anyway. They did it enough on the daily.

It didn’t really take that long to even get to the airport. Many people were already beginning to travel for the summer and it was a Sunday, so the traffic wasn’t nearly as heavy as it would’ve been on a weekday. The airport, however, was quite busy. Cars were lined up as people were being dropped off from Ubers and taxis as well as personal cars. Johnny pulled into an open space and put the car in park before turning to look at Mark. The younger looked back at him, hisbottom lip stuck between his teeth,

“No, no. No crying please. Come on, let’s get out so I can hug you.” Johnny turned off the car and handed him the key before getting out of the car. Mark did too, waiting for the man to get his luggage out of the back of the car and then stepping onto the sidewalk. The tall man put on his backpack before going over to the short boy and hugging him. Mark hugged him back, burying his face into the taller’s chest. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes before the younger pulled away and looked up at Johnny,

“I’ll miss you.” Mark whispered,

“I’m going to miss you more, babe.” The tall man smiled, leaning down to give him a gentle kiss,

“Can you call me when you land?” The younger asked, his finger toying with the man’s shirt, “Do you have everything?”

“Of course. I will call you as soon as I get off the plane, so be ready to pick up your phone.” Johnny chuckled gently, giving his boyfriend another short kiss, “And yes, I have everything, phone, wallet, etcetera.”

“I will be ready to answer my phone at any moment, trust me.” Mark bit his lip again,

“I have to go, okay?” The tall man cupped his cheek,

“Okay.” Mark nodded, looking away with a gentle sigh. He only looked back up when Johnny pulled his chin up to give him one last, soft kiss before pulling away,

“Are you going to be okay?” The tall man picked up the smaller of the two luggages in his big hand and took the handle of his much larger suitcase in the other,

“Are you?” The younger asked, gesturing to all of the bags that the older man was carrying,

“Yes, I’ll be fine. I’m checking the big one anyway, it’s fine,” Johnny shrugged, “Seriously, baby, are you going to be okay?”

“Mhm,” The short boy nodded again, “I will do my best to not be an anxious mess.”

“Call Hyuck.” Johnny told him,

“One more kiss,” Mark sighed, “Please?”

“Alright,” Johnny kissed him once more, his lips lingering over the smaller boy’s for a little bit longer than before, “I have to go.”

“Okay…” Mark scuffed his shoes against the pavement, “Bye.”

“Bye, baby. I’ll see you in two weeks.” Johnny let go of his boyfriend and smiled,

“Bye.” Mark waved as the tall man began to walk away, looking over his shoulder briefly to wave goodbye at the younger. Johnny blew him a kiss before entering through the automatic sliding doors. Mark played with the car key, letting out a deep sigh before looking down. After a few moments, he finally brought himself to get back in the car but this time he got into the driver’s seat. He turned on the car, letting the air conditioning blow on him for a couple seconds. He turned around, looking into the backseat and rolling his eyes when he saw the wad of tissues still sitting on the floor. He picked up his phone, dialing his best friend before putting the phone to his ear. It took a few rings, but he was relieved when Donghyuck finally picked up. He opened his mouth to say something, but he was cut off,

“Hello?” The voice was deep and it most definitely did _not _belong to his best friend. Somehow though, he recognized it. He squinted his eyes, trying to pinpoint who the voice belonged to,

“…Yukhei?” Mark let his mouth drop open at the realization.

***

“You slept with Yukhei?” Mark whispered aggressively to his best friend who was currently pulling on an oversized sweater. He had arrived to Donghyuck’s apartment about ten minutes ago and waited at the door for a good five minutes before his best friend actually answered it. The Chinese man was now showering so it was safe to talk, “And you fucked him again before you let me in?”

“I’m sorry, are you like jealous or something?” Donghyuck looked at him, raising his eyebrows as he pulled on a pair of boxers,

“No? Why would I be jealous?” Mark jerked his head back, a little bit taken aback that the younger would suggest that, “I have a boyfriend.”

“I know. But why does it matter if I slept with him?” Hyuck sat on his bed,

“I don’t know, it’s weird. Why would you sleep with him? And also why would you do it again when you knew I was coming?” Mark sighed, tugging at his earlobe,

“Because I was horny when he woke me up, so we fucked. Come on, Mark, you wouldn’t be very pressed about it if it was another guy.” Donghyuck shrugged,

“No, I literally don’t care,” The older boy told him seriously, “And yes I would be annoyed if you did it with a different guy, too. I looked like an idiot out there while I waited out there for like five minutes while you finished up having sex with _him._”

“Tell me you haven’t done that to me before.” The younger boy looked at him, an eyebrow raised,

“I haven’t!” Mark shout-whispered, “Listen, I don’t care who you fuck or whatever. You’re an adult, but like _why_.”

“I don’t know? He’s hot, big dick. A good fuck. It was fun. You’re totally jealous.” Hyuckstood up again so that he was eye level with his best friend,

“Why would I be jealous?” Mark whined,

“Because you almost dated him and he hurt your feelings. You also sucked his dick in a McDonald’s parking lot at three in the morning.” Donghyuck rubbed his face,

“Yeah, but I’m happy with Johnny, thank you very much. And I’m not angry that you slept with him, I’m just confused.” Mark admitted quietly,

“Aish. I fucked him, it was probably a two time thing. We’re done. Stop asking me the same question over and over.” His best friend waved his hand, dismissing the conversation. They both looked up as Yukhei appeared in the doorway wearing nothing but a fluffy towel around his waist. He pushed his hair out of his face and flashed both of them his signature smirk. Hyuck smiled back at him, but Mark just stared uncomfortably. They were technically friends, but they were more of the awkward type of friends that didn’t really talk at all. He had to pull his eyes away from the man’s body and he rubbed his face with a gentle sigh,

“Am I interrupting?” The taller man asked with a short chuckle as he went over to pick his clothes up from the floor,

“Nope.” Donghyuck sat down on the edge of the bed and Mark rolled his eyes, averting them as the Chinese man dropped the towel to get dressed. It made him highly uncomfortable to be in the same room as someone changing that wasn’this boyfriend. He closed his eyes until the rustling was over, only opening them when his best friend slapped him lightly,

“What’s up, Mark?” Yukhei asked, smiling at Mark,

“Nothing. Just visiting my best friend.” He chewed his lip lightly,

“So early?” The Chinese man raised an eyebrow as he balled up the towel and threw it into Hyuck’s laundry hamper with an eased practice,

“I just dropped Johnny off at the airport.” Mark shrugged,

“Oh really? Where is he going?” Yukhei shook out his hair again,

“Um. To Chicago to visit his parents for a couple weeks.” He sat down on the bed quietly,

“Oh, cool,” Yukhei paused, “I’ll get out of your guy’s hair now.”

“Okay, well it was nice to uh, fuck you?” Donghyuck smiled awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck,

“Thanks, I had fun too,” Yukhei grinned again, “Maybe we can do it again sometime.”

“I’d like that.” Donghyuck rubbed his thighs,

“Just text me.” Yukhei grabbed his hoodie to leave and when Mark made eye contact with him he winked. The younger boy pulled his eyes away from him to stare at the ground,

“Bye.” Hyuck waved with a smirk,

“See ya.” Yukhei left and Mark let out the breath that he didn’t even know he was holding when he heard his best friend’s front door close,

“He’s low key really hot,” Donghyuck looked at Mark who rolled his eyes and laid back on the soft bed, “What? He is.”

“Yeah, I’m aware. I almost dated him. Just be done with it, _please_.” Mark looked at him with pleading eyes,

“Jealous is not a good look on you.” His best friend stood up, planting his hands on his hips,

“Donghyuck, I am not jealous.” Mark rubbed his face again. He was beginning to get annoyed with the boy. Maybe it was much too early to be around him or maybe it was just the fact that he missed his boyfriend like crazy even though he just saw him almost an hour ago. Or maybe it was just the fact that he did not want his best friend sleeping with his almost ex,

“You clearly are or you wouldn’t be asking me to stop fucking him.” Hyuck raised his eyebrows at him,

“I just don’t want you to get hurt or something.” Mark bit his lip, sitting up to look at him seriously,

“Well lucky for me it’s just sex and I’m also not a baby. But, fine. I will not associate myself with him in a sexual way anymore for your sake,” Donghyuck sat down next to him, “You’re welcome.”

“Thank you.” Mark sighed, laying back down again and hugging one of the extra pillows on his best friend’s bed,

“What’s on your mind other than that?” Hyuck slapped the older’s thigh gently as he turned around to face him,

“I just have to survive for the next two weeks alone.” Mark gave him a pout,

“I’m here. We can hang out everyday if you want.” Duck smiled at him,

“No, I feel bad. What if something happens or something. What if he doesn’t like me anymore when he comes back or something. I still can’t believe he’s dating me, what’s to like about me? I’m just Mark.” The older boy sighed again,

“You’re dumb. Everything’s to like about you. Be confident in yourself. You’re not just Mark. You’re _Mark_. You’re special, especially to him. Find your self worth, babe.” Hyuck shook his head, rubbing his hand over his best friend’s waist,

“I’ll try.” Mark bit his lip,

“Nothing bad is going to happen. And as for being alone, just jack off. It releases dopamine which will make you feel better and reduce your stress. So you’ll feel better after, at least for a little while. Just come hang out with me when you feel sad. We can watch movies and cuddle,” Hyuck smiled, “Besides, he’s going to call you like eight times a day so it’ll be like he didn’t even leave.”

“I guess. I’m just tired, I want to take a nap.” Mark looked at his best friend,

“Okay nap. What do you want to eat, I’ll order.” Hyuck laid down next to him,

“Mm, mac and cheese.” The older hummed softly,

“Okay.” His best friend ran his fingers through his hair gently, coaxing the other into a sense of safety. Mark fell into it quickly, imagining that the hand playing with his hair was actually his boyfriend. He’d get used to not being with Johnny 24/7, but he was worried it might take a while. He didn’t want to hassle anyone with his anxiety, but he knew his best friend would be there for him. Like he said, he just had to survive two weeks. He hoped he would be able to.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi  
uwu  
this is really just all fluff now, but it's almost over :o  
love u guys and thanks for the continuous support! it means a lot to me, i never thought my fic would get this popular  
u guys are awesome !!  
<3

Two weeks went by painfully slow. Very painfully. One day felt like it would take a whole week and one week felt like it took an entire month. He spent most of his time trying to do something that would distract him such as watching a movie or reading a book. He was completely unmotivated to write and he didn’t have any summer work to do. He hung out with Jaehyun, but they just did what they normally did which was sit around on their phones. He’d gone shopping, but didn’t really feel like buying anything. Yuta was gone, he had left with Sicheng to visit Japan. Jaehyun was even moving out, spending most of his time with Taeyong as they had decided to move in together. He would hang out with Donghyuck, the younger boy comforting him as much as he possibly could.

Mark didn’t realize how alone he felt. He felt like something was missing. And it’s not like they had broken up or anything. They were still completely together, falling in love with each other more and more every single day unbeknownst to Mark. He had no idea his feelings were so passionate and strong. Absolutely no idea. He found himself to be a little bit short tempered which was unusual for him, but it was probably because he was so insecure and anxious that he couldn’t even find it in himself to relax. It made him a little bit scared for the future. What if they broke up? He always thought about that, but knowing how much just one trip could affect made him so scared for what his future with Johnny held. He just wanted a big Johnny hug. One that gave him immediate relief and comforted him. A kiss that would melt away the world so he only had to worry about one thing.

Johnny called him every day like he had promised. They texted each other often, but the older man was busy with his parents too, so more often than not, Mark would have to wait until the end of the day. He wondered what his boyfriend was doing all day that he couldn’t type out a simple message. Now he was honestly just getting greedy and maybe a little bit jealous. He didn’t even know he had those feelings inside of him, but truly and honestly, he wanted Johnny all to himself. Life was unfair. And not in a petty way. Just in the way that Mark didn’t always get what he wanted. No one did. It’s not like Johnny wasn’t going to come back. So why was he being so emotional over the whole thing?

He was frustrated with himself for letting it get to him. He promised himself that he wouldn’t, just because he knew that sometimes if he felt insecure it fucked with his emotions. And it was really fucking with him right now. He willed the days to go by quicker, but they ended up going by slower. What happened to the days where it went from ten in the morning to seven at night? He was thinking about it too much. He was getting too attached. He had to push himself away. Mark tried. He really did. He tried to talk less frequently when they were on FaceTime or text him less often. But, Johnny just knew him too well. He’d coax the bubbly laughter out of him with ease and he found himself right back at the beginning. Not that he was really complaining about it.

One thing that Donghyuck suggested could be contributing to his seemingly never ending stress was the fact that the only way Mark could actually get off was with his hand and Johnny’s voice. It was more than slightly frustrating. He had tried porn again, assuming that it would work because it hadn’t really failed him when he had first started watching it. But it didn’t turn him on. Like at all. He wished it did because he really just wanted to jerk off. It would help to relieve the stress that he was feeling. He found that the only way he actually _could _get off was if Johnny spoke to him through the phone. They had sent many nudes back and forth. Mark’s ass was plastered all over their messages, but he honestly could care less. Seriously, how could two weeks take so long?

He promised his boyfriend that he would pick him up from the airport when he arrived and honestly, Mark could barely contain himself. He hadn’t slept very much for the past two weeks, but he literally only slept for twenty minutes the night before. He was excited, very excited to see his boyfriend again. But something was looming over him that he couldn’t place. He was anxious about something. Maybe it was the fact that he just had a hard two weeks and he was kind of embarrassed about it. The only reason it was hard for him was because he was insecure and he always though that that feeling was going away. But it didn’t. Johnny could make it go away, but when he left it came back stronger than ever. Mark was actually, in all honesty, sad. He hoped seeing his boyfriend’s face would make him feel much better.

He had already parked the car and was going inside. Johnny had texted him recently and told him he was getting off the plane and of course Mark was early. He was tired as fuck and he honestly just wanted to get back in his bed and pull the covers over his head and not think about life. He didn’t know why, but he just felt so mentally drained. He tried to push it from his mind, at least for a little while and hoped that maybe it would go away when he finally got a kiss from Johnny.

He sighed as he sat down to wait. The airport was bustling with people getting their bags and being on their phones. A few kids were crying, most likely from being tired or hungry. Mark could heavily relate. He really wasn’t paying too much attention to anything going on around him. He’d look up occasionally when the buzzer rang loudly announcing the arrival of luggage but he was mostly looking at his phone and texting Donghyuck. He was looking down, not really paying attention to anything and blocking out the the loud sounds of the airport so he didn’t get too overwhelmed. He noticed shoes come into his peripheral. They stopped just in front of him and he recognized those shoes.

Mark looked up to find Johnny’s face. He was smiling, but he looked tired too. He seemed to have dark circles under his eyes and he was a little bit pale. The younger thought he probably looked the same. Mark stood up, shoving his phone into his pocket so he could hug his tall boyfriend. Johnny wrapped his arms around him and it felt so safe and familiar that he felt relief wash over him. Mark buried his face into his chest and took a deep breath. He missed the way Johnny smelled, as weird as that sounded. The short boy pulled away, reaching one of his hands up to cup his cheek before tiptoeing in order to press his lips to his boyfriend’s. It felt so fucking good after two weeks to have him back.

The whole time he felt like he was overreacting. Being in a shitty mood, and just feeling insecure and anxious the whole time. But honestly, remembering how good it felt to feel like he was loved, he realized maybe he just actually had a hard time functioning on his own. Johnny pulled away, giving him a toothy grin as he held his waist. Mark forgot how tiny he felt when he was with him, but he genuinely loved that feeling. The younger bit his lip, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth,

“Hi.” Johnny spoke quietly, so only Mark could hear,

“Hi.” The younger breathed out, his eyes trained on his boyfriend. He felt like he couldn’t get enough of looking at his face. Like he was trying to remind himself that Johnny existed and he was here, hugging him,

“I missed you.” Johnny told him, leaning down to give him another gentle kiss,

“I missed you so much more. You have no idea.” Mark told him, shaking his head before pulling away and taking his boyfriend’s hand. He pulled up the handle of the small carryon luggage in order to pull it behind him and the tall man took the handle of the larger one,

“I believe I do, baby. Your best friend is very sneaky.” Johnny chuckled as Mark pulled him along as he began walking. He stopped briefly to look at his tall boyfriend, raising an eyebrow,

“What did he do now?” Mark continued walking, his mind focused on the way that Johnny was squeezing his hand tightly. It was bringing him back to reality finally, which is what he really needed and wanted,

“He just told me that you missed me a lot, you know. Maybe exposed you a little bit when you were sleeping over at his place.” Johnny chuckled when the younger glanced over his shoulder briefly,

“What did he do?” Mark asked him,

“You look really cute when you’re cuddling someone else.” The tall man laughed. His voice was deep and Mark quickly forgot how much he missed his boyfriend. His waning self confidence was no longer so prevalent on his mind. His insecurities were beginning to melt away. But, something was still latched onto him and no matter how hard he tried to force it from his mind, it wouldn’t go away. It was quite frustrating because he was supposed to be happy now. His boyfriend was back, so why was he still being anxious? Not everything happened right away, maybe he just had to wait a little bit,

“I didn’t have anyone to spoon so I just cuddled Hyuck. I’m sorry, are you jealous?” The younger boy giggled softly,

“A little,” Johnny shrugged, “I’m just so happy to be home.”

Mark let go of the suitcase handle as they reached the car before he turned around to hug his boyfriend again. He buried his face into his chest and took another deep breath. Johnny wrapped his arms around him and rested his chin on the crown of the younger’s head. They stayed like that for a few minutes as Mark took in the fact that his boyfriend was holding him again. He took deep, slow breaths as he tried to push away his persistent anxiety. They said nothing to each other, but Johnny was rubbing his back almost as if he knew. Mark furrowed his brow when he pulled away,

“You smoked,” He looked up at the tall man who rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. Mark could smell the remnants of cigarettes on his boyfriend’s shirt, “Why’d you do that? You were doing so good.”

“I don’t know. I’ve been stressed,” Johnny shrugged, shaking his head gently, “I didn’t know what to do so I just…relapsed?”

“Why are you stressed?” Mark let go of him in order to unlock the car before tugging the suitcase behind him so he could pop the trunk. Johnny followed him, shoving his luggage into the back of the car. He closed it before going around to the passenger’s side and shrugging off his backpack,

“I don’t know, I missed you. I was worried about you too. I know you don’t always do well with certain things and I couldn’t stop thinking about you and how much you overthink things.” The tall man spoke over the car before opening the door and getting inside. Mark let out a small sigh as he got into the driver’s seat,

“So you got stressed over me being insecure…” The younger bit his lip as he got comfortable in the driver’s seat, his eyes looking anywhere but his boyfriend’s,

“I guess?” Johnny leaned his head against the headrest, “I was just worried about you and it got me stressed. I’m fine.”

“Why were you worried about me when you’re on your own vacation? I was fine. You don’t have to worry about me.” Mark shook his head,

“How were you fine…? You cried a lot. I was just worried about the effect that this would have on you. I’m feeling it was quite negative?” The older looked at him,

“I wish you wouldn’t say it like that. I know I’m emotional already, it just feels like you’re rubbing it in now. Sorry that I ruined it.” The younger boy let out a deep sigh, still refusing to meet his boyfriend’s eyes,

“No. What? Why are you taking it the wrong way? Did I say crying was bad? No. Babe, come on, I just got home, please,” Johnny pinched his nose, “Okay, no. Ignore everything. Yes, I smoked more cigarettes, but it was my fault. And I know that you struggled with me being away because I missed you a lot too, okay? Can you please look at me?”

“Okay…I’m sorry.” Mark looked up,

“Baby,” The tall man furrowed his brow, “Are you doing okay?”

“Y-Yeah,” The younger cursed himself as a stutter slipped past his lips. He looked away again, rubbing his hand over his face as he felt tears prick his eyes. Since when was he actually this emotional? Was he just happy or something? He genuinely couldn’t tell why he was being so sensitive. Maybe he just felt bad that his insecurities and anxiety caused his boyfriend to get hooked on cigarettes again. But mostly it was probably the fact that he was just so stupid. He really didn’t seem to understand the intensity of his own emotions and his feelings. How could he revert back to his old self in only thirteen days, “I’m fine.”

“Well that’s a complete lie. Talk to me,” Johnny took Mark’s hand in his own and squeezed it gently, “Don’t cry, babe.”

“I’m sorry,” The younger wiped away the tears away from his cheeks before looking at his boyfriend, “I don’t know why I’m crying. I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“Try to explain what you’re feeling if you can.” Johnny reached over with his free hand and thumbed his cheek,

“I’m just so fucking tired and I missed you. And I feel like I just took this all too hard for no reason, but I’m so stupidly insecure about us that when you were away I was scared you wouldn’t like me anymore or something. It’s dumb. I don’t know I just feel anxious as fuck and the whole time you were gone I could literally not stop thinking about everything that could go wrong. What if you just didn’t want to be with me anymore or something? And I guess the reason I’m so scared of that is because you changed me so much. I just don’t fucking like being me unless you’re there and now I feel like I’m just getting too attached to you because if we break up I’m so fucking fucked. I know I’m just overreacting, but I can’t stop myself and it’s so frustrating because I want to stop overreacting about it but I just _can’t_,” Mark paused, sucking in a shaky breath as he squeezed his eyes shut. Tears dripped down his cheeks, seemingly endless as he looked at Johnny seriously, “I just can’t let myself relax about it for some reason. Maybe because everything in my life goes wrong at some point or another. And I don’t want us to go wrong. But how can I pin that on you when I’m the reason we would break up? Fuck. This _sucks_.”

“Hold on,” Johnny chuckled, “_What?_”

“Why are you laughing? I’m trying to be serious.” Mark bit his lip, his eyes falling onto the sunflower that was tattooed onto his boyfriend’s forearm,

“Babe. Listen to me. There is no reason that I can think of that would cause us to break up. It’s okay if you didn’t have an amazing time while I was away. I didn’t expect you to. And I missed you a lot too, you know? I know I tried my best to text and call you, but I was doing a lot of things with my parents and it was hard. So I’m sorry if you felt ignored. I hope that in the future it’ll get easier when we’re apart from each other. I know it was tough because we spent like _a lot _of time together for these past few months. You are _amazing _Mark. I’m serious. Please don’t worry about us, try to focus on yourself if you can because I’m not going to break up with you. This is too good. We are too good together. The thought has never crossed my mind. I don’t care how much you cry or how insecure and anxious you are because I really just want to show you all the things that make me want to be with you. And those things are not a dealbreaker for me. I will be patient for as long as you need me to be. I’m here. Don’t worry about things that don’t matter until they _start_ to matter. I’m here now. Forget about the last two weeks because I’m back. So let’s move forward not backwards, okay?” Johnny smiled gently as he leaned over to give his boyfriend a kiss.

“Okay.” The younger closed his eyes as he let himself be kissed. He felt slightly better now that he got his feelings out there, but he was still frustrated with himself for letting it get to him so much. It was quite awkward to kiss over the center console of a car, but Mark was trying to get himself to relax and it was actually _finally _working,

“Actually,” Johnny paused, pulling away with a soft smile, “I have something for you.”

“You do?” Mark pecked him one more time before pulling away and letting his hand fall over the steering wheel as he looked at his boyfriend fondly,

“Well, it’s for _us. _But, hopefully you’ll be excited about it. It was supposed to be a surprise for when we got back to my place, but you seem like you could use a bit of good news,” Johnny unzipped his backpack and pulled out a white, unsealed envelope and held it out to Mark, “Here.”

“What’s this?” The short boy asked with a small smile. His eyes were still a little red from crying, but the tears had dried as he took the envelope and opened it up. He was slightly confused at what he pulled out. Two skinny pieces of paper. He turned them over, his eyes scanning over the information that was printed neatly onto them, “Wait…”

“For context, um, my parents own a beach house in Korea. And I told them all about you while we were visiting and they told me I should take you there. So…On a whim, I kind of bought tickets because I figured you’d want to go. But I mean, if you don’t want to go I can exchange them or something.” Johnny shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck,

“No. This is…Amazing. Of course I want to go. How long are we staying there?” Mark looked at him, a real, genuine smile pulling at his lips,

“Well basically as long as we want, I was thinking maybe three, four weeks? It would give us a lot of time to just relax and explore. I just thought it would be fun.” Johnny smiled,

“I would love to. Yeah, that sounds good,” The younger looked up at his boyfriend who leaned over to give him a kiss instead, “Fuck, can we go like right now? I’m so excited. I’ve only been to Korea when I was younger.”

“It’s really fun. The tickets for the end of June, like almost beginning of July. So it’s soon. I’m glad you’re excited, I was a little worried.” Johnny chuckled, pecking him again,

“A whole month of spending time with you? That’s amazing. I’m just warning you, we’re going to have a lot of sex.” Mark giggled,

“I don’t need a warning for that. We’re going to have an entire house to ourselves, we could fuck _everywhere_.” The older took back the envelope as his boyfriend gave it back to him and smiled,

“Sounds good to me, I’ve been quite deprived which made me even more stressed. So, and I don’t say this lightly because I usually don’t say stuff like this at all,” The short boy paused dropping his voice to a whisper even though nobody else could hear him anyways, “You’d better dick me down _good_.”

“Horny,” Johnny singsonged jokingly, “Come on let’s go home and let me wash up before you go all primal on me.”

“I don’t go primal. Stop, that’s weird don’t call me that. I like vanilla sex.” Mark started the car, pushing it into drive as it rumbled to life,

“That’s probably why you were so stressed, because you didn’t have sex for a whole thirteen days. I knew you were secretly a sex addict.” Johnny looked out the window as the younger began pulling them out of the dark parking garage,

“I think I’m really just a Johnny addict.” Mark chuckled,

“You’re a cheese.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh yEaH, so i finished this fic O_O  
thank you SO much to everyone that reads and leaves comments and kudos, it really means so much to me  
to everyone that has been reading the story since i started it and continuously come back for the updates THANK YOUU  
i am so very happy that its finished but also kind of sad, however, i hope to write more fics for nct in the future (i probably will)  
and if anyone has any cool ideas they want to read, please let me know, i'm always looking for more things to write about!  
anyways, thank you all again !!!!!  
(there may or may not be an epilogue in the near future, stay tuned)  
<3
> 
> also is it just me or did my writing evolve and get much better as this went on?

It was quite hard for Mark to contain his excitement for his trip to South Korea with his boyfriend. He honestly couldn’t even imagine what it would be like. It was only about a week and a half away but it genuinely felt like an eternity. He was super happy that his boyfriend was home. Ecstatic even. And he couldn’t get enough of him either. Something in him seemed to switch as he pounced on him every chance that he could get. Not that he didn’t do that already, but he seemed to become much less shy. He’d undress much quicker than before and even stay undressed. He wasn’t so hurried to hide himself away anymore. But, the shyness lingered, creeping up on him when he least expected it. It was mostly when Johnny seemed to let his eyes wander over his body for a tad too long, taking in every detail possible.

The older couldn’t get enough of Mark’s body, his thighs, his waist, his ass. If their lips were connected for a second too long it was over for both of them. They’d rid themselves of their clothes as quick as possible and sometimes they didn’t even get all the way naked. If they were in public they’d wait in a heavy silence, squeezing each other’s hands tightly until they just barely made it through the door to Johnny’s apartment. Yeah, they had sex before the tall man had gone away, but it wasn’t _a lot_. And it was always loving, save for the time they were both drunk and high out of their minds. It just seemed like they had to make up for lost time, but honestly they were fucking like rabbits in heat. It was a lot and Mark was sore, but in no way, shape, or form was he complaining.

Donghyuck teased him. The younger told Mark that he was turning into him except he was loyal to one guy. Mark thought it was funny, punching and slapping his best friend playfully every time he mentioned it. It just felt more secure knowing that Johnny literally wanted to— and would— have sex with him, just, whenever. That’s not to mention that Mark absolutely loved how relaxed and euphoric he felt afterwards because it made him forget about all of his insecurities. Johnny made him forget how he felt before he met him. It was good, it was so fucking good.

They were together practically twenty four seven leading up to their trip. Mark barely went back to his little room in his shared apartment. They slept there only once, the day before they helped Jaehyun move out. The short boy was a little bit sad that his roommate was moving out, but he was also really happy for him. Jaehyun and Taeyong were moving in together and were still going to be close by as they were beginning to look at job opportunities and such. But, Mark realized he was going to be alone and even though the thought of moving in with Johnny crossed his mind, he pushed it away, knowing that it would be a major distraction for his senior year. He knew the older thought that too.

So instead, he excitedly went to his best friend and told him to move in with him. Donghyuck —albeit a bit reluctantly— agreed to live in Jaehyun’s old room as long as he could continue his streak of random men. Mark made a note to wean his best friend off of his sex addiction in the coming year, but said yes as long as he put a sock on the door and texted him when he was going to have someone over. Hyuck would move in at the end of the summer, just before the semester would start.

Mark was excited. He hadn’t been excited in a long time. Before, everything was just another task he had to do and it seemed like a bummer to him to have to do it. Now, everything was falling into place. Puzzle pieces that had gotten lost a long time ago were falling into place in his life and he was just _excited_. It felt good to not have to worry about the dull tasks anymore because they just simply weren’t as dull. He had things to look forward to and he was actually looking forward to them for once. He didn’t want think too much of the future so he didn’t. He was actually learning to live in the moment and for once he let himself do that. He tried not to let the little things bother him anymore. Because everything that was there in the present was good.

So when he stepped foot on that plane that was taking him half a world away from what he knew and was familiar with, he didn’t sweat it. He didn’t let his anxiety bubble in his chest and take hold of his heart because he knew if he did, everything would come crashing down again. And he didn’t want that. But it definitely helped that every time he looked over his shoulder, Johnny’s face was there. He didn’t need to smile or even do anything, it was just the fact that he was still there. Mark still needed the validation and he always would. His anxiety wasn’t gone and he didn’t think it would ever go away. But the fact that it was being eased was good enough for him.

The plane ride was smooth, but extremely long and Mark wasn’t exactly one to sleep on plane rides. Johnny seemed to be fine though, slipping in and out of sleep to check on the younger. They held hands under a blanket practically the whole time, even though Mark’s hand was sweating. He knew his boyfriend wasn’t actually dead asleep, not like when they were in bed. Mark didn’t hate plane rides, but it was definitely droning on longer than he would’ve liked. He just typed on his computer the whole time, writing a random story that would pass the time as he listened to music. He’d look over periodically at the sleeping man, offering a small smile when he saw how relaxed he looked. He wanted to kiss him, but he honestly felt a little bit awkward. Liking boys as a boy wasn’t exactly super accepted where they were going, but he never asked Johnny about it before they went.

He was just relieved when the plane landed and they finally arrived. Mark was tired as fuck and it was luckily night time when they got there. Johnny could tell that the younger was tired with the way the his eyes drooped, but they didn’t say much to each other. The airport wasn’t too crowded, which Mark was grateful for, otherwise his anxiety would have peaked from being overtired and overwhelmed. He gave a gentle sigh as he followed his boyfriend through the airport. Johnny would look over his shoulder every so often to make sure that the younger was still following him. Mark wanted to hold his hand, but the older never offered it to him, so he figured he’d leave it for now.

When they were getting their luggage he remembered Johnny saying something about renting a car which he was very thankful for. He didn’t really want to spend more time with people he didn’t know. He let out a sigh of relief when they made it outside and he saw Johnny smile softly as he led him to the car. It was on the smaller side and it was black. Mark thought it was cute and it was definitely a car that Johnny would rent. He would’ve helped his boyfriend put the luggage in the trunk, but the older took it upon himself to do it. Mark got into the car with a gentle groan, leaning back against the seat and closing his eyes. He heard the driver’s side door open and close and he barely opened his eyes when the older grabbed his chin to press their lips together. Mark had to smile, in fact he had to giggle. And when he pulled away because he was laughing, Johnny chuckled,

“What is so funny?” The tall man asked,

“Nothing, I’m just happy.” Mark took his boyfriend’s chin in his small hand to kiss him again over the center console,

“I’m happy, too,” Johnny pecked him again before starting the car, “I just wanted to get out of the airport before anything, but how are you? I wasn’t asleep too long on the plane right?”

“No, it’s fine. I’m just tired and want to sleep. Is the place far?” Mark bit his lip,

“A little bit. It’s about a two and a half hour drive. Is that okay?” Johnny looked at him as he pulled the car out of the parking garage,

“I mean, do I have a choice?” Mark chuckled softly as he leaned his head against the window, “It’s fine. But, do you speak Korean?”

“Well, yes, but I’m pretty rusty to be honest. I speak it with my parents so,” Johnny got comfortable in the seat and reached over for Mark’s hand, “What about you?”

“Oh, I never knew that,” The short boy took his hand and squeezed it gently, “I know a little bit, but not really.”

“It doesn’t matter though, it’s basically just going to be us. Unless we go out into the town and stuff.” The older man glanced at him,

“I want to explore. Can we go to Seoul, too?” Mark asked. It was dark in the car, so even when he looked at his boyfriend he couldn’t really see much except when the car passed under the street lamps that lined the road,

“Of course, we can get a hotel for a couple days if you want so we can go to Han river and all that. We can explore as much as you want.” Johnny smiled,

“Yeah, sounds fun.” Mark sighed out as he closed his eyes. He seemed to always fall asleep in the car, but it was comfortable because he was with his boyfriend. He felt Johnny pull his hand away as he turned the car,

“Are you comfortable?” The tall man asked, replacing his hand but this time resting it on Mark’s thigh,

“Mhm,” The younger opened one eye to look at him, but closed it with a gentle smile, “Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?” Johnny asked innocently, squeezing his thigh gently,

“_That_,” Mark told him, “I’m trying to rest.”

“Mm, so easy.” His boyfriend teased, removing his hand and holding it out for the younger’s again. Mark took it and intertwined their fingers happily,

“Eyes on the road.”

“They’re on it, babe.”

***

The beach house was quaint, but still beautiful. It was definitely meant for two people as there was one king sized bed, a bathroom that connected to it, and a small kitchen and living room with a TV. Mark loved it though. There were big picture windows that lined the wall facing the water. It was literally right on the beach. It was as slightly secluded part of the beach and the other houses were pretty spaced out. The beach would fill up with people during the day, but at night it was quiet and all he could hear were the waves crashing onto the shore, meeting the sand with a rolling laughter. It was so peaceful and filled with a certain serenity that he couldn’t find anywhere else.

The adjustment was difficult at first, Mark would find himself awake at random hours of the night for a few days. His favorite hours of the night and Johnny would be right there next to him, slipping back into consciousness to kiss him and lull him back to sleep by running his fingers through his hair and pulling him close. He’d never fall back asleep right away, but he’d listen to the ocean rumble lowly as he stared at the ceiling. He wondered how he got there, but maybe a little bit too much. If he thought about it a lot, his insecurities would come crawling back to him. He pushed them away, though, refusing to let them in when he was supposed to be happy.

He loved waking up next to Johnny though. The sun would shine through the blinds casting an ethereal glow on the tall man as he laid sleeping next to the younger. Mark would wake him up with a gentle kiss, not complaining when it turned into more than that. The first few days were spent adjusting, but they did go to the beach. It was warm, hot even. The sand was nice beneath Mark’s feet and the water was cool but it felt good to feel relief from the heat. Korea was beautiful. The water was clear and the town was really pretty too. He didn’t remember much from when he went when he was younger, but he was really glad he was getting to experience it now. Everyone was really nice, too. His only issue was that he didn’t feel super comfortable holding Johnny’s hand in public, but they shared looks which reminded Mark that they were still together.

When they were in the house, however, they couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. It wasn’t much different from when they were in the apartment, but something about being in a house alone with his boyfriend was really hot. And they did it _everywhere_. Literally. The couch, the bed, the counter, the wall, the _floor_. And it was so hot every time. His favorite was probably the counter because it was just so random, but it felt so weirdly good. Every time Johnny was rough it was almost like it wasn’t for real. The older was still gentle with him, but Mark wasn’t complaining very much, he liked the fact that his boyfriend was still aware of him. He got bent over the kitchen counter, his swim trunks pulled down just enough. He always had to laugh when they finished and he came down from his high. Johnny would kiss him and laugh along with him before they’d go off and take a shower. It was really romantic in all honesty. He was just really enjoying their time together.

They bickered once or twice, but it was never terrible arguing. Mark always felt bad afterwards, but mostly the bickering was just about doing dishes or something when they were both overly tired. But, they always made up and it wasn’t really that big of a deal. Mark just realized that it made their relationship stronger and was relieved to know that these little things weren’t turning into big fights. And Johnny was a great cook too, Mark would always help him, cutting up random things and such, but it was nothing compared to what the tall man was cooking really. It was nice to have someone actually make food once in a while, but it was still nice when they ordered because it was easier to just recycle the tins and throw them in the trash than having to do dishes.

It was all very domestic and Mark loved that. It wasn’t like he felt like they were married or anything, but it definitely felt like they had been together for much longer than they actually were. It felt like they were living together, which they essentially were for the time being, but it felt different somehow. It was like Mark didn’t want to admit to himself that he was actually falling in love with the tall man. He knew it, though. In the back of his mind he could tell, but he was grouping it up with his anxiousness and ended up pushing it away with his insecurities. He secretly wanted it to find its way out, but he knew it wouldn’t unless he let it. And he wasn’t going to let it out easily.

About a week into their trip, Johnny brought him back to Seoul for a few days to explore the city. Mark thought it was pretty amazing, the whole city was beautiful at night. It lit up brilliantly, but his favorite place was definitely Han river. It looked so gorgeous, even in the day time. They picnicked there, just as “friends”, but Mark could tell Johnny wanted nothing more than to kiss him and the younger wanted the same. They went to the city and did some shopping as well. Mark bought him a few things, including a camera lens that Johnny was extremely happy about. The man took _a lot _of photos. Some of the scenery, but mostly of Mark, claiming that the younger was his muse and he wanted him to be the subject of his photos. So the younger let him snap continuous pictures of him, awkwardly modeling for him.

The older loved it though. He didn’t care as long as Mark was okay with it. The younger could tell by the way Johnny looked at him, even if the older thought that he wasn’t paying attention, that there was something more there. Mark could feel it blooming in his chest every time their eyes met. It was cheesy really, not what he had expected at all. But it was there and he wanted to ignore it so very badly. He just couldn’t because it got stronger with every passing day.He just focused on the fact that he was having fun and his life was exciting. They went clubbing, too. Stealing secret kisses from each other because everyone else was too busy doing their own thing. It made Mark feel special and a little bit bad even. Bad as in he felt like he was breaking the rules even though he wasn’t. He was just happy again and he really needed that.

They returned to the beach house after four days of being in the city. It felt good to be back in their secluded little area where they didn’t have to worry about anyone else judging them or anything of that sort. In fact, Mark was somehow roped into going skinny dipping. But it was actually really fun. It was probably one in the morning when they decided to take a midnight swim. Johnny convinced him to take off his swimsuit before the two of them went running into the water full of laughter. The moon was full and bright as it shone down on them. The salty water rippled around them playfully as they connected their lips. Mark had to stand on his tiptoes in order to kiss his boyfriend and he was thankful that it was low tide or he would’ve gotten knocked right off of his feet. They smiled at each other, only illuminated by the bright white moonlight. It was only romantic for a moment before Johnny threw him into the water playfully. They splashed each other for a while before running back inside, the tall man forgetting his swim shorts on the beach and having to run back to get them.

Mark was so tired that he decided he’d just dry off and go to bed. Johnny showered before joining the younger in bed. The short boy was only half asleep so when he felt the bed dip next to him he immediately went to cling to the shirtless man. Johnny put his arm around him with a deep sigh and Mark rested his head on the tall man’s chest. He felt Johnny kiss the top of his head and it made him smile sleepily. He was falling asleep quickly, but he heard the older mumble something. He couldn’t quite make it out, but he didn’t bother saying anything because he was slipping into unconsciousness.

He woke up the next morning feeling well rested, but he was confused when he realized that his boyfriend wasn’t there. He sat up and rubbed a hand through his hair, stretching out and letting his back crack satisfyingly. He went to grab his phone, but noticed a sticky note that was stuck to it. He pulled it off of his phone to look at it and smiled when he read it. It said: “went for a morning swim be back soon” in Johnny’s neat handwriting with a big heart and a smiley face. Mark giggled quietly to himself before picking up his phone and laying back down to scroll through it. There was a big time difference between South Korea and New York, but he texted Donghyuck anyway, assuming he would still be awake as it was nine in the morning where Mark was. He looked up from his phone when he heard the door to the house close. There was really no insulation in the house and the walls were thin as it was only supposed to be lived in in the summer. Johnny opened the door to the bedroom, a towel hanging from around his neck,

“Good morning,” Johnny raised his eyebrows at him as if he wasn’t expecting him to be awake, “When did you wake up?”

“Like five minutes ago. Why didn’t you wake me up?” Mark asked, sitting up again and putting his phone down on the bed,

“Because you looked dead so I let you sleep. Don’t worry, we can still go back out. The water was just very inviting this morning and I woke up early,” Johnny sat down on the edge of the bed and threw his towel on the floor. Mark sucked his teeth, “What?”

“You’re sandy,” The younger told him to which the the tall man laughed, “When did you wake up?”

“Like seven forty-five.” Johnny said, raising his hands above his head to stretch before moving to sit over Mark’s legs,

“You’re sandy.” Mark whined, but he let himself get pushed back down against the fluffy pillows. Their faces were close together, Johnny’s arms placed on either side of the small boy,

“I’ll wash the bedclothes. They need to be cleaned anyways.” The tall man told him, running his thumb over Mark’s lips as he looked into his eyes,

“Oh really?” The younger raised an eyebrow,

“Really.” Johnny leaned down to kiss him gently as Mark placed his hand on the back of his neck. The younger smiled into the kiss. He could taste the salt from the ocean on the other man as they moved their lips in tandem with each other. Johnny thumbed his cheek, pulling away briefly and pecking him. Mark wrapped his legs around his waist, cupping the tall man’s cheek,

“Are you okay?” The younger asked,

“Yeah, baby. I’m good.” Johnny smiled again, pressing their lips together. Something was different though. Not a bad different, it just felt different. The sudden ignition of heat in the pit of his stomach made him kiss his boyfriend harder, his eyebrows furrowing as he concentrated on the unknown feeling. Why was he so bad at placing emotions? He tightened his legs around Johnny’s waist, his thighs tensing up as the older pulled away, kissing his neck instead. Mark slid the hand that was on the back of the tall man’s neck into his dark, brown hair. His hair was still damp from the ocean but it was slowly drying. He could feel little granules of sand in Johnny’s hair but he was more focused on the way the older was nipping at the sensitive skin on his neck. Mark bit his lip, sighing shakily as he turned his turned his head the other way to give the older man better access to the skin,

“Wait.” Mark breathed out, looking back at Johnny to kiss him. He slid his tongue between the tall man’s lips, his boyfriend reciprocating the act immediately. Johnny grabbed his chin again so he could kiss him harder and Mark moaned softly at the act,

“That was fast.” Johnny teased as he replaced his lips against Mark’s, his thumb toying with the corner of the younger’s lips gently. Mark closed his eyes with a small smile,

“It feels good,” The younger chuckled, giving him one last peck before looking into his eyes, “I want you?”

“Is that a question?” Johnny raised his eyebrow,

“Yes?” Mark bit his lip,

“I want you, too,” The tall man laughed, rolling them over so that Mark was on top. The short boy smiled down at him as the sun shone gently through the blinds of the big window. It casted a glow on the Johnny that made his eyes become a beautiful honey brown that made it hard to look away. The younger put his hands on either side of him, stealing another quick kiss before he sat back to pull off his shirt. Johnny smoothed his hands over his boyfriend’s thighs before setting them on his waist gently. The tall man looked up at him, “You’re so pretty.”

“Thank you,” Mark felt his cheeks heat up and he knew he’d never get used to the compliments but he learned that it was okay to take them once in a while. He knew that his boyfriend was being truthful anyway. He leaned down to kiss him again, whispering against his lips, “You’re so handsome.”

“Thank you,” Johnny chuckled softly, “I’m so happy to be here with you.”

“I don’t think you know how happy I am.” Mark told him, rolling off of him,

“I do know,” Johnny sat up, getting in between his boyfriend’s legs, “You’ve changed, Mark.”

“Really…?” Mark swallowed thickly, watching as the taller hooked his arm under one of his knees to raise it up and pressed his lips to the milky skin of his inner thigh,

“Not in a bad way. You’re just more confident now and you’re happier because of it and that’s really good. I’m really proud of you because I know you feel better now compared to when we first met,” Johnny continued to leave fleeting kisses on the sensitive skin, “You don’t shy away when we have sex anymore and I’m happy about that, but what I really wanted was for you to feel good enough about yourself to show me. And now you do. I know you still get nervous and I don’t know if that’s ever going to change, but I’m perfectly fine with that. I’m perfectly fine with whatever makes you comfortable. And you just seem like a happier person, you laugh and smile more. I haven’t seen you cry in a while either and you’re getting such a good handle on your anxiety.”

“Oh,” Mark let out, his eyes stung a bit from threatening tears, but they weren’t sad tears. He just knew now what that emotion was and it felt so fucking good to finally acknowledge it that he thought he might cry. Johnny just smiled against the warm skin as Mark found his free hand and intertwined their fingers, “_Thank you_.”

“Of course, baby,” The tall man paused, “You changed me too, you know.”

“How?” Mark furrowed his eyebrows at the ceiling, aware that his boyfriend couldn’t see his face,

“I feel like you just led me in the right direction. I wasn’t an amazing person when we first met. I was pretty angry and I drank and smoked a lot because I wasn’t really ready to face what was making my life go somewhere that I didn’t want it to. I’m not saying I’m an amazing person now but I feel better about myself. And you made me stop all that. You made me stop doubting myself. So thank you for that.” Johnny looked up as Mark sat up. The younger pulled his face up with both hands placed gently on his cheeks and gave him a long, loving kiss,

“You _are _amazing,” Mark said when he pulled away, leaning their foreheads together. Johnny took hold of his wrist and drew in a shaky breath. He smiled, but the younger could tell that he felt like he was going to cry just like he had a moment ago. Mark smiled too and placed another gentle kiss against his boyfriend’s lips, “Seriously.”

“Thank you, Markie,” Johnny kissed him once more before letting out a deep breath, “Okay, now turn over. Please.”

Mark grabbed one of the unused pillows before doing what he was told. He put the pillow beneath his waist before laying down, knowing fully well what Johnny wanted to do. He pulled his own pillow towards himself and rested his chin on it before he looked at the headboard. He felt Johnny rub his hand over his lower back before hooking his fingers into the waistband of the younger’s boxers and pulling them down,

“Are you comfortable?” The older asked,

“Mhm.” Mark nodded at nothing in particular, laying his head against his pillow as Johnny took a handful of his ass. He heard him curse quietly under his breath which made the small boy smile. He always liked how much his boyfriend loved his body. It made him feel validated, which he needed, but would never actually admit to anyone else. He sighed gently when the tall man laid a kiss on his left ass cheek. Mark honestly thought it was weird when his boyfriend did this, but it was a good sensation so he usually tried not to think about the logistics of it all.

Johnny pushed up one of Mark’s legs up so he could lay between them. It was kind of awkward because he was so tall, but they made it work regardless. He shivered when the tall man placed his lips against his ass cheek, running his big hand up the back of his thigh, squeezing just below his butt. Johnny softly kissed the warm skin once more before running his tongue over the younger’s rim. Mark closed his eyes and let out a gentle breath. The bed and the pillows were soft beneath him as he let himself relax. He sighed as his boyfriend licked at his perineum, letting saliva coat his ass as faux lube. Spit slid down onto the sheets, but Johnny ignored it, continuing to press his tongue against the younger’s entrance.

Mark felt blood rush directly to his cock and he could tell that his face was flushed just by how his cheeks were heating up. He whined quietly against the pillow when Johnny dipped the tip of his tongue beneath his entrance shallowly. The man really wasted no time in making the younger feel good, but he was grateful for the way Johnny always tried to focus on him. He felt the tall man rub his palm up over Mark’s lower back again, pushing it against him as he licked another gentle stripe across his hole. The younger curled his toes as the tall man began lapping at the tight ring of muscle and Mark was acutely aware of the pre cum that was leaking from his cock and onto the sheets beneath his hips. He felt Johnny hum, the vibrations from his throat sending a shock through the younger’s spine.

He moaned quietly, squeezing his eyes shut and biting his lip. He contemplated pushing his ass closer to his boyfriend, but in all honesty, the tall man was already nose deep. Johnny pushed his tongue past his entrance again, alternating between quick, darting motions and long, soothing licks. Mark tensed up his thighs as they threatened to shake from the way his boyfriend was eating him out. He opened his eyes, placing his forearms on the bed so he could look over his shoulder. He could just barely see his boyfriend’s dark hair in his peripheral as the tall man tirelessly worked him open with his tongue, rubbing the wet muscle against his insides. He let out a breathless “fuck” as he leaned his head back down, biting down gently on his finger to curb any noise that threatened to come from between his lips.

His whole body was hot from arousal, but it was mostly stemming from between his legs. It hadn’t taken very long for him to get hard and when he shifted his body to get more comfortable, his cock rubbed against the soft sheets. He moved his hips, grinding shallowly against the bed to cause more friction. He whined again, this time because Johnny pulled away. The older took another handful of his ass, kneading the soft skin like dough before he began kissing his way up towards Mark’s neck. The tall man circled an arm around his waist, pulling the younger up a little so his bare ass was placed against his clothed crotch. Johnny placed his free hand against the bed next to Mark’s arm, continuing to kiss between the short boy’s shoulder blades until he reached his neck. The younger pressed himself against his boyfriend harder, smirking down at the sheets as he felt Johnny rock his hips against him.

The material of the swimsuit was stiff, but not entirely uncomfortable. He could feel the sand that was stuck to it and he hoped to God that it wasn’t going to chafe him. He also hoped that his boyfriend’s dick wasn’t sandy because that would probably going to hurt in the long run. He sighed when Johnny licked and nipped at his ear and he turned his head so they could awkwardly slot their mouths together. It was messy. Their tongues mingled and Mark could feel the saliva escape from between their lips and smear against his cheek. He moaned softly against his boyfriend’s lips,

“_Fuck. _You’re so hot,” Mark breathed out with a certain fervor he didn’t know he possessed. He arched his back, rubbing his ass against his boyfriend. They were impossibly close, but the younger tried to do it harder, beginning to grow frustrated at the thin piece of cloth that separated him from the older’s cock, “Take those off. Please.”

“Okay,” Was all Johnny could manage. He let go of the small boy to kick off his swimsuit shorts hurriedly. Mark rolled over onto his back and he felt his cock twitch as he saw his tall boyfriend in all of his naked glory. The warm glow of the morning, summer sun made all of it that much more romantic. He watched him climb back onto the bed, reaching over to the bedside table to grab the supplies they would inevitably be needing. Johnny threw the bottle of lube between them before reaching to grab a condom from the box. When he ripped one off of the strip, Mark grabbed his wrist, looking up at him shyly, “What?”

“Is it okay if we don’t…use one?” Mark bit his lip. Johnny just smiled at him reassuringly,

“Of course,” The older threw it back into the box, closing the drawer and went to kiss Mark. The younger kissed him back, running his hand through his boyfriend’s salt filled hair, “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” The small boy nodded, “I want you to, like, come..in me.”

“Okay.” Johnny chuckled at his boyfriend’s shyness, pecking his jaw before sitting back and picking up the bottle of lube. He popped open the cap and squeezed some onto his fingers,

“I don’t need prep,” Mark watched him, “Just do it. I really want you.”

“Babe.” Johnny raised an eyebrow,

“I’m serious, just fuck me,” The younger paused, “Please.”

“Okay. It’s going to burn though,” The taller watched as his boyfriend shook his head, telling him that it was fine, “How do you want it?”

“I want to see your face, normal.” Mark told him, watching as he used the lube to instead coat his cock. Johnny nodded, but the younger sat up, taking his boyfriend’s dick into his hand and fisting it a couple of times. It was hard and pink, leaking a bit of pre cum from the tip, and in all honesty Mark just wanted to take it between his lips. But, he was aching for his boyfriend and he didn’t actually even know why. They usually took their time, Johnny working him open with his fingers so everything was smooth, Mark, in return, would suck his dick for that extra bit of pleasure. But, he wanted him _inside _of him. Like, right now. He didn’t care if it was going to burn, he’d adjust to it and if worse came to worse, Johnny could just pull out and finger him until he could take him. He had faith in himself though.

He laid back down, his feet firmly planted on the bed. Johnny took hold of one of his knees, spreading the excess lube on his fingers over the tight ring of muscle of Mark’s entrance. The small boy let out a deep breath in order to relax himself for what was to come. The older hesitated, pushing Mark’s thigh a little bit to the side before crawling over the younger and placing his hand next to the younger’s shoulder. Johnny looked between them, using his free hand to line himself up with Mark’s ass. He pushed in slowly, his eyes fixated on the younger’s face, searching for any pain that may cross it.

Mark’s breath hitched. He squeezed his eyes shut, biting his lip hard as he screwed up his face in pain. Johnny wasn’t kidding, it burned. But it was good and he didn’t really want to stop. His boyfriend paused, but the younger wrapped his leg over his waist and pushed his heel into his lower back. The older smiled briefly, continuing to slowly push himself into his boyfriend. Mark let out a deep sigh when he felt the tall man’s skin reach his,

“Kiss me,” Mark wrapped his other leg around his waist, practically locking him in. Johnny complied, pressing his lips against the younger’s harshly. It took away from the pain a little bit, but Mark wasn’t about to admit that his boyfriend that he was completely right and it hurt like a bitch. They kissed for a few minutes, the small boy letting out deep breaths once in a while to continue to relax himself further. Johnny had buried his face in his neck, trying desperately not to let himself move until his boyfriend was ready. Mark had his arms wrapped around his neck, hugging him close. He played with the short hair on the nape of his neck, kissing his cheek, “I’m okay now.”

“Are you sure?” Johnny mumbled quietly, pulling his face away from his neck to look at him as Mark loosened his grip around his neck,

“I’m sure,” The younger cupped his chin, thumbing his cheek and pressing their lips together again, “You can go.”

Johnny rocked his hips slowly, letting Mark get used to the sensation. It didn’t feel much different with no condom, but the younger found it felt emotionally different. It was just that he seemed to trust him more which made it even better. He felt like this was the closest they could possibly be, which was probably true. The younger let his head press into the pillow as Johnny continued to grind into him. It was shallow, but it did the job very well. Well enough that Mark’s breath was picking up. Johnny took one of Mark’s hands, interlocking their fingers and pushing it against the bed. The younger used his free hand to run his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair gently.

Mark moaned, closing his eyes again as Johnny picked up the pace. He placed one of his legs back on the bed and the older took it upon himself to roll his hips even harder, meeting the supple skin of his ass with a harsh force. He heard his boyfriend grunt softly and all the small boy could do was let out moans that sounded more like gentle sighs every time Johnny thrusted into him. Mark bit his lip, pulling the tall man’s head down by his neck to kiss him, but he turned his face away awkwardly when Johnny rocked his hips forcefully against him again. He grabbed a handful of his boyfriend’s hair and pulled on it. The tall man chuckled silently, putting his face in Mark’s neck and nipping at the skin. He kissed it gently to smooth over where his teeth had grazed him,

“Mm.” Mark hummed, a half smile forming on his face as his boyfriend continued a practiced, methodical pace. Johnny captured his lips in his own once more, pushing himself against him to get closer if that was even possible. Their bodies were pressed together, the heat that was radiating off of their skin mingled, creating a warmth that could only be found by how they were at that moment. Their lips moved in tandem with each other as Johnny brought Mark closer to his high with every snap of his hips,

“You take me so fucking well,” Johnny whispered and it only made the younger’s navel feel hotter, his cock twitching as blood rushed into it from the words. His boyfriend’s voice was sweet, but it almost felt like those words weren’t supposed to drip like honey. Mark reached down between them to take his cock into his small hand. He started to run his hand up and down, running his thumb over the head occasionally. Johnny moved his hand out of the way, replacing it with his own. The tall man dug his thumb into the slit of Mark’s cock, causing the small boy to moan rather loudly, “Let me.”

“You’re doing everything.” Mark squirmed beneath him, letting out a harsh breath as the tall man tightened his hand around his dick,

“Well, I’m kind of trying to make you come here.” Johnny told him. The younger shooed his hand away from his cock and he took it in his own again,

“Then go harder.” Mark half moaned, half gritted out from between his teeth as he moved his fist up and down in time with the taller’s thrusts. Johnny moaned lowly at the way the younger seemed to command him with no shame. He did as he was told, but pulled all the way out. Mark whined, looking at him and opening his mouth to complain as the older teased his entrance with the tip of his cock. Before the younger could actually say anything, Johnny thrusted back in, their bodies colliding forcefully. The words got caught in Mark’s throat, coming out as a sort of choked whimper as the top of his head came dangerously close to hitting the wooden headboard of the bed. Johnny wasted no time in repeating his latest endeavor to make Mark come and the younger couldn’t do much but lie there and think about the choices that led him up to this very point. Not that it wasn’t completely perfect, it definitely was.

He squeezed his eyes shut, only opening them when he felt the bed dip slightly beside him. Johnny’s hand had come down beside him as the older was fixated on what he was doing with Mark’s ass. His arm was strong, his muscles rippling with every merciless snap of his hips. The veins that lined it were prominent as hot blood coursed through his body. The sunflower tattoo that settled on his forearm had even gotten sexy somehow. Mark saw him grab a handful of the bed clothes and something about that very motion made the small boy feel like he was about explode in more ways than one. He looked up at his boyfriend,

“I’m gonna come.” He said seriously,

“Then come.” Johnny told him. This time Mark was the one who was complying, quickening his fist around his cock. The older did the same, chasing his own high. He worked his hand around his cock desperately, tightening it at the base before sliding up. He was honestly frustrated that it wasn’t going faster, but when he looked up at his boyfriend who was looking back at him, heat bubbled in the pit of his stomach. There was a glint of something in Johnny’s eyes and the younger knew exactly what that meant. Mark moaned quietly when he felt hot spurts of cum paint over his stomach and chest. He let go of his dick to cup both of his boyfriend’s cheeks and he pulled him down to kiss him, furrowing his brow. He could feel the tight ring of muscle clench around his boyfriend’s cock, and it didn’t take long for the tall man to follow suit. Mark was focusing on riding out his own orgasm, but he felt hot liquid spill onto his insides. It felt weird, very weird actually. But it felt good, it felt like they were close and they were.

Johnny pulled away, smiling down at him as his hips slowly came to a halt. Mark planted both feet on the bed as he stared up at the ceiling, breathing heavily. His chest heaved, but he smiled back at his boyfriend, before blinking,

“Whoa.” He said breathlessly,

“Whoa?” Johnny asked, raising an eyebrow,

“It felt different,” Mark looked at him before glancing down at his chest, “No?”

“With no condom?” Johnny asked breathlessly, placing his face back into his boyfriend’s neck. The younger sighed happily, rubbing his small hand over his neck,

“I guess.” Mark answered softly, kissing Johnny’s shoulder and then his neck. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes before the older shifted, pulling away from his boyfriend and giving him a gentle peck. Mark let out a deep breath as Johnny placed a big hand on his stomach and pulled out. Before the tall man got up, he leaned over and placed another kiss on the younger’s lips with a small smile,

“Sit tight.” Johnny told him,

“If you think I’m going anywhere with cum in my ass.” Mark said, to which his boyfriend laughed before padding into the bathroom. The younger stretched out across the bed, sighing as he heard the faucet running. He was sweating and honestly was pretty excited to go to the beach and replace the sweat with the cool, salty seawater. He looked up when he heard his boyfriend shuffle back into the bedroom. The floorboards creaked beneath his weight, the bed dipping as he sat on the edge of it. Mark tensed up when Johnny brought the washcloth to his stomach, it was cold water which made him flex his abs. He watched as his boyfriend wiped him gently, ridding the small boy of the sticky, white substance that was drying over his chest. Mark watched him, something swelling in his chest. He grinned as Johnny looked at him,

“What?” The older stopped, raising an eyebrow, but he also grinned,

“I don’t know. I’m happy.” Mark stretched out again rolling onto his stomach and hugging his pillow. The sun was higher in the sky, brighter than before. The small boy looked out of the window, watching the waves crash onto the shore soothingly. He felt a big hand smooth over his thigh and ass again, the damp washcloth wiping over his rim gently. He sighed, letting the dampness soothe the ache that was beginning to grow in his lower back. Mark looked back at Johnny when the older laid down next to him,

“You might want to take a bath before we go swimming. You’re, uh…leaking.” Johnny whispered the last part with a short laugh, but Mark just smiled. He reached over, running his hand over his boyfriend’s cheek. Everything was quiet. The serene atmosphere of the beach house made the younger a little bit sleepy. He blinked, deciding he felt good. Deciding everything was good. Not that it hadn’t been before. Johnny was right there, looking back at him. He fell asleep next to him every night, being pulled into the gentle grasp of the man as he slowly let himself slip into unconsciousness.

Johnny knew how to make him laugh and smile. The older really wasn’t kidding, Mark had changed. He felt good all the time, not just some of the time. He rarely felt sad or angry, he saved those emotions for times that really warranted it. Those times were rare anyways. He loved kissing him, he genuinely did. He could kiss him for hours upon hours and never get bored. He smiled at him, relieved that he finally found that emotion he’d been looking for. It took him long enough, but the realization had slapped him across the face suddenly.

Waking up in the morning to a face Mark actually wanted to see made him realize that the world wasn’t so dull. It could be beautiful, he just had to wait. And he did. For his entire twenty years, he waited for something good. Here he was, right in front of him. Looking back at him with eyes that shone like the sun, breaking apart the clouds on a rainy day. Here he was, telling him that everything was going to be okay and holding him like he was the only thing that mattered in the entire world. Here he was. Johnny. The one thing that let him look at the world in a different perspective, through a lens that only he could provide. He showed Mark what he needed to see. The one thing that made getting up in the morning a little bit easier. The one human that changed his world. The one man who made it better,

“I love you.” Mark whispered.

The pause that followed felt like it lasted a lifetime. Mark could hear his heartbeat and it felt like it was slowing down so much that it might stop. Yet, he was calm. Looking into the eyes of the man in front of him made him feel calm, it made him feel like he was doing something right. He watched as Johnny smiled. One of the biggest smiles he had ever seen from the man. It made him feel whole. It made him feel like himself. Like Mark. The younger boy couldn’t help but smile back, laying back on the soft pillow as the tall man smoothed a hand over his waist before kissing him. The kiss felt like something Mark had never experienced. Electricity shot through him and he had to tighten his grip on the older’s shoulder in order to keep their lips connected. His eye’s fluttered shut as they kissed. Love bloomed in Mark’s chest and he could feel it spread out over his entire body, taking hold of each and every nerve. Johnny pulled away and the short boy opened his eyes to look at the ones in front of him,

“I love you, too.”


End file.
